Deception - Part 3

[ladyrhyanne]

Title: Deception - Part 3
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17

For full Header details please see Master Post.



Jensen scrubbed a hand across his eyes as he carefully navigated his way down the back hall toward the alluring scent of fresh coffee drifting from the break room.

He was tired, exhausted in fact and there was no one to blame for that but himself. He hadn’t left the shelter until shortly after two the night before but at least he had a better idea as to what he would be telling Jeffrey in a couple days. Mark Sheppard had most certainly been funneling money out of the shelter and pocketing it, between the donation receipts, the accounting program, the shelter’s bank account and the tax return from the previous year, there was no doubt left in Jensen’s mind. The problem Jensen was facing now though was the fact that Mark had not only doctored the numbers in the accounting program but had submitted a completely different total to the IRS when doing the shelter’s taxes. And that one, Jensen couldn’t figure out.

Granted, the only experience Jensen had when it came to doing books for a non-profit was what he was doing now and only had the memories of the section of his accounting course that dealt with dealing with the IRS and submitting the appropriate tax forms but he knew that copies of every donation receipt had to be sent to the IRS at tax time. Jensen had gone through all the boxes that indicated that they were accounting file boxes and hadn’t come up with a different set of receipts but the amount the government thought the shelter had received in donations compared to the copies of the receipts for the donations themselves and compared to the bank account were all different.

Things did not look good for the shelter and something heavy and sour twisted in Jensen’s guts. He didn’t relish the idea of having to explain this to Jeffrey and the thought of letting any of it slip to Jared made him want to vomit. Jeffrey would, understandably be pissed off but Jensen had a sneaking suspicion that Jared would be heartbroken. He had told Jensen that he wanted to make a difference for the life of abandoned or surrendered animals and Jensen had been able to tell just by the pride in his voice that Jared believed he was doing just that at the shelter but what Jensen had found could very well be a death knoll for the place.

Jensen sighed as he slipped his glasses back on, trying to shake off the funk that had been with him since the night before, at least enough so that the others that he could hear in the break room wouldn’t be able to tell that something was up when he entered. It was almost as hard to try to come out of it as it had been last night, exhaustion and the stupid fear that Jared would blame him for finding the deception and causing the shelter to close weighing so heavily on his shoulders that as Jensen had looked around the dark and empty parking lot the night before that he had been certain that he had spotted Jared across the street. It had only been a quick glance as he had settled into the truck before looking down to fit the key into the ignition and by the time his tired mind had registered what his eyes had seen and he had looked back up to the alley that he thought he had seen Jared standing in, he was gone. And it wasn’t like Jared had moved further into the alley; a cop car had illuminated it as they turned down it and rumbled away. It had been a figment of Jensen guilt laden imagination because he knew what was likely to happen to the shelter once the board got a look at his findings and as much as Jensen wanted to believe that Jared didn’t matter all that much to him, Jensen didn’t want to be the one that hurt him.

At least when he saw Jared today, he would know that the man was really there.

It wasn’t nearly as comforting as it should have been.

“Morning Jensen.” Sophia called as he entered the break room and headed directly toward the coffee maker.

“First cup? Sandy asked around a laugh as she moved away from the counter and, Jensen assumed, toward the table cluttered with magazines and the day’s newspaper and Sophia in the center of the room.

“Forgot to set my coffee maker up to run this morning.” He grumbled and reached for a clean mug out of the cupboard.

It wasn’t like he was going to share with them, but the truth of the matter was, he had spent precious time he could have been using sitting in the local coffee shop drive through line, swearing and cursing at himself for setting his alarm for an extra half hour of sleep the night before and not remembering to get the programmable coffee maker set up to go once he had stumbled through the door. The coffee in the shelter could be the worst shit ever and it would still be like manna from heaven right now.

“Been there, done that.” Sophia said around a smile.

Jensen grunted as he carefully sipped at the coffee, his eyes slipping shut as the warm liquid spilled against his tongue.

“Hey! Did you see that they finally got a name for that guy that was found out in that oil patch out by the Juvy center?”

Jensen’s eyes fluttered open in time to catch Sophia push the day’s newspaper across to rest in front of Sandy, flipping it open and a couple pages in from the front.

“Some guy named Jason Manns. Coroner figures the body’s been out there for three or four years.”

Frozen, Jensen could do nothing more than watch as Sandy leaned in closer following the lines of print that Sophia was pointing out.

“Some kid from Juvy.” Sandy muttered and looked up at Sophia, “Gonna be an investigation at Juvy. But you’d think if something had happened to the kid there that it would have come out sooner. I mean,” she pushed a strand of long dark hair back behind an ear, “if your kid’s in Juvy wouldn’t you miss him not calling or writing or coming home when his time’s up?”

Not if your dad is Jason’s dad. Jensen thought just as Sophia nodded, “You’d think. Betcha it’s just a coincidence that he had been at the Juvy. Probably there because of drugs and once he got out figured he’d get back into the game and someone didn’t like the competition.”

Jensen could have told them that Jason had never been a druggie nor had he sold them, at least not when Jensen had known him. He also could have told them that whatever had happened to Jason hadn’t happened until after he got out of Juvy but he didn’t. He could barely breathe and knew there was no way he could form any words even if he was so inclined to share any of that with them. If he did there would be questions as to how he knew Jason and his whole sordid history would come rushing to the surface.

He needed to get out of there and get to the relative privacy of his office so he could think. Forcing his shaking legs to hold him up, he managed to make it across the room without running or collapsing, It’s just a coincidence. Steve, Jason, just coincidences, nothing more, and only managed to remember to wave over his shoulder at the girls calling out that they would see him later.

***

Jensen cuddled Houdini deeper against his chest, only easing his grip when the kitten gave a plaintive meow.

“Sorry.” He muttered and pressed his closed eyes against the soft fur, trying to lose himself in the low rumbling of Houdini’s purr. He had grown too attached to the damn cat and fuck he was going to miss him when he was gone but he couldn’t make himself put distance between them. He had grown used to coming in and finding Houdini pacing back and forth in front of the pet gate, crying for breakfast or attention or maybe both. Loved the idea of being able to look up from going crossed eyed staring at doctored books to find the cat curled up in his little bed sitting atop one of the boxes of miscellaneous office supplies that appeared to have been forgotten about if the thick layer of dust on the lid was any indication to go by, or laying in Jensen’s lap, a little heater that would rumble softly if Jensen so much as rubbed a finger across his forehead.

But the ache he could feel when he thought of losing Houdini’s easy companionship paled in comparison to the hurt in his heart when he thought of Jared. Because the cat wasn’t the only thing he was going to lose when he took off at the end of the week.

He still wanted to believe that Steve’s death and now Jason’s and those damn threatening letters that he had received in Juvy were all just coincidences but it was looking less and less likely to be. If it had just stayed the letters and Steve’s accidental death and Jason dropping off the face of the earth, Jensen could have lived in happy denial but not now.

If there was something more there then the paranoia that Christian words had burrowed into his psyche then Jensen had to go, disappear and start over elsewhere. Somewhere far away where Jared couldn’t get hurt and no one knew who he was.

I wonder if Christian knows about Jason yet?

Jensen’s heart stopped and then painfully started to race.

The paper had reported that the Medical Examiner had determined that Jason had been dead between three and a half and four years, and Jensen was willing to bet the time of his death was closer to four year probably pretty much to the day he was released from Juvy. Jensen hadn’t been surprised to hear that Jason’s old man hadn’t bothered to go pick up his disgrace of a son, he, Steve, Christian, they all knew that the old man hadn’t even bothered to show up for most of the trial and hadn’t even made it to the sentencing because he hadn’t actually given a shit about either of his kids since his wife had died.

Steve had stolen a neighbor’s truck a week after he was released and killed himself rolling the truck racing away from the scene of the crime four years earlier. That’s what Christian had told Jensen.

Just like it was Christian who had told him that Jason had disappeared.

Just like it was Christian the oldest of them who had been released first, was the first to return to Richardson but nothing had happened to him, other than Jensen’s old man threaten to sic the cops on him if he didn’t get off of his property.

Christian who had tried to visit but had been denied seeing Jensen.

Christian.

“Oh my fucking God.” Jensen whispered softly. It couldn’t be, he had to be jumping to conclusions because out of all of them it was Christian that railed the loudest that what had happened to Riley had been nothing more than a tragic accident, that they weren’t guilty of anything but bad judgment.

But people changed, especially stuck in a place like Juvy. Fear of the stories his bunkmate had told him about how the older boys would take what they wanted from the younger ones, including fucking raping them if the urge took them, convinced Jensen to whore himself out to the scariest mother fucker in the place in exchange for protection. What had it done to Christian?

Had it pushed him over the edge? Did the guilt that he had denied so adamantly for so long finally crush him and he had decided the only way to assuage it was with blood and death of those that had been with him the night Riley had died?

“I gotta get out of here.” He muttered and quickly but carefully set Houdini down on the desk, ignoring the kitten whining at him.

He looked around the room, eyes flying past the boxes and the shelves full of shit that wouldn’t help him. There was nothing here that would help him, nothing that was his other than his phone and keys. Christian had to know where he worked; he had seen him with Jared and the others so he had to get away before they got pulled into this.

In the corner of his mind, he had to wonder why, if he was right, if there really was someone, Christian, after him and had already killed two of his friends, why he hadn’t already struck? He could have been waiting Monday night and followed Jensen home from the restaurant or waited until Jensen finally left the shelter the night before shortly after midnight. But he hadn’t, so how could Jensen be absolutely certain that it was Christian?

He couldn’t take the chance that he was wrong, not with how things had changed between him and Jared. He wouldn’t be able to survive the guilt if something happened to Jared because of him.

“Jense?”

Jensen jumped from his chair, the momentum pushing the chair back against the metal shelf against the wall at the back of the room, banging against it and startling Houdini who hissed and scrambled off the desk, scattering papers in his wake.

“Jesus Jensen what is it?” Jared easily stepped over the pet gate and navigated the mire of boxes left haphazardly on the floor. He grabbed Jensen by the arms and tried to catch his flighty gaze. “Jensen!” He spoke sharply.

“I gotta get out of here.” Jensen muttered as his eyes snapped to Jared’s, “I gotta leave.”

“Okay, let me call Sam to come and relive me. I’ll tell her I’ve got a personal emergency to deal with and then I’ll take you wherever you need to go.”

“No!” Jensen snapped back and pulled out of Jared’s grasp. “If anything happened to you I’d…” he choked on a sob and slammed his mouth closed. He wouldn’t live through the guilt of someone else dying because of something he did again.

Jared raised his hands in front of him placatingly, “You need to calm down.”

“You don’t understand.” Jensen wailed as the fear started to choke him, “I need to go!”

“Go where?” Jared snapped back, “Jensen you have to tell…”

An ear piercing sound, like thunder only louder swallowed up the rest of Jared’s words and less than a second later, it felt like the whole building shuddered.

“Jesus Christ!” Jensen yelped and grabbed onto the desk to keep his weak legs from dropping him to the floor.

“What the ever loving fuck is going on around here?” Jared bellowed as every animal in the shelter howled in fear.

Jensen’s gaze skittered around the room, checking to see if any of the shelves were in danger of tipping over. “Earthquake?”

“Not long enough.” Jared shook his head and looked from Jensen to the door. “Just stay here and I’ll go and find out if everyone out front is okay.”

Jensen was shaking his head before Jared could even finish. It didn’t matter what it was, he had to get out of there before Christian came looking for him.

“Don’t argue with me Jensen!” Jared snarled.

“Jared!”

Jensen’s scattered mind pulled up Sophia’s face before a cold voice reminded him that he didn’t need to remember which girl was which because he wasn’t staying.

“Jared! Jensen! Where are you?”

“Back here.” Jared yelled back.

Sophia skidded to a stop in the doorway, “The Lobo…Chad said the Lobo went up in flames and then the beer delivery truck exploded a second later and he saw it happen just as he parked his truck out front of the shelter because he forget to grab the list of supplies that he was supposed to go pick up and had come back to get and…”

“Sophia stop!” Jared bellowed but he might as well have been whispering for all Jensen could make out over the sound of rushing of blood in his ears.

The Lobo was gone. It hadn’t been Christian because someone had killed Christian by blowing up the Lobo.

Jensen looked up at Jared, he could see his mouth moving, watched his hands stretch toward him in slow motion just before everything went black.

***

There was movement, not constant but regular and sounds, an engine, music playing low on a radio. As Jensen’s scattered thoughts became clearer, he realized that he was laying on his side, legs curled up, feet pressed flat against an unmoving surface, his head was on something soft but hard and warm and something was constricting around his middle.

Jensen’s eyes snapped open and he peered blurrily at shadows that slowly morphed into legs and feet in the foot well of a vehicle. He groaned low as his stomach gave a slow roll and he turned his face into the pillow under his cheek.

“Jensen?”

Slowly rolling his head back, Jensen strained his neck to peer over his own shoulder and recognized the face that kept snapping down at him and then up and out the windshield. “Jared?”

“Thank Christ.” Jared smiled down at him before glancing back out the windshield and Jensen tensed as Jared guided his truck around a corner. “I was beginning to worry.”

Swallowing down the bile threatening at the back of his throat, Jensen struggled to push himself up. “What happened?”

“You tell me.” Jared muttered and shifted his arm from around Jensen’s waist to cup his hand under his elbow, helping to steady him as Jensen managed to straighten himself into a sitting position. “One minute you’re freaking out about having to leave and then the Lobo blows up and the next thing I know all the color drains out of your face and you’re dropping to the floor.”

Even as fear tightened around him as Jensen’s scattered thoughts solidified further, heat flushed his cheeks and he couldn’t stop himself from rubbing at them. “Great I fainted. How fucking manly.”

Jared chuckled but the sound was strained, “Let’s go with blacked out. Better sounding for the male ego, dontcha think?”

“Sure.” Jensen muttered, narrowing his eyes as he searched the top of the console, hoping that he hadn’t lost his glasses. He was going to need them to get the hell gone as soon as Jared stopped the truck.

“Here.” Jared reached out and snagged one of the arms of Jensen’s glasses, pulling them away from where he had stashed them in the corner of the windshield. “Looking for these?”

“Thanks.” Jensen pulled them on and looked around them as Jared came to a stop at a red light. “Where are we?”

“Three blocks from my apartment.” Jared shrugged awkwardly, “I was going to take you to the hospital but I don’t know what kind of insurance you have and you didn’t seem to be having any difficulty breathing and I couldn’t find a lump on your head so I figured I’d just get you out of the shelter and since I don’t know where you live…” he shrugged again. “I couldn’t take you back to the shelter, the cops have closed down the whole area around the Lobo, something like three blocks in all directions, so I made an executive decision.”

All the panic that had sent him tail spinning in the first place, the questions, the fears, the realization that Christian had been right, were starting to circle his mind again and Jensen could feel his throat starting to close up. “Thanks…again. But you can just drop me off anywhere. I gotta go.”

“No.” Jared shook his head.

Jensen’s head snapped around from where he had been staring out the passenger window trying to figure out where he was and how he was going to get his truck from the shelter parking lot if the cops had blockaded the area and stared open mouthed at Jared. “W…what?”

Half formed ideas were starting to take shape in his mind, fueled by fear and Jensen couldn’t stop the fine trembling rushing through him. He had to be wrong, had to be. Jared was a sweet guy, a nice guy who worked for practically no money at a no kill shelter as a vet.

Jared huffed out a breath, “Look I know this is gonna sound weird but I know when an animal has been abused or neglected just by the way it acts and you act just like that Jensen. I know something terrible happened in your life, I knew it the first time I saw you and I’ve tried to be patient and tried to be there for you, tried to get you to trust me but I can’t anymore.”

Jared pulled into a driveway and guided his truck around behind a high-rise apartment building, easing the big vehicle into an open space between two small cars. “You said you were leaving and I don’t think it was just for the day. Something had you spooked Jensen, still has you spooked.” He reached over and curled one hand around Jensen’s clasped tightly in his lap. “You’re shaking like a leaf, you’re pale and I’m pretty sure if I moved too fast right now, you’d have a fucking heart attack.”

Jensen shook his head, “You don’t understand, you don’t know. I gotta go. It’s for the best for everyone.”

“No.” He tugged on the hands curled beneath his, “If someone is hurting you Jensen, you need to tell someone, me or better yet the cops. You don’t have to run.”

A surprised laugh burst out of him, sounding too high and a little hysterical. “It won’t matter. It’s what I deserve but not what you deserve.” He glared at Jared, “Don’t you see? I can run, I can hide but I can’t expect you to do the same. I need to leave before you get hurt.”

Jared reared back but he didn’t release his hold on Jensen. “Why do you think I would be hurt?”

The back of his neck was prickling and Jensen could swear he could feel the weight of eyes on him. “Please let me go.”

“Tell me what’s going on.” Jared demanded, giving his hands a little shake. “Or I’ll call the cops.”

“They won’t care!” Jensen hissed bitterly and scanned the parking lot trying to find the person he knew had to be watching them.

There was a woman in a sharp dress suit walking toward the vehicles, her eyes locked on her cell as she typed furiously, ignoring her surroundings as she marched past the row they were parked in. A couple of pre-school children were playing on the small patch of green in front of an open balcony door on the first level and a maintenance man appeared out the back door of the building and headed away toward the side. No one else was in sight and yet Jensen was sure that someone had to be close, someone who wanted Jensen dead and he had to get Jared to cover before something happened to him. He would never survive Jared getting caught up in a blowout.

“Jensen you need to calm down.” Jared pressed, pulling his hands out of his lap to catch his attention.

Jensen’s gaze snapped back to him, “Can we go inside?”

It wasn’t necessarily the best option, Jensen was pretty sure it was only going to be harder to get away from Jared once they were in the building but he convinced himself with the belief that Jared would be safest behind his own locked apartment door.

Jared’s mouth dropped open in shock and he had to repeat what Jensen had just said over a couple times in his head. He’d been fighting to get Jensen to stay and ultimately into his apartment so that they could straighten out whatever it was that had Jensen in this state and the whole time Jensen had been pushing to get away. But suddenly he’s doing at complete one eighty and the knowledge came with the uncomfortable feeling of Jared’s stomach dropping out, not from fear but shock.

“You…you want to go inside?”

Jensen flicked his eyes around the area outside the truck once more, hoping that it was paranoia but he couldn’t make his mind accept it. Christian had been right, someone was out to get them and if he found Christian some two hundred and eighty plus miles from home then there was no reason not to believe that he had found Jensen too.

“It’s what you want isn’t it?” He snapped back, fear making his voice harsher then he meant.

“You’ll explain what’s going on?” Jared pressed, leaning toward Jensen, trying to catch his gaze. “Really explain.”

At that point he’d promise Jared the moon if it got him out of the truck and safely hidden behind his locked apartment door. “Anything…yes!” He broke Jared’s lax hold on his hands, fingers of his right curling around the handle of the passenger door and his left grabbing hold of the loose material of Jared’s dress shirt just above his pants. “Please.”

He watched as Jared slowly nodded, pulled his keys from the ignition and opened the driver’s door just a bit. He raised his eyebrows when Jared stilled and stared back at him before his eyes flickered away from Jensen’s face to his hand still curled around the door handle.

What did Jared think Jensen was going to do? Wait for him to get out and then magically start the truck and speed away? Huffing out a breath, he took one last look of their surroundings before opening the door as wide as he could without hitting the car parked beside him and deftly climbed out of the truck.

***

The insistent feeling of eyes on his back eased once they were safely ensconced inside Jared’s spacious apartment. Taking a deep breath to help ease the tension in his back, Jensen tried to buy time by letting his eyes skim over the furnishings of the room Jared had led him into.

There was a beige oversized couch with a matching chair clearly well used but lovingly taken care of, a couple of wooden book shelves pressed up against one wall overflowing with books and binders, a decent sized TV pushed up against the single large window in the living room, a PlayStation 3 and several games sitting on the floor in front of it. A small kitchen table and a couple of chairs were off to the side of the room hidden from sight until Jensen moved further into the room, around a jutting out wall and in front of a doorway that must have led to the small apartment sized kitchen.

All in all it was homey and clearly lived in and it worked to ease the curl of fear still sitting heavy in Jensen’s stomach.

“Now, what the hell is going on?” Jared demanded softly as he spun on his heel and his arms came up, palms turned upwards in a half shrug.

Jensen’s eyes flashed to the large window and the small wooden patio door in the corner of the room. Jared’s apartment was five stories up, they should be safe here, Jared should be safe here, whoever was, if there was, if, following Jensen shouldn’t be able to scale the side of the building using the balconies on the floors below to boost himself to Jared’s floor, not easily and definitely not in the middle of the day.

“Jensen!”

He jumped as Jared’s hand curled around his bicep and gave it a little shake. Eyes flashing to Jared’s, Jensen shook his head and bit at his bottom lip. He had said that he would explain everything to Jared if Jared would go inside and a part of him had meant it, Jared had been nothing but kind to Jensen and he deserved the truth, he deserved to know why he had to let Jensen go but Jensen didn’t want him to know the truth, he didn’t want to see his eyes darken with distaste and self-disgust for ever being interested in Jensen, once he realized what kind of filth Jensen truly was.

“I…I…” He shrugged helplessly. The words were right there, he could taste their bitter truth on the tip of his tongue but he didn’t want to set them free no matter what the cost.

“You said I was in danger.” Jared stepped back and ran his hands through his hair in aggravation. “Said you were in danger. Jesus Christ Jensen you can’t just say shit like that and then clam up. I need to know what’s going on!”

“I killed a kid!” He yelled back as Jared took a step toward him and felt a bitter sense of victory when Jared stilled. “Me an’ Christian an’ Steve an’ Jason. The four musketeers.” Jensen snorted harshly and curled his arms around his middle, feeling tiny cracks sliding inside him. “We thought we were so cool, so much better than everyone else and then Jason came up with that fucking prank to pull on the new kid in school, to see if he was worthy of our friendship. None of us knew he was terrified of fucking ghosts. If I had known Riley would keep heading across the bridge even when the train appeared at the other end…” he choked on a sob and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Fuck we didn’t know! Just stupid kids and we didn’t know!”

He couldn’t stand staring at the neutral expression on Jared’s face any longer. Shaking his head, his gaze dropped low, vaguely noting the tense muscles of Jared’s thighs standing out encased in black dress material, the way Jared didn’t move further back from him, away from the evil living inside of Jensen, but he wasn’t stupid enough to draw nearer.

“That’s why I need to leave.” He whispered softly to his feet, “Because someone wants us to pay and that delivery guy died because of us.”

“Okay, back up.” Jared commanded softly and Jensen jumped, his head snapping up to meet blue green when Jared’s hands curled around his upper arms, not realizing that he had shut his eyes and didn’t know that Jared had come close enough to touch. “You’re not making any sense.”

Laughing harshly, Jensen met his gaze unflinching. “I think I’ve been pretty clear.”

Jared shook his head while he forced Jensen to back up until the back of his legs hit something soft. “Sit.”

“Jared I have to leave. For you! I have to leave for you!” He tried to twist away but Jared’s grip only tightened and he pushed back and down on Jensen’s arms.

“Sit!”

Jensen grit his teeth but let himself drop to perch on the edge of the couch. Why was Jared doing this, was this some knew form of punishment for letting himself try to have something good in his life if only briefly?

Tentatively the pressure on Jensen’s arms eased until finally Jared released him and moved to sit on the other end of the couch, not enough distance between them so that Jared’s knee pressed high on Jensen’s thigh as he twisted to face him and brought one leg up to curl between them. “Explain from the beginning to now.” Jared commanded low, “Explain to me what you think is going on. Start with when this prank happened.”

“Eight years ago, we were fourteen.” Jensen admitted softy gaze flashing to Jared’s before skittering away to stare unseeing at the TV directly across the room from the couch. A part of him, the part that flinched away, not from the truth, but from the action of telling this shameful story that only proved what his parents thought of him, evil, tried to silence him but he swallowed back the need to quiet himself.

This was just another type of penance for what had happened, he understood that now. Just another way that God deemed he had to pay to keep him humble, to keep him on his planned path of solitude.

“Riley was the new kid in school and usually we didn’t bother with the new kids especially one that looked like he was too young to be as old as us. But there was a backbone there, he didn’t seemed bothered by being shunned and he always smiled even in the face of hostility. He kind of snuck under the radar and the next thing I knew, all of us kind of liked him, talked to him in school, let him kick around the soccer ball with us during recess and then Jason came up with that fucking prank about a ghost on the train bridge and Riley freaked out and ran toward the other end of the bridge.” Jensen’s eyes fell shut, “I thought he’d turn around when the train came around the bend. He should have turned around but didn’t and the train hit him.”

The press of Jared’s knee against his thigh grew just this side of painful as Jared leaned closer and touched where Jensen’s fingers were cutting into his own side. “It sounds like an accident. A tragic fucking accident.”

“Courts didn’t think so.” Jensen curled over his knees but he turned his head to face Jared. “Charged and convicted with Involuntary Manslaughter. Became a guest of the great state of Texas at the Richardson Juvenile Detention Center ‘till I was eighteen.”

“All of you?” Jared asked low, fingers of one hand still petting along Jensen’s.

“They split us up. Never did know which detention centers they sent the others too but all of us were sent away.” Jensen looked back across the room, “The letters started coming when I was sixteen. I never showed no one, never told no one and didn’t keep them but I read each and every single one because I had to. Because I killed someone and someone else wanted me to know what they thought should happen to me because of it. Telling me how I was evil, a murderer, how I didn’t deserve to live when Riley couldn’t. Explanations of the different and disturbing ways that he would like to see me die.”

“You were just a kid!” Jared hissed, “It wasn’t something you had done on purpose and you were paying for your mistake.”

“Not enough for the letter writer.” He muttered, “And it looks like he intends to make sure I pay now.”

Jensen laughed bitterly, “He doesn’t even know how I’ve paid. Sure there was Juvy but he doesn’t know that my family has all but disowned me. He doesn’t know how I’ve cut myself off from all but the necessary interactions with others. But it’s not enough and I know that. I know that it’s not fair that I still live yet Riley is dead because of me.”

“Jensen…” Jared started reproachfully.

“No!” He hissed and leaned away from Jared’s touch, not even realizing it had been a comfort until it was gone. “I should just go home and wait for him to come. I shouldn’t run, it’s not my right but I need to get away from you. You need to be safe.”

Jared held up both hands and gestured for Jensen to stop. “Okay, that’s the,” he shrugged, “the sixth or seventh or millionth time you’ve mentioned that. Tell me why you think I’m in danger. Why you think you’re in danger. Why you think someone is hunting you.”

“That night I met Christian at the Lobo? That was the first time I had seen him since we had been sentenced and separated. I never tried to find him or the others, I just wanted to be left alone and pay my penance for what we’d done to Riley. But Christian tried to find us all, told me that Steve had died in a car crash a week after he was set loose and that Jason disappeared off the face of the planet.”

“Coincidence.” Jared shrugged, “People die all the time in car wrecks and haven’t you tried to do the same thing as this Jason? Didn’t you try to disappear too?”

Jensen was shaking his head, Jared’s words eerily similar to Jensen’s own before he finally admitted the truth. “It was Jason’s body out in that oil field by the San Antonio Juvy center. He never made it home, never even made it away from here. And suddenly Christian is dead too.” He sat up and twisted his upper body, arms still tight around his own middle, to face Jared, to make him understand how important, how serious this was. “Someone is making us pay and they don’t care if an innocent person gets hurt or killed. I couldn’t deal with it if you got anymore caught up in this than you already are.”

“How do you know Christian was in the Lobo when it blew up?” Jared raised an eyebrow, “Or, for that matter that it wasn’t an accident? How do you know that there wasn’t a gas leak? Where the shelter is, and the Lobo was, that’s one of the oldest and not so nice areas of town, the city is more concerned with keeping the better areas of town running smoothly.”

Jensen’s breath caught in his throat as something suspiciously like hope sparked in his chest. He didn’t know that Christian had been in the Lobo when it went up. Could Jared be right? But what about Jason?

Swallowing down the hope, he shook his head again, “But Jason.”

Jared shrugged and his whole body tensed briefly before he seemed to come to some kind of conclusion and suddenly he was moving, sliding across the breath of distance between them and curling an arm around Jensen’s shoulders, pulling him into his side. “I don’t know what happened to him. But I’m certain it has nothing to do with you or what happened years ago.”

His head dropped forward until their eyes met again, “Don’t take this stalkerish but I know you didn’t sleep much last night,” Jared flashed a slight grin, “Gotta tell ya, you kinda looked like shit when I found you in your office earlier today and I don’t think it was just because you were having a panic attack. I think you need a decent sleep and maybe some food and once your head is clear you’ll see that I’m right.”

Arm tightening around Jensen’s shoulder, he squeezed and pressed their foreheads together. “It’s crazy but I promise you, Steve, Jason, the Lobo, they are all just big fucking coincidences and you’ll know it once you’ve had some down time.”

He wanted Jared to be right, wanted to believe that he was overreacting so bad that it hurt but more than that, he wanted to believe that Jared was okay with what he had done. He wanted to believe that Jared wasn’t just coddling him because he was worried Jensen would do something stupid or dangerous or both if he let him go right now.

God, he wanted.

“May…maybe you’re right.” He managed low and felt his body start to relax as he opened himself up to the possibility. Slowly he loosened his hold from around his waist and hesitantly dropped a hand to pat at Jared’s thigh.

Jared smiled at him but didn’t move away.

“I should go.” He said slowly, “Go home, get some sleep and think this through.”

“No, don’t think so.” Jared pulled them tighter together. “I’m not letting you pay for a cab back to your place right now. Not when I have a big assed bed in the next room that you’re welcome to crash on.”

Jensen struggled to pull back until Jared reluctantly eased his grip but didn’t drop his arm from around Jensen’s shoulders. “I can’t…I couldn’t put you out like that.”

“You’re not.” Jared reassured, “I’ve got shit to do around here, now that I’ve got the time and if I leave to take you home, I’m gonna end up at my parents restaurant looking for a hand out and then I’m gonna have to explain to my mother what happened today and listen to her bemoan the area and complain how she worries for my safety and then we’re gonna have a fight because I’m not giving up my position at the shelter. Really you’re saving me more hassle if you just agree to stay here for now.”

It didn’t feel right but now that Jensen wasn’t fighting down the need to flee as far and as fast as he could, he could admit that he was exhausted. Part of it would have been from the scant three hours of sleep he had managed the night before but mostly from working himself up into a full blown panic attack, twice, in one day. The idea of waiting for a cab to pick him up and then the endless ride, no matter how long, would feel like hell. Plus he was pretty sure that Jared wanted to keep an eye on him after how he had behaved and he owed it to Jared for not kicking his ass to the curb and demanding that Jensen never show his face at the shelter ever again after learning the truth.

“If you’re sure.” He hedged.

Jared grinned, gave him one more tight squeeze before getting to his feet, “Come on, I’ll show you to the bedroom.”

***

It was the sound of movement that woke him up and for a minute he could taste fear, bitter and metallic at the back of his throat as the realization flooded in that he wasn’t at home, that this wasn’t his lumpy mattress and only slightly less lumpy pillow.

Where in the hell am I?

Fighting down the urge to move, he kept his eyes tightly shut and listened to someone move around the unfamiliar room while trying to remember where he was, how he had got there.

Had he gone out and hooked up with someone? It didn’t seem likely since he had been a mess once he found out about Jason being dead and his body abandoned in a shallow grave outside of town and then the Lobo going up in flames and his panicked blackout and then having to explain everything to Jared.

His eyes snapped open and his gaze caught on Jared facing away from him, his body backlit by the light from the hallway breaking up the darkness of the bedroom. His mouth went dry as he followed the line of Jared’s bare back down to where a towel was precariously wrapped around his hips. For a moment he was caught watching shadow and light play across Jared’s shoulders as he dug around in the top drawer of his dresser.

“Hey.” He tried to say but had to clear his throat when all that came out was a croak. “Hey.”

Jared spun, one hand dropping to the side of his towel and gripping the edge to keep it secured on his hips. “Hey.”

There was a flash of dull white as Jared smiled and stepped to the end of the bed. “I thought you’d sleep all night.”

Jensen pulled himself up until he was leaning against the headboard at his back, goose bumps pebbling the flesh of his naked chest as the cooler air of the room slid over him. He had intended only to lay on top of the blankets but Jared had rolled his eyes as Jensen had started to crawl onto the bed and demanded that he strip down to his boxers and get under the blankets. It hadn’t taken more than that for Jensen to acquiesce, silently happy and a little awed that even after the truth came out that Jared still cared enough about him to insist that Jensen be comfortable.

“What time is it?” He glanced around the room, taking in the lights of the San Antonio skyline bright against the backdrop of the Texas night sky.

“Little after eleven.”

“Shit.” Jensen rubbed his cheeks and across his eyes. “Sorry, didn’t mean to crash like that.”

Jared chuckled and sat on the end of the bed, “Clearly you needed it.”

Jensen shrugged uncomfortably that feeling of wellbeing sneaking over him again at Jared’s words. “Thanks…for listening and the bed and everything.”

He tipped his head before curling a hand around the blankets covering Jensen’s ankle. “Feel better about,” he waved his free hand in the air, “all of it?”

He had to think about it and was surprised to realize that yes, for the most part he was feeling more optimistic about what had happened, he was ready to once again believe that Steve and Jason and even the Lobo were simply coincidences. Maybe, probably, he would feel different if it turned out that Christian had been in the Lobo when it succumbed to fire but until then it was a little easier to breathe.

“Yeah,” he admitted quietly, “Yeah, I think I do.”

Jared smiled again, “Good. Because I gotta tell ya, I was a little worried about your mental health there for a minute.”

Twisting his fingers together in his lap, he glanced up at Jared through his eyelashes, “Sorry about that.”

He waved the apology off and squeezed Jensen’s ankle again. “Understandable. You hungry? Or you wanted sleep more? I was just about to make up a bed in the living room for myself but that can wait if you want something to eat.”

“No.” Jensen shook his head; he was used to eating sparsely and with everything that had happened his stomach was still a little touchy, so it was probably best to wait until morning before he tried it. Besides that was the least of his worries, he had put Jared out to the point where Jared was going to sleep on his own couch. No way was he going to let that happen, he had already taken too much from Jared today.

“I should go.”

Jared shot up at Jensen started to shift away, moving closer to the edge of the bed, his hand just catching the edge of his towel before it fell. “Forget it.” He muttered, pushing at Jensen’s shoulder with one hand, “You’re staying here for the rest of the night.”

“Jared,” he sighed and pressed against the weight on his left shoulder. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m perfectly capable of taking a cab back to my own apartment.”

“What if I don’t want you to go?” Jared asked low, dropping to sit beside Jensen’s hip, “Not because I’m worried about you flaking out again but because now that I have you in my bed, I don’t want to let you out.”

Jensen chuckled a little nervously at the dark look in Jared’s eyes. It wasn’t that he thought that Jared expected payback for what Jensen had put him through today but because he still didn’t believe that he deserved Jared’s attention. “Jay…”

“Don’t start.” Jared leaned forward, his breath fanning across Jensen’s face. “I know what you’re thinking now, I do. You think you’re tarnished or too fucked up and I deserve better.” He leaned further into Jensen’s space making Jensen press back against the headboard, “I know what I deserve and I know how I feel and what I think. And I think that you were involved in something that ended tragically but you’re only guilty of being young and stupid. It’s time to let the guilt go.”

Jensen shook his head even as his eyes began to burn, the words warmed and hurt him at the same time and even though he wanted to believe them, he couldn’t. “Jared, a kid, Riley died because of me being young and stupid.”

“Shut up Jensen.” Jared muttered softly before pressing their lips together, his hand coming up to cup the side of Jensen’s face, his thumb was brushing back and forth across his cheek.

A sob tore out of Jensen’s throat, the gentleness, the understanding, the acceptance Jared was showing him was too much and everything he craved. His parents, his whole family turned their backs on him; the students in college had only given him a cursory glance and then let him fade into the background, deeming him unworthy of working to get through his defenses but Jared refused to let Jensen push him away. He refused to let Jensen hide in his guilt and self-recrimination deeming Jensen better than that, deeming him worthy of knowing and perhaps eventually loving.

Clutching at Jared’s shoulders, he pulled him closer as he opened wider for Jared’s plundering tongue, needing to feel their bodies pressed together, needing to feel the closeness that had been sorely absent in the few hook ups he had had since getting out of Juvy.

His body froze up as Jared pulled away from him; he’s changed his mind, he doesn’t want someone weak and evil like me after all, and couldn’t swallow down the broken whine.

“Shh, shh.” Jared purred and leaned over to press their lips together briefly, “I’m just moving the blankets.”

Jensen blinked as a breath of cold air curled around his legs and he glanced down, only then noticing the bulge tenting the front of his black boxer briefs. Heat suffused his cheeks at the realization that he had gotten hard from just a little kissing and he bit his bottom lip hoping that Jared wouldn’t think him easy or worse, pathetic for it.

Jared cupped his erection, as he laid down beside him, fingers rhythmically squeezing. “Get down here.” He released his hold and plucked at the tight material around Jensen’s thigh, “And take these off.”

“Jesus.” Jensen hissed but hooked his fingers under the waistband of his briefs and pushed them down his legs, releasing his hold as Jared took over, pulling them off his legs and throwing them over his shoulder to land somewhere on the floor.

“Much better.” Jared hummed and manhandled Jensen until he was flat on his back with Jared laying half on his side.

He keened softly as Jared’s hand found his cock once more and slowly stroked up from base to tip.

“Perfect.” Jared pressed the word into the skin of Jensen’s neck, “I’ve wanted you spread out beneath me since the first time I laid eyes on you.”

Something cold slid down Jensen’s spine even as his blood heated at the words. He didn’t think himself as attractive, his eyes too green, his lashes and lips too girly and the freckles that dotted along his nose and cheeks reminded him too much of specks of mud that he couldn’t wash off. But he knew some guys liked how he looked, he had been told as much the few times he had given in and gone hunting for a hook up but he wanted to be more to Jared, hoped he was or Jared had the patience of a saint, having to work like he had to get Jensen into his bed.

“Stop thinking.” Jared’s face was hovering above him, eyes dark with more than just lust. “It’s not just sex dumbass,” he teased. “If that’s all it was, I would have had your cock in my mouth outside of my parent’s restaurant and while you were still stupid from your orgasm, I would have fucked you against your own truck.”

Jensen shivered at the words laced with lust and possessiveness and couldn’t stop his hips from bucking into the too soft touch of one of Jared’s fingers tracing the vein on the underside of his cock. “Jared please.”

“Please what?” He teased huskily as he dragged his teeth along Jensen’s jaw to his ear, “What do you need Jense?”

“Anything.” He twisted his head to the side, giving Jared better access to his throat, “Just…fuck…anything.”

“Mmm.” Jared purred as he pushed up on his hands pressed into the mattress on either side of Jensen’s shoulders, “So many things I want to do to you.” He shifted his weight to one arm and with the other dug through the drawer of the nightstand beside the bed, grinning like a wolf when he pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom.

Jensen lifted a leg and dragged his foot from Jared’s ankle to his knees before curling it around Jared’s calf, “Maybe you should get to some of them then.” He wanted to sound alluring but it came out breathless and needy. Still Jared didn’t seem to mind or get turned off by it.

“Oh, I will.” He growled as he tossed the lube and condom down by Jensen’s hip before pressing their bodies together.

The feel of Jared’s hot skin pressing against his own, his weight pushing Jensen deeper into the mattress and the first sweet rub of the cocks together made Jensen moan, “Yes.”

Jared pressed him down harder into the bed, his hips jerking hard against Jensen’s as he thrust up seeking more friction. One hand slid down Jensen’s side to his hip, fingers biting into his flesh as they moved together both seeking closeness and more.

Suddenly Jared growled low in his throat, pushed up and started to work his way down Jensen. “Wanna suck you.”

“Oh fuck.” Jensen hissed, his hips jumping, his cock rubbing against hot skin.

Jared chuckled again before his head dipped low and he worked his way lower leaving a trail of light kisses and stinging nips. Jensen’s body arched into every sensation, the feel of Jared’s breath against his skin, his tongue making shallow thrusts in his bellybutton, his big hands holding his hips tight enough to bruise.

“Fuck, Jared!” He groaned as Jared engulfed his cock and swallowed him down his throat in one quick movement.

He keened low and his hips fought against the tight hold Jared had on them as Jared hummed around him, his hands shooting out to curl in Jared’s soft brown locks.

“Jared.” He moaned, “Please.”

What he was begging for he couldn’t be sure but, at the first sure touch of Jared’s lube slicked finger against his entrance, he couldn’t stop himself from bucking against it.

The sound of Jared’s chuckling was almost lost beneath Jensen’s hiss of breath, as his finger slid smoothly in up to the first knuckle.

“Feels good.” Jensen braced his hands against the headboard and pushed himself farther down onto the finger impaling him.

“That’s it, Jense.” Jared purred, as he released his cock with a slick pop, and added another finger to join the first working him open. “Use my fingers to work yourself open.”

One finger had been okay, better than okay, it had felt amazing but the burn of a second being added emphasized just how long it had been since he had been touched so intimately. But the burn didn’t stop him from wanting more, now. “More. Jesus, please.” He begged as he stared down his body at the bright hazel gaze staring back up at him. “I’m ready. Please. Please.”

He licked along the crease of his thigh, “Not going to hurt you.” He whispered into the damp skin but did slide a third finger in with the first two.

“Won’t…” he panted as he pushed down harder, ignoring the flash of pain. “You won’t hurt me.”

Jared shifted up onto his knees and then knelt over him. “You’re tight, so fucking tight. I can’t…”

Jensen shook his head, “Don’t care. Need you.”

“Jense.” He brushed his lips against his.

He could see it in his eyes, feel it in the slight tremor in Jared’s body that he was fighting his own need, forcing himself to try to go slow but Jensen didn’t want slow. He wanted Jared buried in him and he wanted it now.

Reaching down, he wrapped his fingers around low on Jared’s arm and pulled his fingers free, groaning at the sudden emptiness. “Fuck me.” He demanded as he pushed himself up, forcing Jared back onto his knees and reached for the condom. He tore it open with his teeth, “Or so help me God, I’ll go find someone who will.”

It was an empty threat, made even more useless as he rolled the condom down Jared’s shaft before grabbing the lube off the bed and squirting a glob on the latex covered tip.

“Fuck you’re pushy.” Jared grunted out as Jensen stroked along his cock, spreading the lube evenly before wiping his hand off on the sheet before curling his hands on Jared shoulders and pulled him down on top of him as Jensen laid back.

“Just know what I want.” Jensen curled a leg over Jared’s hip and thrusted up, “And what I want is your cock in my ass.”

Jared’s eyes flashed as he growled and laid his hand high on Jensen’s thigh and pushed him open further.

Yes, yes, yes. Jensen keened and dug blunt nails into the meat of Jared’s shoulders.

At the first blunt touch of Jared’s cock against his entrance he pushed down. “Yes. God, yes.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me.” Jared moaned low as he slowly worked his way into Jensen’s body, going slow, trying not to hurt him but not stopping either. He did still once he was completely seated and rested his forehead against Jensen’s shoulder, his hot, moist breath raising goose bumps along Jensen’s sensitive flesh.

Jensen drew a careful breath as the pain of penetration slowly ebbed away, leaving behind the burning need for Jared to move. “Hell of a good way to go.” He purred low as he shift his hips.

Taking that as his cue, Jared lifted his head to stare into the eyes below him as he slowly withdrew until only the head of his cock remained within the tight ring of muscle of Jensen’s body. Taking his time he reversed his direction and slid back in. “So tight.” He groaned as he pulled back out, “So hot.”

Jensen lifted his head to mouth along Jared’s jaw, “Jay…”

“So good.”

It had been almost a year since the last time he had been with anyone and he knew there was no way he was going to last, “Jay…Jay.” He could feel warmth start to build in his balls, he was going to come soon, too soon, he wanted this feeling to last, but couldn’t still his hand slowly pushing between them, sliding easily against sweaty skin.

Jared grabbed his hand and pushed it up by his head, entwining their fingers. “Not yet.” He whispered before kissing him.

He bucked up against him and tightened the leg over the small of Jared’s back in response. “Please Jay,” he panted as they pulled apart, “I have to come, please.”

“Shh.” Jared pressed his lips against his, not really a kiss, just sharing the same air, the same space. “I’ve got you.”

Jensen gritted his teeth together as Jared’s sweaty hand wrapped around his cock, “So close.”

“Look at me, Jense. I want to see your eyes when you come.” Jared ran his tongue over Jensen’s bottom lip as he sped up his stroking on his cock.

The warmth from his balls quickly spread outward before pooling in his belly. “Jared.” He groaned and he felt himself spill across his stomach and Jared’s hand, his eyelashes were fluttering.

Jared bucked hard against him, his drive to be buried deeper in Jensen’s body slamming them together over and over before he still briefly before thrusting as deep as he could. “Jense.” He groaned low and dropped his head to Jensen’s shoulder, his sweaty forehead pressing against the side of Jensen’s sticky throat.

Jensen forced his lethargic muscles to shift his arms around Jared’s shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of Jared’s damp head. Only then noticing that this was the first time that he was content to lay there, not feeling the driving need to get out and get gone while his bed partner was still hazy with his own orgasm.

Smiling softly, he tightened his hold on Jared’s shoulders and let his eyes flutter closed, more than happy to wait for Jared to regain his senses.

***

Part 4