myth of fingerprints
have you ever just gotten really sick of yourself?
that's the point i'm at now. i've been working on the site since john & sicily are on strike all this week, apparently not happy with the situation they're in now and having to fly all night from tempe to burlington...little assholes... i spend days obsessing over giving you two the perfect first time together, read all this crap online to get over feeling weird about writing a sex scene, read all this ftm stuff so i can get in john's head, obsess over it really for just days and days, end up giving you guys a pretty hot first time and then one little hitch in everyone's plans and you rebel on me? wtf? it's not like i planned it, talk to lara! argh. i'm talking to the voices in my head now you guys. this is sad. they're like my children. i'm sending you all into the corner until you can behave!!!!!!!
so i decided after posting the old writing the other night that i'd get all the old writing up on the site, but instead i decided i'd post all my old music. so two days now i've been mostly listening to my own voice and songs that i have written and tonight i just cringed and said "enough!" i'm so sick of me. i like all my old songs but sometimes i sound like crap. i know we're always hardest on ourselves and they're all self recorded but i still am not happy with any of it. i know from going through it with kevin what it costs and how long it takes to go into a real studio though and i don't have the patience for that when i'm too damned scared to play out anyway. i just had to take a break because i couldn't deal with listening to myself anymore.
the pride sunburn has begun to peel not only on my forehead (eeep!) but also my shoulders now. why it waited a week to start peeling i have no idea. so every few sentences i have to peel at my shoulders. it's so distracting.
in funny randomness apparently both sally & kim think that owen wilson's nose looks like a penis.
i guess at this point it's bed, tv, replying to the new scottish_jew duncan email or trying to write more on "breathing". lara has proven to be the character most out of my control yet! as if the rest of them weren't bad enough. she has thrown us not one but two curve balls and i'm not sure how to deal with the aftermath. something bad is going to happen i'm afraid. someone is going to be very hurt by this. it's going to be all of them probably, just like in life.
sevenlumina is now with my beautiful love. (new orleans) i hope she appreciates her half as much as i do. i crave her, i ache for her. why i can't be inside her every second i will never know...
that's the point i'm at now. i've been working on the site since john & sicily are on strike all this week, apparently not happy with the situation they're in now and having to fly all night from tempe to burlington...little assholes... i spend days obsessing over giving you two the perfect first time together, read all this crap online to get over feeling weird about writing a sex scene, read all this ftm stuff so i can get in john's head, obsess over it really for just days and days, end up giving you guys a pretty hot first time and then one little hitch in everyone's plans and you rebel on me? wtf? it's not like i planned it, talk to lara! argh. i'm talking to the voices in my head now you guys. this is sad. they're like my children. i'm sending you all into the corner until you can behave!!!!!!!
so i decided after posting the old writing the other night that i'd get all the old writing up on the site, but instead i decided i'd post all my old music. so two days now i've been mostly listening to my own voice and songs that i have written and tonight i just cringed and said "enough!" i'm so sick of me. i like all my old songs but sometimes i sound like crap. i know we're always hardest on ourselves and they're all self recorded but i still am not happy with any of it. i know from going through it with kevin what it costs and how long it takes to go into a real studio though and i don't have the patience for that when i'm too damned scared to play out anyway. i just had to take a break because i couldn't deal with listening to myself anymore.
the pride sunburn has begun to peel not only on my forehead (eeep!) but also my shoulders now. why it waited a week to start peeling i have no idea. so every few sentences i have to peel at my shoulders. it's so distracting.
in funny randomness apparently both sally & kim think that owen wilson's nose looks like a penis.
i guess at this point it's bed, tv, replying to the new scottish_jew duncan email or trying to write more on "breathing". lara has proven to be the character most out of my control yet! as if the rest of them weren't bad enough. she has thrown us not one but two curve balls and i'm not sure how to deal with the aftermath. something bad is going to happen i'm afraid. someone is going to be very hurt by this. it's going to be all of them probably, just like in life.
sevenlumina is now with my beautiful love. (new orleans) i hope she appreciates her half as much as i do. i crave her, i ache for her. why i can't be inside her every second i will never know...