Unexpected
Title: Unexpected
Pairing: House/Wilson Friendship/Pre-slash
Rating: PG
Warnings: SPOILERS for episode 6.11
Summary: All’s fair in love and war when House and Wilson battle for the same woman. But does the battle take their friendship across a line?
Disclaimer: Don’t own House. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author’s Note: Based on the Global promo for episode 6.11
House had never been proposed to before. Except for one time when a delusional patient thought he was a rich duke. She insisted that he had come to take her to his castle. Once the fever subsided she changed her mind. Aside from that, no, no proposals. And he knew what was coming a full thirty seconds before it happened. He knew that Wilson could fight back when he wanted something bad enough. But House had wanted her too. And he grossly underestimated how far Wilson would go to beat him.
The dinner had been awkward. Their new neighbor, Nora, thought they were a couple and House was certainly playing that to his advantage. It wasn’t hard to make Wilson seem gay, at least in a stereotypical sense. The man’s hobbies were cooking, gardening and picking out curtains that matched their furniture. If their age and gender hadn’t already given their neighbors reason to believe them to be a couple, then one conversation with Wilson about the careful precision with which he packed his hairdryer would have done it. That gave House the chance to play a different angle. Maybe he wasn’t completely gay; maybe he was “curious.” And women like Nora ate that up.
It was evil, he knew, but there was a hot woman at stake here. What was that saying? All’s fair in love and war. He didn’t really buy into that particular wisdom, but it seemed to work for this situation anyway. Until he saw that look in Wilson’s eye. House really thought he’d been making progress during dinner. He wasn’t sure what Wilson’s angle was, but whatever it was complimented his own. He wasn’t doing anything to really reinforce his masculinity and House was actually enjoying making him more “gay.” He should have known then that something was up. He had just been commenting to Nora on James’ ability to make a perfect soufflé. He looked across the table, expecting to see a scowl or at least a frown, but no. Wilson wore a perfectly pleasant smile, as if thoroughly enjoying the conversation, and there was a sparkle in his eye that House knew meant trouble. This was not the doormat that let him get away with so much. This was the man who spiked his coffee with antidepressants. This was the man who held his guitar hostage for a week, ransom notes included. This was James Fucking Wilson. And he was not going down without a fight.
Disturbingly, Wilson carefully steered the conversation toward their relationship and how long they’d been together.
“Ten years next month,” he smiled.
Nora commented how wonderful it was that they’d stayed together so long. House thought back to ten years ago. It was after Stacy left and Wilson had been between marriages to Bonnie and Julie. He let himself wonder briefly if the number had any significance. They’d known each other much longer than that, but ten was a nice round number.
“And you met at the hospital?” she asked.
“No, it was quite some time before that.”
“Seems like longer,” House threw in there with a glare at Wilson. He didn’t like that he’d lost control over the situation.
“Actually,” Wilson said, standing up. “There’s something I wanted to say.”
And House knew. Before Wilson even sank to one knee, he knew what was coming. The bastard. And then it happened. One knee, a ring box, and Wilson actually looked nervous. House imagined that this fake proposal was probably identical to how he had actually proposed to all his wives. Unlike the Wilson wives, House was stuck. Their entire relationship was for show. Turning down a proposal wouldn’t get him anywhere with Nora. If anything she would sympathize with Wilson. But accepting it would make them an official couple with very little chance of either of them getting Nora.
“Gregory House, will you marry me?”
“Wow.”
For once House was unsure of how to proceed. Wilson had out-pranked him. Damn him. This was Wilson’s way of saying “if I can’t have her, neither can you.” There was no way out of it. And House didn’t do anything halfway. Wilson wanted to play dirty. Well, he should know that House can always be dirtier.
In mere moments several silent messages were passed between them. So subtle it went unnoticed by their dinner companion. First was a sparkle of triumph in Wilson’s eye, knowing he had House cornered. Next was House’s smile that to anyone else may have been a sign of happiness. Wilson swallowed nervously because he knew that smile and it grew even wider as House registered Wilson’s sudden panic. Nora couldn’t have known. She was waiting with a big grin for House’s answer.
“Well of course I’ll marry you, sweetie!” And with that, House slid forward on his chair, grabbed either side of Wilson’s face and laid a big wet kiss on his lips. It didn’t last long, just enough to traumatize poor Wilson. House let go and immediately smiled up at Nora.
“I am so glad you could be here to share this moment with us.” For added effect, he sniffed a bit, pretending to tear up. Wilson was just recovering.
“Well,” Nora said. “Congratulations you two.” A few minutes later she suggested that House and Wilson would want to go home to celebrate in private and they left the restaurant. The ride home was mostly silent on Wilson’s part. Nora and House fell into conversation about wedding plans.
“Oh, I think we’ll wait at least until spring,” House said. “I never have cared for winter weddings.”
“You should have it outdoors.”
“Yes, James’ complexion does so well with spring colors, don’t you think?”
Wilson looked over and just glared as he drove. They said good night to Nora at her door and headed to their own place. House tried to put his arm through Wilson’s as they walked, but he was shaken off.
“You propose and then give me the silent treatment? I’m offended. Does this mean I’m not getting any tonight?”
“I can’t believe you did that.”
“How long have you known me?” More glaring. “Come on. You proposed to me, remember?”
“I thought it would force you to admit the truth to her!”
“Again, how long have you known me?”
Wilson took off his jacket and threw it over the nearest chair. “House, you kissed me!”
“And you’re complaining… because I didn’t slip you tongue?”
“House!”
“Wilson!”
“I saw her first.”
“You said that before. You think it matters now? Neither of us gets her. We’ll be lucky if we can stop her from planning the wedding.”
House sat down on the couch and rested his bad leg on the coffee table. Wilson was pacing back and forth behind the couch and House settled in, waiting for the freak-out to end. He had kept everything in check while Nora was still with them, but now that they were alone again it was full scale Wilson spaz time. House was actually enjoying it. He knew that it would be happening anyway after that public proposal. The kiss was just a little something more to freak out about. House turned the TV on and found a semi-interesting nature show, knowing that he’d have to have “the talk” with Wilson in a few moments anyway, as soon as the pacing ended. Finally Wilson dropped onto the couch next to him and sighed loudly.
“For Christ’s sake, Wilson. It was just a kiss.”
“Why did you do it?”
“You upped your game. I have to say, I’m actually proud of you. You had me backed into a corner. That was my only move.”
“So you kissed me as a way of saying ‘checkmate.’”
House nodded.
“And that was it?”
House did hesitate this time. Was that it? He’d kissed Wilson because of Nora. Though now that it had happened, he had to question it. He obsessed over it actually. Outwardly he merely scoffed.
“What? Did you think I was going to declare my undying love to you? It was just a kiss.” House shook his head and turned back to the TV. “This opened up a whole new world for you, didn’t it? Suddenly your love of hair product and musicals makes sense. I’ll come wave a flag for you at the Pride parade. Otherwise, leave me out of it.”
“I didn’t- That’s not what I meant. I only meant that you didn’t have any other ulterior motive in the kiss. That it wasn’t to… freak me out. It was just because I left you no other move?”
House rolled his eyes. “I didn’t do it to freak you out. That was only a happy byproduct of it.”
Wilson seemed to relax a little and turned to the TV. “No one at work better find out about this.”
“I already texted Chase.”
Wilson’s head whipped around to face House with wide eyes. “You did not.”
House turned to him, grinning. “No, but I had you going.”
“What are we going to do about Nora?”
“Nothing. She’ll get tired of us eventually.”
“She will?”
“The way I figure it, we’ve been on our best behavior to impress her this whole time. If we act like ourselves, she’ll go away.”
“Maybe you chase people away, but I’m quite pleasant.”
“Except for when I’m driving you crazy. And since we’re living together now…”
“Yeah, okay. We’re the only ones who can put up with each other.”
“The perfect couple,” House smiled.
Several minutes passed during which the only sound was of the TV. House could feel Wilson’s eyes on him and he shifted uncomfortably. Wilson wasn’t going to let this go.
“House?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you mad that I proposed?”
“No.”
“Do you regret saying yes?”
House hesitated once more. He knew what Wilson meant. Not saying yes, because it wasn’t as if they were actually engaged. He meant the kiss. Did he regret how he said yes? He glanced at Wilson quickly and then back at the TV. “No,” he said finally.
He felt Wilson shifting on the couch. Not moving further or closer, just repositioning to look straight ahead. They both stared at the TV screen as if they were actually watching, but House knew neither of them was. A moment later Wilson murmured, “I didn’t think so.”