Stress kills. No, really.
I've been so stressed out lately about my schoolwork and my job that I didn't realize how much it had built up. I'd been feeling sort of icky here and there lately but didn't connect two and two together...eating pretty much as I liked, too (though exceedingly greasy or spicy stuff, as well as citrus and garlic, are off the list permanently). BAD idea. Tonight after someone came in to my office and presented a particularly bad problem (which admittedly is in my perview but ultimately is not my fault), my midsection exploded with agony. We're talking "in so much pain we almost can't breathe" kind of stuff here. I broke out into a sweat. I went limp, like a washrag. Scared the hoohah out of me while being familiar at the same time. Let me explain:
Years ago, strenous dieting did a number on my gallbladder, and after I stopped dieting and started eating more normal meals, I found that I acquired a lovely condition in which stress + careless eating = OUCH. For a whole summer my doctor limited me to vanilla ice cream, white cheese, white bread, and whole milk. He encouraged oatmeal but at the time I didn't like it. For years I ate cheese pizza with no sauce, drank 7-Up instead of Coke, had Fetuccini Alfredo instead of marinara sauce, vanilla shakes vs. chocolate. Mom once slipped up and got Chocolate Chip ice cream; I nearly had a panic attack and refused to eat it.
So. After not having an attack of this magnitude since then, this hit me completely out of left field. I managed to feel good enough to get home (after about 1/2 an hour of moaning) and thought I was over it. Wrong! I had another bad attack at home and sat sobbing in the bathroom (thankfully Mom was home and she talked to me until I felt better). Then I had another, but it didnt last long. Now I'm just sore but still wary.
Needless to say: Body, you have my full attention. If you don't behave, then I shall have to take you to the doctor. And I know you don't want that. So quit. I promise to take better care of you. Don't bail on me.
But you know the thought that kept running through my head as I was crying? "I can't do this alone anymore."
What the heck is THAT all about? I'm not one to throw pity parties for myself, and I know that God is on my side. So I ask again, what the heck is that all about? And what is 'this' that I can't do alone anymore? My job? My schoolwork? What? It sounds like whining to me.
I got a B+ in both of my classes last session, but I think as I get closer to the end, the strain is beginning to show. I have only 3 more classes to go
I do have other things to say ( wens I haven't forgotten you!) but I'm way too sleepy to catch up with the rest at the moment. Just wanted to get this out in the open; it helps to talk about it sometimes.
See you all soon!