experiment #37: is it possible to date a japanese guy?
so... since coming to japan, i have come to terms with the fact that sometimes japanese people and americans just view things in very, very different ways... and one of those things is dating. japan is notorious for being patriarchal and chauvinistic to the point of allowing blatant sexism and even sexual harassment in the work place (yeah... the contract i signed when i came here included a nice little reminder that "sexual harassment is not illegal in japan") so that sort of thing factors into relationships as well, along with:
1. over-possessiveness
sample conversation with the boy i've been seeing for ONLY 2 WEEKS:
kazumi: who are you going out with tonight?
me: friends... english teachers... the usual.
kazumi: what time are you coming back?
me: i don't know... late probably.
kazumi: too late isn't good.
me: it's karaoke, so maybe we'll be done at... 2 or 3?
kazumi: ... call me when you get back.
2. insecurity
kazumi: how many people are you going out with?
me: i don't know... a lot.
kazumi: how many are men?
me: about half.
kazumi: ...
me: they're friends!
3. girly clothes
...like v-necks and tight pants and shiny boots. i don't think you can possibly understand men's fashion in japan unless you've been here or look at japanese magazines, so here's a picture of some typical every-day outfits:
note that only the two people in the very front are female. you may think that since this is an ad, people don't really dress like this, but you will see people with these exact clothes and hair styles on the street. to be perfectly honest, the hairstyle on the guy on the right is a bit unusual, but everything else--including the gigantic blob style displayed by the girl in the lower right--is completely normal. but that's slightly off topic... the point is that the culture clash extends to fashion, and as insignificant as that should be, i don't like it when he wears shiny boots!
4. "engrish"
sample text message:
"how was your day? I Mess You!!!"
note that the "how was your day" part was actually written in japanese...
but to be fair, my japanese is horrible too, so the texts i send him probably look like they were written by a three-year-old with no grasp of grammar!
and...
5. mayonnaise
while eating stir-fry at my apartment:
kazumi: do you have any mayonnaise?
me: ...no.
kazumi: *looks depressed*
so, there you have it. all the things that, when mentioned to my friends, are greeted with a flat stare and "... he's japanese. what did you expect?" so i will be patient, hope the good outweighs the not-so-great, and hopefully have more optimistic posts on this topic in the future!
1. over-possessiveness
sample conversation with the boy i've been seeing for ONLY 2 WEEKS:
kazumi: who are you going out with tonight?
me: friends... english teachers... the usual.
kazumi: what time are you coming back?
me: i don't know... late probably.
kazumi: too late isn't good.
me: it's karaoke, so maybe we'll be done at... 2 or 3?
kazumi: ... call me when you get back.
2. insecurity
kazumi: how many people are you going out with?
me: i don't know... a lot.
kazumi: how many are men?
me: about half.
kazumi: ...
me: they're friends!
3. girly clothes
...like v-necks and tight pants and shiny boots. i don't think you can possibly understand men's fashion in japan unless you've been here or look at japanese magazines, so here's a picture of some typical every-day outfits:
note that only the two people in the very front are female. you may think that since this is an ad, people don't really dress like this, but you will see people with these exact clothes and hair styles on the street. to be perfectly honest, the hairstyle on the guy on the right is a bit unusual, but everything else--including the gigantic blob style displayed by the girl in the lower right--is completely normal. but that's slightly off topic... the point is that the culture clash extends to fashion, and as insignificant as that should be, i don't like it when he wears shiny boots!
4. "engrish"
sample text message:
"how was your day? I Mess You!!!"
note that the "how was your day" part was actually written in japanese...
but to be fair, my japanese is horrible too, so the texts i send him probably look like they were written by a three-year-old with no grasp of grammar!
and...
5. mayonnaise
while eating stir-fry at my apartment:
kazumi: do you have any mayonnaise?
me: ...no.
kazumi: *looks depressed*
so, there you have it. all the things that, when mentioned to my friends, are greeted with a flat stare and "... he's japanese. what did you expect?" so i will be patient, hope the good outweighs the not-so-great, and hopefully have more optimistic posts on this topic in the future!