Fic: Akatsuki 50 themes!
Akatsuki 50 Theme Drabbles!
Note: These weren't taken from any Japanese site or wherever other people get themes :S xkesshoux made them up for me when I was bored ^_^; Feel free to use them, just credit her! POSSIBLE SPOILERS ABOUND. At this point, the Akatsuki are spoilers in general for those who have just joined with the dub, so be careful!
Series: Naruto
Characters: The known members of the Akatsuki (with perhaps guest appearances)
Timeline: None, random.
Rating: Ummm.... max, PG-13 for swearing, I suppose. :S The Akatsuki don't often curse, and all these are fairly innocent.
Genre: Everything from crack to drama to angst.
Red title means it's new!
1. Alcohol
"Kampai!"
Itachi raised his sake cup high, before draining it. An arm flopped over his shoulder and Sasori's voice, normally quiet, filled his ears and fogged mind. "Happy birthday, grumpy!"
In the bright early-summer moonlight, the eldest Uchiha could see Kisame and Zetsu laughing, Deidara slumped against the door, and Tobi, who had already reached his limit, sound asleep under his cloak. A cake, half-eaten, sat on a tray not far from him, chocolate with red and white frosting. Birthday parties were uncommon within the Akatsuki; however, because Itachi was now 20, they felt it appropriate to celebrate.
"I know what you wished for, Itachi-chan." Sasori murmured. Technically, alcohol had no effect on him; he simply liked to tease the other man about being the youngest.
"Is that so?" Itachi reached for the sake bottle, then hesitated. He was already drunk.
Sasori smiled, a creepy sight, as smiling usually meant he was up to something. Hiroku sat in a corner, empty; Sasori saw no reason to wear the puppet when there was no threat. "Are you questioning your elders?"
Itachi shrugged, picking up the bottle afterall. "It's my own business what I wished for."
"Not if it interferes with Rei-sama's wishes." There was a dangerous edge to Sasori's voice.
"I have no such desires. Rest assured, my wish has nothing to do with the Akatsuki." He refilled Sasori's cup, then his own, raising it high. "To the past, and our future victories."
Sasori eyed him, before echoing the sentiment and draining his sake. The two parted, one to find other conversation, the other to watch the sky, dreaming of another moon long ago.
2. Kittens
Kisame slammed the ice box shut. "Sasori. Did you see anyone take the last cod from the ice box?"
Sasori stared out the window, his eyes half closed. "No one else likes cod, Kisame. No one took it. Maybe Tobi stole it for some mysterious project."
Huffing, the sharklike man began stomping through the house, determined to find the fish thief. He'd been saving that cod for today's lunch, and whoever had taken it was in for the beating of their life. He passed the room he shared with Itachi, passed Sasori's room, and slammed open the door to Zetsu and Tobi's room. "TOBI! YOU OWE ME A FISH!"
Tobi looked up, confused. "For what, Kisame-san?"
"You stole the cod in the ice box!"
"We had cod?" Tobi looked at Zetsu, who shrugged and began shuffling the cards.
"I had a cod. I was saving it. Where did you take it?" Kisame growled, showing rows of sharp teeth.
"Lay off him, Kisame. He hasn't taken anything." Zetsu began dealing a new hand.
Kisame growled again for good measure, leaving the room. He pushed open the next door, glancing in at Deidara, who was half asleep. "You don't even eat fish, do you?"
Cracking open his visible eye, Deidara made a face. "Fish are disgusting, un. They stink."
Satisfied, Kisame shut the door, pondering who could've stolen-
*ringring*
He glanced at the door to his own room. Was that a bell?
*ringring, ringring*
Afraid of what he might find, he slid the door open... and screamed.
Itachi winced and dropped the string he held, the bell rolling across the floor, a tiny black dustball chasing it.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"
"A kitten." Itachi picked the dustball up, cradling it close to his neck. The dustball squeaked.
"WHAT'S IT DOING IN MY ROOM? EATING MY FISH? MAKING MESSES ON MY BELONGINGS?"
Itachi frowned. "For the record, I've already housetrained him. His name is Midnight."
"YOU KNOW I HATE CATS!" Kisame's voice was becoming increasingly shriller.
Sasori peeked into the room, shrugging. Deidara appeared under him, cooing when he saw the kitten and running in to pet it. "Look at the cute little fuzzball! Kitty kitty!"
Itachi leaned back, sticking one leg up to block Deidara. "Put some gloves on before you pet him. You'll bite his ears off."
Deidara pouted, and Sasori leaned closer, frowning. "I had no idea you liked cats, Itachi."
The Uchiha shrugged. "I had a cat when I was a kid. He.. died before I left."
Sasori blinked, but decided not to ask. Kisame growled and pointed at the door. "GET IT OUT OF HERE. RIGHT NOW. BEFORE I KILL IT."
Itachi stared at the man impassively, before finally, and simply, responding "No. I'm keeping him. I'll move to another room if you're that afraid of him, but I advise against killing my pets." His eyes narrowed and flashed red for an instant.
Eventually, Itachi moved to an empty room used for storage, and Kisame jumped and growled at the cat every time he saw him, muttering under his breath that the feline would try to eat him the first chance it got.
5. Tsukiyomi
"Has he ever tested it on you?"
Kisame put down his cup of tea, glancing at Sasori. The wind blew a fine mist through the window. It was trying to rain. He pondered the question. "Well no.. I don't see why he would."
Sasori tapped his fingers on the low table. "Orochimaru said he used it on him. He might've been lying. But I can't think of any other reason for his defection."
"You mean besides thinking he could do better on his own?" Kisame scoffed. "What an idiot."
"It's a good question, though. We don't know exactly what it does. How exactly does it scramble someone's mind so badly, that they're crippled for weeks?"
Kisame finished his tea. "Ask the boy yourself. How should I know such things?"
Sasori frowned. "You saw him use it on multiple occasions. How long did it take? Has anyone died from it?"
"Sure, people died from it. Weak ninja and idiots who thought they could cross him. He steals my kills sometimes. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was showing off."
"Who's showing off?"
Both men jumped. Kisame suddenly found the bottom of the cup fascinating. Sasori stared out the window, seemingly deep in thought. Itachi, who'd heard voices and walked by, simply turned around and left, for whatever mysterious reason.
"..you're afraid of him."
"You shut up first."
"No, you did."
"You-"
A kunai flew between them and planted itself into the wall under the window. The conversation was clearly over.
6. Fish
A thin, nearly transparent wire disappeared under the surface of the water, the current tugging gently on the dry half. It was yet another one of those hot summer afternoons.
At the end of the stick to which the wire was tied, lay a reclining man, his reed hat tipped over his eyes. Next to him, holding an identical stick, was a frowning man with short red hair. Fishing wasn't something he claimed skill at. However, money was tight and he and the younger man had drawn the short straws.
"They aren't biting. Let's just dam the stream. Or get a net."
"We don't have nets."
"You're wearing fishnet."
The younger boy shifted. "We aren't using my shirt. You don't find this relaxing?"
"I hate fishing. It's boring." Sasori raised his line, glaring at the deceased cricket at the end.
"You don't have any patience. You'll never catch your other prey like that." Itachi reached out, patting the grass next to him until he found his can of juice.
"The kyuubi's going to be old and grey by the time you make your move." Sasori tossed the line back out, watching the bait miss the hole on the other side and lay instead on some shallow rocks.
"The whole situation is far more difficult. It takes time."
"Rei-sama's not pleased with your lack of progress.
"Rei-sama understands, I'm sure." The stick twitched, and Itachi sat up, pulling his line in. A fat fish wriggled at the end, the hook buried deep in it's cheek. He cut the line, dropping the fish into a basket sitting in the water.
"The kyuubi's not stupid enough to come to you. He has the sannin Jiraiya and Tsunade protecting him, and Hatake Kakashi as well." Sasori frowned at the distant cricket. "Stupid fish."
Itachi merely smiled, rewiring the stick and casting his bait once more.
9. Snacks
Itachi awoke with a start, the newspaper he'd been reading covering his face. Distantly he could hear the radio, and a faint crunching sound. Above him, the ceiling fan spun ineffectively, a vain attempt at dispelling the summer heat.
Lifting the newspaper from his face, he glanced around, frowning. Clothes lay everywhere, along with scrolls, broken ink sticks, kunai, and empty snack bags. In short, the room was a horrible mess. Of the mess, he could identify only two of his belongings; a kunai pouch on the floor and the rest of the newspaper. Sitting up, he watched a fine orange dust fall from his hair. "..."
He rose, folding the newspaper and fanning himself as he searched the run-down house for the source of the noise. As he walked, the crunching grew steadily louder, and more orange crumbs could be found, some with semi-recognizable shapes. His earlier annoyance deepened. He hated messy houses.
Sliding open a door, he glared at the occupant of the room, reaching over and turning off the radio at the door. "Kisame."
The sharklike man turned, his mouth full, his lips and hands stained a sickly orange color. He swallowed. "Yes?"
Itachi glanced around the even messier room, his usually-emotionless expression now slightly revolted. "...clean up your mess. It's disgusting. Those are disgusting."
Kisame gasped. "No! Goldfish are the best! They smile until you bite their heads off!"
"..." Itachi shook his head and closed the door. Just when he thought they couldn't get any weirder..
11. Hair
Red eyes stared back into identical red, deep in concentration. A small pair of scissors rose slowly, sliding along a few strands of hair until they snipped and the black strands fell away.
"You are such a girl. You're even more of a girl than Deidara. More than Orochi was, even."
"Shut up."
A few strands to the right, and half an inch lower. Snip.
"Who the Hell cares what your bangs look like?
"I do. And when I'm done here, I'm going to take these scissors and cut Deidara's other eye out."
"Hope you're good at climbing. He's up a tree, making new bombs."
"..." Another snip, and a frustrated gesture to brush hair off fishnet. Itachi batted at his bangs, frowning. They still didn't look right to him. Or maybe he still had soot in his eyes.. laying the scissors down, he turned the water on in the sink and began washing his face again.
"You redefine vanity, Itachi."
"Sasori, shut the Hell up and hold my hair back, okay?"
"Fine, fine.. oh..."
"What is it now?"
"..someone stuck gu-"
A small explosion shook the bathroom.
"I'm going to kill that bitch!"
"It burned my shirt. What was that thing made of?"
Itachi pulled his abused hair over his shoulder, shock and grief, as well as intense anger, filling him at the sight of the burned and twisted locks. "I have to cut off THAT MUCH? I'll look like Sasuke by the time I'm done!"
Sasori sighed, patting the younger man's shoulder sympathetically. "I'll go get your sword and hold down Deidara."
"My poor hair.."
12. Breakfast
Itachi shuffled into the kitchen at 5:30, rubbing his eyes with ink-stained hands. He bumped into something hard, but pliable, and cracked open one eye to see Sasori bent over slightly, staring into the pantry with a critical expression. "...good morning?"
"We are out of food. Again. AGAIN." Sasori glared at the shelves as if they would restock themselves out of fear.
Itachi turned and leaned over as well, blinking. "We have oatmeal."
"You eat OATMEAL?"
"....no."
"Didn't think so." Sasori reached in, shoving the can of oatmeal to the side.
Itachi felt another bump on his other side, and a higher-pitched whining. "Good morning, Deidara."
"...ugh. Is there anything to eat, Sasori-danna?" Deidara whined, pointedly ignoring Itachi's greeting.
"No. That blue fucker ATE it all."
Itachi raised an eyebrow, but didn't open his eyes more. "Are you sure it was him?"
Sasori considered this for a moment. "KISAME! GET IN HERE!"
The three heard a thump, then another, then Kisame stumbled into the kitchen, nearly crashing into Deidara. "Why are we all standing around in here?"
"You ATE everything."
"No I didn't!" Kisame yawned, looking into the pantry. "Well GOOD. Someone ate those horrible chips. I thought they'd be in there forever."
"I told you to throw them out." Itachi deadpanned, reaching in and pushing a few cans aside.
Kisame ignored the comment, looking around. "Where's Zetsu?"
"Mission. He left around midnight, un." Deidara gave Kisame a look of distrust. "If you didn't raid the pantry, and Zetsu's gone, un.."
The four turned and looked up the hall, then at each other.
"Tobi."
The decision to exact revenge on the Akatsuki candidate was mutual and unspoken; but they had more pressing matters at the moment. Turning once more, they examined the nearly-empty pantry.
"We have chicken in a can, un."
"...who the hell thought that up?"
"Who thought up tuna in a can? It's disgusting if it's not fresh."
"Shut up, Kisame."
"We have corn flakes."
"Itachi, those are ancient. They might be older than you."
"........"
"So how much money do we have, un?"
They fell silent. Payday was still a few days away. And though they could threaten someone at a restaurant into giving them food, none of them felt like it.
"...okay, okay. We have bread, we can cut off the mold. We have rice. I think we might even have an egg or two. What's wrong with all that? Look, potatoes. Just cut off these.. green.. things." Kisame was really trying, but failing. Itachi looked slightly sick, and Deidara seemed frustrated. Sasori just continued staring at the cans.
Itachi was the first to break the silence again. "The rice is still good. I think we have tea. It's better than nothing. We can force Tobi to buy us all breakfast after we eat SOMETHING so we have energy enough to beat him up."
Sasori snorted. "I don't want to just beat him up. I want to kill him for being annoying."
"We aren't killing him without Rei-sama's permission."
"But-"
"Shut up and start cooking the rice, Sasori. It's your turn to make breakfast."
"I hope I give you all food poisoning."
14. Infiltration
The mission was one of utmost secrecy and stealth. A single wrong move would bring death to both the ninjas attempting it. Deidara didn't so much as breathe as he inched closer, Sasori immediately behind him. Their socks made no sound on the tatami. Their cloaks were long abandoned in favor of maneuverability and silence; they wore simply their fishnet shirts and loose pants.
His heart pounded, hearing the feather-soft sigh from the floor. He glanced down, cold beads of sweat on the back of his neck. His hands remained clenched into fists, forcing the mouths shut. Just a couple yards more..
Sasori stepped around him, doll joints moving silently as he lifted the lid to the chest at the far end of the room. His eyes widened the very slightest bit, a slow grin crossing his face as he cleaned the drawer out. Deidara glanced down again, fear prickling his skin. With a quick gesture, he called Sasori over, and the two left the room, door gliding shut behind them.
The next afternoon, after his bath, Itachi stared into the dresser, frowning. He closed his eyes, inhaling. The room didn't smell like fish, cheap children's candies, or rotting meat. Standing, he adjusted the yukata tighter around himself, pushing the door open and stepping across the hall into Sasori and Deidara's room. "Where are they?"
"Where's what, Itachi-chan?" Sasori drawled from where he lay on the porch, watching the day go by.
Itachi glared, turning to Deidara. "Where are they?"
"I-I dunno what you're talking about, un! Have you asked Kisame, un?" Deidara blinked at the slightly younger man, looking as innocent as a kitten.
Sharingan eyes glared back. "It's not a good idea to lie to me, Deidara."
Deidara whimpered, and was just about to open his mouth to confess when Kisame barrelled into the room, trying not to laugh as he waved his arm at Itachi. "Hey Itachi, I found your-"
Itachi charged past him, running outside, only to find all his boxers decorating a pine tree near the road. Deidara and Sasori, who'd followed to see his reaction, fell over each other trying to get back inside before the Uchiha could hear their shrieks of laughter. Itachi stared at the tree, fists clenched at his sides, before finally uttering in a very cold voice, "Kisame, go for a walk."
"A walk?"
"Yes. Get out of here. You didn't see anything."
Kisame grinned and wandered off, chuckling to himself, feeling a little sorry for Deidara and Sasori.
17. Afternoon
It was a boring Saturday afternoon. One of those summer afternoons when the air is thick with cicadas and tiny flies, and minds become restless.
It'd started with a simple question. But knowing the two people who'd asked the question, it could only turn into this.
"Don't swing it so much!"
"Shh! You'll wake him up, un!"
In the bushes, something dark stirred, then struck. The string snapped, the raw chicken at the end disappearing into the greenery.
"I TOLD you, un!"
"Okay, okay. You were right. I'll give you the money when I get paid."
"No fair!"
"What are you doing?" Kisame, led by curiousity, had left the slightly cooler refuge of the porch to see what shenanigans his comrades were up to in the garden.
Deidara looked triumphant. "I was right, that's all, un."
Sasori frowned. "Don't get so cocky."
Kisame peered into the bushes, grinning. "Hey Zetsu, enjoying your lunch?"
"It's raw."
"It's delicious."
Deidara made a face, then burst into giggles again. Sasori stomped back to the house, an amused Kisame following. It was just one of those afternoons, afterall.
18. Love
"Your brother's hot, Itachi."
Itachi's hand paused in the middle of a sweep of nail polish. He was silent for several seconds, before finally stating, "you were partnered with Orochimaru too long, Sasori. It's rubbed off."
Sasori chuckled, flipping through the photos their spy had gathered. "He is. I think you lied. He doesn't look thirteen."
"Stop ogling my foolish little brother. That's disgusting."
The puppetmaster leaned closer, grinning. "Is it, now? Or are you just jealous that one of your partners-in-crime thinks your extremely underaged brother is sexy?"
He replaced the brush, waving his hands to dry the purple lacquer. "He's THIRTEEN, Sasori. He's also obsessed with power. He probably doesn't know the first thing about sex. I doubt he's ever even looked at a girl that way."
"Our spy said he made some comment about reviving the clan, though." Sasori raised his eyebrows. "So he must know something. Maybe he even has someone in mind to help him."
"No way." Itachi suppressed a shudder. "Sasuke, revive the clan? No way. He may continue the NAME, and the Sharingan, but the clan would be pathetically weaker for it. I'm the only one who can be expected to revive it to the way it's supposed to be."
Sasori grinned. "And yet, he wants to kill you. Smart kid."
"I told you he was an idiot."
"You know..." Sasori paused at one picture, still grinning. "I don't think he really hates you as much as he wishes."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious." Itachi began collecting the pictures, frowning.
"In fact... I'd go so far as to say he might love you."
"I always knew you were insane."
"You don't love him?"
Itachi was silent for a few moments, looking quietly at one of the pictures. Sasori leaned over, chuckling. He'd missed this one; it was a picture of Sasuke sleeping, hugging a pillow. Finally, Itachi murmured, "It's different than your definition of love. I don't quite know how to explain it. He disgusts me, he's pathetic and weak, he barely deserves to be called an Uchiha.."
"But you can't help but love the little shit, is that it? Even though he probably gets off imagining your blood on his hands and your corpse at his feet?"
"Shut the hell up. You don't sound like a pedo anymore, you sound like a necrophiliac."
Sasori tilted his head. "You know I'm right."
Itachi sighed. "It's too difficult to explain. We are unique brothers, that's about the only way I can say it. He wants to kill me, and will continue to be blind to reason until he does. The end."
The redhead pouted. "Lame. You two would be cute together."
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." Itachi muttered, and that was that.
24. Eyes
It was about a week after Itachi had become an Akatsuki candidate, and things seemed to be going smoothly. Each of the elder members had gone on missions with him, Orochimaru being the last. In fact, it seemed pretty certain he'd be approved.
The evening of his return from the Cloud country, after his mission with Orochimaru, Itachi entered Sasori's room, looking nervous. When Sasori watched him expectantly, he finally muttered "Don't you have to go on a mission tonight?"
"Cancelled. Your mission went so smoothly that I don't have to go. I was just supposed to be clean-up in case something went wrong." Sasori replied, returning his attention to repairing a crack in Hiroku's arm.
"Oh.. Orochimaru doesn't seem to realize that."
Sasori nodded and kept working, then stopped. "I thought he knew."
"He said he wanted to test me. Something about my eyes." Itachi examined a scroll hanging on the wall.
"........Yes, he does seem quite fascinated with them. That's all he talks about anymore. He even mutters in his sleep." Sasori frowned, setting the arm in his lap. "He probably has ulterior motives, too."
Itachi said nothing, but Sasori could feel the waves of fear and distrust coming off him.
"In fact.." Sasori purred, "I'd go so far as to say he'd try to steal your beloved Sharingan, then rape you and dump you in the forest."
More silence, more fear.
"You know.. none of us really like Orochimaru. He's annoying. He's obsessed with immortality and jutsus. No one trusts him. You don't have to either. What was the name of that jutsu you're so famous for?"
"Tsukiyomi." Itachi's voice was a perfect monotone, a bit too perfect.
Sasori grinned lazily. "How about giving him a first-person look at it?"
A good ten seconds went by, in complete silence, before Itachi turned, bowed deeply and murmured his thanks, then left the room. Sasori went back to work on his doll.
Orochimaru spent the next two days unconscious, and by the end of the week, he was gone. No one missed him.
28. Evil
"Sasori-danna, are we evil?"
Sasori glanced from the night sky to Deidara, who lay not far from him, also watching the meteor shower. "What rock have you been living under?"
Itachi spit a watermelon seed into the grass. "Lighten up on him. He's having another one of his philosophical moments."
"Again?"
Deidara rolled over. "What are we gonna do with the Bijuu once we have them again? We're taking over the world, un?"
Kisame laughed. "We could do that right now, what's wrong with you?"
Another watermelon seed made its home in the grass. "I'm not fighting the Godaime Hokage. You couldn't pay me enough to fight her."
"Afraid, Itachi?"
"No. I'm just not stupid." He tossed the rind aside, flopping onto his back. "She could probably take down a mountain with a few punches, and she knows about the Mangekyou. She'd be too hard to fight without a bijuu. Preferably the Kyuubi."
"You just have the hots for it, don't you?" One could hear the grin in Sasori's voice.
"No. I'm not like Orochimaru." Itachi stretched, yawning.
Sasori sighed. "Anyway, Deidara. With some of the idiot Daimyo running the major countries, they'd probably be better off if we took over. Evil is a subjective term. For example, Tobi may be considered evil wherever the Hell he came from, but to us, he's like a kid."
Tobi sat up. "What is it, Sasori-san?"
"Nothing. Go back to counting stars or ants or whatever you were doing."
"Okay." Tobi replied agreeably, laying back down.
"And they say Itachi's evil back in Konoha, but he's only really evil if you wake him up early."
Itachi raised his arm high enough for Sasori to see him make an extremely rude gesture. "You're no saint first thing in the morning either."
"Understand now, Deidara?"
Nothing but the sound of cicadas.
"Deidara?"
"What were we talking about again, Sasori-danna?"
"Nevermind."
Full list:
1. Alcohol
2. Kittens
3. Rainy day
4. Puppet
5. Tsukiyomi
6. Fish
7. Rivalry
8. Ghost story
9. Snacks
10. Desertion
11. Hair
12. Breakfast
13. Betrayal
14. Infiltration
15. Training
16. Mission
17. Afternoon
18. Love
19. Hate
20. Fascination
21. Tobi
22. Onsen
23. Caught
24. Eyes
25. Laughter
26. Venom
27. Traitor
28. Evil
29. Freak show
30. Art class
31. Humanity
32. Masquerade
33. Waiting
34. Lies
35. Mistake
36. Death
37. Newest addition
38. Illusion
39. Extraction
40. "Un!"
41. Celebration
42. Zetsu
43. Change of plans
44. Useless
45. Panic
46. Newspaper
47. Hobbies
48. Dodgeball
49. Prank
50. Child
Note: These weren't taken from any Japanese site or wherever other people get themes :S xkesshoux made them up for me when I was bored ^_^; Feel free to use them, just credit her! POSSIBLE SPOILERS ABOUND. At this point, the Akatsuki are spoilers in general for those who have just joined with the dub, so be careful!
Series: Naruto
Characters: The known members of the Akatsuki (with perhaps guest appearances)
Timeline: None, random.
Rating: Ummm.... max, PG-13 for swearing, I suppose. :S The Akatsuki don't often curse, and all these are fairly innocent.
Genre: Everything from crack to drama to angst.
Red title means it's new!
1. Alcohol
"Kampai!"
Itachi raised his sake cup high, before draining it. An arm flopped over his shoulder and Sasori's voice, normally quiet, filled his ears and fogged mind. "Happy birthday, grumpy!"
In the bright early-summer moonlight, the eldest Uchiha could see Kisame and Zetsu laughing, Deidara slumped against the door, and Tobi, who had already reached his limit, sound asleep under his cloak. A cake, half-eaten, sat on a tray not far from him, chocolate with red and white frosting. Birthday parties were uncommon within the Akatsuki; however, because Itachi was now 20, they felt it appropriate to celebrate.
"I know what you wished for, Itachi-chan." Sasori murmured. Technically, alcohol had no effect on him; he simply liked to tease the other man about being the youngest.
"Is that so?" Itachi reached for the sake bottle, then hesitated. He was already drunk.
Sasori smiled, a creepy sight, as smiling usually meant he was up to something. Hiroku sat in a corner, empty; Sasori saw no reason to wear the puppet when there was no threat. "Are you questioning your elders?"
Itachi shrugged, picking up the bottle afterall. "It's my own business what I wished for."
"Not if it interferes with Rei-sama's wishes." There was a dangerous edge to Sasori's voice.
"I have no such desires. Rest assured, my wish has nothing to do with the Akatsuki." He refilled Sasori's cup, then his own, raising it high. "To the past, and our future victories."
Sasori eyed him, before echoing the sentiment and draining his sake. The two parted, one to find other conversation, the other to watch the sky, dreaming of another moon long ago.
2. Kittens
Kisame slammed the ice box shut. "Sasori. Did you see anyone take the last cod from the ice box?"
Sasori stared out the window, his eyes half closed. "No one else likes cod, Kisame. No one took it. Maybe Tobi stole it for some mysterious project."
Huffing, the sharklike man began stomping through the house, determined to find the fish thief. He'd been saving that cod for today's lunch, and whoever had taken it was in for the beating of their life. He passed the room he shared with Itachi, passed Sasori's room, and slammed open the door to Zetsu and Tobi's room. "TOBI! YOU OWE ME A FISH!"
Tobi looked up, confused. "For what, Kisame-san?"
"You stole the cod in the ice box!"
"We had cod?" Tobi looked at Zetsu, who shrugged and began shuffling the cards.
"I had a cod. I was saving it. Where did you take it?" Kisame growled, showing rows of sharp teeth.
"Lay off him, Kisame. He hasn't taken anything." Zetsu began dealing a new hand.
Kisame growled again for good measure, leaving the room. He pushed open the next door, glancing in at Deidara, who was half asleep. "You don't even eat fish, do you?"
Cracking open his visible eye, Deidara made a face. "Fish are disgusting, un. They stink."
Satisfied, Kisame shut the door, pondering who could've stolen-
*ringring*
He glanced at the door to his own room. Was that a bell?
*ringring, ringring*
Afraid of what he might find, he slid the door open... and screamed.
Itachi winced and dropped the string he held, the bell rolling across the floor, a tiny black dustball chasing it.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"
"A kitten." Itachi picked the dustball up, cradling it close to his neck. The dustball squeaked.
"WHAT'S IT DOING IN MY ROOM? EATING MY FISH? MAKING MESSES ON MY BELONGINGS?"
Itachi frowned. "For the record, I've already housetrained him. His name is Midnight."
"YOU KNOW I HATE CATS!" Kisame's voice was becoming increasingly shriller.
Sasori peeked into the room, shrugging. Deidara appeared under him, cooing when he saw the kitten and running in to pet it. "Look at the cute little fuzzball! Kitty kitty!"
Itachi leaned back, sticking one leg up to block Deidara. "Put some gloves on before you pet him. You'll bite his ears off."
Deidara pouted, and Sasori leaned closer, frowning. "I had no idea you liked cats, Itachi."
The Uchiha shrugged. "I had a cat when I was a kid. He.. died before I left."
Sasori blinked, but decided not to ask. Kisame growled and pointed at the door. "GET IT OUT OF HERE. RIGHT NOW. BEFORE I KILL IT."
Itachi stared at the man impassively, before finally, and simply, responding "No. I'm keeping him. I'll move to another room if you're that afraid of him, but I advise against killing my pets." His eyes narrowed and flashed red for an instant.
Eventually, Itachi moved to an empty room used for storage, and Kisame jumped and growled at the cat every time he saw him, muttering under his breath that the feline would try to eat him the first chance it got.
5. Tsukiyomi
"Has he ever tested it on you?"
Kisame put down his cup of tea, glancing at Sasori. The wind blew a fine mist through the window. It was trying to rain. He pondered the question. "Well no.. I don't see why he would."
Sasori tapped his fingers on the low table. "Orochimaru said he used it on him. He might've been lying. But I can't think of any other reason for his defection."
"You mean besides thinking he could do better on his own?" Kisame scoffed. "What an idiot."
"It's a good question, though. We don't know exactly what it does. How exactly does it scramble someone's mind so badly, that they're crippled for weeks?"
Kisame finished his tea. "Ask the boy yourself. How should I know such things?"
Sasori frowned. "You saw him use it on multiple occasions. How long did it take? Has anyone died from it?"
"Sure, people died from it. Weak ninja and idiots who thought they could cross him. He steals my kills sometimes. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was showing off."
"Who's showing off?"
Both men jumped. Kisame suddenly found the bottom of the cup fascinating. Sasori stared out the window, seemingly deep in thought. Itachi, who'd heard voices and walked by, simply turned around and left, for whatever mysterious reason.
"..you're afraid of him."
"You shut up first."
"No, you did."
"You-"
A kunai flew between them and planted itself into the wall under the window. The conversation was clearly over.
6. Fish
A thin, nearly transparent wire disappeared under the surface of the water, the current tugging gently on the dry half. It was yet another one of those hot summer afternoons.
At the end of the stick to which the wire was tied, lay a reclining man, his reed hat tipped over his eyes. Next to him, holding an identical stick, was a frowning man with short red hair. Fishing wasn't something he claimed skill at. However, money was tight and he and the younger man had drawn the short straws.
"They aren't biting. Let's just dam the stream. Or get a net."
"We don't have nets."
"You're wearing fishnet."
The younger boy shifted. "We aren't using my shirt. You don't find this relaxing?"
"I hate fishing. It's boring." Sasori raised his line, glaring at the deceased cricket at the end.
"You don't have any patience. You'll never catch your other prey like that." Itachi reached out, patting the grass next to him until he found his can of juice.
"The kyuubi's going to be old and grey by the time you make your move." Sasori tossed the line back out, watching the bait miss the hole on the other side and lay instead on some shallow rocks.
"The whole situation is far more difficult. It takes time."
"Rei-sama's not pleased with your lack of progress.
"Rei-sama understands, I'm sure." The stick twitched, and Itachi sat up, pulling his line in. A fat fish wriggled at the end, the hook buried deep in it's cheek. He cut the line, dropping the fish into a basket sitting in the water.
"The kyuubi's not stupid enough to come to you. He has the sannin Jiraiya and Tsunade protecting him, and Hatake Kakashi as well." Sasori frowned at the distant cricket. "Stupid fish."
Itachi merely smiled, rewiring the stick and casting his bait once more.
9. Snacks
Itachi awoke with a start, the newspaper he'd been reading covering his face. Distantly he could hear the radio, and a faint crunching sound. Above him, the ceiling fan spun ineffectively, a vain attempt at dispelling the summer heat.
Lifting the newspaper from his face, he glanced around, frowning. Clothes lay everywhere, along with scrolls, broken ink sticks, kunai, and empty snack bags. In short, the room was a horrible mess. Of the mess, he could identify only two of his belongings; a kunai pouch on the floor and the rest of the newspaper. Sitting up, he watched a fine orange dust fall from his hair. "..."
He rose, folding the newspaper and fanning himself as he searched the run-down house for the source of the noise. As he walked, the crunching grew steadily louder, and more orange crumbs could be found, some with semi-recognizable shapes. His earlier annoyance deepened. He hated messy houses.
Sliding open a door, he glared at the occupant of the room, reaching over and turning off the radio at the door. "Kisame."
The sharklike man turned, his mouth full, his lips and hands stained a sickly orange color. He swallowed. "Yes?"
Itachi glanced around the even messier room, his usually-emotionless expression now slightly revolted. "...clean up your mess. It's disgusting. Those are disgusting."
Kisame gasped. "No! Goldfish are the best! They smile until you bite their heads off!"
"..." Itachi shook his head and closed the door. Just when he thought they couldn't get any weirder..
11. Hair
Red eyes stared back into identical red, deep in concentration. A small pair of scissors rose slowly, sliding along a few strands of hair until they snipped and the black strands fell away.
"You are such a girl. You're even more of a girl than Deidara. More than Orochi was, even."
"Shut up."
A few strands to the right, and half an inch lower. Snip.
"Who the Hell cares what your bangs look like?
"I do. And when I'm done here, I'm going to take these scissors and cut Deidara's other eye out."
"Hope you're good at climbing. He's up a tree, making new bombs."
"..." Another snip, and a frustrated gesture to brush hair off fishnet. Itachi batted at his bangs, frowning. They still didn't look right to him. Or maybe he still had soot in his eyes.. laying the scissors down, he turned the water on in the sink and began washing his face again.
"You redefine vanity, Itachi."
"Sasori, shut the Hell up and hold my hair back, okay?"
"Fine, fine.. oh..."
"What is it now?"
"..someone stuck gu-"
A small explosion shook the bathroom.
"I'm going to kill that bitch!"
"It burned my shirt. What was that thing made of?"
Itachi pulled his abused hair over his shoulder, shock and grief, as well as intense anger, filling him at the sight of the burned and twisted locks. "I have to cut off THAT MUCH? I'll look like Sasuke by the time I'm done!"
Sasori sighed, patting the younger man's shoulder sympathetically. "I'll go get your sword and hold down Deidara."
"My poor hair.."
12. Breakfast
Itachi shuffled into the kitchen at 5:30, rubbing his eyes with ink-stained hands. He bumped into something hard, but pliable, and cracked open one eye to see Sasori bent over slightly, staring into the pantry with a critical expression. "...good morning?"
"We are out of food. Again. AGAIN." Sasori glared at the shelves as if they would restock themselves out of fear.
Itachi turned and leaned over as well, blinking. "We have oatmeal."
"You eat OATMEAL?"
"....no."
"Didn't think so." Sasori reached in, shoving the can of oatmeal to the side.
Itachi felt another bump on his other side, and a higher-pitched whining. "Good morning, Deidara."
"...ugh. Is there anything to eat, Sasori-danna?" Deidara whined, pointedly ignoring Itachi's greeting.
"No. That blue fucker ATE it all."
Itachi raised an eyebrow, but didn't open his eyes more. "Are you sure it was him?"
Sasori considered this for a moment. "KISAME! GET IN HERE!"
The three heard a thump, then another, then Kisame stumbled into the kitchen, nearly crashing into Deidara. "Why are we all standing around in here?"
"You ATE everything."
"No I didn't!" Kisame yawned, looking into the pantry. "Well GOOD. Someone ate those horrible chips. I thought they'd be in there forever."
"I told you to throw them out." Itachi deadpanned, reaching in and pushing a few cans aside.
Kisame ignored the comment, looking around. "Where's Zetsu?"
"Mission. He left around midnight, un." Deidara gave Kisame a look of distrust. "If you didn't raid the pantry, and Zetsu's gone, un.."
The four turned and looked up the hall, then at each other.
"Tobi."
The decision to exact revenge on the Akatsuki candidate was mutual and unspoken; but they had more pressing matters at the moment. Turning once more, they examined the nearly-empty pantry.
"We have chicken in a can, un."
"...who the hell thought that up?"
"Who thought up tuna in a can? It's disgusting if it's not fresh."
"Shut up, Kisame."
"We have corn flakes."
"Itachi, those are ancient. They might be older than you."
"........"
"So how much money do we have, un?"
They fell silent. Payday was still a few days away. And though they could threaten someone at a restaurant into giving them food, none of them felt like it.
"...okay, okay. We have bread, we can cut off the mold. We have rice. I think we might even have an egg or two. What's wrong with all that? Look, potatoes. Just cut off these.. green.. things." Kisame was really trying, but failing. Itachi looked slightly sick, and Deidara seemed frustrated. Sasori just continued staring at the cans.
Itachi was the first to break the silence again. "The rice is still good. I think we have tea. It's better than nothing. We can force Tobi to buy us all breakfast after we eat SOMETHING so we have energy enough to beat him up."
Sasori snorted. "I don't want to just beat him up. I want to kill him for being annoying."
"We aren't killing him without Rei-sama's permission."
"But-"
"Shut up and start cooking the rice, Sasori. It's your turn to make breakfast."
"I hope I give you all food poisoning."
14. Infiltration
The mission was one of utmost secrecy and stealth. A single wrong move would bring death to both the ninjas attempting it. Deidara didn't so much as breathe as he inched closer, Sasori immediately behind him. Their socks made no sound on the tatami. Their cloaks were long abandoned in favor of maneuverability and silence; they wore simply their fishnet shirts and loose pants.
His heart pounded, hearing the feather-soft sigh from the floor. He glanced down, cold beads of sweat on the back of his neck. His hands remained clenched into fists, forcing the mouths shut. Just a couple yards more..
Sasori stepped around him, doll joints moving silently as he lifted the lid to the chest at the far end of the room. His eyes widened the very slightest bit, a slow grin crossing his face as he cleaned the drawer out. Deidara glanced down again, fear prickling his skin. With a quick gesture, he called Sasori over, and the two left the room, door gliding shut behind them.
The next afternoon, after his bath, Itachi stared into the dresser, frowning. He closed his eyes, inhaling. The room didn't smell like fish, cheap children's candies, or rotting meat. Standing, he adjusted the yukata tighter around himself, pushing the door open and stepping across the hall into Sasori and Deidara's room. "Where are they?"
"Where's what, Itachi-chan?" Sasori drawled from where he lay on the porch, watching the day go by.
Itachi glared, turning to Deidara. "Where are they?"
"I-I dunno what you're talking about, un! Have you asked Kisame, un?" Deidara blinked at the slightly younger man, looking as innocent as a kitten.
Sharingan eyes glared back. "It's not a good idea to lie to me, Deidara."
Deidara whimpered, and was just about to open his mouth to confess when Kisame barrelled into the room, trying not to laugh as he waved his arm at Itachi. "Hey Itachi, I found your-"
Itachi charged past him, running outside, only to find all his boxers decorating a pine tree near the road. Deidara and Sasori, who'd followed to see his reaction, fell over each other trying to get back inside before the Uchiha could hear their shrieks of laughter. Itachi stared at the tree, fists clenched at his sides, before finally uttering in a very cold voice, "Kisame, go for a walk."
"A walk?"
"Yes. Get out of here. You didn't see anything."
Kisame grinned and wandered off, chuckling to himself, feeling a little sorry for Deidara and Sasori.
17. Afternoon
It was a boring Saturday afternoon. One of those summer afternoons when the air is thick with cicadas and tiny flies, and minds become restless.
It'd started with a simple question. But knowing the two people who'd asked the question, it could only turn into this.
"Don't swing it so much!"
"Shh! You'll wake him up, un!"
In the bushes, something dark stirred, then struck. The string snapped, the raw chicken at the end disappearing into the greenery.
"I TOLD you, un!"
"Okay, okay. You were right. I'll give you the money when I get paid."
"No fair!"
"What are you doing?" Kisame, led by curiousity, had left the slightly cooler refuge of the porch to see what shenanigans his comrades were up to in the garden.
Deidara looked triumphant. "I was right, that's all, un."
Sasori frowned. "Don't get so cocky."
Kisame peered into the bushes, grinning. "Hey Zetsu, enjoying your lunch?"
"It's raw."
"It's delicious."
Deidara made a face, then burst into giggles again. Sasori stomped back to the house, an amused Kisame following. It was just one of those afternoons, afterall.
18. Love
"Your brother's hot, Itachi."
Itachi's hand paused in the middle of a sweep of nail polish. He was silent for several seconds, before finally stating, "you were partnered with Orochimaru too long, Sasori. It's rubbed off."
Sasori chuckled, flipping through the photos their spy had gathered. "He is. I think you lied. He doesn't look thirteen."
"Stop ogling my foolish little brother. That's disgusting."
The puppetmaster leaned closer, grinning. "Is it, now? Or are you just jealous that one of your partners-in-crime thinks your extremely underaged brother is sexy?"
He replaced the brush, waving his hands to dry the purple lacquer. "He's THIRTEEN, Sasori. He's also obsessed with power. He probably doesn't know the first thing about sex. I doubt he's ever even looked at a girl that way."
"Our spy said he made some comment about reviving the clan, though." Sasori raised his eyebrows. "So he must know something. Maybe he even has someone in mind to help him."
"No way." Itachi suppressed a shudder. "Sasuke, revive the clan? No way. He may continue the NAME, and the Sharingan, but the clan would be pathetically weaker for it. I'm the only one who can be expected to revive it to the way it's supposed to be."
Sasori grinned. "And yet, he wants to kill you. Smart kid."
"I told you he was an idiot."
"You know..." Sasori paused at one picture, still grinning. "I don't think he really hates you as much as he wishes."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious." Itachi began collecting the pictures, frowning.
"In fact... I'd go so far as to say he might love you."
"I always knew you were insane."
"You don't love him?"
Itachi was silent for a few moments, looking quietly at one of the pictures. Sasori leaned over, chuckling. He'd missed this one; it was a picture of Sasuke sleeping, hugging a pillow. Finally, Itachi murmured, "It's different than your definition of love. I don't quite know how to explain it. He disgusts me, he's pathetic and weak, he barely deserves to be called an Uchiha.."
"But you can't help but love the little shit, is that it? Even though he probably gets off imagining your blood on his hands and your corpse at his feet?"
"Shut the hell up. You don't sound like a pedo anymore, you sound like a necrophiliac."
Sasori tilted his head. "You know I'm right."
Itachi sighed. "It's too difficult to explain. We are unique brothers, that's about the only way I can say it. He wants to kill me, and will continue to be blind to reason until he does. The end."
The redhead pouted. "Lame. You two would be cute together."
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." Itachi muttered, and that was that.
24. Eyes
It was about a week after Itachi had become an Akatsuki candidate, and things seemed to be going smoothly. Each of the elder members had gone on missions with him, Orochimaru being the last. In fact, it seemed pretty certain he'd be approved.
The evening of his return from the Cloud country, after his mission with Orochimaru, Itachi entered Sasori's room, looking nervous. When Sasori watched him expectantly, he finally muttered "Don't you have to go on a mission tonight?"
"Cancelled. Your mission went so smoothly that I don't have to go. I was just supposed to be clean-up in case something went wrong." Sasori replied, returning his attention to repairing a crack in Hiroku's arm.
"Oh.. Orochimaru doesn't seem to realize that."
Sasori nodded and kept working, then stopped. "I thought he knew."
"He said he wanted to test me. Something about my eyes." Itachi examined a scroll hanging on the wall.
"........Yes, he does seem quite fascinated with them. That's all he talks about anymore. He even mutters in his sleep." Sasori frowned, setting the arm in his lap. "He probably has ulterior motives, too."
Itachi said nothing, but Sasori could feel the waves of fear and distrust coming off him.
"In fact.." Sasori purred, "I'd go so far as to say he'd try to steal your beloved Sharingan, then rape you and dump you in the forest."
More silence, more fear.
"You know.. none of us really like Orochimaru. He's annoying. He's obsessed with immortality and jutsus. No one trusts him. You don't have to either. What was the name of that jutsu you're so famous for?"
"Tsukiyomi." Itachi's voice was a perfect monotone, a bit too perfect.
Sasori grinned lazily. "How about giving him a first-person look at it?"
A good ten seconds went by, in complete silence, before Itachi turned, bowed deeply and murmured his thanks, then left the room. Sasori went back to work on his doll.
Orochimaru spent the next two days unconscious, and by the end of the week, he was gone. No one missed him.
28. Evil
"Sasori-danna, are we evil?"
Sasori glanced from the night sky to Deidara, who lay not far from him, also watching the meteor shower. "What rock have you been living under?"
Itachi spit a watermelon seed into the grass. "Lighten up on him. He's having another one of his philosophical moments."
"Again?"
Deidara rolled over. "What are we gonna do with the Bijuu once we have them again? We're taking over the world, un?"
Kisame laughed. "We could do that right now, what's wrong with you?"
Another watermelon seed made its home in the grass. "I'm not fighting the Godaime Hokage. You couldn't pay me enough to fight her."
"Afraid, Itachi?"
"No. I'm just not stupid." He tossed the rind aside, flopping onto his back. "She could probably take down a mountain with a few punches, and she knows about the Mangekyou. She'd be too hard to fight without a bijuu. Preferably the Kyuubi."
"You just have the hots for it, don't you?" One could hear the grin in Sasori's voice.
"No. I'm not like Orochimaru." Itachi stretched, yawning.
Sasori sighed. "Anyway, Deidara. With some of the idiot Daimyo running the major countries, they'd probably be better off if we took over. Evil is a subjective term. For example, Tobi may be considered evil wherever the Hell he came from, but to us, he's like a kid."
Tobi sat up. "What is it, Sasori-san?"
"Nothing. Go back to counting stars or ants or whatever you were doing."
"Okay." Tobi replied agreeably, laying back down.
"And they say Itachi's evil back in Konoha, but he's only really evil if you wake him up early."
Itachi raised his arm high enough for Sasori to see him make an extremely rude gesture. "You're no saint first thing in the morning either."
"Understand now, Deidara?"
Nothing but the sound of cicadas.
"Deidara?"
"What were we talking about again, Sasori-danna?"
"Nevermind."
Full list:
1. Alcohol
2. Kittens
3. Rainy day
4. Puppet
5. Tsukiyomi
6. Fish
7. Rivalry
8. Ghost story
9. Snacks
10. Desertion
11. Hair
12. Breakfast
13. Betrayal
14. Infiltration
15. Training
16. Mission
17. Afternoon
18. Love
19. Hate
20. Fascination
21. Tobi
22. Onsen
23. Caught
24. Eyes
25. Laughter
26. Venom
27. Traitor
28. Evil
29. Freak show
30. Art class
31. Humanity
32. Masquerade
33. Waiting
34. Lies
35. Mistake
36. Death
37. Newest addition
38. Illusion
39. Extraction
40. "Un!"
41. Celebration
42. Zetsu
43. Change of plans
44. Useless
45. Panic
46. Newspaper
47. Hobbies
48. Dodgeball
49. Prank
50. Child