Back to LJ I go
So, given Facebook wants me to no longer be safely anonymous in a small town, I think I'll return to LJ for things I can't say on FB anymore.
Things like... how this morning I was on my way to work, had to move over to let a vehicle pass on the dirt road. Knowing it was my granpa's old truck. Knowing my uncle has that truck.
For just a moment, the way the sunlight and shadow fell across the windshield - I saw my grandfather behind the wheel. I can't explain how real it was that this was my grandpa driving. There was the straw hat, the overalls, the flimsy old tshirt. A huge smile and a wave.
I'm not saying I imagined this - I'm saying my uncle, as he ages, looks more and more like my grandfather as I remember him when I was a teenager.
In two seconds, I was back in 'now', realizing what had just happened. I can't explain how gut wrenching it was to come back to myself and remember Pa has been dead three years. I can't explain that moment of joy I felt and was suddenly gone in a wash of grief. I smiled and waved back, made it 50 yards down the road and fell apart.
Still not emotionally stable, but I'll make it. I just hate being totally blindsided by things like this.
Things like... how this morning I was on my way to work, had to move over to let a vehicle pass on the dirt road. Knowing it was my granpa's old truck. Knowing my uncle has that truck.
For just a moment, the way the sunlight and shadow fell across the windshield - I saw my grandfather behind the wheel. I can't explain how real it was that this was my grandpa driving. There was the straw hat, the overalls, the flimsy old tshirt. A huge smile and a wave.
I'm not saying I imagined this - I'm saying my uncle, as he ages, looks more and more like my grandfather as I remember him when I was a teenager.
In two seconds, I was back in 'now', realizing what had just happened. I can't explain how gut wrenching it was to come back to myself and remember Pa has been dead three years. I can't explain that moment of joy I felt and was suddenly gone in a wash of grief. I smiled and waved back, made it 50 yards down the road and fell apart.
Still not emotionally stable, but I'll make it. I just hate being totally blindsided by things like this.