I'm gonna do my best to take my place in the sun...
A few years back I wrote about my decision to start art school:
Change is hard for me. Change...change is something that I need to prepare myself for gradually, slowly; taking baby steps so that each aspect of this change is interpreted and nurtured and generally taken apart and put back together in a push and pull of life affirmation. But I can do change. I can accept change. Just expect panic attacks along the way.
It's not a question of whether I can [do it] anymore, it's a question of how quickly do I want my cozy little world to break apart, how soon do I want to have to try and figure everything out once again after the pieces are disassembled and turned upside down?
I'm beginning to realize that's just my definition of change. Period. It's this all-encompassing, stomach churning, worrying, sometimes forced-upon-you upheaval. And while you know you can do it, and overcome it - it's still there leering at you with its What Ifs and Buts.
You'd think that with all the change that has occurred in my life (moving every couple of years as a kid, the myriad schools, changing my major/job several times) that I'd be used to this. I'd have proven to myself that I can handle it! Here I come world! Yaah! And yet...here we are. That same nausea. Heart pounding. Fatigue. The want to seclude myself from everyone and just go back to bed. Why can't I just embrace change, welcome it, realize that it's an everyday part of life?
But it's all on how I look at it. Actually, even just writing about it makes me start thinking about how good change can be, and how well i've been able to overcome it time and time again. I'm slowly coming back into my own, finding the old Ashley again and I can't let myself take a step backwards just because I'm afraid of going forwards.
I remember Daddy told me: "Fairytales can come true
You gotta make 'em happen, it all depends on you"
So I work real hard each and every day
Now things for sure are going my way
Just doing what I do
Look out boys, I'm coming through!!
♥
Change is hard for me. Change...change is something that I need to prepare myself for gradually, slowly; taking baby steps so that each aspect of this change is interpreted and nurtured and generally taken apart and put back together in a push and pull of life affirmation. But I can do change. I can accept change. Just expect panic attacks along the way.
It's not a question of whether I can [do it] anymore, it's a question of how quickly do I want my cozy little world to break apart, how soon do I want to have to try and figure everything out once again after the pieces are disassembled and turned upside down?
I'm beginning to realize that's just my definition of change. Period. It's this all-encompassing, stomach churning, worrying, sometimes forced-upon-you upheaval. And while you know you can do it, and overcome it - it's still there leering at you with its What Ifs and Buts.
You'd think that with all the change that has occurred in my life (moving every couple of years as a kid, the myriad schools, changing my major/job several times) that I'd be used to this. I'd have proven to myself that I can handle it! Here I come world! Yaah! And yet...here we are. That same nausea. Heart pounding. Fatigue. The want to seclude myself from everyone and just go back to bed. Why can't I just embrace change, welcome it, realize that it's an everyday part of life?
But it's all on how I look at it. Actually, even just writing about it makes me start thinking about how good change can be, and how well i've been able to overcome it time and time again. I'm slowly coming back into my own, finding the old Ashley again and I can't let myself take a step backwards just because I'm afraid of going forwards.
I remember Daddy told me: "Fairytales can come true
You gotta make 'em happen, it all depends on you"
So I work real hard each and every day
Now things for sure are going my way
Just doing what I do
Look out boys, I'm coming through!!
♥