What do you say to a letter like this.... Puzzled, need help!
Ok, I have been a member of an online rpg storyboard game, since I had to leave live action roleplaying because of lack of time, and money. I made a really good friend, that I consider a kindred spirit. We have been online game friends for five years, and this pass Dragon Con 06'. I had the wonderful opporunity to meet her in person. She is absolutely wonderful, smart, and full of surprises. A very delightful character to be around.
This evening she sent me an email stating her distress and sad of some apparent wrong doings that I have committed against her.
I do not like to talk bad about others, but I must admitt that I am guilty of doing such an act about the game owner of the rpg. However, ever word that I have said behind the owner of the game's back, I have also said those words directly to his face. So, I am not ashamed or feel guilty of any wrong doing is doing so. The owner knows my feelings about him and that I also am equal in defending him for when I know he is not guility or it is a cultural misunderstanding. (Note: No one else has ever taken his side.)
To fill you in, the game owner lives in Isreal. He thinks very poorly of American women, he considers most women to be whores, and openly speaks belittling words and actions in the game inplay and out of play. I try my best to smooth things over with the cultural misunderstandings, but this pass September. I got to meet him at Dragon Con as well. My feelings of defending him have changed. Even when he was greeted warmly by us fellow female rpg gamers, he was nice in your face personality, but when you got into a conversation with him, he still acted superior to us. It was very frustrating. It did not help that Dragon Con, gave him some weight in his view point of American women being whores. That did not help at all. So, he did not try or cares to try to be understanding of women, so why should I CARE about attacking him with insults equally back at him. He is the game owner, if he wanted too, at any time he can kick me out of the game. But, he doesn't, because I AM, and have been the only one to take his side or view point on a game situation, or was the middle man between the group. By the way, I have learned that is very tiring......
So, my friends..... I am lost....not really sure how to go about this situation. I have never been put in this setup before in my life. I do not play the power game, that has never been my joy in playing live action roleplaying. Now, I do admit that I am good at the sneaky stuff of roleplaying, but it has been all was ingame. I do not metagame.
This letter sent by my dear friend, accuses me of being a power gamer, and basically metagaming. I do believe though that there are forces working against me, after recieving this letter that some one or a group is creating here say and plotting against me. To what advantage, I DO NOT KNOW. I play the game, it is just a game. Usually when that happens, you must be a threat to them. I have wittnessed it at NERO. But, I really do not see how I am a threat.
Time line for my readers. Supposibly, I have been working against her. I have since September actually dropped from the online rpg game. Which I find weird. Why would I want to backstabb someone when I do not even play the game. I have been away. How can I be talking bad, when I have not been talking to anyone in the game? I see her on IM, so I give her a shout out, that I am doing such and such, or by the way this is what is going on now with my life. But, not any gaming politics. Our group of gaming IM friends, Well, they recieve next to nill on any thing from me. A basic hi there, take care. Is about it. So, why would I spend my time metagaming a game that I have been away from. This is how I AM SO PERPLEXED!
I dearly want to keep her friendship! But, how do I defend my self, in this kind of situation. I am innocent of stated charges against me. On a legal note, can I persue this with the law? I know it is just a game. And, it looks like a case of highschool she said, and he said type stuff. But, I have been wrongful accused, and I would like to prove that I AM INNOCENT. And, I just do not do stuff like that, other than the open attacks on the owner, but the whole group and the owner know this, there is no hiding this behind his back.
So, to those I have listed as my friends in live journal. Live journal is a community of where you post your thoughts, actions, giving and recieving of advice. So, I ask my LJ community the same right now. I need some help.
Please analyze this letter, help me. How do I respond to this letter? I have marked out real names of people to protect their privacy.
Yyyyy,
Maybe it's because I'm tired, or it's a dark day, or work's got me stressed out ... whatever, I think it's time I let you know, you've ripped my feelings to shreds. And every time you leave me an email or an offline-IM acting like you're my friend, it just hurts that much more.
Since before Christmas, our friends have been telling me things (just little stuff) or they've been confused by things they thought I said elsewhere. A month or so ago, it all started to add up. I know, I'm slow. I admit that. But finally it all came back to one source. You. Things you've said about me behind my back ... stuff you told others I said that simply was not true ... I wish I understood why you felt compelled to do it. But right now all I feel is sad.
Before you go back & start cataloging what you said to who, this didn't come to me from just one person. Four or five people have clued me in to things. Some without meaning to, probably. Even Xxxx.
But after a while it got easy to add things up.
I guess I should've realized it earlier. The way you talk about Xxxx
behind his back has bordered on just plain cruel. I know his feelings would be destroyed if he read some of the IMs I have where you trashed him, apologized for him, and explained "what we all have to do since he IS the game master." Don't worry -- I'm not planning on showing him those IMs. I don't happen to think it's fun to hurt other people's feelings.
Maybe that's what you've been doing, I don't know. Doing the same to me that you've done to Xxxx,
since he made me co-owner of the game? Seems like a pretty shallow reason, but I'm grasping at straws here.
I'm not looking for an apology, Yyyyyy.
Understanding would be nice, but I don't hold out much hope for that either. This is the kind of viciousness and backstabbing that I never have understood.
I just wanted you to know that I know. I've always tried to be a friend to you, especially when your back was turned and you were vulnerable. I thought I could count on you to do the same, and it tears me up to find out I was wrong.
I do ask that you stop cutting me up behind my back and lying about me. We're a close group of friends in the game, and that kind of stuff usually gets back to the person it's about. Guess you didn't realize that.
And that's it. This is strictly between you and me. I'm not taking this out to the Moderators or anything like that. I'm not going to sabotage your characters inside the game or any of that kind of petty stuff. You don't have to worry that I'll try to repay you in kind. I don't want to discuss this with you. I don't want you trying to find excuses or ways to justify anything. I just ask you to please stop.
Thank you.
-XXXXXX
So, there is the letter that my rpg friend of five years sent to me out of the blue. How do I respond to a situation like this? Can I take legal action for wrongfulness of my character? I can walk away from this game, I have not played the online game since September anyway. But, I do value my friendship that I have with this person.
Thanks,
Nikita......
This evening she sent me an email stating her distress and sad of some apparent wrong doings that I have committed against her.
I do not like to talk bad about others, but I must admitt that I am guilty of doing such an act about the game owner of the rpg. However, ever word that I have said behind the owner of the game's back, I have also said those words directly to his face. So, I am not ashamed or feel guilty of any wrong doing is doing so. The owner knows my feelings about him and that I also am equal in defending him for when I know he is not guility or it is a cultural misunderstanding. (Note: No one else has ever taken his side.)
To fill you in, the game owner lives in Isreal. He thinks very poorly of American women, he considers most women to be whores, and openly speaks belittling words and actions in the game inplay and out of play. I try my best to smooth things over with the cultural misunderstandings, but this pass September. I got to meet him at Dragon Con as well. My feelings of defending him have changed. Even when he was greeted warmly by us fellow female rpg gamers, he was nice in your face personality, but when you got into a conversation with him, he still acted superior to us. It was very frustrating. It did not help that Dragon Con, gave him some weight in his view point of American women being whores. That did not help at all. So, he did not try or cares to try to be understanding of women, so why should I CARE about attacking him with insults equally back at him. He is the game owner, if he wanted too, at any time he can kick me out of the game. But, he doesn't, because I AM, and have been the only one to take his side or view point on a game situation, or was the middle man between the group. By the way, I have learned that is very tiring......
So, my friends..... I am lost....not really sure how to go about this situation. I have never been put in this setup before in my life. I do not play the power game, that has never been my joy in playing live action roleplaying. Now, I do admit that I am good at the sneaky stuff of roleplaying, but it has been all was ingame. I do not metagame.
This letter sent by my dear friend, accuses me of being a power gamer, and basically metagaming. I do believe though that there are forces working against me, after recieving this letter that some one or a group is creating here say and plotting against me. To what advantage, I DO NOT KNOW. I play the game, it is just a game. Usually when that happens, you must be a threat to them. I have wittnessed it at NERO. But, I really do not see how I am a threat.
Time line for my readers. Supposibly, I have been working against her. I have since September actually dropped from the online rpg game. Which I find weird. Why would I want to backstabb someone when I do not even play the game. I have been away. How can I be talking bad, when I have not been talking to anyone in the game? I see her on IM, so I give her a shout out, that I am doing such and such, or by the way this is what is going on now with my life. But, not any gaming politics. Our group of gaming IM friends, Well, they recieve next to nill on any thing from me. A basic hi there, take care. Is about it. So, why would I spend my time metagaming a game that I have been away from. This is how I AM SO PERPLEXED!
I dearly want to keep her friendship! But, how do I defend my self, in this kind of situation. I am innocent of stated charges against me. On a legal note, can I persue this with the law? I know it is just a game. And, it looks like a case of highschool she said, and he said type stuff. But, I have been wrongful accused, and I would like to prove that I AM INNOCENT. And, I just do not do stuff like that, other than the open attacks on the owner, but the whole group and the owner know this, there is no hiding this behind his back.
So, to those I have listed as my friends in live journal. Live journal is a community of where you post your thoughts, actions, giving and recieving of advice. So, I ask my LJ community the same right now. I need some help.
Please analyze this letter, help me. How do I respond to this letter? I have marked out real names of people to protect their privacy.
Yyyyy,
Maybe it's because I'm tired, or it's a dark day, or work's got me stressed out ... whatever, I think it's time I let you know, you've ripped my feelings to shreds. And every time you leave me an email or an offline-IM acting like you're my friend, it just hurts that much more.
Since before Christmas, our friends have been telling me things (just little stuff) or they've been confused by things they thought I said elsewhere. A month or so ago, it all started to add up. I know, I'm slow. I admit that. But finally it all came back to one source. You. Things you've said about me behind my back ... stuff you told others I said that simply was not true ... I wish I understood why you felt compelled to do it. But right now all I feel is sad.
Before you go back & start cataloging what you said to who, this didn't come to me from just one person. Four or five people have clued me in to things. Some without meaning to, probably. Even Xxxx.
But after a while it got easy to add things up.
I guess I should've realized it earlier. The way you talk about Xxxx
behind his back has bordered on just plain cruel. I know his feelings would be destroyed if he read some of the IMs I have where you trashed him, apologized for him, and explained "what we all have to do since he IS the game master." Don't worry -- I'm not planning on showing him those IMs. I don't happen to think it's fun to hurt other people's feelings.
Maybe that's what you've been doing, I don't know. Doing the same to me that you've done to Xxxx,
since he made me co-owner of the game? Seems like a pretty shallow reason, but I'm grasping at straws here.
I'm not looking for an apology, Yyyyyy.
Understanding would be nice, but I don't hold out much hope for that either. This is the kind of viciousness and backstabbing that I never have understood.
I just wanted you to know that I know. I've always tried to be a friend to you, especially when your back was turned and you were vulnerable. I thought I could count on you to do the same, and it tears me up to find out I was wrong.
I do ask that you stop cutting me up behind my back and lying about me. We're a close group of friends in the game, and that kind of stuff usually gets back to the person it's about. Guess you didn't realize that.
And that's it. This is strictly between you and me. I'm not taking this out to the Moderators or anything like that. I'm not going to sabotage your characters inside the game or any of that kind of petty stuff. You don't have to worry that I'll try to repay you in kind. I don't want to discuss this with you. I don't want you trying to find excuses or ways to justify anything. I just ask you to please stop.
Thank you.
-XXXXXX
So, there is the letter that my rpg friend of five years sent to me out of the blue. How do I respond to a situation like this? Can I take legal action for wrongfulness of my character? I can walk away from this game, I have not played the online game since September anyway. But, I do value my friendship that I have with this person.
Thanks,
Nikita......