I Thought This Was Interesting: Lucius Malfoy Rules
The 12 Sexiest Men Who Were Never Alive
Chris Keller (serial killer, "Oz"): He had his faults. For starters, he broke his boyfriend's arms and legs. He ruined a nun. Still, he was the sultriest man-slut ever to sashay through a maximum-security prison, and all he wanted was a little love, and murder. But let's not quibble.
Lucius Malfoy ("Harry Potter" villain): As portrayed by Jason Isaacs, he's a bigot and a snob, and he could pass for a drag queen in the wrong light. My nomination as the coolest blond since Jean Harlow.
Mr. Spock (Vulcan, "Star Trek"): Spock's emotional distance and logician's mind were just ... like ... whoa. Did I mention he came into heat only every seven years? Pon faar, baby. I'd hit that.
Silva Vacarro (predator, "Baby Doll"): Fifty years after it was released, "Baby Doll" still contains one of the most erotic seductions on film, thanks to Eli Wallach's performance as Silva, a predatory entrepreneur with his eye on a rival's child bride (Carroll Baker). Words fail me; just rent the movie, and wait for the scene on the swing.
Heathcliff (antihero, "Wuthering Heights"): Tall, dark, handsome, tormented. Wronged by the woman he loved and bent on revenge at any cost. Merciless. In sum, perfection.
Mr. Darcy (smoldering elitist, "Pride and Prejudice"): In print or onscreen, this one's a no-brainer. Nastiness redeemed is an aphrodisiac.
Darth Maul (Sith, "Star Wars"): Bad teeth. Full-body tattoos. Moved like a cat. Died young. Met his end at the hands of Ewan McGregor after a martial-arts duel that played like a lethal ballet. Dude.
Totoro (animated forest spirit, Hayao Miyazaki's "My Neighbor Totoro"): He's not really a man; he's more a giant, furry Blob of Cute, but he can fly. He belongs in the sky. We could belong to each other.
Atticus Finch (decency incarnate, "To Kill a Mockingbird"): In the book, he's admirable; in the movie, portrayed by Gregory Peck, he's an unstoppable engine of carnal righteousness.
Haldir (Elf warrior, "The Lord of the Rings"): He battled Orcs while keeping every hair in place. Oh, baby, oh mine.
Gob Bluth (son, "Arrested Development"): It's pronounced "Jobe." I can't explain this one.
Sherlock Holmes (sleuth): He knew everything, and harbored his own sexual and moral mysteries.
The Six Sexiest Men Who Used To Be Alive
Jacques Derrida (philosopher): The father of deconstruction was the hottest theorist on two legs, with the possible exception of:
Edward Said (academic, activist): The hottest Palestinian theorist on two legs.
Laurence Harvey (actor): Always swoony, and blessed with a palpable aura of doom.
Erich von Stroheim (film director, actor): Who doesn't love a megalomaniac with a monocle?
Bruce Lee (actor, martial artist extraordinare): Without Bruce Lee, there'd have been no Darth Maul. Still the greatest high-kicker of them all.
Che Guevara: The revolutionaries' James Dean.
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George Clooney (my future husband): Because sometimes People gets it right -- twice.
Ian McKellen (actor): He's saucy. He twinkles. Oh, yeah, and he's both a knight and a wizard.
Stephen Colbert (host, "The Colbert Report"): Sure, he's on every alternative sexy list. But I won't be robbed. Colbert is my king.
Christopher Meloni (actor, "Oz," "Law & Order: SVU"): See "Chris Keller," above. Sex in a man suit. Period.
Jason Isaacs (actor): See "Lucius Malfoy," above, and a dozen other roles in which he's waxed alternately menacing and adorable. He also has the bluest eyes in the business.
Peter Sagal (host, NPR's "Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!"): Cooler than Ira Glass, hotter than Garrison Keillor (but just a little). Funny, too. My favorite public radio persona.
Barack Obama (next U.S. president): Squeaky clean, but with a dash of self-deprecating wit. Fabulous public speaker. Dare I say Camelot? Camelot!
Viggo Mortensen (actor, artist, Renaissance man): Aragorn in "Lord of the Rings" and a killer in recovery in "A History of Violence." He rocketh.
Christopher Walken (actor): Because ... of the way ... he talks. Also, cowbells.
Diego Luna: Four words: "Y tu mamá también." So pretty it hurts.
Anderson Cooper (CNN anchor): I know he's an idiot and a craven opportunist, but his ambitious stupidity makes my toes curl in the loveliest way.
Rafael Nadal (tennis star): The hair is bothersome, but the bottom is gold.
Subcomandante Marcos (revolutionary and spokesman for the Zapatista Army of National Liberation): Dudes, he's the only man who can smoke a pipe while wearing a ski mask. If Che was James Dean, Marcos is Marlon Brando.