Update for 2007

[ladylee1983]

I feel like everything in my life is paused right now, just for a moment. Maybe things are going so well, I wish it would. This is one of those moments I'll remember after I've moved on and graduated, left Iowa for good. I'll remember this feeling and think of my final year in class this way, that life was good, really good. Classes weren't easy, but I got the flow down to a science and I did well. Not excellent, but I'm ok with that. Work continues as before, good days and bad. I suppose my professional life was never really a problem. Somewhere inside me is the drive and motivation to do well. (intermixed with the desire to be lazy...what can I say?) I don't know where it comes from, but I have learned that if you really want something, you can work for it and get it. I guess just the american mindset. But I think the bigger questions in my life came from my personal side. I worried about keeping in contact with friends, as I go back and forth between two states, and balancing the two. It still confuses me how my friends could be so different... to the point where they can't stand eachother. It makes me a little sad, but I suppose it's not important. But as I enter into the home stretch, I realize that I have a few good friends I imagine and hope to keep talking to, but I have family also. I saw a few friends over break, but mostly I saw family. They ground me. They keep me honest. They let me know when I need to get over something and they are uplifting. They may not know exactly what I'm doing, but they are proud of me. Just sitting down with a conversation with various relatives over the holidays made that apparent. And it's not just me; all my cousins are doing well for themselves. I also have my sister, who I would be lost without. Stolen from a movie, this is true anyhow, "Without her, I don't make sense." I'm a bit of a "sap" myself. (haha, nudge, nudge). And finally, there is a male figure in my life, whom a title does not fit for us. We're at the beginning of something, and I don't like to jump into anything, but he says I make him happy, and I help him somehow. He's been there, often in the background, occasionally in front, for a handful of years now. Now he's still there, just in a realized sort of way. (I swear, it makes sense to me). He claims I make him a better man. I always think of him as a great man, who's just finding his way. He says he suffers from low self esteem. I think he is very confident, but I see it in moments when he doesn't think about it. When he makes a fool of himself in front of complete strangers with his crazy actions, or when he gets into conversations with people he's just met, often long-winded and on topics in which I simply smile and nod during. People meet him and like him. He's a bit of a natural flirt even, which normally I would hate in a boy I like, but on him, it's adorable. Maybe because I have no fears or questions of where his heart is. He's already a great guy, he just needs to realize it and be content with himself.

*(Hey, don't get all sappy on me now, I can hear you weeping already!)

So life feels fairly stable and as my last year of rotations gets announced, it will be exciting as well. Oh, happy day.