Midnight of an Alaskan winter
I just went back to my Amanda's live journal for the first time in a while. I saw her beautiful face and the tears started flowing. If God is so good, how can he do this to people. How could he do this to Amanda, and how can he do this to me now, to all of us who love her so dearly. She is a precious star, and I want her to get better, but I don't think i can stand another day of not hearing her beautiful face or seeing her sweet face. She is perfection in my eye, and no doctor can tell me she is sick. Why do they do this to us. they Pick at us, tell us we aren't good enough, that we must daily be better, be amazing, be phenomenal, and then, when the pressure is too much for our poor brains and bodies, why do they then punish us for what they have done. She does not deserve to be locked away from the world, she needs us, as we need her. Why can't I have my Amanda back, she is just the most precious jewel I have ever beheld. To feel her soft body again in my open arms... a dream. A dream that haunts me each night. Amanda, I just want you to know darling, i think about you every minute and miss you and love you. You are my sunshine, my moonlight and my stars. Right now feels like midnight in the course of an Alaskan winter. I love you. But in January, we will see each other again. I will, again, hold you in my arms, and I know I will cry. I can't let go of you, I just can't.