Paradox-o-rama Trope drabbles
Trope: Alcohol is Poison
It took him a while to notice Penny wasn't drinking. There was always some colorful drink in front of her, but something was off. Oh, sure, she was being social, laughing and joking around, but... Leonard glanced over from the dance floor to see Penny perched on her bar stool, Sheldon standing behind her. She was leaning back a little against him and he had an arm wrapped around her. By this time of night, Penny should be coaxing Sheldon to join them dancing horribly on the dance floor or leading the bar in a rousing singalong. Sitting quietly on a stool, cuddling with her husband? Definitely abnormal behavior.
Leonard made the universal sign for 'I need a drink' to his dance partner and she nodded before drifting away in the crowd. He probably wouldn't see her again and he looked after her wistfully before heading to the bar. He had a mystery to solve. Leaning over so the bartender could hear him over the pulsating music, he pointed at Penny's drink and said,
"Two more, please."
Penny's hands curled protectively around her drink as she straightened.
"Oh, you wouldn't like this, Leonard. It's really fruity and girly."
He shrugged and replied,
"At this point in the evening, I don't think it could really hurt my image any further."
The bartender slid the drinks in front of them. Leonard picked up his drink and watched as Penny looked up at Sheldon with a nervous expression on her face. He could already tell, but he took a sip to make sure. Fruity flavors exploded on his tongue, but there was no burn from the alcohol. He set the glass back on the bar and crossed his arms.
"This is virgin. No alcohol to speak of. Penny, why have you been drinking virgins all night?"
She stammered a little, but Leonard thought he had a pretty good idea. He looked thoughtfully at her torso before letting his gaze trail up to her chest. She looked a little bigger than he remembered. His fingers twitched a little and his reverie was broken by Sheldon moving into his line of sight. He looked up at his friend.
"If it will get you to cease ogling my wife, I will confirm your suspicion. Yes, Penny is pregnant. We're having a baby."
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Trope: They Wasted a Perfectly Good Sandwich
Penny stared at the table in disbelief. She was on an early afternoon shift at the Cheesecake Factory. It had seemed like another soul-killing day like any other, but now there was this. There had been a couple here, not five minutes ago, deep in conversation. The guy had made a motion for the check and she'd slipped it onto the table quietly to avoid disturbing them. she swung back to see if they were ready and they were just gone. Oh, they'd paid, leaving a giant wad of cash, more than enough to cover the meal and a decent sized tip. It was like they were in such a hurry to leave, they just pulled money out at random and dropped it on the table. Who did that? Who could afford to do that?
Still, that wasn't the weirdest part. The guy had ordered a club sandwich with fries. The girl had ordered a barbecue chicken pizza. They'd sat there for a good thirty minutes with the food before asking for the check. All normal, right? No. They hadn't touched any of their food. The toothpick was still in the sandwich, the fries lying in a jumble next to the sandwich. The pizza hadn't been cut, a perfect untouched oval. They hadn't complained, hadn't asked for a doggie bag, just ordered food and then didn't touch it. Who did that?
She looked around as if she would find a camera crew and Ashton ready to tell her that she'd been punk'd. Nothing. Just the usual forks clinking and children crying. Penny shook her head and began to clear off the table. She muttered,
"What a waste of a perfectly good sandwich."
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Trope: Umbrella Drink
On their first date, she ordered a cocktail. The waiter brought it to the table and he stared at it thoughtfully for a moment. It was brightly colored, an unnatural shade of pink, with chunks of fruit bobbing in the liquid. The concoction was topped off by a garishly red paper umbrella. The whole drink looked patently ridiculous and he told her so. She sniped back at him and, just like that, the tension was broken. Date or no date, he was Sheldon and she was Penny & they already knew how to be with each other. As they were leaving, he saw her slip the umbrella into her purse and smiled a little.
When he asked her to marry him, he brought her back to the same restaurant. They'd come back here, now and then, over the years, so she didn't suspect anything. He'd spoken to the waiter secretly, on the pretext of going to the bathroom. Shortly after he slid back in his seat, the waiter brought over his diet coke and an enormous cocktail for her. The man quickly departed even though Penny was protesting that she didn't order the drink. He cleared his throat and drew her attention. Carefully, he placed the black velvet box on the table and, disposing with the tradition of going down on one knee (really, how clean could this floor be?), he asked her. With tears in her eyes, she nodded and when she smiled brightly at him, it felt like he could breathe again. This time, when they left, he took the umbrella.
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Trope: Book Dumb
It wasn't until they moved in together that Sheldon fully realized what he was dealing with. Penny was smart. Not genius level smart, of course, but smarter than he gave her credit for. He felt vaguely guilty about it. Mostly, though, he felt angry that he'd missed all the signs. There was her talent for strategy. She was fierce on the paintball field and fully dominated all war gaming. When they played Halo, she won eight times out of ten. Penny could also be cunning and devious in her personal interactions. He could still remember her smirking at him from the laundry room doorway as all the washers thumped through their cycles.
Then there was her aptitude for mechanical objects. Despite her lackadaisical attitude towards her car, she regularly performed the maintenance herself. She rotated the tires and changed the oil & filters all by herself, claiming a lack of money. He was starting to suspect that she left the check engine light on just to mock him. The car still shuddered alarmingly when she forced him to take the wheel for driving lessons, but, in all the time he'd known her, it had never broken down.
She was incapable of advanced calculations, but she could easily do basic arithmetic in her head without resorting to her fingers. He attributed it to her training as a waitress. They'd go grocery shopping and she would know their total before they got to the register. It was very handy in double-checking the cashiers. More than once, she'd caught something that wasn't properly modified to be on sale or scanned twice. He thought that this more than made up for the fact she couldn't keep to a budget.
During the holiday season, she was in charge of sending out the Christmas cards and doing the obligatory shopping for presents. She practically had his entire family tree memorized, all the twisted and winding branches, and knew the proper gift for each person. She went with him to the university holiday parties and reminded him of names and affiliations. He could spend hours explaining his latest paper to her and she would never 'get' it, but she could repeat the abstract back to him word for word.
When she found him scowling at the pieces of a new bookcase, she shooed him out of the room with instructions to make her some tea. By the time he came back, steaming mug in hand, the bookcase was nearly finished. He stood there, watching her. Her hair was messy, tendrils of her hair escaping her ponytail and brushing her cheek. Her brow was furrowed in concentration as she snapped the last bit together. She stepped back to view her work before brushing her hands together. Tossing the tool she was holding in the general vicinity of the box, she turned. Seeing him framed in the doorway, she raised her eyebrows, a quizzical expression on her face. He put the mug on the nearest flat surface before crossing over to her. Leaning down, he kissed her, thinking to himself, "Our babies will be smart and beautiful. But mostly smart."
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Trope: Your Favorite
He freezes in the act of grabbing the cookies off the shelf. Leonard looks at him curiously.
"What's wrong?"
Sheldon shakes his head and mutters, "Nothing," before tossing the cookies in the basket. In truth, something is very much the matter. It's not that the cookies weren't on the list, they were, but it's the very fact that they were on the list that's causing him difficulties. He doesn't particularly care for this brand of cookies and they make Leonard sick, triggering one of his various intolerances. Penny, however, loves them, especially the week before her time of the month. When had he started automatically shopping for her? He pushes it out of his head in favor of arguing with the cashier regarding coupons.
He is reminded rather violently the next morning when she comes stumbling into the apartment, a chipped mug clutched in her hands. A moment or two later, he finds himself staring at the fat free milk she prefers along with two packets of sugar lying on the counter. He doesn't remember making a conscious decision to fetch the items, but there they were and she was just reaching the island. Her hair is sticking out every which way, her robe has a stain on the left side, and her nightgown is hopelessly wrinkled. As she takes the first sip of coffee, she breathes a sigh of relief. Then she blinks up blearily at him and smiles. His knees go weak and he starts to think he has a problem.
It eats at him all week until he goes over to her apartment for 'Educating Penny on Classic Sci-Fic' night. He can almost smell it from across the hall. He knocks and she opens the door, glorious scents wafting out to greet him. Pasta is bubbling in a pot and sauce is simmering on the oven, the sharpness of the tomatoes mingling with the heavy aroma from the hot dogs. Penny hands him a glass of Diet Coke before moving to drain the pasta. As he sips it, he catches sight of his favorite pound cake tucked away in a corner and he is suddenly, inexplicably, happy.
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Trope: Going Native
It had been the opportunity of a lifetime for the three of them: two week singles cruise. Howard loved it because it meant the women had no place to flee to. Raj loved it because now he had a perfect excuse for drinking while talking to women. Leonard loved it because Sheldon flatly refused to go. They'd had an okay time, accumulating more misses than hits, but Leonard had found a rather nice girl. They'd exchanged contact information and so he was happy when he walked through the door of his apartment. He was all set for a battle because it was Sunday and he knew precisely what the schedule called for. However, he was not in the mood at all, being rather jet-lagged.
However, the apartment was empty when he came in. He checked the counter, but didn't find an note. Sheldon wasn't in his bedroom and the bed was as crisply made as ever. It was definitely unusual, but he didn't get worried quite yet. No, the worry came four hours later, when he heard the noises in the hall. Leonard flung the door open to see Sheldon standing close to a giddy Penny. Her hands were wrapped around his biceps, but what Leonard really found shocking was the fact that Sheldon was wearing jeans and sneakers. At the sound of the door opening, Sheldon looked up.
"Leonard, you've returned home! Were you successful in your attempts to obtain intercourse?"
There was a twang in his voice, along with a slight slur, and Leonard realized Sheldon had been drinking. Penny giggled softly and she turned to unlock her door.
"Um, hey, guys. What's, uh, up? I was getting a little worried. You obviously deviated from the schedule..."
Penny giggled again and Sheldon smirked down at her. Leonard wasn't sure what the hell was going on, but perhaps he had caught some kind of illness from the ship. Sheldon replied,
"Well, see, while you were gone, Penny was bored and she kept pestering me, so I thought I would take advantage of the opportunity to conduct anthropological observations on her lifestyle. And, you know what, Leonard? Dancing is pretty fun if it's not with your sister."
Penny opened her door and slipped through, leaving it open a crack. Sheldon looked after her before saying,
"As the colloquialism goes, Leonard, don't wait up."
Sheldon seemed to adjust an imaginary cowboy hat and then followed Penny into the apartment, slamming the door closed behind him. Leonard stood alone in the hallway, very, very confused.
"What just happened?"
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Trope: Subject 101
Author's Notes: This is a bit steamy & it was meant to go for a bit longer, but it's BBQ time!
They call it Physicality 101 and if the other boys ever ask, they plan to tell them they're exercising. Well, their hearts are certainly racing.
Penny is the instructor. Sheldon is the willing pupil. It's almost cliched and if you asked her, she could probably reference a million examples from pop culture. However, it's not all montages and '80s songs. There were definitely lessons that Sheldon failed the first time out. Still, slowly but surely, he is learning what he likes, learning what she likes.
Today she is straddling him, her elbows resting on his shoulders as she presses soft kisses along his jawline. His fingers dig into the sofa cushions as he fights the urge to grab her hips. They've found he prefers to be an alpha male all the time. He's not overly aggressive, but he definitely likes to take the lead. She is trying to teach him to share the control, to give her a chance to set the pace.
He's already failed twice: first, his hands sneak to her ass, pushing her up so he can kiss her properly, the second, his palms cup the back of her thighs, fingers grazing the back of her knees. She's threatened to tie him up if he fails a third time. He swallowed hard, his pupils dilated, and she just knew he was picturing her tied to his bed. He loves to touch her, to explore the nooks and crannies of her body. The thought of being able to take his time, of not having to worry about her speeding up the pace, it's circling around his mind, blotting anything else. She takes a different tactic and dangles the possibility as a reward for passing the lesson.