Helpless
It's been a month since Tony's dad passed and 2 weeks since his cousin Mason died of heart attack. I came home tonight and was walking up the stairs.. I heard something that sounded like loud crying so I stopped and listened for a mintue thinking it was the music Tony was listening to and then realized it was Tony crying. This is the second time I have walked in on him crying really hard.. I'm not saying this being selfish by any means... I cried like a baby after my grandpa died back in 2008. The the issue I am having is I feel so helpless that he is dieing inside, I try to say things the comfort him and make him feel better but I feel like it's not helping all. He says he feels like a disappointmeant to his dad cause he never joined the army for became a postman to follow in his footsteps... that is nowhere close to the true. Tommy was so proud of his boys all his life... he called them his blessings, he used to tell me how proud he was that all his boys made it to college and how Tony had found me, got married and moved away from Mobile. He used to tell how he loved to come up and see us and go different places and spend time with us. I don't Tony to feel like a disappointmeant and I know Tommy wouldn't either.....Tony was always his favorite from what I could tell and so very proud of him. Tony was the last thing Tommy saw before he closed his eyes forever....in some way I think that what Tommy was waiting for even if Tony doesn't believe it. All I can do is hold him and be there for him when he has these rough moments...but I still wish I could do or say something to take his pain away and make him my happy Tony again...