faith seeds
"Now this parable is this: the seed is the word of God... And those on the rocky soil are those who, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no firm root; they believe for a while, and in time of temptation fall away. And the seed which fell among the thorns, these are the ones who have heard, and as they go on their way they are choked with worries and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to maturity. And the seed in the good soil, these are the ones who have heard the word in an honest and good heart, and hold it fast, and bear fruit with perseverance. Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed; but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light. For nothing is hidden that shall not become evident, nor anything secret that shall not be known and come to light. Therefore take care how you listen; for whoever has, to him shall more be given; and whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has shall be taken away from him.'"
I want to be a good seed. I want to listen to God all the time, not just when he says things I want to hear.
Sometimes God speaks to you, and you have to hear him. I can run from God, but I cannot hide. So I didn't get what I wanted, but why be sad about it? If I didn't get it, it wasn't right for me anyway. I should have realized that long ago, but I was stubborn. I thought if I wanted it bad enough, I could make it right.
So I ignored the signs that I needed to let go. I thought I knew better, but I know now that I was only being silly. He knows better and I need to stop pretending that my heart's desires are more important than his plans. I've come to believe that much of the pain in life comes more from our unwillingness to accept that we are in His hands than His plan alone. We've got to give up control.
There is more to me than this.
I should be focused on following His footsteps, because the joy that brings is eternal. That kind of love is everlasting. I want to sew seeds of love in this world wherever possible. Everything else is irrelevant. I'm going to be ready and able to serve. I feel like I've spent years sewing seeds in a field I've now got to leave behind. I don't know if it was ever right for me to sew my seeds in that field... I thought it was good soil, but now I think I was wrong. Oh well, I learned from it, and perhaps that was his purpose. I want to follow him undistracted. I'll trust him to put me where I need to be, not where I want to be. I want my life to stop being about me. That is a stupid little life to live.
Besides, who needs fields? I'm a wildflower girl anyway.
Also, it's time to paint my room...