I'm a choker. And my dog is a pack-rabbit.
The Kooba Lauren is being sent back. As lovely as the leather and design was, it didn't wear right. I knew it was a slouchy bag, which is why I liked it but it went beyond slouchy to puffed out. Much like my dog and his new bag:
Had my first bar stressed cry yesterday. Came out of nowhere? Right after a phone call where my mom told me to eat and sleep right and I realized I hadn't slept right in a month and that I wouldn't be for another month. It was the first time Styx had seen me cry. He came right over and nosed me, as if to say "Hey, what's wrong?" That made me feel better. Then he licked me (which he knows I don't like) and I scowled at him. That made him feel better. "Everything's back to normal!" He's my infectious happiness disease.
I don't know why the stress? Odds are I'll pass. We have a close to 90% pass rate and there's a strong correlation between your grades and passing. My grades were good enough to swing honors so I shouldn't be in that wretched 10%. But I am stressed nevertheless. That 10% is not just about people who didn't do well in law school and likely don't have a good enough grasp on the foundations to pass. That 10% also includes people who did well in law school but CHOKE. Chokers! I'm a choker! I'll trip and break my brain the day before. I'll sit down at the exam and have everything slosh out my ears. Something. I'm having a hard time keeping up the studies. Then Barbri sent me the NJ materials. I don't have enough time to study for NY dammit. So I won't be studying for NJ. We'll see how that goes.
I wonder, where is that oomph that got me through Thesis? Have I used it up? So quickly? And I realize that's because Thesis stretched my mind, made it work in funny new ways. A worthy opponent brings out my best. Bar prep on the other hand is pure brain rot. Memorize memorize memorize. Then spit. I can't muster the energy for something so unworthy.
You know what's pissing me off/adding to the pressure? Everyone saying "Don't worry, you'll pass Esther." That's the last thing I want to hear. You people are all JINXING ME. The collective force of your confidence will cause the universe to rise up and spite me for the hell of it. And when I choke, not only will I have let myself down, but everyone else. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME WITH DISAPPOINTMENT?
The only one who gets me is my kitty:
"Leave me alone and get to work. Or how will you support me in the manner to which I've become accustomed?"
(I really like this photo for the scowl (or cool cat-like condescension) on his face. But also for how it emphasizes the tail. Yes mals are famed for the plumed tail but this one shows off Styx's special wisp of white that I like so much, like someone dipped it in paint and tried to use it as a brush. It wasn't me I swear!)
Had my first bar stressed cry yesterday. Came out of nowhere? Right after a phone call where my mom told me to eat and sleep right and I realized I hadn't slept right in a month and that I wouldn't be for another month. It was the first time Styx had seen me cry. He came right over and nosed me, as if to say "Hey, what's wrong?" That made me feel better. Then he licked me (which he knows I don't like) and I scowled at him. That made him feel better. "Everything's back to normal!" He's my infectious happiness disease.
I don't know why the stress? Odds are I'll pass. We have a close to 90% pass rate and there's a strong correlation between your grades and passing. My grades were good enough to swing honors so I shouldn't be in that wretched 10%. But I am stressed nevertheless. That 10% is not just about people who didn't do well in law school and likely don't have a good enough grasp on the foundations to pass. That 10% also includes people who did well in law school but CHOKE. Chokers! I'm a choker! I'll trip and break my brain the day before. I'll sit down at the exam and have everything slosh out my ears. Something. I'm having a hard time keeping up the studies. Then Barbri sent me the NJ materials. I don't have enough time to study for NY dammit. So I won't be studying for NJ. We'll see how that goes.
I wonder, where is that oomph that got me through Thesis? Have I used it up? So quickly? And I realize that's because Thesis stretched my mind, made it work in funny new ways. A worthy opponent brings out my best. Bar prep on the other hand is pure brain rot. Memorize memorize memorize. Then spit. I can't muster the energy for something so unworthy.
You know what's pissing me off/adding to the pressure? Everyone saying "Don't worry, you'll pass Esther." That's the last thing I want to hear. You people are all JINXING ME. The collective force of your confidence will cause the universe to rise up and spite me for the hell of it. And when I choke, not only will I have let myself down, but everyone else. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME WITH DISAPPOINTMENT?
The only one who gets me is my kitty:
"Leave me alone and get to work. Or how will you support me in the manner to which I've become accustomed?"
(I really like this photo for the scowl (or cool cat-like condescension) on his face. But also for how it emphasizes the tail. Yes mals are famed for the plumed tail but this one shows off Styx's special wisp of white that I like so much, like someone dipped it in paint and tried to use it as a brush. It wasn't me I swear!)