Sleepless nights
All these grad parties... they just seem to mix together. They were fun, though. The time with friends, I have now learned was important. Because now it seems like we never really hang out. I mean we do, a few of us. But not everyone. Why? Because everyone is busy. Its not their fault. Its the summer before college... I mean almost everyone has a job and its hard to try to schedule your schedule with their schedule.
Now that high school is over, this is sort of pre-college foreshadow. I mean, it has become harder to try to see people. You almost have to go out of your way to try and see them. When we had high school, we saw each other everyday. I feel like being in high school sort of made doing things easier. Now with everyone off doing their own thing has made life so much harder. I really and truly miss high school. Life has already showed us what college life is going to be like without the school work.
I actually FINALLY cried. No longer numb about it. A few days back now, I actually cleaned my room (miracle!)... and I decided to look at my yearbook and re-read my messages from friends. And tears started running down my face. I am not sure why. But they did. I cried and cried. I guess because it was sort of hitting that high school was actually over. And then I looked at my prom album... it was an amazing time. The memories just started to flow. I had such a marvelous time... I wouldn't trade for it anything in the world. I couldn't stop smiling that whole night... I just wish that I had the same connection with you like I did that night.
Anyway... I don't know what is wrong with me lately... I haven't been able to fall asleep before the sun coming up almost... like yesterday I didn't fall asleep until after 5:30 am and today its after 4 am and I am wide awake. Maybe I have tons of thoughts, questions, feelings that are all bottled in... maybe. I don't know.
"And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last.."
I have these thoughts, these feelings... but do you have time for me? Do you care? Do you want to know how I feel? Sometimes it feels like you just say things and don't mean them but I want to believe every word you say to me and I do, but just show me that you really do care. Please? Sometimes I feel like its time to just let it go. Just forget. But I look back to those memories, and the feelings come rushing back and I want to tell you about it, but will you listen?
Sorry about it... I needed to get it out because I don't know if I will actually sat them out loud.
I need to get some sleep... I am babysitting some kid later today I guess it is now. I am not sure how old he is or anything. I met his parents at the Block Party exactly a week ago and his mom was talking to her husband and saying they needed a babysitter. And I said I babysit. And the funny part is that she lives like a jump and a hop away from me. I hope they pay well. Because money is good.
I hope we get to go Dorney... that would be fun.
I got a Temple sweatshirt from the "shirt fairy" yesterday, now. The "shirt fairy" left it out my house and when I saw it, first I was like who would do that and a few seconds later I knew exactly who it would be. Thanks shirt fairy!
What else? There was a new girl at work today. She’s nice. And she knows Adri, which was cool. I met Vance today. We were pretty sure he wouldn't show up again but he finally came at 5:30 pm. But he already knew me... why? Because Gordon has been talking about me... none stop. What a surprise? Oh well.
Its raining really hard right now. I just wish I could out there and get drenched in it. To forget everything and just dance in the rain. I would love that... its raining EVEN harder now... why is it soo dark right now? And why is everyone sleeping? If someone else was awake I would go out in the rain with them... come on people... its only 4:30 am! I would love to "feel the rain on my skin." But if I did that right now... its pit dark right now so I don't think my mom would like that very much. Oh well. I can just listen to it. The rain drops are the tears everyone is crying. The skies are crying. For all the sorrows, for all the hates, for the all the pains, for all the hurts. I am just rambling now.
Well, I am going to head to my bed and hopefully I will be able to fall asleep before the sun or the lack of sun rises and the birds come out and start singing their songs for the day like yesterday. Goodnight all.
Now that high school is over, this is sort of pre-college foreshadow. I mean, it has become harder to try to see people. You almost have to go out of your way to try and see them. When we had high school, we saw each other everyday. I feel like being in high school sort of made doing things easier. Now with everyone off doing their own thing has made life so much harder. I really and truly miss high school. Life has already showed us what college life is going to be like without the school work.
I actually FINALLY cried. No longer numb about it. A few days back now, I actually cleaned my room (miracle!)... and I decided to look at my yearbook and re-read my messages from friends. And tears started running down my face. I am not sure why. But they did. I cried and cried. I guess because it was sort of hitting that high school was actually over. And then I looked at my prom album... it was an amazing time. The memories just started to flow. I had such a marvelous time... I wouldn't trade for it anything in the world. I couldn't stop smiling that whole night... I just wish that I had the same connection with you like I did that night.
Anyway... I don't know what is wrong with me lately... I haven't been able to fall asleep before the sun coming up almost... like yesterday I didn't fall asleep until after 5:30 am and today its after 4 am and I am wide awake. Maybe I have tons of thoughts, questions, feelings that are all bottled in... maybe. I don't know.
"And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last.."
I have these thoughts, these feelings... but do you have time for me? Do you care? Do you want to know how I feel? Sometimes it feels like you just say things and don't mean them but I want to believe every word you say to me and I do, but just show me that you really do care. Please? Sometimes I feel like its time to just let it go. Just forget. But I look back to those memories, and the feelings come rushing back and I want to tell you about it, but will you listen?
Sorry about it... I needed to get it out because I don't know if I will actually sat them out loud.
I need to get some sleep... I am babysitting some kid later today I guess it is now. I am not sure how old he is or anything. I met his parents at the Block Party exactly a week ago and his mom was talking to her husband and saying they needed a babysitter. And I said I babysit. And the funny part is that she lives like a jump and a hop away from me. I hope they pay well. Because money is good.
I hope we get to go Dorney... that would be fun.
I got a Temple sweatshirt from the "shirt fairy" yesterday, now. The "shirt fairy" left it out my house and when I saw it, first I was like who would do that and a few seconds later I knew exactly who it would be. Thanks shirt fairy!
What else? There was a new girl at work today. She’s nice. And she knows Adri, which was cool. I met Vance today. We were pretty sure he wouldn't show up again but he finally came at 5:30 pm. But he already knew me... why? Because Gordon has been talking about me... none stop. What a surprise? Oh well.
Its raining really hard right now. I just wish I could out there and get drenched in it. To forget everything and just dance in the rain. I would love that... its raining EVEN harder now... why is it soo dark right now? And why is everyone sleeping? If someone else was awake I would go out in the rain with them... come on people... its only 4:30 am! I would love to "feel the rain on my skin." But if I did that right now... its pit dark right now so I don't think my mom would like that very much. Oh well. I can just listen to it. The rain drops are the tears everyone is crying. The skies are crying. For all the sorrows, for all the hates, for the all the pains, for all the hurts. I am just rambling now.
Well, I am going to head to my bed and hopefully I will be able to fall asleep before the sun or the lack of sun rises and the birds come out and start singing their songs for the day like yesterday. Goodnight all.