Tragic love story
I used to believe in magic, love, fairytales, happily ever after, and everything that I thought to be powerful. Now I don't even know what to believe in anymore. Love has broken me down so many times and just ripped what little pieces I had up into so much more. I understand you only get so many chances to find love, but is there really such a thing as everyone has one person out there meant for them. I stopped believing I could ever get so lucky to find someone to sweep me off my feet and take all my pieces and make them whole for once. It makes me feel like such a fool to think that I will ever truly understand the beauty of being whole. I know that the only piece I am missing is being a mother and a wife. I know that I say I'm not ready and I am right. I'm not ready to really settle down and get married and have childern, but in the same respects I'm not ready to give up am I!
I start watching all kinds of sad episodes of my favorite shows about magic and see where love has abandoned the hero. I start just weeping because I feel just like them. I feel like I am having to watch love grabbed from me and taken far away. I know that it's just tv or movies, but I'm a hopeless romantic in an industirial time to where love no longer exsists. I don't expect my every fantasy to be fulfilled or even to find some kind of Prince who will give me my fairytale happily ever after. If it's always peaches and cream then it's not worth having. I need the conflict and obsticles if you will for it to be worth it. If I am just handed what I want and desire then what makes it worth having. Easy is never right. But unfit is not right either. I have come to the conclusion I will hardly ever make it in the industry as anything. As much as I want to be a musican or actress..I have delt with the reality of it being quite far from my reach and I do understand that. I just really don't see how if I can't have one dream then why is it that my only other dream keeps falling apart.
If I am meant to be alone and not destined to have a family then why do I have a heart so full of love and bursting for a family. Why do I love kids so much and why do I want childern so much. It's just something that I'm having a really hard time trying to grasp this concept. If I am not meant to be a wife/mother then why is that something that I am so good at. I just don't see why I want love and wish so hard for it, but it always ends up messed up. If I really wanted a "happily ever after" I could have stayed with Preston or Powell or hell even Chris. I would have gotten the family I always wanted...and probably even my dream wedding, but I would have never been truly happy. If I had stayed with any of the guys I was with "in love" with or any of that clouded belief.....I could almost guarentee divorce. That's just how things happen. I don't want just anyone! I don't care about an almost perfect fit or even close enough! I will NOT settle for just anyone. I want to be with someone who makes me happy and brings me to ectasy. Even if he is not the most romantic guy or even the guy who remembers everything. I just want someone who wants me and can't imagine his life without me.
Damnit is that too much for me to be asking for?
I start watching all kinds of sad episodes of my favorite shows about magic and see where love has abandoned the hero. I start just weeping because I feel just like them. I feel like I am having to watch love grabbed from me and taken far away. I know that it's just tv or movies, but I'm a hopeless romantic in an industirial time to where love no longer exsists. I don't expect my every fantasy to be fulfilled or even to find some kind of Prince who will give me my fairytale happily ever after. If it's always peaches and cream then it's not worth having. I need the conflict and obsticles if you will for it to be worth it. If I am just handed what I want and desire then what makes it worth having. Easy is never right. But unfit is not right either. I have come to the conclusion I will hardly ever make it in the industry as anything. As much as I want to be a musican or actress..I have delt with the reality of it being quite far from my reach and I do understand that. I just really don't see how if I can't have one dream then why is it that my only other dream keeps falling apart.
If I am meant to be alone and not destined to have a family then why do I have a heart so full of love and bursting for a family. Why do I love kids so much and why do I want childern so much. It's just something that I'm having a really hard time trying to grasp this concept. If I am not meant to be a wife/mother then why is that something that I am so good at. I just don't see why I want love and wish so hard for it, but it always ends up messed up. If I really wanted a "happily ever after" I could have stayed with Preston or Powell or hell even Chris. I would have gotten the family I always wanted...and probably even my dream wedding, but I would have never been truly happy. If I had stayed with any of the guys I was with "in love" with or any of that clouded belief.....I could almost guarentee divorce. That's just how things happen. I don't want just anyone! I don't care about an almost perfect fit or even close enough! I will NOT settle for just anyone. I want to be with someone who makes me happy and brings me to ectasy. Even if he is not the most romantic guy or even the guy who remembers everything. I just want someone who wants me and can't imagine his life without me.
Damnit is that too much for me to be asking for?