Comments | ladyjanus: Stumbling Towards the Dawn

ladyjanus

Stumbling Towards the Dawn - Part 2

Oct 05, 2006 23:38

Title: Stumbling Towards the Dawn - Part 2
Word Count: 3,875
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Not mine ... just playing.
Spoilers: To LDYB Part II - Everything is definitely AU from the moment the Cylons flew over.
Summary: When Cloud Nine is destroyed, it attracted the attention of not only the Cylons.

Author's Note: This is a crossover fic, with David Weber's ( Read more... )

crossover, bsg fic

Comments 4

beatrice_otter October 7 2006, 04:07:12 UTC

It's a great story idea, and being a huge Weber fan I'm thrilled to see fanfic based on one of his series. That it's a crossover with BSG (which I also love) is just gravy. And unlike most writers with two such diverse universes, you've managed a crossover 'mechanism' that makes perfect sense and fits the logic of both shows. That's not easy, and I salute you for it. I certainly hope you finish the story.

Now I'm going to be brutally honest about what's not-so-good, because I'd love to see this fic become a great one. I'm not trying to be mean or discourage you from writing, I'm just trying to give you feedback on how to improve your writing. If you're one of those people who write purely for fun and don't care about the quality of writing, you might want to skip the next bit.

There is one main flaw. Way too much infodumping. So far, it's not a story. It's the Cliff's Note's for the two series that are being crossed over. Yes, I agree that most people will need background on the Dahak series, some will need it on BSG. ( ... )

Part Two beatrice_otter October 7 2006, 04:09:52 UTC

Geez, I'm a long-winded frakker, ain't I? I got cut off! Anyway, here's part two: How I'd Fix IT.

Here's how I'd fix the whole thing, and it's relatively easy. First, I'd figure out what information absolutely must be told now and what can wait until later. Be draconian. Keep no more than 1/5 of what you've got now. Cut and paste it into a blank document, and save it; most of it can be easily used again with relatively few modifications. Then I' figure out a dramatic way to open. Maybe Harriet's in her quarters finishing reports when she gets a message that they've detected a signal coming from a weird area of space. She orders them to set course towards it, and muses briefly about the fact that neither the Imperiums/Empires nor the Achuultani have ever been out this direction. (Be brief. A sentence or two is enough ( ... )

Re: Part Two ladyjanus October 30 2006, 01:33:30 UTC

Hi beatrice_otter,

It's great to meet another David Weber fan! Thank you for the very thoughtful review. Info-dumping is one of my greatest faults--I'm usually more careful, but sometimes I get on a favourite hobby-horse and lose sight of the audience.

Your remarks are very insightful and I will take them to heart. Part of it I think was my need to balance the fact that BSG fans might not know anything about the David Weber universe with the need for information about the Fifth Imperium and because I knew from the beginning that it would mostly focus on the BSG characters.

I don't know when or if I'll get a chance to do a re-write, but I will keep your remarks and take them to heart. Thanks for taking the time to do such a thorough critique.

Re: Part Two beatrice_otter October 30 2006, 03:16:02 UTC

Well, having finished the story already (which I didn't see when I wrote the review), I can certainly see why you wouldn't want to go through and re-write/edit the whole thing. I'm glad you found it useful, and hope it helps the next time you write something ( ... )