Labyrinths
Pellinor expressed the intention of "popping out" to IKEA at lunchtime. I have today off work, but had to reluctantly decide to cancel my planned walk, since the back problem that made me cancel Walk the Wight in May has been recurring over the last few weeks - nowhere near as bad as in May, but I have a very strong need to ensure that it gets no worse over the next 10 days or so. "I've never been to IKEA," I said, "and I'm curious about it. I'll go over to Southampton and join you!"
Getting to IKEA was a challenge in itself, since I decided to wander through the newly expanded Westquay shopping centre, which led to a long and frustrating journey of dead ends, accidental carparks, more dead ends, stairs that said that they wouldn't take me to my destination (but which I suspect would have) and lifts that claimed that they would (but didn't bother to come.)
WHAT IS THE POINT OF REVOLVING DOORS?
Once in IKEA, I soon found myself swallowed up in an endless network of mini living rooms, none of which offered a way out. After a while, I noticed arrows on the floor, and followed them. Soon I reached a world of kitchens, and then a metropolis of dining rooms. I continued to follow the arrows... only to find myself back at the kitchens.
Pellinor had promised me a cornucopia of bowls. Nowhere had I seen any bowls, so clearly I had missed out of at least part of the shop. I had also seen no wildling cloaks or plates of meatballs, both of which I knew should be in there somewhere. Why were the arrows betraying me?
Eventually I managed to locate the living rooms again, and from there the entrance again, where I was due to meet Pellinor. There I joined the Lobby Of Parked Menfolk, where I loitered, the only women there. Pellinor appeared. Pellinor clearly has more points in Spot (or is it Search?) than I have, since he boldly led me along a route that had hidden itself from me and towards the restaurant, which I'd never found, and to the stairs. Yes, there was a whole other floor! This immense labyrinth that had consumed me was in fact only half the shop, and there was another lower level of the dungeon to explore. It had bowls in it. (We bought 45.) It also had many mysterious baskets full of Things - Things that had no label and no name; Things that caused us to say, "I don't know what it is, but I think that might possibly be useful. Unless it isn't."
Pellinor, needing to get back to work, went to pay for the trolley of heavy stuff and take it back to his car. I, with more time on my hands, continued to wander, until I decided I'd had enough. Ten minutes and many false turns later, I had located an arrow that directed me to the exit. Ten minutes after that, I had found the exit. I had also found Pellinor, who was still in a queue, and reported that he had moved about 6 inches since joining it countless ages before. Clearly merely "popping into" IKEA is not something that anyone can hope to do. Escaping it is something that deserves a medal. I wonder how many people go in but never come out.
What ARE their meatballs made of, I wonder?
Getting to IKEA was a challenge in itself, since I decided to wander through the newly expanded Westquay shopping centre, which led to a long and frustrating journey of dead ends, accidental carparks, more dead ends, stairs that said that they wouldn't take me to my destination (but which I suspect would have) and lifts that claimed that they would (but didn't bother to come.)
WHAT IS THE POINT OF REVOLVING DOORS?
Once in IKEA, I soon found myself swallowed up in an endless network of mini living rooms, none of which offered a way out. After a while, I noticed arrows on the floor, and followed them. Soon I reached a world of kitchens, and then a metropolis of dining rooms. I continued to follow the arrows... only to find myself back at the kitchens.
Pellinor had promised me a cornucopia of bowls. Nowhere had I seen any bowls, so clearly I had missed out of at least part of the shop. I had also seen no wildling cloaks or plates of meatballs, both of which I knew should be in there somewhere. Why were the arrows betraying me?
Eventually I managed to locate the living rooms again, and from there the entrance again, where I was due to meet Pellinor. There I joined the Lobby Of Parked Menfolk, where I loitered, the only women there. Pellinor appeared. Pellinor clearly has more points in Spot (or is it Search?) than I have, since he boldly led me along a route that had hidden itself from me and towards the restaurant, which I'd never found, and to the stairs. Yes, there was a whole other floor! This immense labyrinth that had consumed me was in fact only half the shop, and there was another lower level of the dungeon to explore. It had bowls in it. (We bought 45.) It also had many mysterious baskets full of Things - Things that had no label and no name; Things that caused us to say, "I don't know what it is, but I think that might possibly be useful. Unless it isn't."
Pellinor, needing to get back to work, went to pay for the trolley of heavy stuff and take it back to his car. I, with more time on my hands, continued to wander, until I decided I'd had enough. Ten minutes and many false turns later, I had located an arrow that directed me to the exit. Ten minutes after that, I had found the exit. I had also found Pellinor, who was still in a queue, and reported that he had moved about 6 inches since joining it countless ages before. Clearly merely "popping into" IKEA is not something that anyone can hope to do. Escaping it is something that deserves a medal. I wonder how many people go in but never come out.
What ARE their meatballs made of, I wonder?