Funky Stuff
Wow. Some weird stuff has gone on these past few weeks. Good stuff though, mostly. Dan and I are on a break, and it made me realize that sure, I love him, but I'm not IN love with him. Yes, there's a difference. Love is where you care deeply about someone, but not romantically. You can love a friend or a family member. Being in love is when you get butterflies when you think of them, and your soul explodes when they hurt you. You shouldn't be IN love with a friend or family member. Unless the friend is hot. Then it's cool. So I realized that I do love Dan, but hell, I also love Tommy and my dad. I've only been in love once. And it was amazing. And I miss it. Surprizingly, the past few weeks I've caught myself thinking about Matt alot. Every so often I reach for the phone to call him, or I think about sending him an e-mail. I truly do miss him beyond belief. And I am still in love with him. I worked alot over this vacation, and hung out with some friends. I saw Dan at Fat Pipe the other night, and it only augmented my realization that I don't want to be with him anymore. I'd rather be with someone who means it when they say "I love you" and doesn't just say it because it sounds nice and they think they love me. I made a huge mistake a month ago, by choosing Dan. I should have said "Fuck it" and walked away from the situation with a clean conscience. It would have been easier. I don't really have any regrets about me and Dan though. Well, maybe one. I regret the fact that he thinks I am way more broken up over losing him than I really am. Frankly, I couldn't care less, but I think he believes I cry myself to sleep over him. Maybe earlier in the relationship, but I wasn't really crying over him, I was crying over the confusion in my head. I love being single again. I get to check out anyone I want, not that being in a relationship stopped me, but when I see people I'm interested in, now I can act on any thoughts I may be having. Right now I'm not zooming in on any one person, but I have a few thoughts I can act on. Leila and I have hung out a bit, and there's a new volunteer at Tack, he's kind of cute, and then there's Random Hot Senior, and the nice guy in my math class, and the guy from the movies, and the girl from the pool hall... ah, the list goes on and on... And of course there's Matt, my one and only... speaking of which, his birthday is this month... I should call him or something... ::slaps hand:: "Bad Danni!!" hehe...
I'm still here..under the moon. I was just a child but you seemed like so much more. The way you would approach me and drift across the floor, I'd see you in the hall and you'd kiss me with a smile. I never understood it was I even worth your while? The other kids at school they would hate me and they'd spit. Cuz I was just a no one to them I wasn't shit. But you would always hold me and stand there by my side, We were only 15 we'd be together till we died...
^to my one and only^
I'm still here..under the moon. I was just a child but you seemed like so much more. The way you would approach me and drift across the floor, I'd see you in the hall and you'd kiss me with a smile. I never understood it was I even worth your while? The other kids at school they would hate me and they'd spit. Cuz I was just a no one to them I wasn't shit. But you would always hold me and stand there by my side, We were only 15 we'd be together till we died...
^to my one and only^