Quicksand 2/13
Title: Quicksand
Authors: herohunter and ladydreamer
Pairing: Clex
Rating: Generally PG, and NC-17 in parts
Warning: mpreg
Summary: One cold November evening, twelve years after Lex Luthor left Smallville and Clark Kent behind, the two meet in Centennial Park… as Lex is walking home with his daughter.
Thanks to our beta lexalicious, and to lapetite-kiki for the beautiful cover for the fic.
Part Two
Lex put one arm around Clark and one around his daughter and led them into the living room. "Welcome to family movie night. A Luthorian tradition going way way waaaay back-"
"For about a year. Maybe," Athena finished with a giggle.
"Well, longer if you count the movie nights that Clark and I used to have," Lex mused. He took them all over to the large sofa and stepped away to set up the dvd. Athena flopped on the couch and pulled Clark's hand so he would sit with her.
"We used to sit with this huge bowl of popcorn," Clark started telling Athena as he sat by her. "Or I did; Lex only pecked here and there, and I'm not exaggerating when I say those were my favorite nights of the week. Usually, when Lex decided to expand my culture and play those boring existentialist movies, I'd pass right out and it would become a sleep over." He chuckled. "It was great."
"The joke's on you. I just wanted to keep you there longer. He had a room at the castle that I'd made up for him," Lex informed them, going back to the sofa with the remote in hand. He snuggled up next to his daughter and started the dvd. "Only sleepovers I ever had."
"So you were antisocial and wild life of the party? That's hard to do," Athena commented.
"Exhausting," Lex said emphatically.
Clark chuckled, looking at them and wanting to snuggle up as well. Only with Lex he wanted to do so much more, but, again, he would take what he could get. He tried to focus on the movie, but his attention drifted back to Lex more times than he had even anticipated.
Not too far into the movie, Athena's mouth dropped open. "That's racist! Shut up and leave him alone!" she cried indignantly.
Lex bit his lip and gave Clark an extremely amused look. She could be quiet in a theatre, but they did chatter sometimes during the movie when they were at home by themselves.
"Imperialist jerk," she complained more softly as she leaned back on her father, watching intently. Lex petted her hair with a big grin.
Clark's chest swelled up. For some reason, Lex's daughter's opinions on aliens mattered to him, and he was glad to see her defending the Dracs so passionately. He practically beamed at Lex.
The movie continued, and Athena seemed taken in by the story, and both characters, who she talked to every so often. Lex kept looking down and watching her face for her reaction, almost as much as he was watching the movie. When the human finally returned from his exploration and met with the Drac who had stayed behind, her eyes widened as he began to speak of new life. And when the human realized what was going on, her hands flew to her mouth. "He's pregnant? Oh my Go- Don't laugh at him! How mean!"
"Yes, kitten, never laugh at a man for being pregnant," Lex advised with a gentle smile. He wanted to squeeze her to him and cover her with kisses. She was such a smart girl.
"Can you imagine how scared Jerry is?" Clark asked, leaning just a little closer to Athena. "He's in a strange place and vulnerable, and he can't help what's happening with his body."
"That's just awful." Athena wiggled back into the sofa, from where she had leaned forward watching the movie, so that she was leaning against them both. "Doesn't he need a doctor? And a hospital?"
"Well, babies come wherever they decide to come," Lex said with a shrug.
"Poor Jerry," Athena whispered, pulling her legs up to her chest. Lex wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and his hand brushed against Clark's chest. He turned his head and gave Clark a knowing look. Athena was not going to like what happened.
Clark thinned his lips and nodded at Lex. He reached out and covered one of her hands with his. His free arm he lay stretched on the back of the sofa and he touched Lex's shoulder, pulling the two of them slightly to him. "It's alright, sweetheart," he said soothingly.
As the movie progressed, Lex could feel her little breaths coming closer together as she watched them hopefully and squeezed Clark's hand when Jerry was attacked by an animal, crying in dismay "Oh no!" She smiled as Jerry taught the human his lineage, and then when the two of them were in the cave and Jerry cried out in pain, she gasped. And Lex cringed hard.
"Davidge will help him, right?" she asked.
"Davidge will do the best he can, Princess," Clark told her, caressing her hand. "It's all anyone can do." He felt his own eyes begin to water. Damn movie, still making him cry after all these years, even if this time, Athena's concern and openly displayed emotions were fueling is just as much as the movie.
"No no no, Jerry, your baby needs you," she chanted softly.
Lex's eyes were shining, and he held his daughter tightly. Then Jerry died, and Athena made a soft whimper, and he pulled her to his chest. "Oh, Kitten," he muttered, unable to say much, or he would start to cry himself. He'd gone rather pale, but he continued to kiss the top of her head. "Baby girl, look, there..."
She looked up through watery eyes to see the little baby Drac that Davidge had pulled out of Jerry. "But she doesn't have her Dad!"
"But the baby made it, and that's all that was important to Jerry then, that his child would be safe, and would have someone there to love and protect it," Lex said. Athena curled against him, and she didn't see when a tear rolled down his cheek.
Clark, who had been watching Lex and Athena, did see it. He touched Lex's cheek and gently wiped it dry with his thumb. He would never know it, but he figured that the bond between a parent and their child changed people, made them at the same time stronger and more fragile. "His life, his legacy will go on through the baby," he said softly.
Lex looked to Clark, feeling suddenly exposed and embarrassed for his display of emotion, but when he met Clark's eyes he just sighed and gave him a sad smile and a nod.
Clark's own tears fell, and he had a brief thought of what the League would think of Superman bawling over an old Sci-Fi movie, but they all had their weaknesses, and his happened to be Kryptonite, Lex Luthor, movies where good aliens died and now, Athena Luthor.
Athena continued to murmur concern for the baby Drac, Zamis, through the rest of the film and glared angrily when they showed the enslaved Dracs. When Davidge finally saved the child, and they were singing together on the planet, she cried again, but didn't seem as distressed as she had before. Lex rubbed her back anyway and kissed her temple. "I'm sorry it made you upset, kitten."
"No, it's a really good movie," she argued and turned around to hug Lex tightly. She didn't let go.
Clark took the opportunity to get up. "I'm going to use your guest bathroom," he told Lex, spun around and left the room. He had to get over it already; it was just a movie. He washed his face and smoothed his hair back a little.
Lex kissed her cheek and let his daughter cry quietly for a moment as he continued to rub her back.
"Is Clark okay?" Her voice came muffled against his shoulder.
"I dunno, kitten. This movie gets to him." Lex paused. "He was adopted himself, you know."
"I don't want him to have nightmares," she said. Then she looked up and took a breath.
"You're a very sweet, empathetic little girl, you know that?" Lex smiled at her proudly.
Father and daughter were still snuggled together when Clark returned, so he took his seat but so close to them as he had been. "How are you doing, sweetheart?" he asked her tenderly.
Athena climbed off her father and went over to hug Clark around the neck. "I'm better. How are you?"
"Oh." Clark smiled and held her in his arms. "I cried harder the first time, but I was sixteen at the time, and things were different. But like you, I had your father to help me feel better." He spied over at Lex. A father.
Lex felt a tightness in his chest, a warmth at the sight of them together, and then it gave him a funny feeling in his stomach. He wanted this. The three of them. Together. Clark just looked right with her in his arms.
"I remember there being ice cream involved in making you feel better," Lex said teasingly.
Clark chuckled as he caressed her long, dark hair. "Ice cream helped. But you helped more."
Lex stood up and sat down closer to Clark. He reached up and ran his fingers through Clark's hair. "Would this help?"
"Hmm..." Clark blinked at Lex a couple of times, then looked at Athena. When she did not complain, he slowly rested his head on Lex's shoulder. "Yeah." It did help. Clark had never felt like he belonged anywhere else but wherever Lex was. "Thank you."
"No problem, Clark." Lex continued to card his fingers through Clark's dark curls, smiling softly. He had just willingly made his life more complicated, but maybe it would be okay. Clark had been pretty understanding so far. After a few moments of long silence, he looked down at his daughter, who seemed to be drooling on Clark's chest. "We have a snoozer."
"Hm?" Clark looked over and smiled, then made sure that Athena was comfortable in his arms before he looked up at Lex. "She's perfect, Lex. I'm in love," he whispered.
“I'm really glad the two of you get along." Lex touched her shoulder lightly. "She's very friendly and open with everyone. You know. The opposite of me." He paused, scratching the back of Clark's head. "She's my life. I'm so proud of her."
"You should be," Clark said firmly, but keeping his voice low not to wake her. "Her being friendly and open is a testament to your parenting. You've done really well. I'm proud of you." His eyes lowered to Lex's lips before going back to his eyes.
"I took the Lionel and Lillian Handguide to Parenting and did everything backwards from there," Lex said dryly. "But thank you. I can't tell you what it means to me for you to say that. You've always been good with kids."
Clark nodded. "I like children. How old is Athena? She acts thirty, though I'm not surprised," he chuckled.
Lex returned the laugh. "She's eleven. I know, she acts like a little adult. Her teachers tell me that all the time."
"Eleven?" Clark arched his eyebrows. Lex had wasted no time when he arrived in Europe, then. He frowned a little but would not let that upset him. "If you'd like, you both should visit the farm with me some day. If you think she'd like it."
"Well, now that the Kryptonite's gone, I don't think that would be a problem. She's curious about everything. She'll find a way to have a good time, though I remember her liking the countryside when she was little." Lex pointed to the painting that Athena showed him earlier. "That's when I made this one."
"She told me about it; it's beautiful. You paint beautifully, Lex."
"I..." Lex decided to take the complement. "Thank you, Clark. I did quite a bit of practice on my lines when I was in Paris. So many people to draw there."
"Did you paint the barn from memory?" Clark asked, not even trying to pretend he had not recognized the other painting.
Lex stiffened, then chastised himself. Of course Clark had seen it. "Yes, I did. It was a familiar sight."
"It's good to know you've thought of me," Clark whispered. "Because I thought of you all the time."
"I kind of hoped that you did as well. I know that's incredibly selfish of me."
"Probably. But I wasn't exactly selfless at the time, so I don't know. We were young."
"Heh." Lex looked up over his apartment quietly. "Do you want to spend the night in the guestroom?"
Clark pulled his head up, surprised. "I..." He looked down at the mop of black hair on his chest and decided that even he could allow himself a happiness here and there. "Yes. I'd love to."
"I um... I decorated the guestroom like your old room. It should be comfortable," Lex informed him. "Hope she doesn't have nightmares. Hope you don't. Do you want to watch the other movie or are you tired too?"
"I'm not too tired, are you?" Clark caressed Athena's hair. "Should we put her down?"
"Yeah, let's do. She was running around playing soccer earlier. No wonder she's tired." Lex moved away from Clark slowly, and his body seemed to miss his weight. As he stood, he lifted Athena up in his arms gently so that Clark could move.
Clark had hoped to carry her to bed, but he understood that he was a guest and a friend, and that Lex would not want to change his routine just because. "Should I...?"
"What? Oh..." Lex looked at Clark for a moment. "Do you want to carry her? You can probably do it more smoothly than I can."
"Yes," Clark said instantly, and took Athena into his arms again. She weighed nothing, looked like an angel when she slept, and cuddled up against his broad chest in her sleep. "So in love, Lex," he said with a loving smile, and dipped his head to kiss her forehead. On the way from straightening, his lips brushed Lex's cheek and then he pulled back. "I've missed you. If this is a second chance, thank you."
Lex followed Clark into the room, looking over his shoulder at his girl. "I don't think we had a proper first chance," he murmured. He flip on the little reading lamp clipped to her bedpost and drew back the covers.
"I agree. Are you going to change her or is she okay to sleep like this?" Clark kissed her forehead again before he bent down over her bed and laid her gently on it.
"She'll probably sleep the night if I can get her into her nightgown." Lex walked over to her white dresser with flowers painted over the side, opened the second drawer, and pulled out a soft blue nightgown with embroidery on the front of a kitty sleeping on a cloud. "Here we go." He laid it on the bed and began to take off her jeans very carefully.
Clark watched Lex's hands, moving so expertly as he cared for his daughter. He watched the love and devotion on Lex's face, and it made him smile. Lex was happy, that much was apparent.
After that, he removed her sweater and slipped the gown over her head. She made a soft noise as he pulled the gown down and fluttered her eyes open. "Dad?"
"Yes, kitten. You fell asleep," Lex whispered, tugging the hem of the gown down her legs. He draped the cover over her. "Warm?"
"Mm." She nodded sleepily and closed her eyes again, causing Lex to smile widely.
He leaned over to kiss her forehead. "I love you, baby."
"Love you... too, Daddy."
Lex rubbed his upper lip with his index finger and nodded. "Sweet dreams, kitten."
"Dad?"
Lex leaned forward. "Yes?"
Her hand reached over and felt over his head gently as she smiled. He let her touch with an indulgent smile, and when she was finished, he leaned over to give her a hug and another kiss. "Sleep well."
"You too, Dad. No nightmares or migraines for either of you."
Lex chuckled softly. "If I have either, I'll come climb in your bed so you can comfort me."
Athena smiled as her head felt to the side, and she was asleep again.
"Gosh, Lex," Clark whispered, backing away slowly so they could let her sleep. "You two are adorable. Do you get migraines often?" he asked, worried. It was the second mention that night.
Lex turned off the light and shut the door, leaving it open enough to give her privacy while he could still hear if she had a nightmare. "No, I don't really. Not often. Oh!" He shook his head realizing why Clark was concerned. "That's just a joke. When she was small, I always told her that one day I had a horrible migraine and she just sprouted out of my head. It's the origin story of Athena, if you remember. She used to ask me to tell it to her every night."
"Ohh!" Clark nodded. "That's cute. Are we going back to the entertainment room?"
"I was heading that way, yes." Lex looked up at him. "Do you want to check out your room?"
"Um, sure." Clark wished he could tell Lex about what and who he really was; that way he could go home and grab a change of clothes in a second, but... All in good time.
Lex walked down the hall to the guest room and held the door open for Clark. He kept it dusted and vacuumed, not that they had many visitors, but Athena hadn't been kidding about his nervous cleaning. He was a bit finicky about keeping their home tidy, though he wondered if that wasn't just the effect of being essentially a stay at home dad for over a decade now.
The room was elegant and large, decorated in red but not flooded in color. The furniture arrangement reminded Clark of 'his' bedroom at the castle as he stepped inside and looked around. He could almost see his old boots left by the bed and an imaginary flannel shirt on the bed. Over the bed, there was another one of Lex's paintings; Clark already could identify the style. It portrayed two men on the old windmill and looking at the distant view of Metropolis. Their faces were unseen but one of the men wore a long, black coat and the other, a red flannel shirt. Clark stood facing it and smiled softly. "You kept me around," he whispered.
"I uh..." Lex took a few steps in so his back was to Clark, but his heart sped up. His eyes drifted to the painting, remembering of often he had sketched himself and Clark, how many drawings he had torn up and thrown away. He'd thrown away nearly all the ones of Clark's face, because he couldn't bear to have that hanging around without going back to see him in the flesh. "You were on my mind."
Clark watched the back of Lex's head for a moment, then stepped forward and hugged Lex's shoulders from behind. If Lex told him to let go he would. "I wore the watch every day," he said, brushing his cheek to Lex's. "And your mother's box is in my living room, over the TV. You were on my mind, too."
"I'm glad you wore the watch, although sometimes I'd hoped you'd thrown it out into a field or smashed it. That you'd decided to hate me and move on." Lex's hands went up to touch Clark's arms. "I'm... glad that you kept the box, too. That one meant the most. My mother got it for me, but she was unable to give it to me in person. On my twelfth birthday, she had my father give it to me, because she was pregnant with my little brother, ill, and very depressed. He told me to take all of my fears and put them in that box. For a long time, that was what I did. I put all my fears, worries, and insecurities in there."
"And you gave it to me," Clark said softly, eyes still on the painting. "Believe me, your gestures may have gone right through me at the time, but they don't anymore. I like that painting," he added with a sigh.
"I call it 'Tilting at Windmills'... because I am a ridiculous man. And you were sixteen when I gave you that box. It's a bit much to ask of you, actually." Lex let himself lean back on Clark. This was right where he had always wanted to be.
"You're not nor have you ever been ridiculous, Lex. Romantic, maybe, but never ridiculous." Clark gave Lex a light squeeze. "I tried hating you, but the truth is that I never could blame you for leaving."
Lex sighed, thinking that he would like to tell Clark why he'd really had to leave Smallville, and the country, but he kept it to himself for the moment. If they became as close as they once were, as quickly as they had before, he would feel the right time to tell Clark soon enough.
"I blamed your father," Clark went on, "and mine, as well as my mother... Desirée... And me."
"Clark," he admonished gently, turning his head a little to look at him. "You shouldn't blame yourself. It was never your fault, what happened. Any of it."
Clark's eyes flickered over to Lex's. "What Desirée did wasn't my fault, Lex, but I think she did it to tear us apart, and I let it happen. That was my fault. I let my parents fill my head with doubts about you against my instincts, and that was my fault. I let you close yourself off when I was the person who knew you best, and I let you leave without me. That was my fault."
"I'm sure she did it to tear us apart. She couldn't keep control of me when you were around. I remember her having to use her power on me several times... during... just to regain my attention," Lex admitted. "But I was the one who chose to leave. I was the one who didn't let you in when I needed... I needed help, and I was the one who told you that you couldn't come with me."
"I wish you had let me," Clark said softly. "But you got Athena and she's a treasure. My life changed after you left; I left Smallville myself not long after that and traveled the world. I couldn't stay there, the whole place made me feel guilty all the time, and I had to broaden my horizons and grow up."
"She is a treasure. She's been worth every part of this fatherhood deal." Lex turned a little more in Clark's arms so that they were facing each other and pressed his hands on Clark's chest. "Where did you go?"
"Everywhere. Africa, Asia, you name it. I learned languages, wrote about the people I met and began to get publish in local papers wherever I was... When I came home, I had so many articles under my belt that the Planet hired me right away." Clark lowered his hands to the middle of Lex's back, smiling for being allowed to hold him like this. "You're bigger."
"Bigger?" Lex raised a brow in amusement. Clark didn't know the half of it. "I like to think I kept my girlish figure rather intact," he joked. Then he shook his head. "I'm older. I work out, but not a lot. You're one to talk about getting bigger. I always thought that you could model, Clark. You current size has done nothing to disabuse me of this notion."
Clark laughed softly. "I was still a growing boy, as it turns out. I usually hunch down a little, but I forgot to do it with you and Athena."
"Well, I like you tall. You're the one person I never minded looking up to," Lex informed him.
"Thanks. And by the way, I didn't mean fatter, but your shoulders are broader. I like it, you were kinda skinny back then..." Clark watched Lex's eyes, mouth, his entire face. "Athena's gonna be tall, I can tell."
Lex moved his hands up and squeezed Clark's shoulders as he grinned. "I know you didn't mean that. Don't worry. I was quite the rail back then. I think she will be tall, too. She's grown up so fast..."
"I'm sure it seems like it to you. Tomorrow I have to ask her to show me her baby photos. She has them, right?" Clark tilted his head to the side. "Unless you intend to kick me out after sunrise," he joked.
"As soon as the rooster crows," Lex quipped in return. "I could bring the photo album in here, if you'd like. You said you weren't tired?"
Clark shook his head. "I'm not. Bring it over, but leave her something to show me. I have a feeling she'll like that." Clark reluctantly let go of Lex.
Rolling his shoulders, Lex went to the library to get the photo albums, leaving one of Athena's soccer pictures so that she could show it to Clark tomorrow. He smoothed his hand over the leather binding a bit nervously, then headed back to Clark's room.
Clark had sat on the bed with his legs crossed and he smiled brightly as Lex came back into the room. "Lex, you're a dad!" he exclaimed with awe.
"You just now discovered this?" Lex laughed and sat on the bed with him, crossing his own legs underneath himself. "Or was pulling out the baby pictures the final straw in this determination?"
"I'm still in shock," Clark told Lex, patting his knee and then rubbing it. "A good shock, because your little girl is wonderful, but still. I don't know if I ever expected you to have a kid."
"If it hadn't fallen in my lap, I probably wouldn't have chosen to, actually," Lex said, opening up the baby album. "When I was twenty-two, I thought I would be a horrible father. I didn't like to hear kids screaming anywhere. I was selfish. I couldn't even imagine it. Not to mention I was terrified of the idea of becoming my father or my mother."
"If I could have kids," Clark said with conviction, "I would have wanted to have one with you, somehow. But I don't think I can."
Lex looked up at him with a little frown and large eyes. "If... Clark, I..."
Clark smiled sadly. "I know, crazy, right? But you were my best friend, Lex, and you didn't think you liked kids, but you did. You've always been a good person."
"Maybe I just didn't like bratty kids. I like them even less now that I've had Athena, who has actually shushed a kid in a theatre before." Lex wrapped his arm around Clark's back and looked at the album. "It isn't crazy, Clark. That's the first picture I have of her. Good God, she was tiny then. Although, she was long. I knew then she'd be tall."
"Oh, what a cute baby," Clark said, touching the edge of the photograph and leaning on Lex. "How did you ever let her grow up?" he asked playfully.
"I think it's the eye rolling that made it happen," Lex said. His fingers brushed over the edges of the pages. "Athena is so perfect, sometimes, if I didn't know better, I'd say she had to have come from someone else."
Clark clicked his tongue and gave Lex a frown. "Stop. She has your eyes and your wit. She's so yours, Lex."
"She has her grandmother's nose, too," Lex added. "There we are in front of the Louvre. She's peeking out of her sling. Very touristy picture, but I took her for walks all the time. You'd be surprised at how unremarkable it is to see a bald man in black in Paris or New York."
"It's a great photo," Clark whispered, his throat and chest feeling suddenly tight. This had happened to Lex, this wonderful thing, and he had never even known about it. He had missed Lex, but he had never known just all that he had missed.
"We... we should visit Paris sometime. Did you ever make it there? I considered going home after my father died..." Lex turned the page then looked up at Clark again and rubbed his back a little. "Didn't work out. Funny we were traveling at about the same time. We stayed in Europe, though."
Clark nodded. "I've been to Europe but not Paris. You look happy."
"I was very tired, but I was so happy to have her," Lex agreed. "My days became a lot brighter with her in them."
"It's quite obvious," Clark muttered, watching years of Lex's life pass in pictures.
Lex paused on a picture of Athena at five years old covered in his paints and laughed. "I'm showing this one to her first boyfriend. Or girlfriend."
Clark laughed and nodded. "You should. You should frame this and put it in your mysterious bedroom."
"My bedroom is mysterious?" Lex asked.
"Athena said you're weird about it. And that it's purple."
"She's allowed to go in there. I prefer her friends and strangers not go in there. Maybe that's what she's referring to," Lex explained. "It is purple though. There aren't exactly prancing faeries on the walls."
"No?" Clark leaned his head on Lex's shoulder and leered playfully. "You disappoint me, Lex."
"We can put the prancing faeries in your room," Lex replied, patting the side of Clark's head.
"Ah, yes. And unicorns, can I have some of those?" Clark asked, nuzzling the side of Lex's neck and inhaling against his skin once.
Sometimes, Lex thought, Clark just turned into a big puppy. He scratched the hair above Clark's ear. "Sure. Pink unicorns. Prancing faeires. Glitter paint on the walls."
"RED unicorns," corrected Clark, dropping his head to Lex's lap and flipping another page in the book. "I love these pictures, Lex. I love your daughter, too. How long have you been in Metropolis? I came back four years ago."
"Hm. Let's see... Athena was about six, then... We've been here for five years. Came back a little before you did, it seems."
"Hmm..." Clark nodded and took one of Lex's hands in his. "You've always been a good pillow. What about her mother, Lex? Is she still alive?"
Lex took a breath. "No, she died when Athena was a baby."
"Oh." Clark looked up at Lex. "I'm sorry."
Swallowing and looking on a picture of Athena trotting through the streets of Italy in a red dress and black shoes, Lex felt like a horrible friend. It was true. Desirée did die when Athena was an infant, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to volunteer the information that Desirée was Athena's mother, or Lex's best guess of who Athena's mother was, just yet.
"It's all right. I wouldn't have trusted her with my daughter. I would have liked for Athena to have another parent, but you can't wave a wand and make a good one appear. Going back before my father died would have been a bad idea, also, because he would have killed me and raised her himself. He would have had to, in order for him to have any influence on her."
Clark nodded. He believed that Lionel would have, too. "I'm glad she has you," he said firmly.
"Thank you, Clark." Lex squeezed Clark's knee. "You've always been a good friend."
"You too, Lex." Clark finished looking at the photos and smiled up at Lex. "Mind if I get copies of some of them?"
"I do still have the negatives... and the disks after I switched to digital. You can definitely have copies." Lex threaded his fingers through Clark's bangs and back through his hair. This man was so beautiful, and Lex was so glad that he had an interest in Athena. It gave him hope.
"Does she sleep through the night?" Clark asked with a sigh. He had always loved it when Lex touched him, especially his hair.
"Unless she has a nightmare. She has a very active imagination; her mind never shuts off. Sometimes it's hard to get her to sleep, but when she does, she sleeps like the dead."
"That's good." Clark closed the photo album and turned so he would be looking up at Lex. "What do you do, Lex?"
"What do you mean, what do I do?" Lex asked.
"For work. I was also not allowed to see your study."
"Oh. Well, I'm not exactly employed. I keep abreast of political discussion and scientific breakthroughs regarding metahumans, and I enter into research projects for individuals like Jodi, if I can, to help solve their problems so they can live in society. Occasionally, I write bitchy letters to Congress regarding their legal decisions about metahumans and how the police are allowed to treat them," Lex explained. "Although LuthorCorp collapsed after my father died, I've been able to keep and invest a little money here and there, and additionally, I've ended up getting a few medical patents from my research projects, which have been applicable to the general population. I've been able to start a college fund for Athena that is doing rather well. We're comfortable."
"Wow. That's great that you're doing all this for metahumans. I try to write articles about that as often as I can. People can't be ignorant and think that every metahuman will go crazy on them."
"Yes," Lex said with a smile. "I've read them. You have quite the flare for writing. I never would have thought it, given how Chloe used to have to pull your hair to get you to turn in your articles. I suppose you just weren't comfortable with her style of journalism at the time. That and reporting on school menus probably isn't very exciting."
Clark chuckled. "Chloe was more interested in exposés that didn't necessarily help anyone but her and her collection at the time, or at least that was what I thought. I wasn't interested in exposing metahumans just for the sake of exposing them, and I really had no idea how I could help anyone at all. I've learned since then."
"Well, I'm glad that you have because you have quite a bit of writerly talent. You've done a lot of good for the community. Did you have a hand in turning Chloe around?" Lex licked his lips. "You may or may not be pleased to know that I have all of your articles neatly clipped and preserved in a binder in my mysterious purple room."
"You do?" Clark raised his head, caught between shock and glee. "Lex, why didn't you ever call me?"
"I'm a coward," Lex replied flatly.
Clark shook his head, exhaled through his nose and touched Lex's chest through his shirt. "First time, then," he declared, looking into Lex's eyes. He then leaned in and gave Lex's lips a quick kiss; he just had to. "By the way," he said as he sat up completely, picked up the photo album and got up to put the album on the dresser so he would not accidentally damage it. "Chloe's a big-name reporter in Gotham now. She's really happy there, and I won't be surprised if she gets her first Pulitzer soon."
"That's... good to hear," Lex said absently. It was hard for him to concentrate on Chloe at the moment. Clark had just kissed him for the first time since Desirée had practically raped them both. "Hope the big Bat is keeping her out of trouble."
Clark laughed. "More like she bugs him on a daily basis, but I think they've established an unspoken truce." He returned to the bed and lay on his right side facing Lex, his hand supporting the side of his head. "She'll be happy to know you and I have met again."
Lex folded his hands in his lap. "I'm glad that you have friends. Do the two of you talk regularly? What about Pete? Do you have any friends in the city?"
"We do." Clark shook his head. "But Pete left Smallville when his parents got divorced. The last I heard, he was thinking of going into politics, but I don't know how that went. I don't really have friends, no. There's my partner, Lois, who's abrasive and nosy, but she's a good person. We're not really friends, though. How about you? Are monks allowed friends?" he asked with a teasing smile.
"Yes, Clark, I'm pretty much a rabid socialite and Metropolis' most eligible bachelor. That's why you've seen my face everywhere since you returned to the city," Lex replied dryly. He shook his head. "I don't have friends. That isn't much of a change since we left off though, is it? Other than you, you anomaly."
"You have no idea," Clark said with a wide grin and rolled onto his back, holding his hands together behind his head. He chuckled again.
Lex closed his eyes as he laughed. "I should have called you."
Clark briefly sucked his lower lip into his mouth and ran his right hand up and down Lex's arm. "Yes, you should have. I missed you like crazy."
"I think it's obvious that I missed you. I'm sorry, Clark." He opened his eyes and looked over Clark's reclining form, his bright, beautiful green tinged eyes that no one else in the world had, his plump and rosy lips. Lex shivered as his mind imagined climbing over Clark and kissing those inviting lips as he unbuttoned Clark's jeans. He would stroke Clark to readiness. He would lower himself onto Clark’s large, uncut cock and make a low, lusty groan. They’d both moan as Lex moved himself up and down on top of Clark, and Clark’s hands would cover Lex’s narrow (although not as narrow as they used to be) hips and squeeze them possessively. They would come hard and fast, almost together, because it had been so long for both of them.
Lex bit his lip and touched Clark’s hand. He wouldn't be hiding in Europe for the next year. He didn’t have to do that anymore, and he couldn’t leave Clark again. “I’m sorry,” he murmured again with a sigh, squeezing Clark’s hand.
Clark took a deep breath, pulled Lex's hand to his lips and kissed it slowly. "You're forgiven. And now I need you to forgive me."
"What for?" Lex asked with a frown.
"Because..." Clark kissed Lex's hand again. He had long before promised himself that if he ever saw Lex again that he would say a few things that had needed to be said right from the start. Now was his chance. "Because I wasn't always--because I was hardly ever honest with you, Lex. I'm a liar. Still today, right now, I'm a sham, a fake. And I'm sorry for it."
"Well, we both know that I haven't always been honest with you, Clark. I trusted that you would be if I were ever in danger or it mattered," Lex replied softly. "But you are entitled to your secrets. If you've forgiven me for Nixon, then I think we're about even on that score, aren't we?"
Clark shook his head. "Not even close."
"You've asked for my forgiveness, and you have that and my understanding, so unless you're planning to kill me or kidnap Athena, I think that until the day you're comfortable sharing with me, we'll be good," Lex informed him with a bit of levity.
"Jeez, Lex!" Clark frowned at Lex's joke. "I'd never hurt you or your daughter. In fact, I won't let anyone hurt you guys now that I know where you are."
"Gallows humor, Clark. I've had more people trying to kill me..." Lex shook his head. "Thanks though. I'm sure Athena would appreciate the extra protection."
Clark nodded. "You're welcome. Thanks, too, for understanding." He was done pretending that he had a secret, and if Lex could wait a little, Clark just knew that he would tell him some day.
Lex's eyes creased happily, and he petted Clark's hair. "How do you stay looking so boyish? You're almost thirty, you know. I'll have to make you a cake with black icing this year. And a little reaper on top."
"You're gonna make me a cake?" Clark beamed. "You can make me a purple cake, Lex."
Lex chuckled. "How you indulge me. It'll be your birthday. We can make whatever you want."
"Then make whatever Athena likes best," Clark said with a nod. "That's what I want."
"You think like a parent," Lex informed him. "Thank you for staying with us tonight. I... I do get lonely. I was more inclined to spend time around other people when I had you. I talk to a few people via parents' message boards and the projects I'm working on, but it isn't the same as staying up to chat with you. I think I miss that most of all, those nights we'd stay up until dawn just talking."
"Me too... Thanks for having me; I'm sure it must be scary to have people in the house when your daughter's sleeping. Thanks for trusting me." Clark patted the pillow next to his and rolled on his side again. "Are you getting tired yet?"
"Not really, but I'm an insomniac. How about you?"
Clark shook his head. "I don't sleep much, either."
Lex looked at the pillow beside Clark, not quite trusting himself to lie down in the bed with a man he was so eager to jump, but if everyone thought he was a monk, perhaps he could resist. He hadn't slept with anyone since Desirée had worked her charms on them, after all. Leaning back on the bed, they continued to talk, enjoying one another's company as they discovered bits and pieces about each other's lives and reminisced about their day in Smallville. Before they knew it, the morning light was peeking through the draperies.
Authors: herohunter and ladydreamer
Pairing: Clex
Rating: Generally PG, and NC-17 in parts
Warning: mpreg
Summary: One cold November evening, twelve years after Lex Luthor left Smallville and Clark Kent behind, the two meet in Centennial Park… as Lex is walking home with his daughter.
Thanks to our beta lexalicious, and to lapetite-kiki for the beautiful cover for the fic.
Part Two
Lex put one arm around Clark and one around his daughter and led them into the living room. "Welcome to family movie night. A Luthorian tradition going way way waaaay back-"
"For about a year. Maybe," Athena finished with a giggle.
"Well, longer if you count the movie nights that Clark and I used to have," Lex mused. He took them all over to the large sofa and stepped away to set up the dvd. Athena flopped on the couch and pulled Clark's hand so he would sit with her.
"We used to sit with this huge bowl of popcorn," Clark started telling Athena as he sat by her. "Or I did; Lex only pecked here and there, and I'm not exaggerating when I say those were my favorite nights of the week. Usually, when Lex decided to expand my culture and play those boring existentialist movies, I'd pass right out and it would become a sleep over." He chuckled. "It was great."
"The joke's on you. I just wanted to keep you there longer. He had a room at the castle that I'd made up for him," Lex informed them, going back to the sofa with the remote in hand. He snuggled up next to his daughter and started the dvd. "Only sleepovers I ever had."
"So you were antisocial and wild life of the party? That's hard to do," Athena commented.
"Exhausting," Lex said emphatically.
Clark chuckled, looking at them and wanting to snuggle up as well. Only with Lex he wanted to do so much more, but, again, he would take what he could get. He tried to focus on the movie, but his attention drifted back to Lex more times than he had even anticipated.
Not too far into the movie, Athena's mouth dropped open. "That's racist! Shut up and leave him alone!" she cried indignantly.
Lex bit his lip and gave Clark an extremely amused look. She could be quiet in a theatre, but they did chatter sometimes during the movie when they were at home by themselves.
"Imperialist jerk," she complained more softly as she leaned back on her father, watching intently. Lex petted her hair with a big grin.
Clark's chest swelled up. For some reason, Lex's daughter's opinions on aliens mattered to him, and he was glad to see her defending the Dracs so passionately. He practically beamed at Lex.
The movie continued, and Athena seemed taken in by the story, and both characters, who she talked to every so often. Lex kept looking down and watching her face for her reaction, almost as much as he was watching the movie. When the human finally returned from his exploration and met with the Drac who had stayed behind, her eyes widened as he began to speak of new life. And when the human realized what was going on, her hands flew to her mouth. "He's pregnant? Oh my Go- Don't laugh at him! How mean!"
"Yes, kitten, never laugh at a man for being pregnant," Lex advised with a gentle smile. He wanted to squeeze her to him and cover her with kisses. She was such a smart girl.
"Can you imagine how scared Jerry is?" Clark asked, leaning just a little closer to Athena. "He's in a strange place and vulnerable, and he can't help what's happening with his body."
"That's just awful." Athena wiggled back into the sofa, from where she had leaned forward watching the movie, so that she was leaning against them both. "Doesn't he need a doctor? And a hospital?"
"Well, babies come wherever they decide to come," Lex said with a shrug.
"Poor Jerry," Athena whispered, pulling her legs up to her chest. Lex wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and his hand brushed against Clark's chest. He turned his head and gave Clark a knowing look. Athena was not going to like what happened.
Clark thinned his lips and nodded at Lex. He reached out and covered one of her hands with his. His free arm he lay stretched on the back of the sofa and he touched Lex's shoulder, pulling the two of them slightly to him. "It's alright, sweetheart," he said soothingly.
As the movie progressed, Lex could feel her little breaths coming closer together as she watched them hopefully and squeezed Clark's hand when Jerry was attacked by an animal, crying in dismay "Oh no!" She smiled as Jerry taught the human his lineage, and then when the two of them were in the cave and Jerry cried out in pain, she gasped. And Lex cringed hard.
"Davidge will help him, right?" she asked.
"Davidge will do the best he can, Princess," Clark told her, caressing her hand. "It's all anyone can do." He felt his own eyes begin to water. Damn movie, still making him cry after all these years, even if this time, Athena's concern and openly displayed emotions were fueling is just as much as the movie.
"No no no, Jerry, your baby needs you," she chanted softly.
Lex's eyes were shining, and he held his daughter tightly. Then Jerry died, and Athena made a soft whimper, and he pulled her to his chest. "Oh, Kitten," he muttered, unable to say much, or he would start to cry himself. He'd gone rather pale, but he continued to kiss the top of her head. "Baby girl, look, there..."
She looked up through watery eyes to see the little baby Drac that Davidge had pulled out of Jerry. "But she doesn't have her Dad!"
"But the baby made it, and that's all that was important to Jerry then, that his child would be safe, and would have someone there to love and protect it," Lex said. Athena curled against him, and she didn't see when a tear rolled down his cheek.
Clark, who had been watching Lex and Athena, did see it. He touched Lex's cheek and gently wiped it dry with his thumb. He would never know it, but he figured that the bond between a parent and their child changed people, made them at the same time stronger and more fragile. "His life, his legacy will go on through the baby," he said softly.
Lex looked to Clark, feeling suddenly exposed and embarrassed for his display of emotion, but when he met Clark's eyes he just sighed and gave him a sad smile and a nod.
Clark's own tears fell, and he had a brief thought of what the League would think of Superman bawling over an old Sci-Fi movie, but they all had their weaknesses, and his happened to be Kryptonite, Lex Luthor, movies where good aliens died and now, Athena Luthor.
Athena continued to murmur concern for the baby Drac, Zamis, through the rest of the film and glared angrily when they showed the enslaved Dracs. When Davidge finally saved the child, and they were singing together on the planet, she cried again, but didn't seem as distressed as she had before. Lex rubbed her back anyway and kissed her temple. "I'm sorry it made you upset, kitten."
"No, it's a really good movie," she argued and turned around to hug Lex tightly. She didn't let go.
Clark took the opportunity to get up. "I'm going to use your guest bathroom," he told Lex, spun around and left the room. He had to get over it already; it was just a movie. He washed his face and smoothed his hair back a little.
Lex kissed her cheek and let his daughter cry quietly for a moment as he continued to rub her back.
"Is Clark okay?" Her voice came muffled against his shoulder.
"I dunno, kitten. This movie gets to him." Lex paused. "He was adopted himself, you know."
"I don't want him to have nightmares," she said. Then she looked up and took a breath.
"You're a very sweet, empathetic little girl, you know that?" Lex smiled at her proudly.
Father and daughter were still snuggled together when Clark returned, so he took his seat but so close to them as he had been. "How are you doing, sweetheart?" he asked her tenderly.
Athena climbed off her father and went over to hug Clark around the neck. "I'm better. How are you?"
"Oh." Clark smiled and held her in his arms. "I cried harder the first time, but I was sixteen at the time, and things were different. But like you, I had your father to help me feel better." He spied over at Lex. A father.
Lex felt a tightness in his chest, a warmth at the sight of them together, and then it gave him a funny feeling in his stomach. He wanted this. The three of them. Together. Clark just looked right with her in his arms.
"I remember there being ice cream involved in making you feel better," Lex said teasingly.
Clark chuckled as he caressed her long, dark hair. "Ice cream helped. But you helped more."
Lex stood up and sat down closer to Clark. He reached up and ran his fingers through Clark's hair. "Would this help?"
"Hmm..." Clark blinked at Lex a couple of times, then looked at Athena. When she did not complain, he slowly rested his head on Lex's shoulder. "Yeah." It did help. Clark had never felt like he belonged anywhere else but wherever Lex was. "Thank you."
"No problem, Clark." Lex continued to card his fingers through Clark's dark curls, smiling softly. He had just willingly made his life more complicated, but maybe it would be okay. Clark had been pretty understanding so far. After a few moments of long silence, he looked down at his daughter, who seemed to be drooling on Clark's chest. "We have a snoozer."
"Hm?" Clark looked over and smiled, then made sure that Athena was comfortable in his arms before he looked up at Lex. "She's perfect, Lex. I'm in love," he whispered.
“I'm really glad the two of you get along." Lex touched her shoulder lightly. "She's very friendly and open with everyone. You know. The opposite of me." He paused, scratching the back of Clark's head. "She's my life. I'm so proud of her."
"You should be," Clark said firmly, but keeping his voice low not to wake her. "Her being friendly and open is a testament to your parenting. You've done really well. I'm proud of you." His eyes lowered to Lex's lips before going back to his eyes.
"I took the Lionel and Lillian Handguide to Parenting and did everything backwards from there," Lex said dryly. "But thank you. I can't tell you what it means to me for you to say that. You've always been good with kids."
Clark nodded. "I like children. How old is Athena? She acts thirty, though I'm not surprised," he chuckled.
Lex returned the laugh. "She's eleven. I know, she acts like a little adult. Her teachers tell me that all the time."
"Eleven?" Clark arched his eyebrows. Lex had wasted no time when he arrived in Europe, then. He frowned a little but would not let that upset him. "If you'd like, you both should visit the farm with me some day. If you think she'd like it."
"Well, now that the Kryptonite's gone, I don't think that would be a problem. She's curious about everything. She'll find a way to have a good time, though I remember her liking the countryside when she was little." Lex pointed to the painting that Athena showed him earlier. "That's when I made this one."
"She told me about it; it's beautiful. You paint beautifully, Lex."
"I..." Lex decided to take the complement. "Thank you, Clark. I did quite a bit of practice on my lines when I was in Paris. So many people to draw there."
"Did you paint the barn from memory?" Clark asked, not even trying to pretend he had not recognized the other painting.
Lex stiffened, then chastised himself. Of course Clark had seen it. "Yes, I did. It was a familiar sight."
"It's good to know you've thought of me," Clark whispered. "Because I thought of you all the time."
"I kind of hoped that you did as well. I know that's incredibly selfish of me."
"Probably. But I wasn't exactly selfless at the time, so I don't know. We were young."
"Heh." Lex looked up over his apartment quietly. "Do you want to spend the night in the guestroom?"
Clark pulled his head up, surprised. "I..." He looked down at the mop of black hair on his chest and decided that even he could allow himself a happiness here and there. "Yes. I'd love to."
"I um... I decorated the guestroom like your old room. It should be comfortable," Lex informed him. "Hope she doesn't have nightmares. Hope you don't. Do you want to watch the other movie or are you tired too?"
"I'm not too tired, are you?" Clark caressed Athena's hair. "Should we put her down?"
"Yeah, let's do. She was running around playing soccer earlier. No wonder she's tired." Lex moved away from Clark slowly, and his body seemed to miss his weight. As he stood, he lifted Athena up in his arms gently so that Clark could move.
Clark had hoped to carry her to bed, but he understood that he was a guest and a friend, and that Lex would not want to change his routine just because. "Should I...?"
"What? Oh..." Lex looked at Clark for a moment. "Do you want to carry her? You can probably do it more smoothly than I can."
"Yes," Clark said instantly, and took Athena into his arms again. She weighed nothing, looked like an angel when she slept, and cuddled up against his broad chest in her sleep. "So in love, Lex," he said with a loving smile, and dipped his head to kiss her forehead. On the way from straightening, his lips brushed Lex's cheek and then he pulled back. "I've missed you. If this is a second chance, thank you."
Lex followed Clark into the room, looking over his shoulder at his girl. "I don't think we had a proper first chance," he murmured. He flip on the little reading lamp clipped to her bedpost and drew back the covers.
"I agree. Are you going to change her or is she okay to sleep like this?" Clark kissed her forehead again before he bent down over her bed and laid her gently on it.
"She'll probably sleep the night if I can get her into her nightgown." Lex walked over to her white dresser with flowers painted over the side, opened the second drawer, and pulled out a soft blue nightgown with embroidery on the front of a kitty sleeping on a cloud. "Here we go." He laid it on the bed and began to take off her jeans very carefully.
Clark watched Lex's hands, moving so expertly as he cared for his daughter. He watched the love and devotion on Lex's face, and it made him smile. Lex was happy, that much was apparent.
After that, he removed her sweater and slipped the gown over her head. She made a soft noise as he pulled the gown down and fluttered her eyes open. "Dad?"
"Yes, kitten. You fell asleep," Lex whispered, tugging the hem of the gown down her legs. He draped the cover over her. "Warm?"
"Mm." She nodded sleepily and closed her eyes again, causing Lex to smile widely.
He leaned over to kiss her forehead. "I love you, baby."
"Love you... too, Daddy."
Lex rubbed his upper lip with his index finger and nodded. "Sweet dreams, kitten."
"Dad?"
Lex leaned forward. "Yes?"
Her hand reached over and felt over his head gently as she smiled. He let her touch with an indulgent smile, and when she was finished, he leaned over to give her a hug and another kiss. "Sleep well."
"You too, Dad. No nightmares or migraines for either of you."
Lex chuckled softly. "If I have either, I'll come climb in your bed so you can comfort me."
Athena smiled as her head felt to the side, and she was asleep again.
"Gosh, Lex," Clark whispered, backing away slowly so they could let her sleep. "You two are adorable. Do you get migraines often?" he asked, worried. It was the second mention that night.
Lex turned off the light and shut the door, leaving it open enough to give her privacy while he could still hear if she had a nightmare. "No, I don't really. Not often. Oh!" He shook his head realizing why Clark was concerned. "That's just a joke. When she was small, I always told her that one day I had a horrible migraine and she just sprouted out of my head. It's the origin story of Athena, if you remember. She used to ask me to tell it to her every night."
"Ohh!" Clark nodded. "That's cute. Are we going back to the entertainment room?"
"I was heading that way, yes." Lex looked up at him. "Do you want to check out your room?"
"Um, sure." Clark wished he could tell Lex about what and who he really was; that way he could go home and grab a change of clothes in a second, but... All in good time.
Lex walked down the hall to the guest room and held the door open for Clark. He kept it dusted and vacuumed, not that they had many visitors, but Athena hadn't been kidding about his nervous cleaning. He was a bit finicky about keeping their home tidy, though he wondered if that wasn't just the effect of being essentially a stay at home dad for over a decade now.
The room was elegant and large, decorated in red but not flooded in color. The furniture arrangement reminded Clark of 'his' bedroom at the castle as he stepped inside and looked around. He could almost see his old boots left by the bed and an imaginary flannel shirt on the bed. Over the bed, there was another one of Lex's paintings; Clark already could identify the style. It portrayed two men on the old windmill and looking at the distant view of Metropolis. Their faces were unseen but one of the men wore a long, black coat and the other, a red flannel shirt. Clark stood facing it and smiled softly. "You kept me around," he whispered.
"I uh..." Lex took a few steps in so his back was to Clark, but his heart sped up. His eyes drifted to the painting, remembering of often he had sketched himself and Clark, how many drawings he had torn up and thrown away. He'd thrown away nearly all the ones of Clark's face, because he couldn't bear to have that hanging around without going back to see him in the flesh. "You were on my mind."
Clark watched the back of Lex's head for a moment, then stepped forward and hugged Lex's shoulders from behind. If Lex told him to let go he would. "I wore the watch every day," he said, brushing his cheek to Lex's. "And your mother's box is in my living room, over the TV. You were on my mind, too."
"I'm glad you wore the watch, although sometimes I'd hoped you'd thrown it out into a field or smashed it. That you'd decided to hate me and move on." Lex's hands went up to touch Clark's arms. "I'm... glad that you kept the box, too. That one meant the most. My mother got it for me, but she was unable to give it to me in person. On my twelfth birthday, she had my father give it to me, because she was pregnant with my little brother, ill, and very depressed. He told me to take all of my fears and put them in that box. For a long time, that was what I did. I put all my fears, worries, and insecurities in there."
"And you gave it to me," Clark said softly, eyes still on the painting. "Believe me, your gestures may have gone right through me at the time, but they don't anymore. I like that painting," he added with a sigh.
"I call it 'Tilting at Windmills'... because I am a ridiculous man. And you were sixteen when I gave you that box. It's a bit much to ask of you, actually." Lex let himself lean back on Clark. This was right where he had always wanted to be.
"You're not nor have you ever been ridiculous, Lex. Romantic, maybe, but never ridiculous." Clark gave Lex a light squeeze. "I tried hating you, but the truth is that I never could blame you for leaving."
Lex sighed, thinking that he would like to tell Clark why he'd really had to leave Smallville, and the country, but he kept it to himself for the moment. If they became as close as they once were, as quickly as they had before, he would feel the right time to tell Clark soon enough.
"I blamed your father," Clark went on, "and mine, as well as my mother... Desirée... And me."
"Clark," he admonished gently, turning his head a little to look at him. "You shouldn't blame yourself. It was never your fault, what happened. Any of it."
Clark's eyes flickered over to Lex's. "What Desirée did wasn't my fault, Lex, but I think she did it to tear us apart, and I let it happen. That was my fault. I let my parents fill my head with doubts about you against my instincts, and that was my fault. I let you close yourself off when I was the person who knew you best, and I let you leave without me. That was my fault."
"I'm sure she did it to tear us apart. She couldn't keep control of me when you were around. I remember her having to use her power on me several times... during... just to regain my attention," Lex admitted. "But I was the one who chose to leave. I was the one who didn't let you in when I needed... I needed help, and I was the one who told you that you couldn't come with me."
"I wish you had let me," Clark said softly. "But you got Athena and she's a treasure. My life changed after you left; I left Smallville myself not long after that and traveled the world. I couldn't stay there, the whole place made me feel guilty all the time, and I had to broaden my horizons and grow up."
"She is a treasure. She's been worth every part of this fatherhood deal." Lex turned a little more in Clark's arms so that they were facing each other and pressed his hands on Clark's chest. "Where did you go?"
"Everywhere. Africa, Asia, you name it. I learned languages, wrote about the people I met and began to get publish in local papers wherever I was... When I came home, I had so many articles under my belt that the Planet hired me right away." Clark lowered his hands to the middle of Lex's back, smiling for being allowed to hold him like this. "You're bigger."
"Bigger?" Lex raised a brow in amusement. Clark didn't know the half of it. "I like to think I kept my girlish figure rather intact," he joked. Then he shook his head. "I'm older. I work out, but not a lot. You're one to talk about getting bigger. I always thought that you could model, Clark. You current size has done nothing to disabuse me of this notion."
Clark laughed softly. "I was still a growing boy, as it turns out. I usually hunch down a little, but I forgot to do it with you and Athena."
"Well, I like you tall. You're the one person I never minded looking up to," Lex informed him.
"Thanks. And by the way, I didn't mean fatter, but your shoulders are broader. I like it, you were kinda skinny back then..." Clark watched Lex's eyes, mouth, his entire face. "Athena's gonna be tall, I can tell."
Lex moved his hands up and squeezed Clark's shoulders as he grinned. "I know you didn't mean that. Don't worry. I was quite the rail back then. I think she will be tall, too. She's grown up so fast..."
"I'm sure it seems like it to you. Tomorrow I have to ask her to show me her baby photos. She has them, right?" Clark tilted his head to the side. "Unless you intend to kick me out after sunrise," he joked.
"As soon as the rooster crows," Lex quipped in return. "I could bring the photo album in here, if you'd like. You said you weren't tired?"
Clark shook his head. "I'm not. Bring it over, but leave her something to show me. I have a feeling she'll like that." Clark reluctantly let go of Lex.
Rolling his shoulders, Lex went to the library to get the photo albums, leaving one of Athena's soccer pictures so that she could show it to Clark tomorrow. He smoothed his hand over the leather binding a bit nervously, then headed back to Clark's room.
Clark had sat on the bed with his legs crossed and he smiled brightly as Lex came back into the room. "Lex, you're a dad!" he exclaimed with awe.
"You just now discovered this?" Lex laughed and sat on the bed with him, crossing his own legs underneath himself. "Or was pulling out the baby pictures the final straw in this determination?"
"I'm still in shock," Clark told Lex, patting his knee and then rubbing it. "A good shock, because your little girl is wonderful, but still. I don't know if I ever expected you to have a kid."
"If it hadn't fallen in my lap, I probably wouldn't have chosen to, actually," Lex said, opening up the baby album. "When I was twenty-two, I thought I would be a horrible father. I didn't like to hear kids screaming anywhere. I was selfish. I couldn't even imagine it. Not to mention I was terrified of the idea of becoming my father or my mother."
"If I could have kids," Clark said with conviction, "I would have wanted to have one with you, somehow. But I don't think I can."
Lex looked up at him with a little frown and large eyes. "If... Clark, I..."
Clark smiled sadly. "I know, crazy, right? But you were my best friend, Lex, and you didn't think you liked kids, but you did. You've always been a good person."
"Maybe I just didn't like bratty kids. I like them even less now that I've had Athena, who has actually shushed a kid in a theatre before." Lex wrapped his arm around Clark's back and looked at the album. "It isn't crazy, Clark. That's the first picture I have of her. Good God, she was tiny then. Although, she was long. I knew then she'd be tall."
"Oh, what a cute baby," Clark said, touching the edge of the photograph and leaning on Lex. "How did you ever let her grow up?" he asked playfully.
"I think it's the eye rolling that made it happen," Lex said. His fingers brushed over the edges of the pages. "Athena is so perfect, sometimes, if I didn't know better, I'd say she had to have come from someone else."
Clark clicked his tongue and gave Lex a frown. "Stop. She has your eyes and your wit. She's so yours, Lex."
"She has her grandmother's nose, too," Lex added. "There we are in front of the Louvre. She's peeking out of her sling. Very touristy picture, but I took her for walks all the time. You'd be surprised at how unremarkable it is to see a bald man in black in Paris or New York."
"It's a great photo," Clark whispered, his throat and chest feeling suddenly tight. This had happened to Lex, this wonderful thing, and he had never even known about it. He had missed Lex, but he had never known just all that he had missed.
"We... we should visit Paris sometime. Did you ever make it there? I considered going home after my father died..." Lex turned the page then looked up at Clark again and rubbed his back a little. "Didn't work out. Funny we were traveling at about the same time. We stayed in Europe, though."
Clark nodded. "I've been to Europe but not Paris. You look happy."
"I was very tired, but I was so happy to have her," Lex agreed. "My days became a lot brighter with her in them."
"It's quite obvious," Clark muttered, watching years of Lex's life pass in pictures.
Lex paused on a picture of Athena at five years old covered in his paints and laughed. "I'm showing this one to her first boyfriend. Or girlfriend."
Clark laughed and nodded. "You should. You should frame this and put it in your mysterious bedroom."
"My bedroom is mysterious?" Lex asked.
"Athena said you're weird about it. And that it's purple."
"She's allowed to go in there. I prefer her friends and strangers not go in there. Maybe that's what she's referring to," Lex explained. "It is purple though. There aren't exactly prancing faeries on the walls."
"No?" Clark leaned his head on Lex's shoulder and leered playfully. "You disappoint me, Lex."
"We can put the prancing faeries in your room," Lex replied, patting the side of Clark's head.
"Ah, yes. And unicorns, can I have some of those?" Clark asked, nuzzling the side of Lex's neck and inhaling against his skin once.
Sometimes, Lex thought, Clark just turned into a big puppy. He scratched the hair above Clark's ear. "Sure. Pink unicorns. Prancing faeires. Glitter paint on the walls."
"RED unicorns," corrected Clark, dropping his head to Lex's lap and flipping another page in the book. "I love these pictures, Lex. I love your daughter, too. How long have you been in Metropolis? I came back four years ago."
"Hm. Let's see... Athena was about six, then... We've been here for five years. Came back a little before you did, it seems."
"Hmm..." Clark nodded and took one of Lex's hands in his. "You've always been a good pillow. What about her mother, Lex? Is she still alive?"
Lex took a breath. "No, she died when Athena was a baby."
"Oh." Clark looked up at Lex. "I'm sorry."
Swallowing and looking on a picture of Athena trotting through the streets of Italy in a red dress and black shoes, Lex felt like a horrible friend. It was true. Desirée did die when Athena was an infant, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to volunteer the information that Desirée was Athena's mother, or Lex's best guess of who Athena's mother was, just yet.
"It's all right. I wouldn't have trusted her with my daughter. I would have liked for Athena to have another parent, but you can't wave a wand and make a good one appear. Going back before my father died would have been a bad idea, also, because he would have killed me and raised her himself. He would have had to, in order for him to have any influence on her."
Clark nodded. He believed that Lionel would have, too. "I'm glad she has you," he said firmly.
"Thank you, Clark." Lex squeezed Clark's knee. "You've always been a good friend."
"You too, Lex." Clark finished looking at the photos and smiled up at Lex. "Mind if I get copies of some of them?"
"I do still have the negatives... and the disks after I switched to digital. You can definitely have copies." Lex threaded his fingers through Clark's bangs and back through his hair. This man was so beautiful, and Lex was so glad that he had an interest in Athena. It gave him hope.
"Does she sleep through the night?" Clark asked with a sigh. He had always loved it when Lex touched him, especially his hair.
"Unless she has a nightmare. She has a very active imagination; her mind never shuts off. Sometimes it's hard to get her to sleep, but when she does, she sleeps like the dead."
"That's good." Clark closed the photo album and turned so he would be looking up at Lex. "What do you do, Lex?"
"What do you mean, what do I do?" Lex asked.
"For work. I was also not allowed to see your study."
"Oh. Well, I'm not exactly employed. I keep abreast of political discussion and scientific breakthroughs regarding metahumans, and I enter into research projects for individuals like Jodi, if I can, to help solve their problems so they can live in society. Occasionally, I write bitchy letters to Congress regarding their legal decisions about metahumans and how the police are allowed to treat them," Lex explained. "Although LuthorCorp collapsed after my father died, I've been able to keep and invest a little money here and there, and additionally, I've ended up getting a few medical patents from my research projects, which have been applicable to the general population. I've been able to start a college fund for Athena that is doing rather well. We're comfortable."
"Wow. That's great that you're doing all this for metahumans. I try to write articles about that as often as I can. People can't be ignorant and think that every metahuman will go crazy on them."
"Yes," Lex said with a smile. "I've read them. You have quite the flare for writing. I never would have thought it, given how Chloe used to have to pull your hair to get you to turn in your articles. I suppose you just weren't comfortable with her style of journalism at the time. That and reporting on school menus probably isn't very exciting."
Clark chuckled. "Chloe was more interested in exposés that didn't necessarily help anyone but her and her collection at the time, or at least that was what I thought. I wasn't interested in exposing metahumans just for the sake of exposing them, and I really had no idea how I could help anyone at all. I've learned since then."
"Well, I'm glad that you have because you have quite a bit of writerly talent. You've done a lot of good for the community. Did you have a hand in turning Chloe around?" Lex licked his lips. "You may or may not be pleased to know that I have all of your articles neatly clipped and preserved in a binder in my mysterious purple room."
"You do?" Clark raised his head, caught between shock and glee. "Lex, why didn't you ever call me?"
"I'm a coward," Lex replied flatly.
Clark shook his head, exhaled through his nose and touched Lex's chest through his shirt. "First time, then," he declared, looking into Lex's eyes. He then leaned in and gave Lex's lips a quick kiss; he just had to. "By the way," he said as he sat up completely, picked up the photo album and got up to put the album on the dresser so he would not accidentally damage it. "Chloe's a big-name reporter in Gotham now. She's really happy there, and I won't be surprised if she gets her first Pulitzer soon."
"That's... good to hear," Lex said absently. It was hard for him to concentrate on Chloe at the moment. Clark had just kissed him for the first time since Desirée had practically raped them both. "Hope the big Bat is keeping her out of trouble."
Clark laughed. "More like she bugs him on a daily basis, but I think they've established an unspoken truce." He returned to the bed and lay on his right side facing Lex, his hand supporting the side of his head. "She'll be happy to know you and I have met again."
Lex folded his hands in his lap. "I'm glad that you have friends. Do the two of you talk regularly? What about Pete? Do you have any friends in the city?"
"We do." Clark shook his head. "But Pete left Smallville when his parents got divorced. The last I heard, he was thinking of going into politics, but I don't know how that went. I don't really have friends, no. There's my partner, Lois, who's abrasive and nosy, but she's a good person. We're not really friends, though. How about you? Are monks allowed friends?" he asked with a teasing smile.
"Yes, Clark, I'm pretty much a rabid socialite and Metropolis' most eligible bachelor. That's why you've seen my face everywhere since you returned to the city," Lex replied dryly. He shook his head. "I don't have friends. That isn't much of a change since we left off though, is it? Other than you, you anomaly."
"You have no idea," Clark said with a wide grin and rolled onto his back, holding his hands together behind his head. He chuckled again.
Lex closed his eyes as he laughed. "I should have called you."
Clark briefly sucked his lower lip into his mouth and ran his right hand up and down Lex's arm. "Yes, you should have. I missed you like crazy."
"I think it's obvious that I missed you. I'm sorry, Clark." He opened his eyes and looked over Clark's reclining form, his bright, beautiful green tinged eyes that no one else in the world had, his plump and rosy lips. Lex shivered as his mind imagined climbing over Clark and kissing those inviting lips as he unbuttoned Clark's jeans. He would stroke Clark to readiness. He would lower himself onto Clark’s large, uncut cock and make a low, lusty groan. They’d both moan as Lex moved himself up and down on top of Clark, and Clark’s hands would cover Lex’s narrow (although not as narrow as they used to be) hips and squeeze them possessively. They would come hard and fast, almost together, because it had been so long for both of them.
Lex bit his lip and touched Clark’s hand. He wouldn't be hiding in Europe for the next year. He didn’t have to do that anymore, and he couldn’t leave Clark again. “I’m sorry,” he murmured again with a sigh, squeezing Clark’s hand.
Clark took a deep breath, pulled Lex's hand to his lips and kissed it slowly. "You're forgiven. And now I need you to forgive me."
"What for?" Lex asked with a frown.
"Because..." Clark kissed Lex's hand again. He had long before promised himself that if he ever saw Lex again that he would say a few things that had needed to be said right from the start. Now was his chance. "Because I wasn't always--because I was hardly ever honest with you, Lex. I'm a liar. Still today, right now, I'm a sham, a fake. And I'm sorry for it."
"Well, we both know that I haven't always been honest with you, Clark. I trusted that you would be if I were ever in danger or it mattered," Lex replied softly. "But you are entitled to your secrets. If you've forgiven me for Nixon, then I think we're about even on that score, aren't we?"
Clark shook his head. "Not even close."
"You've asked for my forgiveness, and you have that and my understanding, so unless you're planning to kill me or kidnap Athena, I think that until the day you're comfortable sharing with me, we'll be good," Lex informed him with a bit of levity.
"Jeez, Lex!" Clark frowned at Lex's joke. "I'd never hurt you or your daughter. In fact, I won't let anyone hurt you guys now that I know where you are."
"Gallows humor, Clark. I've had more people trying to kill me..." Lex shook his head. "Thanks though. I'm sure Athena would appreciate the extra protection."
Clark nodded. "You're welcome. Thanks, too, for understanding." He was done pretending that he had a secret, and if Lex could wait a little, Clark just knew that he would tell him some day.
Lex's eyes creased happily, and he petted Clark's hair. "How do you stay looking so boyish? You're almost thirty, you know. I'll have to make you a cake with black icing this year. And a little reaper on top."
"You're gonna make me a cake?" Clark beamed. "You can make me a purple cake, Lex."
Lex chuckled. "How you indulge me. It'll be your birthday. We can make whatever you want."
"Then make whatever Athena likes best," Clark said with a nod. "That's what I want."
"You think like a parent," Lex informed him. "Thank you for staying with us tonight. I... I do get lonely. I was more inclined to spend time around other people when I had you. I talk to a few people via parents' message boards and the projects I'm working on, but it isn't the same as staying up to chat with you. I think I miss that most of all, those nights we'd stay up until dawn just talking."
"Me too... Thanks for having me; I'm sure it must be scary to have people in the house when your daughter's sleeping. Thanks for trusting me." Clark patted the pillow next to his and rolled on his side again. "Are you getting tired yet?"
"Not really, but I'm an insomniac. How about you?"
Clark shook his head. "I don't sleep much, either."
Lex looked at the pillow beside Clark, not quite trusting himself to lie down in the bed with a man he was so eager to jump, but if everyone thought he was a monk, perhaps he could resist. He hadn't slept with anyone since Desirée had worked her charms on them, after all. Leaning back on the bed, they continued to talk, enjoying one another's company as they discovered bits and pieces about each other's lives and reminisced about their day in Smallville. Before they knew it, the morning light was peeking through the draperies.