Snow Day, Costco Sucks, No Energy
Someone make a comment on my journal or I'm not writing on here anymore. :(
First, to tell you all about the best snow day I've ever had:
Yesterday at seven thirty in the morning, Paul, who had spent the night (on my couch) came bursting into my room to tell me happily that it was snowing like crazy outside and that we needed to go build a snowman. Then we went out in the snow for three hours trying to make a snowman (who morphed into a T-rex eating and chasing mini snowmen) and having a wonderful snowball fight(which Paul won much to my chagrin). Then we headed back to my house and passed out for a few hours. I read a book and he slept, and then my parents and paul and i walked down to the little store and got groceries. Then Paul and I watched Home Alone, then we played Rummy and Slapjack several times, then we had dinner, then we went for a walk around the U-district and we found an abandoned shopping cart from Safeway so he pushed me in it down the ice on my street. It was fun. Then we got home and snuggled and watched The Man from Snowy River and passed out. The end. It was wonderful. :)
I walked Paul to the bus stop this morning, sad to see him go but happy that I got to spend so much time with him. :)
Then I planned on going to Costco to get these very nice versions of Jane Austen novels, I got there and was horribly disappointed to find they were all GONE. I was so upset and pissed. Later I looked on the website and they didn't have them, so I looked up the name of the printing company on the ones I have and found them on AMAzon, but they cost me an arm and a leg because apparently they don't get sold in the US that often. I'm so pissed but the cash I had for them at Costco, I am going to put that into my checking so that the money I spent online isn't a total freaking waste. I'm still pissed that I had to go to all this trouble. Jane better be worth it. I hate the covers that have girls in dresses painted on them. I REALLY HATE them.
I was kinda crabby for the rest of the day when I found out I got my movie in the mail my dad got me as an early present- unfortunately we also had to order it from the UK so it doesn't play in the freaking DVD player, but it does play on my computer. So I am watching it right now, but I am very very tired and kinda irritated by how the day went and I'm just exhausted from the past couple days.
ok ok, onto more pleasant things:
Paul is the most wonderful blessing in my life, he's a good young man, sensible and funny and handsome as sin and a person who I can be myself with completely, and who I can talk to about pretty much everything(except girl stuff, everyone knows THAT)
My family is also a blessing- I love my mom and dad even though we get irritated at eachother once in awhile, they're amazing and loving and accept me for who I am and will love me no matter what
My friends too.
I haven't been talking to God lately about really personal stuff other than I wish I could find a church, and I don't really feel connected much of the time to Him unless I am around people, so I think maybe I need to take some more personal time and spend time with just Him and me, because I feel like I kinda pushed Him out of the way because of everything going on, and that was wrong of me. I feel so tired lately, and I remember my relationship with him and I feel awful that I don't spend enough time with Him just talking. I haven't been very positive, and Christmas while I love it, it's also been a very stressful time this year. I'm more overloaded with stress and I hope God hasn't given up on me, I still crave to be close to Him and be a good person of God, but it's such a struggle! But I want to be near Him because I know its what I need in my life. I thank Him everyday for the blessings I have: Parents, Paul, Friends, House, Education, so many things and people I have in my life that are wondrous to me, and that's a start but I know I need more and I need to make time, but it's so hard when all I want to do is sleep, rest or just read or watch something. Am I a bad person? I hope not. Am I a bad Christian? I could be better, I know I can but I'm not perfect so I keep making mistakes. But I don't want to be a hypocrite either. I hope He understands. I wish I was stronger. I wish I was stronger to make more effort, but I feel so exhausted all the time, and when I do get free time, I want to spend it with family, friends and Paul of course. Is that bad? I just need someone to tell me I will figure it out, and that I'm not a bad person for having doubts or questioning things or lacking the energy to live life the way God desires me to. I hope I do figure it out....
I hope tomorrow is better. Merry Christmas! I feel better just saying that.