Lead the Way - Chapter 063 - William
Alright, message received :) You guys will go on a LTW withdrawal next week. And I get to enjoy my week in Italy. I kind of like this deal :)
Remember how I told you guys to watch out for chapters with first names as a title? Well here's another one. Despite the title I doubt anyone will be mad at me for this one :)
Lead the Way - 063 - William
Dinner had been nice, just like old times. For a minute or two JJ had even forgotten about her ex-girlfriend. She had always known that she had shared more than sex with Will. Of course it had never been as intense and complicated as with Emily but she had decided that she would go with the amber rather than the flame, thus making sure that she would never get burned as badly, ever again. During the course of the meal she had reminded herself several times of that.
Afterwards she had invited Will to come over, share a nightcap. She knew that this was the third time they met after she had told him about her breakup. The media liaison was fully aware of the impression she was giving the father of her child. She had every intention of following through.
And why not? Will was a stand up guy with a good heart, a great sense of humor and a steady job. He loved her, that much was obvious. They had a past together they could build on, she liked his family, and he was committed and more than eager to settle down. JJ could see herself ten years from now as if she was looking into a mirror.
She would have given birth to more kids, eventually she would have given up her job and Will would have resumed his duty as a cop. It made more sense that way; she would be away from her job far too much with more than one kid at home. She would spend most of her time in the kitchen or at the very least at home, while her husband would solve crimes and put murderers behind bars. JJ would turn into her mother, no reason to hide from anybody, no bumps on the road and no surprises.
She would get used to the lack of highlights. She would get used to the life of a housewife. She would grow to looking forward when her man came home and she would have dinner ready for him. He deserved it. He was the provider after all. Clichés were clichés for a reason. Strength lies in numbers. Behind every great man there has to be a great woman.
Empty phrases that meant nothing to her. Eventually though, they would. She had her mind set on giving them meaning; on living the way she was supposed to. Be a good girl from East Allegheny. Be a good daughter. Be a good wife. And when Jennifer Jareau set her mind on something, she usually got her wish.
Will leaned in to kiss her and she kissed him back. His lips were hard, his beard scratched and his eyes were too light. She still kissed him back. “Conjugal duties” was the euphemism of choice. When she responded to his advances the detective moved his hand up her shirt. Suddenly JJ felt like she could no longer breathe. It wasn’t lust or love. It was fear.
“Stop…”
Still kissing her neck he asked: “What’s wrong Baby?”
Angry she thought: ‘Again with the Baby!’
“I’m sorry…” she pushed him gently but firmly away. “I know I led you on and I swear I thought that this is what I wanted, but…”
“But?”
“Emily.”
“Was just a fling. A distraction. We all have those.” He leaned in again, but JJ said: “No, Will. I mean I don’t think I’m straight.”
“But you were with me. I didn’t imagine you enjoying making Henry.”
“No, you didn’t imagine that.”
“Than what’s the problem? We can get past this, Baby.” This Emily business was starting to really annoy him.
“Now that I know what love is supposed to feel like, what you probably feel for me, I’m sorry, but, it’s just not enough.”
“I’m not enough?” He never heard that before.
“I don’t think any man will ever be again.” JJ had said it before she had thought it through. Now that it was out, she knew it was the truth. Just because she couldn’t have Emily didn’t mean that she had to give up on all women.
“What does she have?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“I’m not sure. I love you Baby and if you tell me what you’re missing maybe I can change.” He was so unbelievably sweet.
“No Will. I don’t want you to. Don’t ever change for a woman no matter how much you think you love her. If she doesn’t love you for who you are, she’s not worth your time.”
“You are worth it.” He smiled, tears in his eyes.
“Thank you, but no. I know that what I had with Emily is over, but what we had is over too. We need to move on.”
“Can we still see each other?” As long as she was in his life, Will could hold on to hope.
“In a platonic way, sure. You’ll always be in my life.”
“And in your heart?”
“As a friend, yes.”
It was better than nothing, he knew that. He still couldn’t help crying.
“You’ve given me the greatest gift I could ever get. You’ve given me Henry.”
“We really did that one right.”
“We did, didn’t we?”
He smiled again. He knew better than to believe that being gay was a phase that would eventually pass. If JJ was truthful and Emily had simply been the person to show her how she could be truly happy, he had to accept it. It didn’t mean that he loved her any less, but all he wanted was JJ’s bliss. Maybe, in time, she would see that he was the person to give her that and if not he might move on too.
“Jay?”
“Yes?”
“I think I’ll need some time, before we can be friends. I really do love you and not being able to be with you, well it hurts a lot.”
“I understand.”
“I’m not sure you do.”
JJ hung her head and before she could help it, she saw Emily before her inner eye.
“I do, Will, I do.”
Remember how I told you guys to watch out for chapters with first names as a title? Well here's another one. Despite the title I doubt anyone will be mad at me for this one :)
Lead the Way - 063 - William
Dinner had been nice, just like old times. For a minute or two JJ had even forgotten about her ex-girlfriend. She had always known that she had shared more than sex with Will. Of course it had never been as intense and complicated as with Emily but she had decided that she would go with the amber rather than the flame, thus making sure that she would never get burned as badly, ever again. During the course of the meal she had reminded herself several times of that.
Afterwards she had invited Will to come over, share a nightcap. She knew that this was the third time they met after she had told him about her breakup. The media liaison was fully aware of the impression she was giving the father of her child. She had every intention of following through.
And why not? Will was a stand up guy with a good heart, a great sense of humor and a steady job. He loved her, that much was obvious. They had a past together they could build on, she liked his family, and he was committed and more than eager to settle down. JJ could see herself ten years from now as if she was looking into a mirror.
She would have given birth to more kids, eventually she would have given up her job and Will would have resumed his duty as a cop. It made more sense that way; she would be away from her job far too much with more than one kid at home. She would spend most of her time in the kitchen or at the very least at home, while her husband would solve crimes and put murderers behind bars. JJ would turn into her mother, no reason to hide from anybody, no bumps on the road and no surprises.
She would get used to the lack of highlights. She would get used to the life of a housewife. She would grow to looking forward when her man came home and she would have dinner ready for him. He deserved it. He was the provider after all. Clichés were clichés for a reason. Strength lies in numbers. Behind every great man there has to be a great woman.
Empty phrases that meant nothing to her. Eventually though, they would. She had her mind set on giving them meaning; on living the way she was supposed to. Be a good girl from East Allegheny. Be a good daughter. Be a good wife. And when Jennifer Jareau set her mind on something, she usually got her wish.
Will leaned in to kiss her and she kissed him back. His lips were hard, his beard scratched and his eyes were too light. She still kissed him back. “Conjugal duties” was the euphemism of choice. When she responded to his advances the detective moved his hand up her shirt. Suddenly JJ felt like she could no longer breathe. It wasn’t lust or love. It was fear.
“Stop…”
Still kissing her neck he asked: “What’s wrong Baby?”
Angry she thought: ‘Again with the Baby!’
“I’m sorry…” she pushed him gently but firmly away. “I know I led you on and I swear I thought that this is what I wanted, but…”
“But?”
“Emily.”
“Was just a fling. A distraction. We all have those.” He leaned in again, but JJ said: “No, Will. I mean I don’t think I’m straight.”
“But you were with me. I didn’t imagine you enjoying making Henry.”
“No, you didn’t imagine that.”
“Than what’s the problem? We can get past this, Baby.” This Emily business was starting to really annoy him.
“Now that I know what love is supposed to feel like, what you probably feel for me, I’m sorry, but, it’s just not enough.”
“I’m not enough?” He never heard that before.
“I don’t think any man will ever be again.” JJ had said it before she had thought it through. Now that it was out, she knew it was the truth. Just because she couldn’t have Emily didn’t mean that she had to give up on all women.
“What does she have?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“I’m not sure. I love you Baby and if you tell me what you’re missing maybe I can change.” He was so unbelievably sweet.
“No Will. I don’t want you to. Don’t ever change for a woman no matter how much you think you love her. If she doesn’t love you for who you are, she’s not worth your time.”
“You are worth it.” He smiled, tears in his eyes.
“Thank you, but no. I know that what I had with Emily is over, but what we had is over too. We need to move on.”
“Can we still see each other?” As long as she was in his life, Will could hold on to hope.
“In a platonic way, sure. You’ll always be in my life.”
“And in your heart?”
“As a friend, yes.”
It was better than nothing, he knew that. He still couldn’t help crying.
“You’ve given me the greatest gift I could ever get. You’ve given me Henry.”
“We really did that one right.”
“We did, didn’t we?”
He smiled again. He knew better than to believe that being gay was a phase that would eventually pass. If JJ was truthful and Emily had simply been the person to show her how she could be truly happy, he had to accept it. It didn’t mean that he loved her any less, but all he wanted was JJ’s bliss. Maybe, in time, she would see that he was the person to give her that and if not he might move on too.
“Jay?”
“Yes?”
“I think I’ll need some time, before we can be friends. I really do love you and not being able to be with you, well it hurts a lot.”
“I understand.”
“I’m not sure you do.”
JJ hung her head and before she could help it, she saw Emily before her inner eye.
“I do, Will, I do.”