Your "One Rape, Please (to go)" Smells Like Bullshit
I need to stop writing essays. Particularly when I'm trying to work on fan fiction for kink memes. So, enjoy an essay about the connotations of bad word choice in conjunction with feminism and rape fantasies?
Your "One Rape, Please (to go)" Smells Like Bullshit
I read a lot. Whether it's textbooks or fan fiction or blogs or articles, I consume a lot of words each week--hell, I consume a lot of words each day. I may not like all of them (read: textbooks) or particularly agree with them, but I read nonetheless because I believe that if I don't like something, I better understand why (except for things like camel crickets and tomatoes, which I am allowed to hate on petty principles alone).
And I read a lot about sexuality and gender, two things I am extremely interested in. A large chunk of fan fiction deals with sexuality (although I may be biased, I spend a ridiculous amount of time on kink memes), and I love reading articles about sexuality, especially about breaking misconceptions about sexuality and gender being heteronormative. I am very pro-sex (for those who don't know the term, I accept people's sexualities, kinks and fetishes, regardless if they are my sexual preferences or not). And while I may not agree with others' views, I usually don't want to flame them. If I start reading something like "fags are sinners" or "homosexuality is not natural," I just stop reading and find something else, because thinking, no, dumbass, it's not, is one thing, but writing so and getting into a word-war with someone who, like me, is not going to "suddenly see the light" on that issue is generally unproductive.
But sometimes--sometimes someone says something really, really fucking stupid. Like, "I blame my recurring rape fantasy on the fact that I'm feminist."
Let me repeat that.
"I blame my recurring rape fantasy on the fact that I'm feminist."
My first thought was, Jesus fucking Christ, what the shit. My second thought was, my god are you ignorant.
These are not nice thoughts. They're judgmental and harsh and possibly untrue, but (to me) there are fundamental parts of that statement that are plain wrong.
My first problem with that statement (well, the first that I want to tackle) is the use of feminist. (And no, it's not the fact that she used a noun as an adjective.) Feminism, by definition, is striving for women's rights and equality. Her use of "feminist" perpetuates the stigmas that women are man-haters and deviant and an evil unto our society. The logic behind her statement is: Because she is a feminist, she is having rape fantasies. I can't see how someone's view on civil rights impacts a rape fantasy (is the guy of her fantasy saying shit like, "I'll fuck the right to vote out of you" or something?), or how that view causes it. It suggests that only women can be feminists (unless she believes that men can have rape fantasies too, which I somehow doubt). It suggests that all feminists are dominant in sex. It suggests that feminists cannot have sex like non-feminists, who are submissive, and that feminism creates something that is considered a sexual deviance in society.
Which comes to my second major problem: Rape fantasies are deviant. Apparently rape fantasies are wrong and bad and associate with Satan, because she blames her feminism for giving them to her, implying a wrong done to her. From what my readings have suggested, rape fantasies may be in the minority, but they are by no means uncommon. Let me state right here that I DO NOT CONDONE RAPE. (Somehow, someone is probably going to misread that statement.) However, I see nothing wrong with having rape fantasies. I see nothing wrong with enacting rape fantasies, as long as the participation is consensual and both boundaries and a safeword have been established.
Just like bondage and S&M and BDSM, rape fantasies come down to the give and take of control, and ultimately (if enacted) the trust you have in someone else. Charlie Glickman does a wonderful article about submission and dominance, and refutes this article, which included the statement that spawned this entire post. (By the way, the "Why Gender Equality Does Not Always Work In The Bedroom" made me laugh a lot, like, a lot a lot. As did "Men, Women, and the Software of Sexual Desire".) Glickman touches on the issue that pretty much sums up the horrible connotations of both rape fantasies and the "wrongness" of feminists: Being penetrated is assumed to be a submissive act, therefore a woman should be submissive. This seems to be a pervasive thought in society, stemming (most likely) from when women were nothing more than property. Even though today there are dominant women, and (some) people acknowledge this, there is still that residual thought that women are supposed to be submissive, and all women want to be submissive. As Glickman points out, rape fantasies stem from wanting to lose control, or wanting to be exempt from blame for having a sexuality. (This, women feeling guilty for being a sexual being, is an entirely different issue but one that pisses me the fuck off.) Rape fantasies revel in the fact that someone doesn't care what you want, doesn't care if you get off or not, doesn't care about you're well-being; all the "rapist" wants is to get off and the "victim" has no choice but to endure that.
(You could postulate that rape fantasies are about a person's desire for their sexuality to be forced onto them, instead of constantly having to disprove that they are, in fact, sexual. That rape fantasies are about creating a safe place for sexuality to be shown, and it probably says something about society that sexuality is only okay when you're a victim of it.)
I will confess that I wrote half of this before I wrote I actually read "One Rape, Please (to go)". I'm not actually convinced that this isn't a prank, because for a "feminist" this Tracie Egan is ridiculously sexist in a not-okay way, and she kind of does embody a man-hater (it's fine to be shallow and like certain body types and certain dispositions, but she's taken it to an art-form). But what made her statement even more offensive was the fact that it had nothing to do with the rest of the article. Her first line, "I blame my recurring rape fantasy on my feminist," is not touched upon again: no mentions of feminists or feminism, no real explanation of what she means by that statement, and no real explanation of why she's blaming anything for her fantasy. It's sloppy writing, it's full of bad connotations, and I think it says worlds about Tracie Egan's view of feminists; namely, that feminism is not only a joke, but that it's also goes against the natural tendencies of women and breeds wrongness in society.
Your "One Rape, Please (to go)" Smells Like Bullshit
I read a lot. Whether it's textbooks or fan fiction or blogs or articles, I consume a lot of words each week--hell, I consume a lot of words each day. I may not like all of them (read: textbooks) or particularly agree with them, but I read nonetheless because I believe that if I don't like something, I better understand why (except for things like camel crickets and tomatoes, which I am allowed to hate on petty principles alone).
And I read a lot about sexuality and gender, two things I am extremely interested in. A large chunk of fan fiction deals with sexuality (although I may be biased, I spend a ridiculous amount of time on kink memes), and I love reading articles about sexuality, especially about breaking misconceptions about sexuality and gender being heteronormative. I am very pro-sex (for those who don't know the term, I accept people's sexualities, kinks and fetishes, regardless if they are my sexual preferences or not). And while I may not agree with others' views, I usually don't want to flame them. If I start reading something like "fags are sinners" or "homosexuality is not natural," I just stop reading and find something else, because thinking, no, dumbass, it's not, is one thing, but writing so and getting into a word-war with someone who, like me, is not going to "suddenly see the light" on that issue is generally unproductive.
But sometimes--sometimes someone says something really, really fucking stupid. Like, "I blame my recurring rape fantasy on the fact that I'm feminist."
Let me repeat that.
"I blame my recurring rape fantasy on the fact that I'm feminist."
My first thought was, Jesus fucking Christ, what the shit. My second thought was, my god are you ignorant.
These are not nice thoughts. They're judgmental and harsh and possibly untrue, but (to me) there are fundamental parts of that statement that are plain wrong.
My first problem with that statement (well, the first that I want to tackle) is the use of feminist. (And no, it's not the fact that she used a noun as an adjective.) Feminism, by definition, is striving for women's rights and equality. Her use of "feminist" perpetuates the stigmas that women are man-haters and deviant and an evil unto our society. The logic behind her statement is: Because she is a feminist, she is having rape fantasies. I can't see how someone's view on civil rights impacts a rape fantasy (is the guy of her fantasy saying shit like, "I'll fuck the right to vote out of you" or something?), or how that view causes it. It suggests that only women can be feminists (unless she believes that men can have rape fantasies too, which I somehow doubt). It suggests that all feminists are dominant in sex. It suggests that feminists cannot have sex like non-feminists, who are submissive, and that feminism creates something that is considered a sexual deviance in society.
Which comes to my second major problem: Rape fantasies are deviant. Apparently rape fantasies are wrong and bad and associate with Satan, because she blames her feminism for giving them to her, implying a wrong done to her. From what my readings have suggested, rape fantasies may be in the minority, but they are by no means uncommon. Let me state right here that I DO NOT CONDONE RAPE. (Somehow, someone is probably going to misread that statement.) However, I see nothing wrong with having rape fantasies. I see nothing wrong with enacting rape fantasies, as long as the participation is consensual and both boundaries and a safeword have been established.
Just like bondage and S&M and BDSM, rape fantasies come down to the give and take of control, and ultimately (if enacted) the trust you have in someone else. Charlie Glickman does a wonderful article about submission and dominance, and refutes this article, which included the statement that spawned this entire post. (By the way, the "Why Gender Equality Does Not Always Work In The Bedroom" made me laugh a lot, like, a lot a lot. As did "Men, Women, and the Software of Sexual Desire".) Glickman touches on the issue that pretty much sums up the horrible connotations of both rape fantasies and the "wrongness" of feminists: Being penetrated is assumed to be a submissive act, therefore a woman should be submissive. This seems to be a pervasive thought in society, stemming (most likely) from when women were nothing more than property. Even though today there are dominant women, and (some) people acknowledge this, there is still that residual thought that women are supposed to be submissive, and all women want to be submissive. As Glickman points out, rape fantasies stem from wanting to lose control, or wanting to be exempt from blame for having a sexuality. (This, women feeling guilty for being a sexual being, is an entirely different issue but one that pisses me the fuck off.) Rape fantasies revel in the fact that someone doesn't care what you want, doesn't care if you get off or not, doesn't care about you're well-being; all the "rapist" wants is to get off and the "victim" has no choice but to endure that.
(You could postulate that rape fantasies are about a person's desire for their sexuality to be forced onto them, instead of constantly having to disprove that they are, in fact, sexual. That rape fantasies are about creating a safe place for sexuality to be shown, and it probably says something about society that sexuality is only okay when you're a victim of it.)
I will confess that I wrote half of this before I wrote I actually read "One Rape, Please (to go)". I'm not actually convinced that this isn't a prank, because for a "feminist" this Tracie Egan is ridiculously sexist in a not-okay way, and she kind of does embody a man-hater (it's fine to be shallow and like certain body types and certain dispositions, but she's taken it to an art-form). But what made her statement even more offensive was the fact that it had nothing to do with the rest of the article. Her first line, "I blame my recurring rape fantasy on my feminist," is not touched upon again: no mentions of feminists or feminism, no real explanation of what she means by that statement, and no real explanation of why she's blaming anything for her fantasy. It's sloppy writing, it's full of bad connotations, and I think it says worlds about Tracie Egan's view of feminists; namely, that feminism is not only a joke, but that it's also goes against the natural tendencies of women and breeds wrongness in society.