wtf is wrong with me?!?
Why do people settle for something when they know it's not the right thing to do? I don't get it. Everyday I see people who are clearly unhappy, but they hold on to whatever messed up relationship/place they are in. All because it's what they worked so hard to get to. Are they afraid that they'll never truly find happiness if they give up on the status quo? I just don't understand that thought process. Why not go for the whole nine and be happy? Especially when you see/know that there is someone/thing that will in fact make you the happiest you could possibly be and then some! Ugh. I'm ranting I know, but damnit this is fucking bugging the hell out of me. Not only do I see this shit happen all the time, but I find myself in a situation where I'm seeing it because I'm the "other" decision. The one they won't allow themselves to make because they worked so hard to get where they are. To get what they think is the right place. Now don't get me wrong, I totally respect the fact that said individual has made these choices, but then again…well.. it's the wrong one. And they know it. If they didn't know it, then it would be easy to just continue ignoring what is clearly there. Granted they went a little more than two months staying true to their choice. But once again, and not surprisingly, they're back. Trying to ignore it still, but making it more than a little obvious that they miss me…like crazy. I just don't get it!!! *sigh*
Meanwhile I've been trying to piece my life back together since said choice was made over two months ago. I was doing pretty good at it too…at least I thought I was. It always amazes me how much crap I can go through in such a short amount of time. It's a wonder I have any heart left after it's been blown to smithereens time and time again. He made his decision and that pretty much destroyed me. Especially when he basically dropped off the face of the earth for almost a month after. Going from talking almost everyday to twice in a month…ouch. But I moved on because that's what I had to do. Then the other one came along and presented a huge question. Creating one helluva whirlwind in my head and heart. I'm still smarting from that one and still utterly lost as to what is the answer there. No clue. Lord knows he hasn't one either.
So in an effort to ignore both of those situations I set my sights on something new. And now I've found myself being a total blathering idiot with this one. Everything was cool until I actually got to spend time with him. I for some unknown reason got nervous and ended up talking and talking and talking about basically anything and everything…which basically means nothing. Just making sure there were no silences. WTF is up with that!? I don't do that. Ever. *smacks forehead* I mean seriously…come on. Where the hell did that come from? I don't understand it one bit. So now I've been told in no uncertain terms I shouldn't worry about it from someone who knows him well. Not to mention said person will try to find out what the other is thinking about the whole thing. My mission now is to stop over analyzing it…yeah right. I don't think I'm actually capable of doing that. But I'm gonna try. In the end chances are he'll be just a friend. Maybe that's for the best. I have no idea. I just want this feeling of idiocy to go away. At this point I just want to know I haven't totally ruined yet another relationship. I'm completely okay with the idea of just being friends with him. I just want to know that if there isn't a romantic interest there that we can in fact manage to just be friends. To know that I haven't totally fucked up once again. That's all I wanna know at this point.
Meanwhile I've been trying to piece my life back together since said choice was made over two months ago. I was doing pretty good at it too…at least I thought I was. It always amazes me how much crap I can go through in such a short amount of time. It's a wonder I have any heart left after it's been blown to smithereens time and time again. He made his decision and that pretty much destroyed me. Especially when he basically dropped off the face of the earth for almost a month after. Going from talking almost everyday to twice in a month…ouch. But I moved on because that's what I had to do. Then the other one came along and presented a huge question. Creating one helluva whirlwind in my head and heart. I'm still smarting from that one and still utterly lost as to what is the answer there. No clue. Lord knows he hasn't one either.
So in an effort to ignore both of those situations I set my sights on something new. And now I've found myself being a total blathering idiot with this one. Everything was cool until I actually got to spend time with him. I for some unknown reason got nervous and ended up talking and talking and talking about basically anything and everything…which basically means nothing. Just making sure there were no silences. WTF is up with that!? I don't do that. Ever. *smacks forehead* I mean seriously…come on. Where the hell did that come from? I don't understand it one bit. So now I've been told in no uncertain terms I shouldn't worry about it from someone who knows him well. Not to mention said person will try to find out what the other is thinking about the whole thing. My mission now is to stop over analyzing it…yeah right. I don't think I'm actually capable of doing that. But I'm gonna try. In the end chances are he'll be just a friend. Maybe that's for the best. I have no idea. I just want this feeling of idiocy to go away. At this point I just want to know I haven't totally ruined yet another relationship. I'm completely okay with the idea of just being friends with him. I just want to know that if there isn't a romantic interest there that we can in fact manage to just be friends. To know that I haven't totally fucked up once again. That's all I wanna know at this point.