(no subject)
part of me feels awfully terrible about bitching, but i'm feeling this heavy guilt ride on me and its driving me down. which isnt good, i figure getting it out may help. anyways new school, blah blah blah. i really am having a great time. metting new and awesome people. classes are really great and i'm eager to go and learn. seriously. that doesnt happen often. so thats wonderful. but for a bunch of very strange and everyday occurances, to happen in just the first few weeks. the first film meeting we had was for the whole freshmen film class and i was late for it. dont remember why really. i think it was because we were getting our hot water heater replaced. no hot water for the first four days. anyways jones, this supposed tough ass of the teachers really picked on me, oh no! i remember i had a stomachache. anyways after the meeting and lots of public humiliation, i talk to him, and appologize profusly and explain why i was late. he understood and told me not to worry. good came from all that because he got to know who i was immediatly. i'm on his good side. so that is fantasitic. a week or so later i have my second femminist class. i love this class dearly. but for some reason my phone alarm didnt save the night before when i set it so it went off at 9:30 as aposed to 7:30 like it as supposed to. i missed that class which wasnt really a problem, for one we are allowed to miss two elective classes. and two supposedly like no one showed up for class because of confussion over location or something. so she excused everyone from that day. but today is what really kills me. i had my second directing class. i was all about going. but for some reason even after going over my schedual with my mom last night, i had it in my head that it was at 2 pm. which make scence as all my film classes start in the afternoon. but anyways i'm bumming about my room at about 11:45 getting ready. i just happen to check the schedual. low and behold class is at 10;30. FUCK! so i go to class looking as shity as i can, and explain that i was throwing up all morning. i was feeling pretty off all weekend so its possible. but anyways at break i talk to the teacher and apologise. he starts talking about the industry and how you have to be reliable and such. i completly understand that. but then he said i'm delveloping a reputaion for being late. that just killied me. i dont want this whole new experiance to get started so poorly. i also feel that it is kind of unfair that becasue of two incedints one of them not even a real class, i've been labled. the elective doesnt count becasue the film department has nothing to do with electives and there is no way he would have known about that. it just hurts, to be judged i guess. there are a bunch of other things that have gone wrong too. its not like i'm not focusing on school, too much parting or anything... i dont know, karma or something is against me. and i dont see why. its all making me feel like i'm falling behind already. and that is such a scary feeling. i know i'm more or less acually doing very well staying on top of everything. i'm balancing social and practicle life with schooling well. my room is clean my house well stocked and comfortable. i have a romance of sorts with a nice guy that is a modern dancer. my roomates are fucking awesome. i have very little to complain about. thats why i feel bad bitching. but it does feel good to write about it. sometimes i catch my self feeling hopeless for no reason. like i have no one to talk to and that things are falling apart. i know how to deal with these feeling and hate talking about them because i feel ungreatful for everythign that is going wonderfuly. but the feelings still do come and make me feel so fucked. i know i just need to look at the problems see what i can do thats logical that will solve the problem. for example because my phine didnt go off, i now have one of my roomates make sure i'm up on the days i have to be. i dont know a solution to stupid overlooks and forgetfulness. i already make lists and check things constantly. well i'm feeling a bit better now. thats good. time to read! oh yippy homework homework homework.
toodles!
toodles!