#24 Batman & Robin
WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS
Don’t like? Watch the movie first.
Batman & Robin was where Joel Schumacher completely lost his shit.
Again, your basic plot and premise are pretty simple. Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy try to take over Gotham and Batman and Robin must stop them.
But wow does this movie fail worse than Batman Forever. For one, the plot is, well, stupider. I mean, it was pretty stupid having the Riddler stealing people’s brain waves. However, having Mr. Freeze cover the world in ice so that Poison Ivy can rule it with plants was whacked. And lacking in a lot of things. There’s a few jumps of logic that make you sit there and scratch your head.
But worse than the cheesy plot was the horrible, horrible script. The dialogue is ridiculous. Mr. Freeze has nothing but puns about ice and does nothing but spout them. Not to mention the ridiculous scene where Mr. Freeze is in his lair conducting his frozen henchmen in a rousing chorus of “I’m Mr. White Christmas.” Facepalm now. Oh and his little hench-bitch too. Bad dialogue.
But it doesn’t stop there. Poison Ivy has worse clichés than that. First of all there was her pheromone powder. Y’know, because all girls want to make men fight over her. And her dialogue? So, so very cliched. To the point even, of shouting “Curses!” when Batgirl beats her up. Oh yeah, there was that too. They not only have Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy trying to take over the world, but now Alfred (the butler) is dying and they have to save him with the help of his niece.
Now here’s where Batman lore really gets fucked up. Not bad enough that we’ve got Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger playing Mr. Freeze. An emo Mr. Freeze torn up about his wifey. And Uma Thurman playing an anorexic Poison Ivy with Bane as her bitch. One, they nixed the fact that the doctor that creates Poison Ivy was actually the Floronic Man, another really good Batman villain. But it was the Batgirl thing that bothers me. They fucked Batgirl up the whazoo.
See, Batgirl was Commissioner Gordon’s daughter. Someone who got involved with Batman that way. She is NOT Alfred’s niece and she certainly is not Alicia Silverstone pretending to be British without a British accent! Oh yeah, that got me. Not only did they change where Batgirl comes from, but she couldn’t even be bothered to try and fake a British accent since she’s supposedly just come from Oxford.
And then there are the liberties they took with Batman this time. While Val Kilmer had his problems playing Batman, namely the constipated way he did it, the man they got to play Batman this time was a huge mistake. I’m sorry George Clooney, you’re a good actor, you’re just not Batman. While Val Kilmer played the angsty Batman well, and was a little stiff as Bruce Wayne, George Clooney had the opposite problem. George Clooney, by nature, plays the millionaire playboy fantastically well. He’s far too easy-going and happy for Batman. He makes Batman far too campy. Not to mention the dialogue is as cliched and pun-y as everyone elses.
Final Thoughts: Shitty plot, campy scenes, shitty dialogue, shitty acting. This movie really deserves only 2 stars or even less. Somehow, someway, by some insane reason I still enjoy watching this movie. So I guess I have to give it somewhere between 2 and 3 stars. Don’t watch this unless you enjoy really bad movies.
Don’t like? Watch the movie first.
Batman & Robin was where Joel Schumacher completely lost his shit.
Again, your basic plot and premise are pretty simple. Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy try to take over Gotham and Batman and Robin must stop them.
But wow does this movie fail worse than Batman Forever. For one, the plot is, well, stupider. I mean, it was pretty stupid having the Riddler stealing people’s brain waves. However, having Mr. Freeze cover the world in ice so that Poison Ivy can rule it with plants was whacked. And lacking in a lot of things. There’s a few jumps of logic that make you sit there and scratch your head.
But worse than the cheesy plot was the horrible, horrible script. The dialogue is ridiculous. Mr. Freeze has nothing but puns about ice and does nothing but spout them. Not to mention the ridiculous scene where Mr. Freeze is in his lair conducting his frozen henchmen in a rousing chorus of “I’m Mr. White Christmas.” Facepalm now. Oh and his little hench-bitch too. Bad dialogue.
But it doesn’t stop there. Poison Ivy has worse clichés than that. First of all there was her pheromone powder. Y’know, because all girls want to make men fight over her. And her dialogue? So, so very cliched. To the point even, of shouting “Curses!” when Batgirl beats her up. Oh yeah, there was that too. They not only have Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy trying to take over the world, but now Alfred (the butler) is dying and they have to save him with the help of his niece.
Now here’s where Batman lore really gets fucked up. Not bad enough that we’ve got Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger playing Mr. Freeze. An emo Mr. Freeze torn up about his wifey. And Uma Thurman playing an anorexic Poison Ivy with Bane as her bitch. One, they nixed the fact that the doctor that creates Poison Ivy was actually the Floronic Man, another really good Batman villain. But it was the Batgirl thing that bothers me. They fucked Batgirl up the whazoo.
See, Batgirl was Commissioner Gordon’s daughter. Someone who got involved with Batman that way. She is NOT Alfred’s niece and she certainly is not Alicia Silverstone pretending to be British without a British accent! Oh yeah, that got me. Not only did they change where Batgirl comes from, but she couldn’t even be bothered to try and fake a British accent since she’s supposedly just come from Oxford.
And then there are the liberties they took with Batman this time. While Val Kilmer had his problems playing Batman, namely the constipated way he did it, the man they got to play Batman this time was a huge mistake. I’m sorry George Clooney, you’re a good actor, you’re just not Batman. While Val Kilmer played the angsty Batman well, and was a little stiff as Bruce Wayne, George Clooney had the opposite problem. George Clooney, by nature, plays the millionaire playboy fantastically well. He’s far too easy-going and happy for Batman. He makes Batman far too campy. Not to mention the dialogue is as cliched and pun-y as everyone elses.
Final Thoughts: Shitty plot, campy scenes, shitty dialogue, shitty acting. This movie really deserves only 2 stars or even less. Somehow, someway, by some insane reason I still enjoy watching this movie. So I guess I have to give it somewhere between 2 and 3 stars. Don’t watch this unless you enjoy really bad movies.