Homeward Bound
I've been so awful about updating in here. The last real entry I wrote was on November 10th, and it wasn't even a real entry. It was a few snippets from the month before. Man, I suck.
In all honesty and not to make excuses here, I've been really depressed. I've been keeping up with you guys, but haven't been saying a lot. I've been very mopey. I miss home, my family, my friends, and my culture. That sounds silly because I'm still in America, but it's almost like I'm in a different country all the way out here in Kansas.
Thanksgiving was hard. It was nice to spend it with Greg's family, but it made me miss my family even more. And it made me begin to dread Christmas, because I know I won't be spending it with them either. Every time I saw Christmas decorations in the mall or on my way to work the week after Thanksgiving I wanted to cry my eyes out.*
But...
I'm coming home to visit right after Christmas!
I'm flying out of Kansas City on Thursday, December 28th, and will arrive in Boston around 5:00 pm. (3 hour and something layover in Milwaukee, WI. There were other flights that had a half hour layover but I was like no freakin' way... I'm not going to risk being late for my second flight.) I will be staying until Sunday, January 7th. So keep me posted on your New Years Eve plans, homies.
And I just need to say this to my friends at home, because it's been weighing on me lately:
I miss all of you. I think about you every day. I don't call all the time because I hate the phone, but you are always in my thoughts. Please, please don't forget about me. I'm still here. This is hard. Probably harder than anything I've ever done. I need you. I want to keep in touch more, but every time I get off the phone with one of you I feel like I'm going to cry, because I miss you so much and I love you. I need to get over it because that's better than not being in touch at all. I hope you don't think I'm a jerk or that I've moved on and created a brand new life. That's not the case at all. You are all irreplacable and I don't want to lose you. Distance is a bitch and it makes it harder to be a good friend, but I'm determined to do the best I can. Help me out.
I also need to yell at myself:
Update more often. So what you're depressed. GET OVER IT. People care about you and want to read you. You have things to say. I know, because I'm your brain and I listen to your thoughts all the time. Don't worry about sounding like a douchebag. It's better to be a douchebag than nothing. Write, write, write. Get it out, you stubborn bitch. Get out of this funk. You can do better than this.
*I did cry my eyes out while listening to "Silent Night" on Elvis Presley's Christmas CD in the car. It reminded me of going to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve with my Dad. I remember how everybody was given a candle before they went into the church, and during the service we would light the candles and sing "Silent Night" and "O Holy Night." It was always such a beautiful service, and being in St. Charles Church made it even more beautiful with its stained-glass windows, the statues of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph and the high ceilings painted like a star-filled night sky.
In all honesty and not to make excuses here, I've been really depressed. I've been keeping up with you guys, but haven't been saying a lot. I've been very mopey. I miss home, my family, my friends, and my culture. That sounds silly because I'm still in America, but it's almost like I'm in a different country all the way out here in Kansas.
Thanksgiving was hard. It was nice to spend it with Greg's family, but it made me miss my family even more. And it made me begin to dread Christmas, because I know I won't be spending it with them either. Every time I saw Christmas decorations in the mall or on my way to work the week after Thanksgiving I wanted to cry my eyes out.*
But...
I'm coming home to visit right after Christmas!
I'm flying out of Kansas City on Thursday, December 28th, and will arrive in Boston around 5:00 pm. (3 hour and something layover in Milwaukee, WI. There were other flights that had a half hour layover but I was like no freakin' way... I'm not going to risk being late for my second flight.) I will be staying until Sunday, January 7th. So keep me posted on your New Years Eve plans, homies.
And I just need to say this to my friends at home, because it's been weighing on me lately:
I miss all of you. I think about you every day. I don't call all the time because I hate the phone, but you are always in my thoughts. Please, please don't forget about me. I'm still here. This is hard. Probably harder than anything I've ever done. I need you. I want to keep in touch more, but every time I get off the phone with one of you I feel like I'm going to cry, because I miss you so much and I love you. I need to get over it because that's better than not being in touch at all. I hope you don't think I'm a jerk or that I've moved on and created a brand new life. That's not the case at all. You are all irreplacable and I don't want to lose you. Distance is a bitch and it makes it harder to be a good friend, but I'm determined to do the best I can. Help me out.
I also need to yell at myself:
Update more often. So what you're depressed. GET OVER IT. People care about you and want to read you. You have things to say. I know, because I'm your brain and I listen to your thoughts all the time. Don't worry about sounding like a douchebag. It's better to be a douchebag than nothing. Write, write, write. Get it out, you stubborn bitch. Get out of this funk. You can do better than this.
*I did cry my eyes out while listening to "Silent Night" on Elvis Presley's Christmas CD in the car. It reminded me of going to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve with my Dad. I remember how everybody was given a candle before they went into the church, and during the service we would light the candles and sing "Silent Night" and "O Holy Night." It was always such a beautiful service, and being in St. Charles Church made it even more beautiful with its stained-glass windows, the statues of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph and the high ceilings painted like a star-filled night sky.