To Dance Between the Raindrops: A Snowflake's Waltz - Chapter 21
To Dance Between the Raindrops: A Snowflake's Waltz
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I own nothing in this Stargate SG-1/Sanctuary crossover story but my altered headspace. Stargate SG-1 belongs to Gekko Film Corp, MGM, Fox, various individuals and companies and whoever owns them. Sanctuary belongs to Damian Kindler, Amanda Tapping, Martin Wood, The Beedie Group, Tricon Films & Television, Space and whoever else owns bits and pieces of it.
Spoilers: For SG-1, to the end of series; for Sanctuary, up to the episode “Pavor Nocturnus” (Season 2, Episode 5). Everything after that is up for grabs.
Summary: Sam and Cassie go Christmas shopping in New City ...
To Dance Between the Raindrops: A Snowflake's Waltz
Chapter 21
In the dim infirmary, the shadows played tricks with Samantha Carter mind as she lay back among her pillows unable to get back to sleep. She’d dozed off a few hours ago while watching the first movie in the Resident Evil series; surprisingly, Kate Freelander had found the DVDs among the Sanctuary’s movie collection, and true to her word, had supplied a couple pints of ice cream, bottles of soft drinks and a big bowl of popcorn.
“Henry’s a zombie movie buff,” she’d told them laughingly. “Not to mention he’s like Mila Jovovich’s biggest fanboy ever!”
But, while Vala was asleep sprawled across the foot of Cassandra’s bed, neither Teal’c, nor the brash young woman, were in evidence. However, Sam knew that her Jaffa friend took his role of guardian very seriously and would be just outside the door, alert and hyper-aware of his surroundings-ready to take on anything that might threaten his friends. She could only guess that Freelander was also alert and monitoring the place to make sure their guests didn’t go wandering around anywhere they weren’t supposed to.
Sam didn’t know what woke her up; just a general sense of unease and disquiet about this place ... this Sanctuary. Although her telepathic sense was fading now, there were things here that brushed up against the fragile mental shields Cassandra had shown her how to protect herself with-monstrous, frightening things that made her wish her abilities would fade more quickly as the Source Blood was flushed from her system. She hated this jumpy ... frightened feeling that seemed to permeate her entire being to her very bones. It made her feel like running away from everything and hiding. It made her feel like a coward.
The only redeeming thing about this whole mess was that the constant, familiar glow of Cassandra’s mind was measurably stronger now than it had been before they were kidnapped-and with it came a fragile, but comforting link to Janet.
Sam turned her head to study her best friend and lover. Janet was curled up in the armchair Magnus had left behind and someone had covered her with a thin hospital blanket. Her small frame and delicate features belied both her strength and iron will. Physically, she was weaker than Sam, there was no denying that-and more so since that staff blast nearly took her life six years ago-but for Sam, Janet was her rock, and had been even before they’d come together romantically.
They’d been best friends from the start of Janet’s tenure as chief medical officer at Stargate Command over twelve years ago and together they’d raised Cassandra when the traumatised child had been left orphaned by a megalomaniacal Goa’uld, who had slaughtered an entire people in order to turn a little girl into a weapon capable of destroying the SGC.
But it had taken Janet nearly dying to make Sam realise what had been in front of her all the while ... to make her acknowledge the feelings that had grown between them over the years. And Sam was glad she had taken that chance because it was the most comfortable ... most natural relationship she’d ever had in her adult life.
Often she’d wondered why she hadn’t seen it before, but it occurred to her now that her brother had seen it quite plainly all those years ago when he’d rejected Sam and Cassie, the day she’d hesitantly brought the child to meet him and his children. Mark had been cold and unwelcoming, angry that she could make time for this girl who wasn’t even related to Sam, while always being too busy to visit his children, conveniently overlooking the fact that they lived a couple of thousand miles away. But even if she’d not been ready to acknowledge it herself, Mark had known that she’d truly made Cassie-and Janet-her family.
As if summoned by her thoughts, Janet’s eyes fluttered open. She smiled sleepily at Sam before frowning.
“Hey, what are you doing awake, sweetheart?” she asked softly in concern as she rose from the chair. Her movements were stiff and awkward, and she winced slightly as she aggravated the old injury to her abdomen.
“Woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep,” Sam whispered as Janet automatically began to check her vitals. “Even with everything I’ve seen and done, there are things here, Janet ... I don’t know how to explain it, but there are things here that scare me-” In her lover’s wide, caramel-brown eyes, she saw surprise at her admission and she forced herself to continue, “Things that I’m afraid will devour me if I let them get too close to my mind.”
Janet leaned in and gently brushed a tear that had fallen, unbidden, on her cheek. “It’ll be okay,” she soothed. “It’ll be okay.”
“How can it be okay, Janet?” she cried desperately. “I don’t know who or what I am anymore!”
“You are Samantha Carter!” Janet said fiercely, gathering Sam up into her arms as she sat on the edge of the bed.
Sam shook her head miserably. “You don’t understand,” she whispered hoarsely as the tears became a flood now. “They-they thought they were having a boy-had ... had his name all picked out-Samuel, after my mother’s father. M-Mark told me when we were kids. He was supposed to be Samuel Carter-oh Janet, Declan was supposed to be Sam Carter. I’m not supposed to be here at all,” she said sobbing, her heart aching in her chest as if a vice was tightened about it. “I’m no one! I’m nothing but a copy of that woman upstairs! I’m not sup-supposed to b-be h-here!”
Janet pulled back, dark eyes snapping, face red with fury. “Bullshit!” she growled harshly; Sam trembled under her gaze. “I’m sorry, I know you love him, but your brother is a complete and utter dick! I mean, who tells a child that?”
Catching Sam by the shoulders, Janet gave her a rough shake. “If you are no one, well who am I, Sam? If you’re not supposed to be here, then where am I supposed to be? Where the hell is Cassandra supposed to be? Where in God’s name is this entire damned world supposed to be, if you’re not supposed to be here, Samantha Carter?”
Sam couldn’t answer her. All she could do was cling to Janet-her anchor in this suddenly turbulent world.
“If you’re not meant to be, Sam, then I’m not meant to be either,” Janet whispered fiercely, pressing gentle kisses into her temple, her tears spilling onto her love’s cheek and mingling with the rivulets already coursing down Sam’s face. “Because you have given me everything! You gave me my daughter ... you gave me my life ... you gave me the love of my life!” she said fiercely. “Don’t you dare belittle that, Samantha Carter! Don’t you dare!”
#
Chapter 22
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I own nothing in this Stargate SG-1/Sanctuary crossover story but my altered headspace. Stargate SG-1 belongs to Gekko Film Corp, MGM, Fox, various individuals and companies and whoever owns them. Sanctuary belongs to Damian Kindler, Amanda Tapping, Martin Wood, The Beedie Group, Tricon Films & Television, Space and whoever else owns bits and pieces of it.
Spoilers: For SG-1, to the end of series; for Sanctuary, up to the episode “Pavor Nocturnus” (Season 2, Episode 5). Everything after that is up for grabs.
Summary: Sam and Cassie go Christmas shopping in New City ...
To Dance Between the Raindrops: A Snowflake's Waltz
Chapter 21
In the dim infirmary, the shadows played tricks with Samantha Carter mind as she lay back among her pillows unable to get back to sleep. She’d dozed off a few hours ago while watching the first movie in the Resident Evil series; surprisingly, Kate Freelander had found the DVDs among the Sanctuary’s movie collection, and true to her word, had supplied a couple pints of ice cream, bottles of soft drinks and a big bowl of popcorn.
“Henry’s a zombie movie buff,” she’d told them laughingly. “Not to mention he’s like Mila Jovovich’s biggest fanboy ever!”
But, while Vala was asleep sprawled across the foot of Cassandra’s bed, neither Teal’c, nor the brash young woman, were in evidence. However, Sam knew that her Jaffa friend took his role of guardian very seriously and would be just outside the door, alert and hyper-aware of his surroundings-ready to take on anything that might threaten his friends. She could only guess that Freelander was also alert and monitoring the place to make sure their guests didn’t go wandering around anywhere they weren’t supposed to.
Sam didn’t know what woke her up; just a general sense of unease and disquiet about this place ... this Sanctuary. Although her telepathic sense was fading now, there were things here that brushed up against the fragile mental shields Cassandra had shown her how to protect herself with-monstrous, frightening things that made her wish her abilities would fade more quickly as the Source Blood was flushed from her system. She hated this jumpy ... frightened feeling that seemed to permeate her entire being to her very bones. It made her feel like running away from everything and hiding. It made her feel like a coward.
The only redeeming thing about this whole mess was that the constant, familiar glow of Cassandra’s mind was measurably stronger now than it had been before they were kidnapped-and with it came a fragile, but comforting link to Janet.
Sam turned her head to study her best friend and lover. Janet was curled up in the armchair Magnus had left behind and someone had covered her with a thin hospital blanket. Her small frame and delicate features belied both her strength and iron will. Physically, she was weaker than Sam, there was no denying that-and more so since that staff blast nearly took her life six years ago-but for Sam, Janet was her rock, and had been even before they’d come together romantically.
They’d been best friends from the start of Janet’s tenure as chief medical officer at Stargate Command over twelve years ago and together they’d raised Cassandra when the traumatised child had been left orphaned by a megalomaniacal Goa’uld, who had slaughtered an entire people in order to turn a little girl into a weapon capable of destroying the SGC.
But it had taken Janet nearly dying to make Sam realise what had been in front of her all the while ... to make her acknowledge the feelings that had grown between them over the years. And Sam was glad she had taken that chance because it was the most comfortable ... most natural relationship she’d ever had in her adult life.
Often she’d wondered why she hadn’t seen it before, but it occurred to her now that her brother had seen it quite plainly all those years ago when he’d rejected Sam and Cassie, the day she’d hesitantly brought the child to meet him and his children. Mark had been cold and unwelcoming, angry that she could make time for this girl who wasn’t even related to Sam, while always being too busy to visit his children, conveniently overlooking the fact that they lived a couple of thousand miles away. But even if she’d not been ready to acknowledge it herself, Mark had known that she’d truly made Cassie-and Janet-her family.
As if summoned by her thoughts, Janet’s eyes fluttered open. She smiled sleepily at Sam before frowning.
“Hey, what are you doing awake, sweetheart?” she asked softly in concern as she rose from the chair. Her movements were stiff and awkward, and she winced slightly as she aggravated the old injury to her abdomen.
“Woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep,” Sam whispered as Janet automatically began to check her vitals. “Even with everything I’ve seen and done, there are things here, Janet ... I don’t know how to explain it, but there are things here that scare me-” In her lover’s wide, caramel-brown eyes, she saw surprise at her admission and she forced herself to continue, “Things that I’m afraid will devour me if I let them get too close to my mind.”
Janet leaned in and gently brushed a tear that had fallen, unbidden, on her cheek. “It’ll be okay,” she soothed. “It’ll be okay.”
“How can it be okay, Janet?” she cried desperately. “I don’t know who or what I am anymore!”
“You are Samantha Carter!” Janet said fiercely, gathering Sam up into her arms as she sat on the edge of the bed.
Sam shook her head miserably. “You don’t understand,” she whispered hoarsely as the tears became a flood now. “They-they thought they were having a boy-had ... had his name all picked out-Samuel, after my mother’s father. M-Mark told me when we were kids. He was supposed to be Samuel Carter-oh Janet, Declan was supposed to be Sam Carter. I’m not supposed to be here at all,” she said sobbing, her heart aching in her chest as if a vice was tightened about it. “I’m no one! I’m nothing but a copy of that woman upstairs! I’m not sup-supposed to b-be h-here!”
Janet pulled back, dark eyes snapping, face red with fury. “Bullshit!” she growled harshly; Sam trembled under her gaze. “I’m sorry, I know you love him, but your brother is a complete and utter dick! I mean, who tells a child that?”
Catching Sam by the shoulders, Janet gave her a rough shake. “If you are no one, well who am I, Sam? If you’re not supposed to be here, then where am I supposed to be? Where the hell is Cassandra supposed to be? Where in God’s name is this entire damned world supposed to be, if you’re not supposed to be here, Samantha Carter?”
Sam couldn’t answer her. All she could do was cling to Janet-her anchor in this suddenly turbulent world.
“If you’re not meant to be, Sam, then I’m not meant to be either,” Janet whispered fiercely, pressing gentle kisses into her temple, her tears spilling onto her love’s cheek and mingling with the rivulets already coursing down Sam’s face. “Because you have given me everything! You gave me my daughter ... you gave me my life ... you gave me the love of my life!” she said fiercely. “Don’t you dare belittle that, Samantha Carter! Don’t you dare!”
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Chapter 22