friends
there are some days I forget that I still have a few friends who will always be there for me no matter what happenes to me, no matter how strange they think i am.
i had a VERY bad day today. it started out OK but then I slamed my phone's headset in the door so i decided to go to best buy and replace it at lunch. right before that my daytimer decided it didn't want to work anymore, perhaps the sun was out and it got confused. I had to reset it and lost all the data. anyway I digress.
as i arrive in front of best buy i park next to a black saturn. and as I look up i see my ex getting into the car. im three feet away. she doesn't even recognise me anymore. i was frozen right in place. i wanted so bad to just to talk to her. something. anything. but i was unable. All the feelings I have been trying to heal for so long now came back in a massive rush and I was so shaken that I couldn't drive, I couldn't think. I honestly thought I was going to be sick.
I called my friend frank who ownes a vw/ porsche shop very close. and told him I was freeked and why. He knew us as a couple, one of the few of my friends who do. He asked me not to do anything, just stay there and not to drive. about ten mins later he arrived with another guy from the shop and got me and my truck and took me home. then stayed for a while to make sure I was realy OK. he also said somthing that made me think about myself a little more. his words struck me in a way i havent realised must be coming through to everyone that meets me anymore. he said " we've been worried about you, you seem so unhappy anymore and have for so long, just promise me you wont do anything to yourself, K?" Now coming from frank that is a mouthful, and he doesn't sugar coat stuff. just tells it like it is. He was worried enough to say that. now im afraid i must be projecting it.
I have honestly tried to be more upbeat and positive but im finding it quite impossible. it's been wearing on me so hard for so long I think i have forgoten what i must have been like so many years ago when I felt i could take on the world and success was a given. Now i only strive to get by in it. How do i recover? i cant just "be happy" even though everyone tells me to be, like i could just turn it on.
I guess the point of this long message is i've forgoten that i still do have a few friends who care for me or might even love me no matter how weird I am. To you, and I you know who you are. please dont give up on me. I am trying. honestly I am.
i had a VERY bad day today. it started out OK but then I slamed my phone's headset in the door so i decided to go to best buy and replace it at lunch. right before that my daytimer decided it didn't want to work anymore, perhaps the sun was out and it got confused. I had to reset it and lost all the data. anyway I digress.
as i arrive in front of best buy i park next to a black saturn. and as I look up i see my ex getting into the car. im three feet away. she doesn't even recognise me anymore. i was frozen right in place. i wanted so bad to just to talk to her. something. anything. but i was unable. All the feelings I have been trying to heal for so long now came back in a massive rush and I was so shaken that I couldn't drive, I couldn't think. I honestly thought I was going to be sick.
I called my friend frank who ownes a vw/ porsche shop very close. and told him I was freeked and why. He knew us as a couple, one of the few of my friends who do. He asked me not to do anything, just stay there and not to drive. about ten mins later he arrived with another guy from the shop and got me and my truck and took me home. then stayed for a while to make sure I was realy OK. he also said somthing that made me think about myself a little more. his words struck me in a way i havent realised must be coming through to everyone that meets me anymore. he said " we've been worried about you, you seem so unhappy anymore and have for so long, just promise me you wont do anything to yourself, K?" Now coming from frank that is a mouthful, and he doesn't sugar coat stuff. just tells it like it is. He was worried enough to say that. now im afraid i must be projecting it.
I have honestly tried to be more upbeat and positive but im finding it quite impossible. it's been wearing on me so hard for so long I think i have forgoten what i must have been like so many years ago when I felt i could take on the world and success was a given. Now i only strive to get by in it. How do i recover? i cant just "be happy" even though everyone tells me to be, like i could just turn it on.
I guess the point of this long message is i've forgoten that i still do have a few friends who care for me or might even love me no matter how weird I am. To you, and I you know who you are. please dont give up on me. I am trying. honestly I am.