"Superman vs. Miranda Priestly"
For fans of "Superman Returns", or "The Devil Wears Prada" or both, the following was found on the "Internet Movie Database" site (IMDB). It is a hilarious encounter between Superman and Miranda Priestly:
"SUPERMAN vs. MIRANDA PRIESTLY"
Superman flies in the window at Runway magazine.
Superman: "Ms. Priestly, may I have a word with you?"
Miranda is momentarily stunned.
Miranda: (averting her eyes) "Possibly, if you find a fabric more appropriate for covering your genitalia. Emily, get this man a pair of pants... and some shoes, he seems to be wearing clown boots."
Emily: (rushes in) "Oh, gawd. Who is that? How did he get in?"
Miranda: "I don't know. I'm assuming that a man who can fly is also able to introduce himself, but perhaps I overestimate his intelligence."
Superman: (taken aback) "Haven't you heard of me? I'm Superman."
Miranda: "Is that what the 'S' means? How adorable."
Emily: (smitten) "Would you like some coffee?"
Miranda: (glares at her) "I asked you to fetch pants, not extend undue courtesy to strange, flying men. Peddle your ineffectual allure on your own time."
Emily retreats, embarassed.
Miranda: "Excuse me, Mr. 'Man', I'm really quite busy. Come back when you have an appointment. I trust you can find your own way back to the window?"
Miranda sits down at her desk and continues her work, ignoring him.
Superman: (stunned) "Pardon me, ma'am, but I ..."
Miranda: "'Mam'? 'Mam'? Do I look like a "mam"? Were you brought up on a farm?"
Superman: "Yes, in fact, I wa - ..."
Miranda: "Does this look like an environment in which your bourgeois rural charms are worth more than a cup of coffee?"
Superman: (frustrated) "Look! I was hoping I could have a brief word with you about Lois Lane."
Miranda: "Lois Lane? That sounds like a name out of a ****ographic film. Should I know this person?"
Superman: "She applied for a job here. You turned her down. You said she didn't have the writing skills of a zebra, and that a zebra would also have a better sense of skin tone. She's been crying for a week."
Miranda: "Oh, yes. She came in with that mopey child that kept sneezing and breaking things."
Superman: "Yes, that's her! I mean - urr - ... Her son is normally well-behaved..."
Miranda: "Are you her boyfriend?"
Superman: (off-guard) "Uhhh, no."
Miranda: "Why do you care so much about her career?"
Superman: "Lois is a friend of mine."
She looks him up and down.
Miranda: "Well, if she wants a job here, wouldn't it be more appropriate if you were a friend of mine?"
Superman looks at her funny. "Pardon me?"
She gets an opportunistic look on her face.
Miranda: "I'm recently divorced. I'll keep a window open tonight. You can get the address from Emily. Just show up wearing something respectable. I can't have those colors in my home."
Superman: "That is completely inappropriate, Ms. Priestly! I am not here to offer you gratuity of any kind. I just thought you'd listen to reason."
Miranda squints her eyes. "Reason? I can't reason with a test pattern, and your tone is inexpressibly vacant. It's like talking to an automatic teller machine. If you can't help me, then I can't help you. Please leave."
Superman: "With all due respect, I brought you a copy of Lois' resume, and I was hoping you'd take one last look at it. She has won a Pulitzer prize. I'm sure that will qualify her to work here."
Miranda: "Where on Earth were you storing that piece of paper when you came in here?"
Superman: "I'd rather not say."
Miranda: "Never mind, I'd rather not know."
With a protracted sigh, Miranda looks at the resume. After a moment, she laughs out loud.
Miranda: "She won a Pulitzer for writing about how the world doesn't need you? What happened there? Did you get her pregnant and abandon her with that loathesome boy?"
Superman: "*cough*..."
Miranda stands up and walks toward him.
Miranda: "Is that so? Well, if Ms. Lane's associations are any indication of her character, I should be quite reluctant to have her working here."
She hands him the resume as a sign to leave.
Superman: "You are being very rude, Ms. Prie - ..."
Superman steps forward, but Miranda raises her right hand. On it is a ring with a green gem. Superman stops suddenly, wincing in pain.
Superman: "Wh - what is that? Are you wearing Kryptonite?"
Miranda: "Yes, I am. Isn't it lovely? It can only be found in meteorites."
She moves closer to him, extending her hand. He backs away, short for breath. She's delighted by his reaction.
Miranda: "How interesting. It seems you have some kind of innate aversion to good taste."
Superman: "It's the Kryptonite! It weakens me. How did you know?"
Miranda: "Any fashion expert like myself could see that green would throw off your whole color scheme. It's only logical, I suppose, that it would also cripple your silly powers."
Superman: (dropping to the floor) "Silly powers? Who are you?"
Miranda: "I'm busy. Now leave. And don't return."
She sits back down at her desk.
Miranda: (waving her hand) "That's all."
Superman crawls out the door and, in his weakened state, collapses outside the office just as Emily scurries back with the pants.
Miranda: "Emily! Pick up the annoying man and take him downstairs. Try not to become impregnated on the elevator. He's handsome but unreliable."