ugggggghhhh
Well I'm still enjoying my new job but I'm split jobs right now and feel like I'm kinda doing a shitty job of both! lol Only one more week of split shifts then only my one!
the kids are gone (both of them) so we've been doing some date nights. We went to see dark water one night and then last night went to the gambling boat in indiana . We only lost 30.00 but my mother is now worried we have a problem(we've went gambling 2 times this year and came home 200 up one time and lost 30 the next......yeah it's a problem) On the way there I was talking to Greg and then got the whole "uh huh, interesting , yeah and then asked for some feedback and got "uh what were you saying?" In that moment I felt so miserable. I had flashbacks of what I call the Mike Mattingly stare (my uncle) where someone is looking at you, hearing every word, comprehending nothing and smiling blindly "yes dear, yes dear" Do i have nothing valuable to say? Is my life reduced to nothing important except occasional rants and care taking of children? When did I lose value as a human being to not even be worth listening to? It's very frustrating and quite frankly I don't know if I'm more pissed at him or myself. Then after we get there I get stared at a lot and for some reason it really unnerved me i think i was just feeling funky and paranoid I swear I went to the restroom to see if my fly was open or I had a booger on my face It drove me absolutely insano...So I found a corner in the non smoking section and played quarter slots for about 2 hours and only ended up spending 12.00 of my 20.00, drank free diet cokes, and then watched roulette and blackjack for about 45 min .... I might try blackjack in Vegas this fall sounds like fun to me! :)
the kids are gone (both of them) so we've been doing some date nights. We went to see dark water one night and then last night went to the gambling boat in indiana . We only lost 30.00 but my mother is now worried we have a problem(we've went gambling 2 times this year and came home 200 up one time and lost 30 the next......yeah it's a problem) On the way there I was talking to Greg and then got the whole "uh huh, interesting , yeah and then asked for some feedback and got "uh what were you saying?" In that moment I felt so miserable. I had flashbacks of what I call the Mike Mattingly stare (my uncle) where someone is looking at you, hearing every word, comprehending nothing and smiling blindly "yes dear, yes dear" Do i have nothing valuable to say? Is my life reduced to nothing important except occasional rants and care taking of children? When did I lose value as a human being to not even be worth listening to? It's very frustrating and quite frankly I don't know if I'm more pissed at him or myself. Then after we get there I get stared at a lot and for some reason it really unnerved me i think i was just feeling funky and paranoid I swear I went to the restroom to see if my fly was open or I had a booger on my face It drove me absolutely insano...So I found a corner in the non smoking section and played quarter slots for about 2 hours and only ended up spending 12.00 of my 20.00, drank free diet cokes, and then watched roulette and blackjack for about 45 min .... I might try blackjack in Vegas this fall sounds like fun to me! :)