30 days of writing: a drabble a day challenge, Day 1
Prompt: Beginning
Rating: G
Band: MEJIBRAYBeta: random_x13
Tsuzuku's POV
Beginnings can sometimes be difficult. You want to start something, but you keep procrastinating. There's a good movie on tv, so you think "I'm going to watch it first, then do my work", but when you're done, you suddenly find something else to do, like refreshing sites on the internet every five seconds, or playing a game. It may become a serious problem when you have a lot of work to do. I've always tried to do my work as soon as possible, then go home. But recently I've been so slow about it. So slow that it started annoying my bandmates. Our manager even began to lie about deadlines, giving me an earlier date instead of the real one.
When it happened for the first time, I ran to the office to share my work with others, worried I was too late and we wouldn't be able to discuss everything on time because of me... But the office was empty, and there was only Ito-san waiting for me.
"Where are others?" I asked him, trying to catch my breath.
"They're taking care of their projects." His smirk was telling me something was off.
"But the deadline-"
"-Is on Monday." He finished foro me, lauging. Today was Wednesday.
"Why did you lie to me? I was worried that I was late!" I felt angry and irritated. I don't like being lied to! I had rushed to finish my project when in fact, I had five more days!
"You wouldn't have had it finished in time. But this helped, see? You've finished! Next time I'll tell you the truth." He paused and looked at me with a stubborn eye. "You should stop procrastinating," he said. He was obviously amused with the whole situation, but he was right. I'd always bring in my project in at the last minute of the deadline if it was possible.
The next time, however, he did the same thing. Or he had tried to. I found out the actual deadline due to his visit to the toilet when I brought in my completed work on the fake deadline date. He'd left documents on his desk and it didn't take long to figure it out... I've always been a curious individual and there's nothing wrong with checking it just to be sure, right? It was about my band, after all.
Even if it became a routine, I did not enjoy having so much of free time. When I had nothing to do, my thoughts would wander in the wrong direction, creating horrifying scenarios in my mind. There was something fascinating, but also destructive and exhausting about that. I loved my mental self destruction, but also I hated it at the same time. It was like a drug. You try it once, and it becomes tempting, and you want it more and more... But it had side effects. My depression was my addiction and something I wanted to be free of it at the same time. I didn't really attempt anything unpleasant, but I enjoyed everything less. I'd constantly drown myself in the deep pit of sorrow and indifference. The sadness wasn't the worst about it, though. The worst part was when I couldn't feel anything at all. I hated that part the most. I would end up watching everyone around me being happy. The occasional drama didn't matter to me, either. I only listened to them, nodded, and smiled politely. I could only hope that they wouldn't notice that I didn't care. Even if they were someone close and important to me, I still couldn't care. But at the same time, hurting their feelings would also hurt mine, no matter what games my mind was trying to play with me. It hurt on the inside because I didn't do it on purpose.
Without the band, I probably wouldn't be able to deal with it. All the effort of forcing myself to work was definitely worth it. I was happy to find such great band members, who didn't join the band for the sole purpose of attracting girls. That had happened in my previous band. It got so tiring to deal with it all, and at some point I just gave up on everything. I got a regular job and tried to live a normal life because I didn't believe I was capable of achieving anything. My goals were different then. It didn't take long before I got so sick of that life, and I gave the music life another try. I ended up with this. My band, my baby, is the result of a few good decisions I made in my life.