When the walls close in
This past fortnight I've been struggling. My moods have been erratic, and the senses of cramped space and teetering just on the edge of a complete meltdown has flitted through my mind more than once.
I often wonder what would happen if I just Let Go. If I didn't stop myself crying, if I didn't force myself out of the door, or if I just stopped doing all the things I do. Would I slide back to that place I found myself occupying back in Summer 2006? Would I remember it, and stop myself sinking? Or would it be too late, and I'd fall into that bear pit again, and spend three months climbing out of it?
S has been marvellous, despite having his own very difficult issues to handle. He's not fazed by my need to pull pillows over my head and cry, not worried by my vacant stare as he talks to me and I am lost in my own thoughts, not concerned by my refusal to allow myself to release what's choking me lately.
It's very possibly two parts of the grieving process sandwiched together by the jam of anxiety, iced with stress and sprinkled liberally with the hundreds and thousands of doubt and self-hatred.
Baking is clearly the answer.
I often wonder what would happen if I just Let Go. If I didn't stop myself crying, if I didn't force myself out of the door, or if I just stopped doing all the things I do. Would I slide back to that place I found myself occupying back in Summer 2006? Would I remember it, and stop myself sinking? Or would it be too late, and I'd fall into that bear pit again, and spend three months climbing out of it?
S has been marvellous, despite having his own very difficult issues to handle. He's not fazed by my need to pull pillows over my head and cry, not worried by my vacant stare as he talks to me and I am lost in my own thoughts, not concerned by my refusal to allow myself to release what's choking me lately.
It's very possibly two parts of the grieving process sandwiched together by the jam of anxiety, iced with stress and sprinkled liberally with the hundreds and thousands of doubt and self-hatred.
Baking is clearly the answer.