(no subject)
There are those who say that they miss me, who can't wait to see me. But I keep dreading the same routine and bitching about the same problems. Depression has been masking my happiness for the past week. I don't know what I want other than to have a purpose, spontaneousness, and not to feel like a prisoner. Every week, I run several miles, I work full time, feed the horses twice a day, tend to my separation-anxiety-driven doberman, read books, and fall into the same routines everyday of every week.
Every Wednesday, I drive down to Calabasas to meet up with Carl. Every friday, I drive the fifty miles down to Santa Monica. I feel imprisoned within the confines of that small locked guesthouse with my butt firmly planted on the couch watching episodes of various television shows. My mind and body loses it's inability to go out and do something and Carl complains of all the aches and pains that his past life of a devoted skateboarder left him. He asks me now and then if I miss him and can't wait to see him. Truth of the matter is that he doesn't do much to improve his situations and even though I like the scenic twilight drive on the Pacific Coast Highway. I don't like dealing with all individuals unable to pay attention to the details of driving and causing an accident.
The same restaurants, favorites, dislikes, times, events, routines. It's all just strongly getting on my nerves. So instead of constantly bitching about it (like I'm doing right now), I'd like to try and change some of the increasingly aggravating obligated chores in my life.
Every Wednesday, I drive down to Calabasas to meet up with Carl. Every friday, I drive the fifty miles down to Santa Monica. I feel imprisoned within the confines of that small locked guesthouse with my butt firmly planted on the couch watching episodes of various television shows. My mind and body loses it's inability to go out and do something and Carl complains of all the aches and pains that his past life of a devoted skateboarder left him. He asks me now and then if I miss him and can't wait to see him. Truth of the matter is that he doesn't do much to improve his situations and even though I like the scenic twilight drive on the Pacific Coast Highway. I don't like dealing with all individuals unable to pay attention to the details of driving and causing an accident.
The same restaurants, favorites, dislikes, times, events, routines. It's all just strongly getting on my nerves. So instead of constantly bitching about it (like I'm doing right now), I'd like to try and change some of the increasingly aggravating obligated chores in my life.