Fic: Doctor Patient Confidentiality Chapter 02

[ladyrhyanne]

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Title: Doctor Patient Confidentiality Ch.02

Please see Master Post for fic details.


It wasn’t that Jensen hated the choices he had made. He was perfectly content with only having a boyfriend for a single night, that way everybody got exactly what they were looking for. There wasn’t a chance for that nagging little voice in the back of his mind whispering that eventually the shine would wear off and suddenly quirks that he had found endearing at the beginning of a relationship would end up annoying the hell out of him months later. It wasn’t possible when his “boyfriend” would be out of his life by morning light at the latest.

It was the way it was, a no strings attached commitment between two consenting adults who were both looking for nothing more than a short but good time.

At least that was the way it was supposed to be but Jensen had learned fast that occasionally there were those who were looking for more. He couldn’t help but shake his head at people like that, honestly, who let themselves get picked up in a nightclub of all places and expected it to last past a couple orgasms? If they were looking for something more lasting wasn’t it better to let their friend’s set them up or use the personal ads, not a nightclub full of horny men and women looking to scratch an itch?

Apparently, not everyone had figured that out though, like John or Rob or Sam or whatever the hell his name was.

Jensen knew there was going to be trouble shortly after he had accompanied whatever his name was home and the guy had started showing him around his apartment. It was like he thought that Jensen was interested that he was using the second bedroom as an office or which cupboard the coffee mugs were kept in. Like it was important because he figured Jensen was going to be coming back.

Still Jensen had let his little brain override his flight instinct and he had stayed.

Big mistake. He might not consider it the “walk of shame” when he didn’t feel any shame but a hopeful, clingy guy sure made for getting out of bed and getting dressed uncomfortable.

“It’s the middle of the night.” John or Rob or Sam or what the fuck ever implored softly from behind him.

Jensen tugged up his boxers before practically jumping up and down trying to get his jeans back on as quickly as possible. “I’m meeting my parents for breakfast in the morning. Better to get home now then chancing oversleeping and end up running late.”

A complete and total lie and Misha would have called him an asshole for it but better a little white lie than have to be harsh and explain the way things really worked when you picked up a guy in a bar.

“Oh.”

He squeezed his eyes shut as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. That wasn’t a good “oh” that was a “oh, you’re blowing me off,” oh.

And yeah he was and he didn’t want the drama that was pressing against the pleasant buzz he had achieved from a particularly good orgasm but if he turned around and whoever was doing the betrayed eyes he was going to lose it.  He may not want to be the one to explain some simple, harsh truths but he had learned from the best as to how to be a dick and he would do it if he was pressed.

But the silence behind him was too thick to ignore and he might have the ability to be a dick but he wasn’t an asshole. At least, he tried damn hard not to be.

“Look, I had a great time,” he started and forced himself to turn around and face the bed. “But I’m just not…”

“Looking for anything permanent at the moment.” The guy finished for him and even in the weak light from the streetlamp outside of the apartment, Jensen could just make out the sardonic twist on the guy’s lips.

He shrugged, not really feeling guilty; he had made no promises to this guy at any point so he wasn’t going to feel bad about leaving. But it didn’t stop the little voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like Misha, whispering you are such an asshole.

“I gotta…” he motioned over his shoulder towards the bedroom door, meaning the door out of the apartment.

“Yeah.” The guy shifted and pulled himself off the bed, stopping only long enough to wrap the discarded comforter around his hips.

Oh fuck no. Jensen thought desperately and took a step back. This was a little too much like the guy was going to try to convince Jensen to call him by touches and kissing and Jensen wanted nothing to do with it.

The guy paused, snorted and shook his head. “No worries, just locking up behind you.”

The I’m not that much of a desperate mess loud in the flat tone of his voice.

Then why are you picking up guys in a bar? Jensen thought it but was relieved enough not to voice it as he walked from the room.



It’s Monday afternoon and Jared is slouching sullenly in the passenger seat of his father’s BMW as they pulled to a stop outside the high-rise Dr. Ackles’ office was a part of. His father had been as bad as his word, cutting Jared off, as much as he could, from Chad; Gerald had taken away Jared’s cell phone, computer, and even the landline phone in his room. What Gerald hadn’t accounted for was Sandy. When Jared had told her about his grounding and term in solitary confinement at school she had stomped a tiny foot and huffed in righteous indignation before she pressed her own pink, glittery, utterly girly, cell phone into Jared’s hand, saying his need was greater than hers.   Jared had hugged her so tight she squeaked and lifted her off the ground. Jared thinks if he went for girls, he’d go for Sandy.

When Jared told Chad, Chad had offered to swing by and help Jared “Menendez” his parents. Jared had been sorely tempted by that idea but had declined, figuring if he was in juvie he wouldn’t be able to go ahead with his plan to bed the good doctor. That would be a perfect way to stick it, so to speak, to his parents; sleep with the shrink they thought would “fix” him.

The popping of the driver’s side door brought Jared back to the present.   “Come on, son. Don’t want to be late for Dr. Ackles,” Gerald says leaning down to address Jared.

It had been a rough weekend and a lousy day at school, because he barely saw Chad. Sandy was great but he wanted his partner in crime. His mood was foul, and not even the prospect of seeing the gorgeous Dr. Ackles had been able to cheer him up. He had been too busy sulking to begin to formulate a plan of seduction for his psychologist. It was a shame really because now he didn’t have a plan of attack for this session. No matter. He would have another day and a half to plan.

Jared sighed heavily, opened the door, and unfolded himself from the car. Slamming the BMW’s door harder then he needed, he followed his father into the lobby, and to the bank of elevators. The doors slid open and Gerald and Jared entered. Jared punched the number of Dr. Ackles’ floor with more gusto than necessary and slouched back against the cool metal of the car as the doors closed and shut his eyes imagining he were anywhere else as the car began to gently rise.

Jared’s eyes opened when the elevator stopped and the doors opened. He didn’t look at his father as he walked out and onto the floor Dr. Ackles’ practice was part of.

“Son, slow down,” Gerald said coming up behind Jared panting slightly.

Jared spun, face dark with anger. “Why? I’da thought you’d be in a big-ass hurry to get me in there and “fixed”,” Jared spat venomously before turning back around and striding purposefully to the outer door to Dr. Ackles’ office.

When he reached it he grasped the handle and wrenched the door open. The waiting room was less crowded, just one other person sitting there, and as they didn’t look twitchy or weepy, Jared surmised they were waiting for whoever was in with Dr. Ackles.

“Jared Tristan, stop making a spectacle of yourself!” Gerald hissed as he entered the waiting room. Jared rolled his eyes and scoffed before slamming himself down into a chair.

He gave a tight smile to the secretary, Danneel, who was looking worriedly between Jared and his father. Gerald gave her an equally tight apologetic smile and took a seat next to Jared.

Thankfully it wasn’t too long before the door to Dr. Ackles’ office opened and the same weepy looking woman as last time came out followed by Dr. Ackles, who was smiling softly and looking so fuckin’ sexy, and Jared’s mood abated…slightly. He looks the doctor slowly up and down, and he damn near moans out loud when he sees the perfect way Dr. Ackles’s ass rounds out his perfectly pressed slacks.

Dr. Ackles saw him and gave a smile. “I’ll be ready for you in a few moments, Jared,” he said giving the weepy woman a smile and wishing her well before he disappeared back into his office.

Jared watches Weepy Woman and her companion gather their things and leave. A few moments later, the intercom on Danneel’s desk buzzes and Dr. Ackles voice comes through.

“Ms. Harris, I’m ready for Jared now. Send him in.”

A smirk curves Jared’s lips and he rises from his chair and makes his way over to Dr. Ackles’ door. He twists the sliver knob and the door opens with a gentle click.

“Ready for me, huh, Doc?” Jared asked, voice low as he closes the door behind him.

Jensen chose to ignore the blatant innuendo and heated look in Jared’s eyes, just as he had during their first session. It was obvious to Jensen that the boy was simply hoping to get a rise out of him or make Jensen so uncomfortable that he would release Jared as a patient. Unfortunately, Jared didn’t know that that ploy had been tried more than once on him and he had long since gotten used to it.

“Hello, Jared.” Jensen smiled towards the boy as he strolled in.

“Hey yourself there, Doc,” Jared replied.

Jensen watched as Jared’s eyes raked him up and down. He felt a flush creeping into his neck. Mentally he shook himself and extended an inviting hand towards the chair across from his desk.

“Did you have a nice day at school?” Jensen asked hoping to coax the boy into talking more this time than he had in their last session.

“It’s gotten a whole lot better now I’m here,” Jared said smirking.

Jensen gave a gentle smile and slightly shook his head. The kid was tenacious, he had to give him that. Jensen pushed his glasses farther up his nose and walked around his desk and sat down in the cushy leather chair. He carefully avoided Jared’s sultry stare as he flipped to a fresh sheet of paper on his legal pad, preparing to make notes during the session should Jared choose to talk.

“So, my receptionist told me she noticed some…tension between you and your father in the waiting room.   Would you like to tell me what that’s about?”

Like a thundercloud crossing the sun Jared’s face, eyes, darkened with barely restrained anger; his mouth tightened into a hard line, and his jaw clenched.

“You know, I’m here to listen,” Jensen kept his voice low but not gentle. He didn’t think that Jared would appreciate gentle, probably end up interpreting it as coddling. “Want to tell me what has you so angry? Pissed off that your father brought you here today? Maybe dragged is a better word for it. Or is there something else, something more? “Maybe I can help.”

Jared snorted. “Really?” Jared asked with a raised brow. “You’d be willin’ to risk losin’ the fat fee my parents are happily forkin’ over to you by tellin’ ‘em there’s nuthin’ wrong with me?”

That wasn’t all there was to Jared’s foul mood and Jensen knew it. It was the same complaint he had had on Friday but it hadn’t garnered this much anger then. There was more and maybe if Jared would just tell him, Jensen could, if not fix the problem, at least help him deal with it.

“Do you think they would believe that coming from me?”

Jared lifted one shoulder in a jerky shrug before he waved a large hand towards the diplomas hung up on the wall to the right of Jensen’s desk. “You’re the fucking professional here.”

The knee jerk reaction was to ask Jared not to swear but he swallowed it down. Jensen wasn’t Jared’s dad; it wasn’t his responsibility to discipline the boy. Besides, he was supposed to be the person that Jared felt he could trust, confide in; acting the disciplinarian would completely destroy that. “But do you think it would help?”

Jared’s laugh was bitter before he managed to choke it down and he leaned back into the chair and crossed his arms over his chest and looked sulkily out the window. “Probably not. Just find some new head shrink to poke at me.” Jared paused for a moment and when he turned to look back at Jensen it was like water shifting over sand, Jared’s expression grew heated once more as the anger melted away. “And if anybody’s gonna to be pokin’ at me, I’d rather it be you. Or…maybe, the other way around.” Jared winked and leaned back into the chair, spreading his long legs wide as he fixed Jensen with a challenging stare. “Yeah, I like that idea better.”

It took all his will power not to shake his head and laugh. Ignoring this latest attempt at rattling him, Jensen leaned back in his own chair and tilted his head, “Want to tell me what’s got you so mad? Something happen over the weekend? Another fight with your parents perhaps?”

Jared rolled his eyes and a muscle in his jaw clenched and he resumed his earlier petulant disposition “Got grounded.” He grudgingly admitted after a long pause.

Finally, they were getting somewhere. “Want to tell me why?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You think I did something wrong?” Jared shot back, his face flushing with color. “Couldn’t it just be that they will do anything they can to keep me from being happy, from being myself?”

It could be, it wouldn’t be the first time he had heard of parents going to such extremes but usually he got some sort of indication from the forms he insisted that the parents of prospective patients fill out. He hadn’t gotten that kind of indication from what Jared’s parents had written; it was more that they were worried about their son and the choices he was insisting on making.

Jensen chose to remain silent. There was no real correct answer to that question, not if he didn’t want Jared to think that he instantly sided with parents but he couldn’t let him think that Jensen would automatically assume that he was the innocent bystander either.

“We got in a fight on Friday. My dad was all pissy about me having to respect them.” He gave another angry, jerky shrug and looked down as he picked absently at the rip in his jeans knees. “Told ‘im if he wants respect he’s gotta give it.” Jared looked back up at Jensen and he and was slightly stunned to see the boy’s eyes shining too brightly and Jensen felt a sympathetic tug at his heart. The boy huffed a laugh, shook his head and looked back down at his lap. “You know, as a kid they told me to speak your mind but all that’s happened to me because of that was to get grounded and haffta come here three times a week. You’d think I’da learned by now, huh?”

Jensen recognized a slippery slope when he saw one and he was standing on one now; still, he couldn’t not say something. “I agree that everyone deserves respect but how we go about requesting it is the important part.”

“I haffta disagree with ya there, doc.   I don’t think everyone deserves respect, especially homophobic parents who can’t see past the fact that their child is gay to see that the child is still there!”

Jared pushed up from the chair and Jensen took that as a sign that he was reverting back into the patient Jensen recognized from the week before and maybe he was willing to start talking a little more.

“It’s hard for some parents Jared…,” Jensen began.

Jared spun on his heel and glared from behind the chair he had previously been sitting in, his hands curling around the back of it so tight his knuckles shone white. “You’re defending them?” Jared asked incredulous, then; his face morphed into one of sadness and disappointment. He shook his head. “’Course you are,” his lips pulled up in a wry smile beyond his years and he shook his shaggy head. “Money talks don’t it, Doctor?”

Jensen had been expecting that kind of a reaction so it took him as no surprise, “Not always. And no, I’m not taking their side or yours. I’m simply asking you to try and consider where they might be coming from.” Jensen took off his glasses and looked seriously at Jared. “I bet you that your mother has been planning which relatives to invite to your wedding and which baby outfits to knit for her grandchildren since the day you were born. And your dad?” Jensen said motioning toward the door that led to the waiting room with the arm of his glasses. “Well, the ugly truth is that for some men, finding out your son is gay is kind of like cutting their masculinity off at the knees. The words “my son is gay” is a hard truth, and they have to reconcile that with the boy they threw a football or baseball with, took to basketball games and thought that the best way to bond with them was by teasing their sons about girls.”

“Huh.” Jared muttered low, “Well, that’s all kinds of fucked up.”

“Probably.” Jensen admitted, thinking back to when he told his parents he was gay and how hard his own father took it for those first few months. It had been his mother that had told him why, explained it to him and Jensen had yet to see anyone prove that little piece of wisdom wrong.

Jared ran a hand through his hair before turning and going back to Jensen’s bookshelf. He didn’t fool Jensen, it was highly unlikely that there was anything there of interest to him but if he felt the need to hide while he thought things through, who was Jensen to stop him?

“Don’t ya have paperwork to do? Files to update? Shit like that?”

Jensen slipped his glasses back on and narrowed his eyes, “I do that between patients.”

“Yeah, well, it’s my hour. You said so and I’m done talkin’.” He turned to stare across at him and leaned back against the bookcase. “So you go ahead and do what you gotta do and I’m gonna think about how awesome it’s gonna be in a few months when I can move out of Hell.” The faux innocent look on Jared’s face wouldn’t fool anyone, least of all Jensen. “I mean, my parents house, and I can finally be free to be me.”

The idea didn’t sit well with Jensen. He wasn’t being paid to do paperwork. But Jared was right, it was his hour and if he didn’t want to talk anymore, Jensen knew he couldn’t make him. Still as he shrugged and flipped open Jared’s file to start making notes, he couldn’t help but feel like he had gained a little bit of ground. It wasn’t much and had only taken twenty-five minutes of Jared’s hour but Jared had opened up some and Jensen would count that as a win.

Now he just had to get through the next thirty-five minutes feeling his skin prickle as Jared walked around the office, loomed behind him, or, worst of all, watched him.



“I don’t know, Chad. He’s not takin’ any of my hints.” Jared says with a heavy sigh. He rolls over onto his back and folds his right arm behind his head.

Chad laughs. “Maybe the dude’s not gay, Jay.”

Jared rolls his eyes. “Dude, its me. When have I ever been wrong?”

He hears Chad grunt and shift, making himself comfortable. “Hmm. Good point. So? What’s the plan now, Casanova?”

Jared shrugs. Mind working. Subtlety wasn’t working. “Maybe it’s time to get more physical,” Jared muses, left hand resting on his stomach and inching lower.

Chad chuckles. “So what ya gonna do, Jay?” Chad asks, voice dropping lower. “Gonna bend him over and fuck him in his office?”

Jared’s breath catches in his throat. His hand creeps lower, fingertips brushing against the elastic waistband of his boxer briefs. “All in good time,” Jared says smugly, eye closes envisioning the scenario.

“Fuck him like you fucked me? Bent over your Dad’s big-ass desk? Remember that, Jay?” Jared heard Chad lick his lips and groan softly.

Jared chuckles low and dirty, remembering perfectly the event in question. It was when they were both fourteen and Jared’s parents had gone to Austin to visit. He and Chad had just been planning on watching “Showgirls” and eating junk, but after a friendly battle for the remote   things got a little more rough and heated resulting in some of the best sex Jared had had up until that point.

“Yeah,” Jared said, dick growing hard and beginning to tent out his underwear. “Was fuckin’ hot.”

“Mmm, Yeah. Was.” Chad says. Jared could hear the edges of his voice getting rougher. “Fuck, Jay. Had me walking weird for a whole fuckin’ week after that.”

Jared grins, reaching down and cupping his erection, gently squeezing. “S’not my fault. You begged. I gave you what you wanted.” Jared groans and his hips buck into his touch.

Chad gave a soft moan. Jared could hear the soft rustle of cloth and Jared’s smile widened. “Gon…gonna make Doc Ackles beg?” Chad stammers out.

Jared closes his eyes and vividly pictures Dr. Ackles bent over his desk, perfectly pressed slacks pooled around his ankles, perfect, rounded, lily white ass exposed, pleading for Jared to fuck him. Jared stops squeezing his cock long enough to shimmy his boxer briefs down his hips. His hard heavy cock, slaps against his belly. “Oh, yeah. Fuck. Gonna make him scream for it,” Jared says voice gravel-rough. He wraps his fingers around his cock and imagines the tight clench of Jensen’s ass surrounding him.

“Fuck, Jay,” Chad responds, and Jared can hear the sound of skin on skin as Chad strokes his own cock. “You jerkin’ too?”

Jared moans hips thrusting slowly into his hand, pre-cum oozing from his slit, dripping down his shaft, slicking up his palm for a slow easy glide. “Yeah,” Jared responds between gasps as his thumb teases the sensitive crown of his dick.

“Jared,” Chad gasps.

“Shit,” Jared pants hand quickening on his cock. There are sounds that seems to suggest Chad is looking for something before Jared hears the tell tale click of a bottle of lube being opened, and Jared almost loses it. He imagines doing to Dr. Ackles, Jensen, what Chad is doing to himself, imagines dribbling lube onto the crack of Jensen’s ass, imagines slicking his fingers up and rubbing around the pink pucker in between the cheeks, imagines Jensen pressing back into the touch.   Jared’s dick hardens further and a fresh burst of precum seeps from the slit. “Jesus, Chad,” Jared mutters, thumbnail digging into the slit and smearing the clear sticky fluid around.

“Gonna t-take your,” Chad grunts and Jared’s eyes roll in his head because he knows that sound, knows Chad has two, maybe three, fingers buried in his own ass. He can hear the faint squeak of Chad’s bedsprings and it tells him Chad is really going to town on himself. “Your time and work him open slow?” Chad stammers out heavy panting breaths.

“Yes,” Jared hisses out, jaw clenched tight. Heat spreads out from his belly, to his fingertips, his toes, knows he’s close.

Chad makes a helpless whine that Jared recognizes to mean Chad has hit his prostate.

“T-talk to m-me, Jay,” Chad begs. “M’close.”

Jared’s hand moves furiously over his cock, hips thrusting, groaning louder than he should he knows, but it’s all so arousing, him and Chad jerkin’ off, each lost in their own fantasy but using each other with a perfect give and take, his parents just down the hall, could hear, could come in, catch him with a cell phone, red, weeping dick in hand having gay phone sex with his best friend. It’s all so delicious and dirty.

“Gonna fuck ‘im s’hard, Chad,” Jared says voice lazy and thick so Chad’s name sounded more like “Shad”.   Jared pictures it in his mind’s eye, Jensen with his chest and cheek pressed against the shiny, smooth, wood surface of his desk. Jared imagines the sounds Jensen would make, the way his smoky voice would sound begging for his cock, screaming his name, imagines Jensen’s thick fingers with his perfectly manicured nails gripping the edge of the desk. “Gonna watch ‘is tight little ass ripple when I slam into him.”

“Guhm,” Chad moans, the bedsprings squeaking in a quick even rhythm.

“Mmm,” Jared moans. “Yeah. Kn-know what ‘m gonna do? Gonna pull out before I cum. Yeah,” Jared licks his lips, can see Jensen’s slick, puffy hungry hole gasping for him and his balls pull tight. “Gonna fuckin’ cum all over him, brand him with it.”

“Motherfucker!” Chad howls and Jared knows he’s shooting. Jared imagines his cum dripping all down Jensen’s back and sides, slipping into the creases of his ass and Jared can’t hold on anymore. He bites his lip, to stifle the cry as his orgasm rips through him, like a bolt of lightning in a clear blue sky, heat and electricity flooding him in a tidal wave of pleasure.

He and Chad come down together, soft sounds as they both clean up the mess they each made, breathing slowing down. It’s a comfortable easy silence.

“You know it not gonna happen, right?” Chad says finally.

Jared tosses his cum stained tissue away kicks his underwear off the rest of the way and settles down to sleep nude. He rolls his eyes. It was sad really that Chad had no faith in his power to seduce the reluctant but oh-so-willing Jensen. Huh. Ass. Jared would show him. Oh yeah.

“Whatever, dude. You’re just jealous I haven’t declared my undying love to you yet,” Jared said, eyes feeling heavy, body relaxed after a great orgasm.

“Oh, yeah, Jay, that’s it exactly.” Jared could hear the eye roll. “Your keen insight into deepest desire of my heart is shocking,” Chad shoots back, but his speech is slow and without venom.

Jared shrugged. “You know its true, bitch,” he said eyes slipping shut.

“Fuck you, assclown,” Chad retorted lazily.

“On that note, I’mma hang up,” Jared said.

“Night,” Chad said on a sigh before Jared flipped Sandy’s phone closed. Even though he didn’t want to Jared got up and hid the phone in an old hollowed out copy of his older brother, Jeff’s Trig book. The he padded over to the bed, collapsed and was asleep instantly.



Jensen sighed as he glared down at the four cardboard boxes stacked up in the corner of his living room, one toe absently pushing against the bottom box in a rhythmic nudging that did nothing to move the stack.

Thanks mom. He thought absently and saluted the stack with his half full beer bottle. Not that he could really blame her for freighting the boxes to him, she had grudgingly kept a lot of his odds and ends stored in the basement of the family home for more years than was fair and it really was far past time for him to deal with it. Just because he didn’t want it to be now was no reason to hold that against his mother, he was the procrastinator not her.

Idly he considered just hauling them back to the elevator and down to the garbage bins at the back of his building. It would just be easier to do that than try to sort through them and try to find places for things in his apartment. Still, at one point or another he had chosen to keep the things in these boxes instead of chucking them, which meant that they did or, at least, had meant something. And his parents had been good enough to keep them safe for him while he had worked through the mess of his life so, if for no other reason, he owed it to them for storing them for him in the first place.

Besides this was the perfect way to focus on something other than the quiet of his apartment and the thoughts flickering around the edges of his mind about the kid, Jared Padalecki.

He couldn’t figure it out, it wasn’t like Jared was the first gay kid to appear in his office or the first one that was angry or both. But he was the first one that seemed to be working his way under Jensen’s skin after only two sessions and that scared the hell out him.

A part of it had to be because he could empathize with the kid, at least a little, though when all the cards were on the table, he had had a hell of an easier time then Jared had coming out to his parents. But he could empathize with almost half of the teenagers that had come through his office for the same reason and they never had gotten to him the way Jared had. The distressing truth was that it was mostly because of the way Jared was, act or not, he just wouldn’t give up the game of being an overly aggressive pursuer and Jensen liked it, God help him.

He should know better, he did know better, Christian had been like that and look where it had gotten Jensen. A relationship that had been on again, off again for the better part of nine years before he had finally had wizened up and cut all ties with Christian. If, not was, but if, he ever decided to give a serious relationship another try, he was going to have to find himself someone more like him, someone who was more relaxed, more focused on something other than physical pleasure and beauty. Not someone like Christian, not someone who went after who he wanted, no holds barred, regardless if he already had someone else, who would say or do what he wanted to get his way. And Jared reminded Jensen just a little too much of Christian for his own sense of well-being.

And really, that was going beyond the fact that Jared was a seventeen year old boy, a kid and Jensen was twenty six and was not going anywhere near jailbait, no matter how much his destructive side craved the kid.

You were sixteen when you met Christian and he was twenty-two.

“Exactly!” He growled low and attacked the packing tape of the top box with the box cutter clutched tightly in his right hand.

That little fact right there was a perfect example as to why he had to keep his mind on his fucking job and ignore anything that might come out of Jared’s mouth. Jensen was not Christian and he’d slit his own wrists before he’d let himself become Christian and twist Jared the way he had been.

Draining the bottle, Jensen set it on the side table beside the boxes and flipped open the cardboard flaps. On top of what looked like papers and his grade twelve year book was his graduation cap. It was slightly bent at one corner and even protected by the box had not stopped a fine layer of dust from dulling the royal blue. He grinned as he carefully picked it up, memories from almost a decade earlier filling his mind before his smile fell.

He had invited Christian to the grad ceremony but had been pretty sure he wasn’t going to show. At the time, they still had been hiding their relationship from Jensen’s parents and Christian had muttered something about sticking out like a sore thumb because he had no reason to be there because he had no family graduating from that school or even that year. It had cut, even as Jensen had pretended that it didn’t, because he should have been Christian’s reason for coming but, even then, he knew that arguing with him wouldn’t do any good. So it had come as a shock when, after the ceremony, he had been pulled out of a hug from Misha by Christian who had promptly dragged him into a corner of the auditorium and started accusing him of cheating with Misha. Misha, his very straight, best friend whom Jensen could and did make him cringe and run by discussing gay sex anytime Misha tried to have a serious discussion with Jensen about Christian.

Jensen tossed the graduation cap towards the sofa, barely registering when it landed on the cushion and started digging through the papers.

It wasn’t the first fight they had had about Jensen’s friends, wasn’t even the first time that Christian had accused him of having something on the side with Misha. But it was the first time he had managed to spoil an important date for Jensen, not that it was the last. The graduation dinner and dance had been next, Christian wouldn’t go, not that Jensen was even sure he would be allowed by the administration to take his boyfriend, why bother checking when he already knew Christian wouldn’t be going.  But Christian had shown up an hour and a half into it and demanded Jensen leave with him if he still wanted to have his boyfriend by the end of the night. His twenty-first birthday, bitched at him for having a third beer, like Christian hadn’t been feeding him booze for years, and telling him if he got drunk that he was leaving. Then when Jensen stopped drinking, Christian got shit faced.

Jensen grabbed his grade twelve year book and considered dropping to the floor and going through it, somehow he and Misha and Tom had ended up in several different pictures scattered through out the book and it would be good to see them again but he forced himself to toss it to land beside his cap on the couch. What would be the point? Sure for a second or two he would be happy and amused looking at them but somehow Christian’s memory would push in and taint them. He couldn’t even look at the signatures and antidotes on the blank pages in the back because his ex had gone through them and added his own ignorant and crass comments underneath most of them. And the mood he was in, he’d probably end up burning the book now and regret it later.

It appeared that most of the papers were nothing more than old essays and childish notes between Tom, Misha and him, amusing maybe, but not worth trying to rearrange a spot in his home to keep them. Forcing his hands underneath the pile of loose leaf, he hefted them out and settled them on the floor beside his feet. They might be earmarked for recycle but there was no sense in just dropping them and letting them scatter across the hardwood.

His eyes narrowed at the lump wrapped in dark plastic that had been hidden by everything else in the box.

“What the hell?” He muttered as he wrapped his fingers around the squishy lump and gently pulled it out of the box. The plastic turned into a bag from a small mom and pop store back in Richardson that had gone out of business shortly after Jensen had graduated from high school and gave no hint as to what might be inside. Pulling the bag open, Jensen did end up landing on his ass with the crinkling of plastic and the scattering of the carefully laid out papers.

“Fuck me.” He muttered, and gingerly pulled out the balled up black leather jacket. Hesitantly he straightened it out and groaned when the yellow crest of Christian’s bateman hockey team glared back at him.

Christian had played hockey on a recreational team with Tom’s older cousin when Jensen had met him. In fact, he had met him through Tom and his cousin after a game, Jensen had forgotten that.

Arms dropping, the leather jacket bunched up in his lap and his fingers absently worked the dried out leather while he stared blankly at the boxes in front of him. Christian had given him the jacket to wear after they had been dating on the sly for almost three months. Though looking back on it now, Jensen had to wonder if it had been Christian’s way of marking him off limits. Probably.

And yet, Jensen hadn’t seen it like that then. He had been so proud that Christian had acknowledged them at all that he had taken to wearing it everywhere but at home. Opting instead to shove it into his backpack so that his parents didn’t see it and ask who Christian was since his name was stitched into the right arm in the same bright yellow as the crest on the front.

Jensen couldn’t help but wish now that his younger self had just forgotten once to hide it from his parents and wonder what would have happened had they found out about his much older boyfriend. They probably would have forbidden Jensen from seeing Christian, maybe even threaten to involve the law but it probably wouldn’t have changed anything. Jensen had been head strong and foolish and in love and he would have just continued to see Christian, he just would have been more careful about it and things still would have ended up as they were.

Fingers curling into the jacket, Jensen started dragging it to drop on the pile of papers but stilled. It wasn’t his jacket and even if Christian hadn’t played hockey for years, it wasn’t up to Jensen to just toss it. Somehow he had to get it back to his ex, even if he didn’t want anything to do with Christian. It wouldn’t be difficult, for all of Christian’s boasting about how he was going to be the next big thing on the country music scene, he never made it any father than taking over his father’s honky tonk on the edge of San Antonio and loading the jukebox up with the real next big things on the country music scene. He could just take it in sometime in the afternoon when he was pretty sure Christian wouldn’t be in the bar and hand it over to the bartender to give to him.

Guilt and worry wormed in his stomach. What if the bartender didn’t give it to Christian or what if Christian didn’t notice it there and somehow it got tossed. It would still be Jensen’s fault, because he was the one he had passed it over and just expected someone else to watch over it for Christian.

There was no way he would give it to Misha; it definitely wouldn’t make it back to Christian then. More likely than not, it would end up in a bonfire somewhere outside of town with Misha and Vicky dancing naked around it. Maybe he could give it to Tom? Tom was a cop and appreciated the “right” of things and for the more silent of his two friends, Tom would probably love shoving the jacket in Christian’s face as his passive aggressive way of proving to Christian that Jensen was over him. But would Christian see it that way? Or would he see it as Jensen secretly coveting him still and was using the jacket as a way of opening the lines of communication between them again?

“Shit.” He grumbled and let the jacket fall to his other side, away from the pile for recycle, his head a mess of reasons why it should be just thrown out verses why it needed to be returned.

Letting his eyes slid around the room, Jensen tried to figure out what to do. Maybe he should just call Tom, no sense in calling Misha, he already knew what his vote would be, but Tom would let him spit it all out and actually think before he answered. Sure he wouldn’t be happy with the idea of Jensen getting into any kind of contact with Christian, no matter if it was first or second hand but he was the level headed one and maybe he would agree to take the jacket for Jensen.

Jensen’s eyes fell on his grad cap and yearbook and caught.

Unexpectedly, he wondered what Jared’s high school colors were. What color the school would choose for its grads to wear for their ceremony. He hoped it would be royal blue, it would make the blue in Jared’s eyes vibrant and that would be a hell of a thing to see.

Shaking his head, Jensen pushed to his feet and headed toward the kitchen. Where in the hell did that thought come from? Why would he care what color Jared’s grad gown and cap would be? Because of his eyes? Christ, Jensen hadn’t even realized that he had been paying that much attention to the kid’s eyes that he could even know that.

He needed another beer or two or three if he was going to be bouncing back and forth between thinking about his ex and the kid that he needed to stay away from.

Steps faltering, Jensen needed to swallow down the sudden surge of bile. Did thinking about Jared or the color of his eyes or just outside of work mean more than it should? Did it mean that he was becoming Christian? Or, at least, like him?

Fuck one, two or three beers, he was going to need a whole case.



Chapter 01 / Chapter 03