warning: depressing blog
Steph mentioned livejournal the other day and it reminded me that I still have one. I guess i can just do some updating. I moved back to San francisco. i got this amazing apartment in the inner richmond with these 3 great southerners. It is wonderful to come home every day to a party. We all mix really well, so that is awesome. I start school monday. I really need to practice chess as much as I can for my theatre class.
I moved to san francisco exactly two weeks ago, but I am writing this from san diego. Why, you ask, am i home so soon? well, i'll tell you. someone very very dear to me is in the hospital. i flew down on a moment's notice to be with this someone. I actually just got back from the hospital a few minutes ago. All i can say is, i have one severely fucked up family. I cannot stop crying. the thought that this person is so incredibly close to dying scares me more than I could have fathomed 24 hours ago. I am so worried that there is no way out for him. It broke my heart to hear him talk about how frightened he is to be there. I just feel so helpless.
This isn't supposed to happen this way. I am supposed to be that carefree smiley girl whose problems never surpass the fleeting feeling she gets when she trips on a pebble. I guess everyone has to face real life every once in a while, huh? Its funny how in times like this, you always find a way to victimize yourself. "I am supposed to be that carefree smiley girl."
I can honestly say that I cannot LIVE without this person. If he does not make it, I will never make it. Damnit, I really like the life I have, so he better make it. As for now, I am all cried out. It is amazing how effective it is writing your thoughts out. I should try this more often.
Do you ever just feel helpless?
I moved to san francisco exactly two weeks ago, but I am writing this from san diego. Why, you ask, am i home so soon? well, i'll tell you. someone very very dear to me is in the hospital. i flew down on a moment's notice to be with this someone. I actually just got back from the hospital a few minutes ago. All i can say is, i have one severely fucked up family. I cannot stop crying. the thought that this person is so incredibly close to dying scares me more than I could have fathomed 24 hours ago. I am so worried that there is no way out for him. It broke my heart to hear him talk about how frightened he is to be there. I just feel so helpless.
This isn't supposed to happen this way. I am supposed to be that carefree smiley girl whose problems never surpass the fleeting feeling she gets when she trips on a pebble. I guess everyone has to face real life every once in a while, huh? Its funny how in times like this, you always find a way to victimize yourself. "I am supposed to be that carefree smiley girl."
I can honestly say that I cannot LIVE without this person. If he does not make it, I will never make it. Damnit, I really like the life I have, so he better make it. As for now, I am all cried out. It is amazing how effective it is writing your thoughts out. I should try this more often.
Do you ever just feel helpless?