Saving the world one botch die at a time.
We spent the long Easter weekend adventuring in Westeros, finally wrapping up the plot that started some six years ago. Despite many of us proving incapable of throwing any number that wasn't a 1, we managed to piece together the evidence and conclude that Balon Greyjoy was about to rebel against King Robert. In our part of the world, this was to take the form of an enormous attack on the Wall by land and sea, done by wildings and the Brians of Skagos, all armed and coordinated by Iron Islanders. We sent out ravens hither and yon, and all the right people were warned and took appropriate action. Westeros was saved. Yay! Go us!
Yeah, so we possibly woke up and enraged the Others along the way, but who how hard can they be? We also broke the skeleton of the legendary hero who might one day rise with his legendary entourage (also broken) and wield his legendary axe (which we kind of, er, stole) against fell enemies that only he can slay, but who believes in such legends nowadays? Oh, and thanks to our warnings, the Lannisters are far more powerful than they would have been had the Greyjoys hammered them, but they're loyal subjects of King Robert - long may he and his descendants reign - so this can only be good, right?
Along the way we learnt:
- That maester training allows maesters to unerringly hit the 140 character limit of a raven message with no rephrasing or crossing out.
- That there is a very fine line between gnomic wisdom and utter nonsense.
- That walking into a wilding camp saying, "Hi! I'm friends with your sworn enemies!" isn't a very sensible idea. However, if you're accompanied by someone who has just finely honed their bluff skills by getting a bun from the kitchen (no, I don't know how this works, either), the seemingly inevitable disaster can be... er... evited?
- That mastiffs are less effective than they're billed. (Alas, poor Gelert!)
- That off-duty Iron Islanders spend an inordinate amount of time ferrying around loaves of bread
- That the hornier the helmet, the tougher the foe
- The true meaning of "slighting" a castle
- That everything is more difficult when you have wet underwear
Yeah, so we possibly woke up and enraged the Others along the way, but who how hard can they be? We also broke the skeleton of the legendary hero who might one day rise with his legendary entourage (also broken) and wield his legendary axe (which we kind of, er, stole) against fell enemies that only he can slay, but who believes in such legends nowadays? Oh, and thanks to our warnings, the Lannisters are far more powerful than they would have been had the Greyjoys hammered them, but they're loyal subjects of King Robert - long may he and his descendants reign - so this can only be good, right?
Along the way we learnt:
- That maester training allows maesters to unerringly hit the 140 character limit of a raven message with no rephrasing or crossing out.
- That there is a very fine line between gnomic wisdom and utter nonsense.
- That walking into a wilding camp saying, "Hi! I'm friends with your sworn enemies!" isn't a very sensible idea. However, if you're accompanied by someone who has just finely honed their bluff skills by getting a bun from the kitchen (no, I don't know how this works, either), the seemingly inevitable disaster can be... er... evited?
- That mastiffs are less effective than they're billed. (Alas, poor Gelert!)
- That off-duty Iron Islanders spend an inordinate amount of time ferrying around loaves of bread
- That the hornier the helmet, the tougher the foe
- The true meaning of "slighting" a castle
- That everything is more difficult when you have wet underwear