thanksgiving.
"I wish we didn't have to worry about this"
"I know, me too. but we need to count our blessings.
"I know"-beat- *snuggle*
Sometimes these little moments we have utterly blow me away.
You blow me away.
I love you, and I love us.
I don't know why I get so scared sometimes. I know now that it isn't us that bothers me... and while I could have saved both of us a lot of pain if I had known that two years ago, at least I know now.
Though I have fears about our relationship. What if it changes? What if we invite someone into our intimate world and it fucks up everything we built? What if I marry you, and we get old, fat and lazy? And stop talking to each other? Or fall out of love?
I'm scared of growing up and falling into a rut. Of not being all that I know I can be. But it isn't even that simple! Because I'm also scared of being all that I can be, and of all the failure that it will take to get me there.
I think the key lies in balance. In me always identifying as just that: Me. I can be in a relationship without for-going every other part of my life. And in the future, I can be a wife/mother AND maintain my individual identity by not losing the things I love doing!
And last but foremost:
I NEED GOD.
Entirely too often, I find myself pretending that I don't. And it has caused me to drift from Him.
sidenote: I really miss going on youth retreats. There's nothing like that mountain-top feeling I used to get from them. Our communication was so clear. Both my praise and my prayers were so effortless! I had everything except pain. In fact... I clearly remember sitting in testimonials and hearing people's stories and wishing I had had some pain to overcome so that I could stand up there and have a story to tell. Though, I am not sure that I would stand up in front of my church family and tell them any of the painful things that have actually altered my relationship with You, for better and for worse...but, I digress.
I'm Gay. I don't believe the bible verbatim any longer. I'm pro life. I'm in love.
I don't believe in Satan. I believe in an innate goodness of humankind.
I am scared of my parents. I am scared of puppets. I am scared of graduating.
I am scared of tying myself down. I am scared of running free. I don't like her.
I feel awkward around you for the first time. I doubt your strength.
I doubt MY strength
I have a voice and I want it to be heard,
but I am terrified of what you might think when you hear it.
"I know, me too. but we need to count our blessings.
"I know"-beat- *snuggle*
Sometimes these little moments we have utterly blow me away.
You blow me away.
I love you, and I love us.
I don't know why I get so scared sometimes. I know now that it isn't us that bothers me... and while I could have saved both of us a lot of pain if I had known that two years ago, at least I know now.
Though I have fears about our relationship. What if it changes? What if we invite someone into our intimate world and it fucks up everything we built? What if I marry you, and we get old, fat and lazy? And stop talking to each other? Or fall out of love?
I'm scared of growing up and falling into a rut. Of not being all that I know I can be. But it isn't even that simple! Because I'm also scared of being all that I can be, and of all the failure that it will take to get me there.
I think the key lies in balance. In me always identifying as just that: Me. I can be in a relationship without for-going every other part of my life. And in the future, I can be a wife/mother AND maintain my individual identity by not losing the things I love doing!
And last but foremost:
I NEED GOD.
Entirely too often, I find myself pretending that I don't. And it has caused me to drift from Him.
sidenote: I really miss going on youth retreats. There's nothing like that mountain-top feeling I used to get from them. Our communication was so clear. Both my praise and my prayers were so effortless! I had everything except pain. In fact... I clearly remember sitting in testimonials and hearing people's stories and wishing I had had some pain to overcome so that I could stand up there and have a story to tell. Though, I am not sure that I would stand up in front of my church family and tell them any of the painful things that have actually altered my relationship with You, for better and for worse...but, I digress.
I'm Gay. I don't believe the bible verbatim any longer. I'm pro life. I'm in love.
I don't believe in Satan. I believe in an innate goodness of humankind.
I am scared of my parents. I am scared of puppets. I am scared of graduating.
I am scared of tying myself down. I am scared of running free. I don't like her.
I feel awkward around you for the first time. I doubt your strength.
I doubt MY strength
I have a voice and I want it to be heard,
but I am terrified of what you might think when you hear it.