Winning (NaNoWriMo 2019, Day 12)
Won NaNoWriMo a couple hours ago. That's a new record… the earliest I've finished in the past was the 15th. I'm going to keep writing, but I probably won't update about my progress until the end of the month.
The thing about NaNoWriMo… at this point, it feels like expectations on me are crazy. Seven consecutive wins, a couple years where I was super inspired and did 100k+ word counts… it's like a given now. I feel like I have to overachieve, as if a 50k word count isn't enough.
Part of that is me internalizing what others say. They mean those things as a compliment, of course (i.e. "Going for 200k this year? I know you could do it!"), but the assumption that I can win by a landslide year after year, forever outdoing myself? That's a lot of pressure.
For the record, I could not do 200k, nor would I ever try. There's a fine line between masochism and insanity.
Of course, the other part is my problem. I'm competitive by nature (with myself), and I thrive on positive feedback. I love proving that I can achieve these huge goals, but… it takes a lot out of me. It really does.
On that note, I need to abandon the "highest word count possible" mentality. I'll write like crazy if I feel inspired, but pushing beyond my limits, forcing the words when I'm so fucking exhausted and far past ready to quit? I need to do less of that. A lot less.
I'm striving for a high count this year. There's one more personal record I'd like to break, and a couple projects I'm desperate to finish. After that, though? I'm just going to focus on winning, not doing so by huge numbers. 2k rather than 4k per day… much more reasonable, and hey, I'll have time for a life!
Speaking of which, I'm going to go take a break, watch TV, maybe play a little WoW.
I've earned it, and more importantly, I need it.
The thing about NaNoWriMo… at this point, it feels like expectations on me are crazy. Seven consecutive wins, a couple years where I was super inspired and did 100k+ word counts… it's like a given now. I feel like I have to overachieve, as if a 50k word count isn't enough.
Part of that is me internalizing what others say. They mean those things as a compliment, of course (i.e. "Going for 200k this year? I know you could do it!"), but the assumption that I can win by a landslide year after year, forever outdoing myself? That's a lot of pressure.
For the record, I could not do 200k, nor would I ever try. There's a fine line between masochism and insanity.
Of course, the other part is my problem. I'm competitive by nature (with myself), and I thrive on positive feedback. I love proving that I can achieve these huge goals, but… it takes a lot out of me. It really does.
On that note, I need to abandon the "highest word count possible" mentality. I'll write like crazy if I feel inspired, but pushing beyond my limits, forcing the words when I'm so fucking exhausted and far past ready to quit? I need to do less of that. A lot less.
I'm striving for a high count this year. There's one more personal record I'd like to break, and a couple projects I'm desperate to finish. After that, though? I'm just going to focus on winning, not doing so by huge numbers. 2k rather than 4k per day… much more reasonable, and hey, I'll have time for a life!
Speaking of which, I'm going to go take a break, watch TV, maybe play a little WoW.
I've earned it, and more importantly, I need it.