(no subject)
Yesterday was a very up and down day. I like to define these kinds of days as "Roller Coaster Days"- and you either puke or are happy at the end of them.
So it started out with getting up at 8 am yesterday and going through hell trying to get ready so that I could beat the traffic to Redmond to get to Ann's house to meet for our outing with Rachael. Fortunately, Meg and I were both running late so I didn't feel bad.
It was weird. Seeing Rachael after all these months of her continually ignoring me up until a week ago, it was a bit odd. She was very quiet unless you asked her questions about her life, such as Adoniah and Matt and the move to Canada. Adoniah, btw, is a very cute, very quiet baby. So cute. Then again, I think all babies are cute. I can't really help myself when it comes to babies.
We picked her up and went out for breakfast and it was weird that Rachael decided to sit by me and then we made conversation and had a few laughs, and then at the end she reached out and hugged me when we dropped her off. I wasn't expecting her to do that, I wasn't even coming in for a hug but I guess she sensed it. It was weird and sad and good at the same time. I felt sad that I probably won't see her again for a long time, but that is the way things go. I still hope to write her letters though, so I want to get her address in Canada so I can write to her. I don't know if she will write back, but I'm going to make the effort. Even if it is a tireless one.
Then after that, on the way home, I called my dad and he was very silent on the phone, nervous and weary sounding. I asked what was wrong and he said my mother was crying and it's something about him that's making her cry. I was thinking, "Now what?"
My dad has diabetes.
It's treatable of course, but it was like adding more fuel to the pyre of things that are stressful and wrong in our family. My uncle lost his job and is now going back to school but he's driving us nuts with his insecurities, and my mom is feeling overloaded with work and her back aches. I'm feeling overloaded about school and graduating and I wish I could take winter quarter off or somehow work it out so I could just take ONE class instead of 3 or 4 just to fill up my time and keep my financial aid. I feel like batteries without a charge here. Now this. I'm not angry at God, but I am angry that this is just another thing and I am trying to keep a positive outlook but it's so difficult and I feel so horrible and powerless about so many things, including church. I wish I had one where people knew me and where I could go to talk about this. I wish I had that community. Friends are great, but there's just something about a community of people that just works sometimes for certain things.
I went to pick up Paul and we went to his place and watched Singin in the Rain and I felt better. Paul loved it. Then he made me ginger carrot soup and a turkey sandwich and we talked and washed dishes and made hot cocoa, and then talked some more and well...you know. kissed. a lot. hahaha. But then he had his arms around me and said, "everything's going to be ok," and i said I hoped so and he said, "Don't worry, it will be," it was nice to just hear that from him. Simple words that have so much meaning when someone you care about says that to you with his arms wrapped tightly around you in a soft, comforting voice. I felt better and I knew that things, as usual, would somehow be ok, in some mysterious way that most of the time, I can't really even fathom.
Unfortunately, Paul has to work more for El Gaucho and Joey's now, until he can get a schedule where he works at El Gaucho in the morning then Joey's at night a few days a week, then be able to take some days off. So this means right now, for the next couple weeks he's basically working seven days a week. Which sucks because I won't be able to spend as much time with him. (Technically, I only get to see him two days a week you know). I mean when you want to be around someone proximity is a good thing. Hopefully though this won't stress us both out, it will bring us closer together. I feel that the past two weeks we've been getting closer and closer together and it's been the nicest feeling in the world. Pray that everything just gets better as far as this goes. I know I am!
And if you could pray for my mom and dad, that would be great too because they need it. My family needs it.
I'm off to read in the library. *sigh* I'm so tired.