Today I became part of the faceless slug of humanity...
And this has sent me spiralling back into a deep depression.
Today I was disembarking at the Parker Rd rail station on my way to a friend's house to assist with moving and unpacking the new house. Not ten feet away from me a woman suddenly stops, collapses, and begins seizing in the middle of the platform.
I have held lifeguard certifications. I have been trained as a first responder. I have assisted at car accidents, resuscitated near drowning victims, performed the heimleich maneuver, stopped bleeding, splinted broken bones, stitched flesh wounds and in many various and sundry other ways applied my useful and potentially life saving skills to the ever shifting flow of humanity when the situation arises.
Except today. Today I just stood there. I don't know why. I was not afraid. I had no malicious or malevolent intent. For the sum total of the amount of seconds it took the DART personnel to reach her side and radio for help I stepped outside myself and looked on from the sidelines. I stood there and I watched. Clinically my brain went through the steps I should be taking to assist her and make sure that she didn't suffocate, hit her head, or otherwise injure herself or someone else during the inevitable process.
Factually, my body refused to respond or move. And now, I can't determine the reason why. To the casual onlooker I'm sure I looked like I froze in panic as humans are wont to do. But I know differently. And it bothers me on a massive scale.
Today I was disembarking at the Parker Rd rail station on my way to a friend's house to assist with moving and unpacking the new house. Not ten feet away from me a woman suddenly stops, collapses, and begins seizing in the middle of the platform.
I have held lifeguard certifications. I have been trained as a first responder. I have assisted at car accidents, resuscitated near drowning victims, performed the heimleich maneuver, stopped bleeding, splinted broken bones, stitched flesh wounds and in many various and sundry other ways applied my useful and potentially life saving skills to the ever shifting flow of humanity when the situation arises.
Except today. Today I just stood there. I don't know why. I was not afraid. I had no malicious or malevolent intent. For the sum total of the amount of seconds it took the DART personnel to reach her side and radio for help I stepped outside myself and looked on from the sidelines. I stood there and I watched. Clinically my brain went through the steps I should be taking to assist her and make sure that she didn't suffocate, hit her head, or otherwise injure herself or someone else during the inevitable process.
Factually, my body refused to respond or move. And now, I can't determine the reason why. To the casual onlooker I'm sure I looked like I froze in panic as humans are wont to do. But I know differently. And it bothers me on a massive scale.