OK,
It's been over a month. So, please tell me, how long am I expected to grieve? Because that seems to be what two of my friends are expecting.
So, there is a guy in one of my classes that I like talking to and find rather attractive. I mean, really, not to the point of wanting to pursue anything. I'm moving out, so what's the point? But I should be able to say, "hey, there's this hot guy" and be able to shoot the wind about him. But I mention how he just got out of a relationship and they immediately start accusing me of rebounding. Which frustrates the hell out of me for two major reasons:
- It means they don't believe me when I say that II can be over Andrew. Which I find rather insulting. Yes, people can delude themselves about a break up. But, really, at some point you do get over someone. I figure, if I don't get heart sick over him anymore and I can talk to him and just enjoy the conversation and still look to my move as an advancement rather than a severance, then I'm pretty well split. Thus, I feel that their insistence that I am rebounding is ignoring not just the fact that I am over him but insisting that I can't be over him.
- This then feeds into my second issue, which I suppose can be expressed as they seem to be believe that any guy I find attractive at this point I cannot pursue because it must be a rebound. There are reasons not to pursue anyone right now, but this logic I don't accept. You shouldn't just rebound on a guy. But if you did find a guy who has the right personality, is funny, witty, and you talk well with, the fact that you just broke up should not negate the possibility of a relationship. Sometimes you meet interesting guys in very long intervals, and sometimes they appear frequently. Anyone with a basic understanding of randomness would recognize that you aren't going to run across a certain personality type at a predicable and measured interval. So, you are just as likely to meet an interesting guy one day as another. That can be four days after your break up or a year after your break up. But to say that I cannot pursue this guy for reasons of a rebound implies that there is some mourning period that I must engage in after a break up.
But why should I mourn if I am not unhappy. If there is no emptiness inside me to express, then shouldn't I move on. Enforced unhappiness seems patently impractical. So, if I am ready to move on, why shouldn't I? And that is what gets me mad. It feels like, at this point, it's no longer a matter of them supporting me but a matter of them restraining me. No longer are they saying it's ok to hurt, just work through it, but instead, "you can't really be over it now, you should still be hurting." I feel like they want me to be sad. Which, obviously, isn't what anyone should want for a friend.
This shouldn't be an issue.