Lead the Way - Chapter 097 - Dawn
Well, clearly I didn't stress enought that Mr. Prentiss is a little odd. He has not made up his mind yet and Emily didn't expect him to either. He's the kind of guy who weighs all aspects against each other and then and only then makes up his mind. Sometimes that process is a quick one, sometimes it takes a little longer. Emily knows he needs to be alone during this and hopes he will reach a positive conclusion, but she knows his leaving the room is no indication as to which way he'll go.
I recently discussed my own coming out to my uncle with my sister and cousins. I discovered an interesting misconception. My sister told me not to expect him to be excited or happy. Why would she even think that I'd expect him to have these feelings? Does any gay (closeted) person expect others to be excited when they come out?
Any parent or parental figure (worth anything) wants their kid to live happy, easy, smooth lives. And let's face it. Heterosexuals and Gays may be alike in a lot of ways, one thing that divides us is that we can find ourselves in a position of defending ourselves, despite having abided by all laws and morals commonly accepted as valid. We might enjoy ourselves at a party and have some guy hurl a nasty word at us because we told him, sorry, no, this is a no-guys zone.
No parent wants their kid to have to explain themselves over and over and over for something that should be natural.
So even in the event that your parent doesn't have dreams of grandkids or understands that gay people can give you grandkids as likely or unlikely as heterosexual kids will (remember the pill, guys? it's still working) there is still that one issue.
I also happen to remember how I found out about myself. And no, I wasn't happy or excited. I didn't jump and down in my room and went: YAY! People will want to beat me to death with their bibles and enjoy the thought of my burning in Hell while they jerk off. I didn't *want* to be gay. (Things are looking much better now ;) ) I will not deny that there was an adjustment period.
Today I am proud, happy and out. But that didn't happen within seconds or minutes. It took me months if not years. So how on Earth could I expect anyone to be excited? As long as he keeps talking to me, I'll be happy. And in his own time, I'm sure I can show him how alike we still are.
Enough about my views on coming outs though. Here's the second half of that night.
Lead the Way - 097 - Dawn
“Did he lose again?“ Elizabeth asked.
“What? Oh, no. He won the first round and we didn’t finish the second one.”
“Did he say where he was going?” It was very unusual for her husband to leave after dinner. Especially since Emily was visiting.
“No, he didn’t mention it.”
“What’s going on?” Her voice was strict and told Emily that the time for beating around the bushes was over.
“I told him.”
“You told him what?”
“I told him about JJ.”
“I see.” Elizabeth nodded. Knowing Fiz he would walk around the neighborhood for an hour or two and come back as if nothing ever happened. Emily had to wait it out.
“What would you say to “La Bohème”? My secretary found me a new recording with Anna Netrebko.”
“Sounds great.” Anything to keep her mind off JJ and how her family might react to the good news.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I’ll kill him!“ Jenny was trembling in her arms, sobbing violently. “I swear to God, I’ll kill him.”
Half an hour later JJ was too tired to keep crying but too upset to go to sleep.
“Lauren?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“I know it wasn’t easy for you to accept at first, but…”
“That’s not really true. I was surprised and you have to give a girl that. You’ve never hinted at that possibility.”
“I didn’t know myself.”
“And you said you weren’t really happy with Emily.”
“It’s different now.”
“How so?”
And with that simple question JJ started crying again, though for a different reason now. She could finally unload that heavy rock that had been sitting on her chest for far too long. Finally, she could share her most precious secret.
JJ told her about Emily: her strength and courage, her endearing babbling, her insecurity when it came to expressing feelings. She tried to tell her how wonderful Emily made her feel. She couldn’t really find the right words so she compared the situation to bathing in sunlight.
Then she started to recount how they had broken up and how she had tried to see Will again. How hurt she was when Sara told her that Emily was with her now. She told her about working with someone she still had such strong feelings for and how Emily had lost Matthew. That she was vulnerable and asked if they would have had a chance.
Her tears were running down her cheeks again, even though she thought she’d run out of them. Lauren was one of the few people in the world she didn’t mind consoling her. She wiped them away and told her how much it had hurt to see Emily like that.
That she decided right then and there that they could mend what had been broken, that it wasn’t too late. How anxious she’d been to see what Emily would do next and how she had won her back in a way that could only be Emily’s.
The gifts, the cards, the promises, the methodic thinking behind it; opening up, yes, but only to reveal that there was yet another layer to her. She told Lauren about stealing an FBI vehicle and parking on the side walk, running to Emily and kissing her.
How awkward it had been at first, the promises they had made to each other. To go slow and be honest, to communicate and listen. She even told her about their last case, the case that had brought her here, even though she wasn’t really supposed to.
Lauren was a good listener. When she was finally done, the sun was already getting up. The sisters climbed down the tree, their legs sore. Joking that they were getting old, they went to sleep under their “Little Mermaid” bedsheets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After watching the opera with her mother, Emily decided to call it a night. She had already given up hope that her father would make up his mind so fast and maybe that wasn’t so bad after all.
She put on her coat and said good night to her mother. She looked back at that large hall and remembered all the houses that had come before. Parties for important people, staff, sneaking around, seeing her parents like her teachers - as authority figures she had to impress.
All these years later she was still seeking their approval. ‘I wonder if it will ever stop.’ She would never make Henry long for her approval and love. If he wanted it. She would raise him with JJ to be a strong, secure and healthy man.
“Emily, wait.” She turned around and saw her father walk up the drive way. The profiler stood there, looking at her feet. Inside she tried to brace herself for the inevitable. How could you do this to your mother? We’ve always been good to you. You could have any man. Instead she heard him say:
“Drive home safely.”
“Yes, Father.” Her shoulders high and her head low she turned to her car.
“Oh and Emily?”
“Yes, Father?”
“Bring her by some time.” She looked up and saw his dark brown eyes twinkle. He even smiled a little. She smiled back and said much, much happier:
“Yes, Father.”
I recently discussed my own coming out to my uncle with my sister and cousins. I discovered an interesting misconception. My sister told me not to expect him to be excited or happy. Why would she even think that I'd expect him to have these feelings? Does any gay (closeted) person expect others to be excited when they come out?
Any parent or parental figure (worth anything) wants their kid to live happy, easy, smooth lives. And let's face it. Heterosexuals and Gays may be alike in a lot of ways, one thing that divides us is that we can find ourselves in a position of defending ourselves, despite having abided by all laws and morals commonly accepted as valid. We might enjoy ourselves at a party and have some guy hurl a nasty word at us because we told him, sorry, no, this is a no-guys zone.
No parent wants their kid to have to explain themselves over and over and over for something that should be natural.
So even in the event that your parent doesn't have dreams of grandkids or understands that gay people can give you grandkids as likely or unlikely as heterosexual kids will (remember the pill, guys? it's still working) there is still that one issue.
I also happen to remember how I found out about myself. And no, I wasn't happy or excited. I didn't jump and down in my room and went: YAY! People will want to beat me to death with their bibles and enjoy the thought of my burning in Hell while they jerk off. I didn't *want* to be gay. (Things are looking much better now ;) ) I will not deny that there was an adjustment period.
Today I am proud, happy and out. But that didn't happen within seconds or minutes. It took me months if not years. So how on Earth could I expect anyone to be excited? As long as he keeps talking to me, I'll be happy. And in his own time, I'm sure I can show him how alike we still are.
Enough about my views on coming outs though. Here's the second half of that night.
Lead the Way - 097 - Dawn
“Did he lose again?“ Elizabeth asked.
“What? Oh, no. He won the first round and we didn’t finish the second one.”
“Did he say where he was going?” It was very unusual for her husband to leave after dinner. Especially since Emily was visiting.
“No, he didn’t mention it.”
“What’s going on?” Her voice was strict and told Emily that the time for beating around the bushes was over.
“I told him.”
“You told him what?”
“I told him about JJ.”
“I see.” Elizabeth nodded. Knowing Fiz he would walk around the neighborhood for an hour or two and come back as if nothing ever happened. Emily had to wait it out.
“What would you say to “La Bohème”? My secretary found me a new recording with Anna Netrebko.”
“Sounds great.” Anything to keep her mind off JJ and how her family might react to the good news.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I’ll kill him!“ Jenny was trembling in her arms, sobbing violently. “I swear to God, I’ll kill him.”
Half an hour later JJ was too tired to keep crying but too upset to go to sleep.
“Lauren?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“I know it wasn’t easy for you to accept at first, but…”
“That’s not really true. I was surprised and you have to give a girl that. You’ve never hinted at that possibility.”
“I didn’t know myself.”
“And you said you weren’t really happy with Emily.”
“It’s different now.”
“How so?”
And with that simple question JJ started crying again, though for a different reason now. She could finally unload that heavy rock that had been sitting on her chest for far too long. Finally, she could share her most precious secret.
JJ told her about Emily: her strength and courage, her endearing babbling, her insecurity when it came to expressing feelings. She tried to tell her how wonderful Emily made her feel. She couldn’t really find the right words so she compared the situation to bathing in sunlight.
Then she started to recount how they had broken up and how she had tried to see Will again. How hurt she was when Sara told her that Emily was with her now. She told her about working with someone she still had such strong feelings for and how Emily had lost Matthew. That she was vulnerable and asked if they would have had a chance.
Her tears were running down her cheeks again, even though she thought she’d run out of them. Lauren was one of the few people in the world she didn’t mind consoling her. She wiped them away and told her how much it had hurt to see Emily like that.
That she decided right then and there that they could mend what had been broken, that it wasn’t too late. How anxious she’d been to see what Emily would do next and how she had won her back in a way that could only be Emily’s.
The gifts, the cards, the promises, the methodic thinking behind it; opening up, yes, but only to reveal that there was yet another layer to her. She told Lauren about stealing an FBI vehicle and parking on the side walk, running to Emily and kissing her.
How awkward it had been at first, the promises they had made to each other. To go slow and be honest, to communicate and listen. She even told her about their last case, the case that had brought her here, even though she wasn’t really supposed to.
Lauren was a good listener. When she was finally done, the sun was already getting up. The sisters climbed down the tree, their legs sore. Joking that they were getting old, they went to sleep under their “Little Mermaid” bedsheets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After watching the opera with her mother, Emily decided to call it a night. She had already given up hope that her father would make up his mind so fast and maybe that wasn’t so bad after all.
She put on her coat and said good night to her mother. She looked back at that large hall and remembered all the houses that had come before. Parties for important people, staff, sneaking around, seeing her parents like her teachers - as authority figures she had to impress.
All these years later she was still seeking their approval. ‘I wonder if it will ever stop.’ She would never make Henry long for her approval and love. If he wanted it. She would raise him with JJ to be a strong, secure and healthy man.
“Emily, wait.” She turned around and saw her father walk up the drive way. The profiler stood there, looking at her feet. Inside she tried to brace herself for the inevitable. How could you do this to your mother? We’ve always been good to you. You could have any man. Instead she heard him say:
“Drive home safely.”
“Yes, Father.” Her shoulders high and her head low she turned to her car.
“Oh and Emily?”
“Yes, Father?”
“Bring her by some time.” She looked up and saw his dark brown eyes twinkle. He even smiled a little. She smiled back and said much, much happier:
“Yes, Father.”