helm
I stayed home from work today due to feelings of nausea and dizziness. Everysince I had my stiches out I've been feeling funny. Amost fantings was not so good. I think the nerves in my back are regenerating. This is the same feelings I had when I had my rysotomy done. However you spell it.
Jeff and I took anna to the airport this morning and said goodbye fairwell, and I wanted to say don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. I feel totally betrayed. It makes me feel really stupid when people use me like she did. Come in to house under the guaze of being a friend, and really all she wanted was in my husbands pants. If you have ever had everything you ever worked for torned out from under you, that is how I fell. Like having your house burned down, and the looters come lookin for ruins. But what they take isn't their's. They didn't put their heart and soul in to that house or anything that was in the house, but yet they want to reap the benefits. They don't even care about whose house it is. They just use and abuse for their own gain. They don't een let you try to pick up the pieces.
I am luck that my husband was strong enough to say no. For that I am grateful. I don't want to harber resentment, I but is something that I can not just forget. I'm really dismayed by the way I am reacting. I mean inside I'm torn up and angry and hurt, but I'm pretty calm on the outside. I know that it won't do anybody any good for me to be mad. Everybody makes mistakes and everybody deserves to chance. I'm really more mad at her then him.
I think I haven't gotten over the shock of how stupid I must seem to people. How really ignorant and nice I am. How people who I love can take that for granted. I want to blame myself for this, though I know that I am not to blame for their actions, the only thing I am guilty of is my miscommunication with my husband, and for that I am working on.
Everyone deserves unconditional love, I try to practice that. I get stepped on my numerous people for being the person I am. I have guliable written all over my face.
With this I think I can hunker down and be aware at all times and stay grounded, but you have to sleep sometime. And you have to trust some one else to take the helm for you, when you can't.
Unfourtaintly, sometimes these lessons are learned at the extent of someone else. Some one you may love or hate, but even though you hate them they have feelings to and they get hurt too.
I think that Jeff has learned, at least I hope, that I will always be there to take the helm for him. It may not always be with a smile but I'd do it dying.
I have learned to trust my gut instinct and that my instinct was to trust Jeff, and when it came down to it, he was the man I know he is.
And for that I can be thankful. We learn we grow. We love.
Jeff and I took anna to the airport this morning and said goodbye fairwell, and I wanted to say don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. I feel totally betrayed. It makes me feel really stupid when people use me like she did. Come in to house under the guaze of being a friend, and really all she wanted was in my husbands pants. If you have ever had everything you ever worked for torned out from under you, that is how I fell. Like having your house burned down, and the looters come lookin for ruins. But what they take isn't their's. They didn't put their heart and soul in to that house or anything that was in the house, but yet they want to reap the benefits. They don't even care about whose house it is. They just use and abuse for their own gain. They don't een let you try to pick up the pieces.
I am luck that my husband was strong enough to say no. For that I am grateful. I don't want to harber resentment, I but is something that I can not just forget. I'm really dismayed by the way I am reacting. I mean inside I'm torn up and angry and hurt, but I'm pretty calm on the outside. I know that it won't do anybody any good for me to be mad. Everybody makes mistakes and everybody deserves to chance. I'm really more mad at her then him.
I think I haven't gotten over the shock of how stupid I must seem to people. How really ignorant and nice I am. How people who I love can take that for granted. I want to blame myself for this, though I know that I am not to blame for their actions, the only thing I am guilty of is my miscommunication with my husband, and for that I am working on.
Everyone deserves unconditional love, I try to practice that. I get stepped on my numerous people for being the person I am. I have guliable written all over my face.
With this I think I can hunker down and be aware at all times and stay grounded, but you have to sleep sometime. And you have to trust some one else to take the helm for you, when you can't.
Unfourtaintly, sometimes these lessons are learned at the extent of someone else. Some one you may love or hate, but even though you hate them they have feelings to and they get hurt too.
I think that Jeff has learned, at least I hope, that I will always be there to take the helm for him. It may not always be with a smile but I'd do it dying.
I have learned to trust my gut instinct and that my instinct was to trust Jeff, and when it came down to it, he was the man I know he is.
And for that I can be thankful. We learn we grow. We love.