Fic: Life Drawing 5/? PG-13 J2
Fictional
Warnings: "Oh, Jensen--" read at your own risk
So much thanks to Jellicle for the hand-holding and the con-critting and corrections and all her hard work
I'll probably make some changes to this fic before I pimp it out or make it overtly-public. All y'all friends list people, feel free to hit me with any and all concrit you've got.
Jared pulls the truck up in front of his house, and is surprised to see the lights are still on. He has this little burst of guilt before he remembers that he hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s still a little weird, not having a curfew. Like his dad says though, if they didn’t live so close to the school, he’d have been required to stay in the dorms his first year anyway, and they trust him enough for that, so they trust him to set his own schedule and to get himself home safe every night.
Both his parents are still up when he comes in, and that’s even more strange. It feels like a big deal, like a family meeting. It’s like the time when he was eight, when his parents sat the kids down and told them dad had lost his job, but everything was gonna be alright, they just had to buckle down a little.
“Hey,” says Jared, figuring he may as well be the one to start this, “What’s up?”
“Jared, honey,” his mom says, standing up and putting her hand on his arm, drawing him to sit down at the kitchen table. “Your dad and I. We just wanted to apologize, for making your friend uncomfortable.”
Jared looks back and forth between them. “It’s fine, he’s cool. Really.”
“We just--,” Jared can’t remember the last time he saw his dad looking so off-balance. “This is just all new to us, Jared. We’re glad you’re finally being yourself. We love you, and we’re glad you trust us.”
“But we tried too hard, and made too big of a deal about it, and we’re sorry,” Sherri picks up when her husband starts to falter.
Jared feels like he’s in a play and everybody else has a different script than him. “Being--being myself about what,” he asks. He can feel his pulse, pounding in his head, making him dizzy.
His mom blinks at him in surprise. “About--Jensen. And you. Finally bringing a boy home to meet us.”
“What?” Jared had totally thought the voice-cracking thing was years behind him. “He’s--we’re--What?”
His mom smiles, gentle and reassuring. “It’s okay, Jared. We figured it out years ago. We love you for who you are. You’re our son, and you’ll always have our support.”
Jared stands up. There’s a clatter as his chair falls over, but he can barely hear it. “We’re not--” he can’t bring himself to say it, to put the things his parents are thinking into words. They share a concerned glance, then look back up at him.
“We thought--I mean, you said he was special,” Jerry starts. “And you’ve never--you know, brought home girls like your brother did.”
“And that Lindsey you dated in high school,” Sherri picks up, “Her mom told me how glad she was that her daughter was dating you, because you’d never do anything improper.” She gives Jared the no-bullshit look. “I’m a teacher, Jared. High school boys do improper things with their girl friends. That’s the way it is.”
“Just because I’m not--”
They’re on a roll now, and Jared has no chance to get a word in edgewise. “The pictures you drew of him,” starts Jerry.
“There’s love in those lines,” Sherri explains. “You don’t have to lie to us.”
Jerry comes over and picks Jared’s chair off the floor. Jared sits down again. He feels numb, stupid. He’s gay. He likes Jensen. He likes Jensen a lot, and it’s this glaring disparity, this point where he realizes he doesn’t know himself at all.
“We’re not dating,” he says, and his voice is hoarse. “Jensen and I. I don’t even know if he’s--that.”
Sherri frowns. “Oh, honey.” She steps over and hugs him around the shoulders. “Oh, Jared. The last thing we want to see is you get your heart broken.”
----
Garrett’s still up when Jensen gets back to the dorm, sitting at his desk with a book open and his headphones on.
“You’re home late,” he points out as Jensen puts his leftovers in the mini-fridge. Garrett turns his music off, stretches all casual. “Have a good time?”
Jensen fights the grin that teases at his lips. He doesn’t want to make a big deal of this, doesn’t want to celebrate before the win. Still, it’s hard to not get his hopes up. “Yeah,” he says.
Jensen starts unpacking his laundry, chagrinned to discover that Sherri folded his clothes while he was out sitting with Jared and the dogs.
“I thought you didn’t like him.” Garrett’s teasing now, and Jensen looks away to hide his smile. “You talked to him, and you never talk to people you like.”
“I talk to you, don’t I?”
Garrett snorts his amusement. “After living next door to me for all of fifth grade.”
Jensen shrugs. He can’t argue with that, and as much as he loves Garrett, he doesn’t like thinking about how they first started talking.
“He like you?” Garrett asks, when Jensen drops his end of the discussion.
Jensen thinks on that, and then shrugs. “He likes to draw me,” he answers, as conservative with his words as he is with his hopes. “He’s a nice person. I can’t--I really can’t tell if it’s more than that.”
“Be careful,” Garrett warns. “You know I’m here if you need me, right?”
“I can do this,” Jensen says, as much to assure himself as his friend. “But thank you.”
He puts his clothes in their drawers and his books on his desk. A shower sounds nice, but the sleepless night is taking its toll. “Think I’m gonna crash,” he says.
Garrett turns on the desk light and turns off the overhead light. “Coming to the game tomorrow? Lenore’s hoping she won’t be there alone.”
Jensen kicks off his shoes and slides between the sheets, pulling the hood of his light jacket down over his eyes. Sleeping in his jeans isn’t comfortable, but it’s comforting. He doesn’t know what he’s gonna do when they graduate and he has to get a new room mate for medical school, someone who doesn’t know him, someone who asks questions.
That’s nine months away though, and he’s not gonna let himself think of it now.
“I’ll be there,” he says, “Jared too, maybe.”
“Huh,” says Garrett, and Jensen falls asleep wondering exactly what that tone meant.
-----------
Jared sleeps like crap, waking up at all hours, thinking about his parents and thinking about Jensen. Now that he sees it, he can’t stop thinking about being gay, about wanting things he’s never even imagined before.
He wonders if it’s possible, wonders if Jensen wants it too. Will they kiss? How will Jensen smell, how will he feel against Jared’s palms, how warm will they be, curled up together in a bed.
He jerks off, alone in the dark of his room, and he imagines those touches, how it’s gonna feel to slide his hands up under the soft fleece of Jensen's hoodie, how smooth Jensen's skin will be. He falls asleep again, thinking of Jensen pressed in against him.
The next day is a game of catch-up. Jared sleeps too late, and rushes from class to class.
He checks the internet when he gets a second, but the college team isn’t playing that night. He debates with himself, if showing up at Jensen's dorm when he said to meet at the field is stalker-ish, but he doesn’t know what field. By the time he ends up at Jensen and Garrett’s though, they’re both gone and it’s almost six. He’s desperate; he doesn’t want to stand Jensen up, doesn’t want to break a promise.
It’s not his fault if he starts randomly accosting guys in the hallway. The first three haven’t heard of Jensen. They make vague “I think I’ve seen that guy,” comments when Jared gives them a description. “Why, is he on a clock-tower somewhere?” The fourth he asks about Garrett, and he hits the jackpot. There’s a ball field at Jupiter and Greenville, where the locally sponsored league plays. Garrett’s team is the Badgers.
Jared tears ass over to the park, and ends up parking on the far side of the lot. He can hear the crack of bat hitting ball as he jogs up, and he knows he’s late, real late. It takes him a minute to figure out which team is the Badgers and another to determine what side of the field they’re on. And there--he sees Jensen, standing by the dugout. His hood’s down, but his face looks troubled. Jared feels a stab of guilt, that he’s done that.
He hurries to Jensen, and he’s about ten feet away, when the girl at Jensen's side, who Jared hadn’t even noticed before, puts her hand on his, says something.
Jensen lights up with this soft secret smile, and Jared feels something sharp twisting in his chest. She’s--she’s perfect, this petite little slip of a woman. Barely five feet tall, she’s got long dark hair and flawless skin. She’s wearing jeans, a modest sweater and almost no makeup, and still she’s lovely.
Jensen smiles for her.
Jared almost turns and runs. What was he thinking, that someone like Jensen would be single, that nobody but him could see how special he was, how lonely he was under the sharp words and distant manner? He almost leaves, but then Jensen scans the crowd again, that tense expression on his face. He sees Jared and his grin is as bright as the sun, just for a second, before he closes up again. Jared saw it, though, and even if there’s no chance for them to be together, he’s pretty sure it’ll be worth it to be Jensen's friend.
“You came,” Jensen says as he moves over a little to make room for Jared to sit. Jared feels another jab of guilt at how relieved Jensen sounds, for even thinking of ducking out.
The girl leans around so she can see Jared, and nudges Jensen in the shoulder. He looks at her, and she gives him the universal eyebrow sign for “are you gonna introduce us or what?”
Jensen coughs and blushes and stammers out “Lenore, Jared. Jared, Lenore.”
Jared thought only goth-chicks had a name like that. Lenore looks like a kindergarten teacher or flower shop girl from some television show. She looks like she’ll be the perfect wife for an up and coming doctor. Their children are gonna be beautiful, and Jared hurts as he shakes her hand.
They exchange pleasantries--nonsense words, talking about the game and the park and the weather. Jensen glances at him between plays, shy little looks and uncertain smiles. Jared thinks that maybe Jensen guessed about the crush thing. Maybe he’s wondering how Jared’s taking the girlfriend thing. Jared tries a ‘hey, no big deal, we can still be friends, even if seeing you with her feels like eels in my intestines’ smile.
Jensen ducks his head and turns away, and Jared has no idea what he’s thinking.
Three innings go by. They watch the game, clap when the Badgers do well, stand and cheer when Garrett does well.
“Hold my drink?” Lenore asks. Jensen does, and she’s off to the ladies’ room, from the looks of it.
Jensen turns back to Jared, and the younger man can see him gathering his courage, a frown between his brows and a clenched muscle at his jaw.
“Are you good,” he finally asks, “At the art thing. Drawing. Are you good?”
“I think I’m good,” Jared says in surprise. That didn’t sound very polite, so he backs it up with “My teachers say I’m good.”
Jensen nods like he’s taking his word for it. “Is the offer still open? What you said, about me modeling for you and you drawing for me.”
The yes comes out of Jared’s mouth without much thought. He’d always been taught to promise what you can deliver and deliver what you promise, and there’s been no real reason to withdraw the offer. “What do you need drawn?”
A smile curls at the corner of Jensen's mouth, and Jared wishes he had pencil and paper right there. “An engagement portrait. Not yet, but soon.” He looks up and sees Lenore making her way back through the crowd and goes quiet with one last “Thanks.”
The rest of the game is a torture. Jared wants to run off and lick his wounds, but that’d be rude, so he stays and takes it.
The Badgers end up winning by three. Jensen and Lenore head towards the gate in the chain-link fence as the players pack up and leave the field. Garrett comes out grinning. Jensen smiles that tiny smile and takes his gear bag from him, and then Lenore is in Garrett’s arms. Their kiss is quick and their hug is slow. Jared feels a second of outrage for Jensen, that his friend and girlfriend are being so much more than friendly before he gets it--Jensen's the friend and Garrett’s the boyfriend. The day gets reclassified from “one of the worst ever” to “not a bad day at all.”
“A bunch of the guys are going to Friday’s to celebrate,” Garrett pipes up, “You two want to come?”
Jensen's already shaking his head before he gets the words out. Garrett doesn’t seem too surprised.
“I’m just gonna walk back to school,” Jensen murmurs, “You guys go on, have fun.”
“We’ll drive you,” Garrett counter-offers. “It’s not that far out of our way.”
Jensen looks like he might argue, and Jared puts in, “I’m going that way. I could drop you off.”
Jensen worries his lower lip between his teeth for a second, and then makes a sketchy nod. “Yeah. Okay. If it’s not a problem.”
Jared feels like it’s his birthday.
Warnings: "Oh, Jensen--" read at your own risk
So much thanks to Jellicle for the hand-holding and the con-critting and corrections and all her hard work
I'll probably make some changes to this fic before I pimp it out or make it overtly-public. All y'all friends list people, feel free to hit me with any and all concrit you've got.
Jared pulls the truck up in front of his house, and is surprised to see the lights are still on. He has this little burst of guilt before he remembers that he hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s still a little weird, not having a curfew. Like his dad says though, if they didn’t live so close to the school, he’d have been required to stay in the dorms his first year anyway, and they trust him enough for that, so they trust him to set his own schedule and to get himself home safe every night.
Both his parents are still up when he comes in, and that’s even more strange. It feels like a big deal, like a family meeting. It’s like the time when he was eight, when his parents sat the kids down and told them dad had lost his job, but everything was gonna be alright, they just had to buckle down a little.
“Hey,” says Jared, figuring he may as well be the one to start this, “What’s up?”
“Jared, honey,” his mom says, standing up and putting her hand on his arm, drawing him to sit down at the kitchen table. “Your dad and I. We just wanted to apologize, for making your friend uncomfortable.”
Jared looks back and forth between them. “It’s fine, he’s cool. Really.”
“We just--,” Jared can’t remember the last time he saw his dad looking so off-balance. “This is just all new to us, Jared. We’re glad you’re finally being yourself. We love you, and we’re glad you trust us.”
“But we tried too hard, and made too big of a deal about it, and we’re sorry,” Sherri picks up when her husband starts to falter.
Jared feels like he’s in a play and everybody else has a different script than him. “Being--being myself about what,” he asks. He can feel his pulse, pounding in his head, making him dizzy.
His mom blinks at him in surprise. “About--Jensen. And you. Finally bringing a boy home to meet us.”
“What?” Jared had totally thought the voice-cracking thing was years behind him. “He’s--we’re--What?”
His mom smiles, gentle and reassuring. “It’s okay, Jared. We figured it out years ago. We love you for who you are. You’re our son, and you’ll always have our support.”
Jared stands up. There’s a clatter as his chair falls over, but he can barely hear it. “We’re not--” he can’t bring himself to say it, to put the things his parents are thinking into words. They share a concerned glance, then look back up at him.
“We thought--I mean, you said he was special,” Jerry starts. “And you’ve never--you know, brought home girls like your brother did.”
“And that Lindsey you dated in high school,” Sherri picks up, “Her mom told me how glad she was that her daughter was dating you, because you’d never do anything improper.” She gives Jared the no-bullshit look. “I’m a teacher, Jared. High school boys do improper things with their girl friends. That’s the way it is.”
“Just because I’m not--”
They’re on a roll now, and Jared has no chance to get a word in edgewise. “The pictures you drew of him,” starts Jerry.
“There’s love in those lines,” Sherri explains. “You don’t have to lie to us.”
Jerry comes over and picks Jared’s chair off the floor. Jared sits down again. He feels numb, stupid. He’s gay. He likes Jensen. He likes Jensen a lot, and it’s this glaring disparity, this point where he realizes he doesn’t know himself at all.
“We’re not dating,” he says, and his voice is hoarse. “Jensen and I. I don’t even know if he’s--that.”
Sherri frowns. “Oh, honey.” She steps over and hugs him around the shoulders. “Oh, Jared. The last thing we want to see is you get your heart broken.”
----
Garrett’s still up when Jensen gets back to the dorm, sitting at his desk with a book open and his headphones on.
“You’re home late,” he points out as Jensen puts his leftovers in the mini-fridge. Garrett turns his music off, stretches all casual. “Have a good time?”
Jensen fights the grin that teases at his lips. He doesn’t want to make a big deal of this, doesn’t want to celebrate before the win. Still, it’s hard to not get his hopes up. “Yeah,” he says.
Jensen starts unpacking his laundry, chagrinned to discover that Sherri folded his clothes while he was out sitting with Jared and the dogs.
“I thought you didn’t like him.” Garrett’s teasing now, and Jensen looks away to hide his smile. “You talked to him, and you never talk to people you like.”
“I talk to you, don’t I?”
Garrett snorts his amusement. “After living next door to me for all of fifth grade.”
Jensen shrugs. He can’t argue with that, and as much as he loves Garrett, he doesn’t like thinking about how they first started talking.
“He like you?” Garrett asks, when Jensen drops his end of the discussion.
Jensen thinks on that, and then shrugs. “He likes to draw me,” he answers, as conservative with his words as he is with his hopes. “He’s a nice person. I can’t--I really can’t tell if it’s more than that.”
“Be careful,” Garrett warns. “You know I’m here if you need me, right?”
“I can do this,” Jensen says, as much to assure himself as his friend. “But thank you.”
He puts his clothes in their drawers and his books on his desk. A shower sounds nice, but the sleepless night is taking its toll. “Think I’m gonna crash,” he says.
Garrett turns on the desk light and turns off the overhead light. “Coming to the game tomorrow? Lenore’s hoping she won’t be there alone.”
Jensen kicks off his shoes and slides between the sheets, pulling the hood of his light jacket down over his eyes. Sleeping in his jeans isn’t comfortable, but it’s comforting. He doesn’t know what he’s gonna do when they graduate and he has to get a new room mate for medical school, someone who doesn’t know him, someone who asks questions.
That’s nine months away though, and he’s not gonna let himself think of it now.
“I’ll be there,” he says, “Jared too, maybe.”
“Huh,” says Garrett, and Jensen falls asleep wondering exactly what that tone meant.
-----------
Jared sleeps like crap, waking up at all hours, thinking about his parents and thinking about Jensen. Now that he sees it, he can’t stop thinking about being gay, about wanting things he’s never even imagined before.
He wonders if it’s possible, wonders if Jensen wants it too. Will they kiss? How will Jensen smell, how will he feel against Jared’s palms, how warm will they be, curled up together in a bed.
He jerks off, alone in the dark of his room, and he imagines those touches, how it’s gonna feel to slide his hands up under the soft fleece of Jensen's hoodie, how smooth Jensen's skin will be. He falls asleep again, thinking of Jensen pressed in against him.
The next day is a game of catch-up. Jared sleeps too late, and rushes from class to class.
He checks the internet when he gets a second, but the college team isn’t playing that night. He debates with himself, if showing up at Jensen's dorm when he said to meet at the field is stalker-ish, but he doesn’t know what field. By the time he ends up at Jensen and Garrett’s though, they’re both gone and it’s almost six. He’s desperate; he doesn’t want to stand Jensen up, doesn’t want to break a promise.
It’s not his fault if he starts randomly accosting guys in the hallway. The first three haven’t heard of Jensen. They make vague “I think I’ve seen that guy,” comments when Jared gives them a description. “Why, is he on a clock-tower somewhere?” The fourth he asks about Garrett, and he hits the jackpot. There’s a ball field at Jupiter and Greenville, where the locally sponsored league plays. Garrett’s team is the Badgers.
Jared tears ass over to the park, and ends up parking on the far side of the lot. He can hear the crack of bat hitting ball as he jogs up, and he knows he’s late, real late. It takes him a minute to figure out which team is the Badgers and another to determine what side of the field they’re on. And there--he sees Jensen, standing by the dugout. His hood’s down, but his face looks troubled. Jared feels a stab of guilt, that he’s done that.
He hurries to Jensen, and he’s about ten feet away, when the girl at Jensen's side, who Jared hadn’t even noticed before, puts her hand on his, says something.
Jensen lights up with this soft secret smile, and Jared feels something sharp twisting in his chest. She’s--she’s perfect, this petite little slip of a woman. Barely five feet tall, she’s got long dark hair and flawless skin. She’s wearing jeans, a modest sweater and almost no makeup, and still she’s lovely.
Jensen smiles for her.
Jared almost turns and runs. What was he thinking, that someone like Jensen would be single, that nobody but him could see how special he was, how lonely he was under the sharp words and distant manner? He almost leaves, but then Jensen scans the crowd again, that tense expression on his face. He sees Jared and his grin is as bright as the sun, just for a second, before he closes up again. Jared saw it, though, and even if there’s no chance for them to be together, he’s pretty sure it’ll be worth it to be Jensen's friend.
“You came,” Jensen says as he moves over a little to make room for Jared to sit. Jared feels another jab of guilt at how relieved Jensen sounds, for even thinking of ducking out.
The girl leans around so she can see Jared, and nudges Jensen in the shoulder. He looks at her, and she gives him the universal eyebrow sign for “are you gonna introduce us or what?”
Jensen coughs and blushes and stammers out “Lenore, Jared. Jared, Lenore.”
Jared thought only goth-chicks had a name like that. Lenore looks like a kindergarten teacher or flower shop girl from some television show. She looks like she’ll be the perfect wife for an up and coming doctor. Their children are gonna be beautiful, and Jared hurts as he shakes her hand.
They exchange pleasantries--nonsense words, talking about the game and the park and the weather. Jensen glances at him between plays, shy little looks and uncertain smiles. Jared thinks that maybe Jensen guessed about the crush thing. Maybe he’s wondering how Jared’s taking the girlfriend thing. Jared tries a ‘hey, no big deal, we can still be friends, even if seeing you with her feels like eels in my intestines’ smile.
Jensen ducks his head and turns away, and Jared has no idea what he’s thinking.
Three innings go by. They watch the game, clap when the Badgers do well, stand and cheer when Garrett does well.
“Hold my drink?” Lenore asks. Jensen does, and she’s off to the ladies’ room, from the looks of it.
Jensen turns back to Jared, and the younger man can see him gathering his courage, a frown between his brows and a clenched muscle at his jaw.
“Are you good,” he finally asks, “At the art thing. Drawing. Are you good?”
“I think I’m good,” Jared says in surprise. That didn’t sound very polite, so he backs it up with “My teachers say I’m good.”
Jensen nods like he’s taking his word for it. “Is the offer still open? What you said, about me modeling for you and you drawing for me.”
The yes comes out of Jared’s mouth without much thought. He’d always been taught to promise what you can deliver and deliver what you promise, and there’s been no real reason to withdraw the offer. “What do you need drawn?”
A smile curls at the corner of Jensen's mouth, and Jared wishes he had pencil and paper right there. “An engagement portrait. Not yet, but soon.” He looks up and sees Lenore making her way back through the crowd and goes quiet with one last “Thanks.”
The rest of the game is a torture. Jared wants to run off and lick his wounds, but that’d be rude, so he stays and takes it.
The Badgers end up winning by three. Jensen and Lenore head towards the gate in the chain-link fence as the players pack up and leave the field. Garrett comes out grinning. Jensen smiles that tiny smile and takes his gear bag from him, and then Lenore is in Garrett’s arms. Their kiss is quick and their hug is slow. Jared feels a second of outrage for Jensen, that his friend and girlfriend are being so much more than friendly before he gets it--Jensen's the friend and Garrett’s the boyfriend. The day gets reclassified from “one of the worst ever” to “not a bad day at all.”
“A bunch of the guys are going to Friday’s to celebrate,” Garrett pipes up, “You two want to come?”
Jensen's already shaking his head before he gets the words out. Garrett doesn’t seem too surprised.
“I’m just gonna walk back to school,” Jensen murmurs, “You guys go on, have fun.”
“We’ll drive you,” Garrett counter-offers. “It’s not that far out of our way.”
Jensen looks like he might argue, and Jared puts in, “I’m going that way. I could drop you off.”
Jensen worries his lower lip between his teeth for a second, and then makes a sketchy nod. “Yeah. Okay. If it’s not a problem.”
Jared feels like it’s his birthday.