(no subject)
Right now I'm feeling kinda bummed. I know I shouldn't, but lately the reality of things not appearing to be what I thought them to be seems to be giving me a lot of stress. Not to mention they're adding to feelings I've been having for a long while now.
I feel ignored right now. Unloved. Like to everyone else in this world I'm just there. No one acknowledges me unless I just happen to be there.
I've been looking forward to my parents coming over and seeing my home & kitties for a while. :) But I was told that they're pushing off my dinner with them (yet again) to later this month. On top of that, I found out that my family just went to Dayton one day to see Kathy, just because. So I have to plan and wait for my parents to come over when Kathy gets to have a visit on impromptu.
I live just 30min away...
I've also been questioning friendship. Especially since one friend went from friends to I hate you before I could even realize what was happening. Of course, I know that that friend must have been festering these feelings for some time, and the sudden change was only sudden to me. Saying that, it has definitely made me wonder how many other friends are festering feelings and if I'm going to loose them too. A silly thought you might say, but I've already had one friend (a mutual friend with the one that hates me now) somewhat ignoring me.
Am I as loved as I think I am? Am I liked as much as I think I am? Or do people come over and talk to me because they feel they have to or because someone else that person likes is there. Does anyone talk to me, not because they bumped into me or see me, but because they want to hang out with ME, ... Jessy? Sometimes I even wonder if the friend that hates me really hates me, Jessy the individual, or just hates me because I'm an extension of Chris or Anna.
Jessy the individual. Do people even think that part of me even exists?
I wish people would just honestly tell me that "you've been pissing me off" or "I don't like that you do that". Please stop saying you as in plural. Please tell me you have a problem with me. At least then I'll know. I'm such an oblivious person at times. If anyone thinks that I know how they feel about anything they're not even close. You say your my friend and I believe you to be the most true blue friend in the world, whether this is true or not. I believe this so much that I don't even realize that things are going wrong...
I have my 2-year anniversary coming up. I'm so excited, but Chris doesn't even seem to care. Of course, this is my first long relationship. He's had two that lasted longer than this. Perhaps, it's unusual that I'm so excited about it. Perhaps even, Chris does care a lot but doesn't want to get his hopes up. Both his previous long relationships lasted exactly 3 years. Do I have to wait until our 4 year anniversary for him to be openly excited? I don't know why its bothering me this much.
It could be that I'm just paranoid that people are staying around me because it's more convenient that way. :(
Not quite sure what to do. Everytime I start to try to say these things. The first words out of people's mouth are "I'm your friend Jessy, I love you Jessy, it's wrong of you to think that". *Sigh* Could people for once be honest with me and serious with me. Not think that what I'm saying is a "silly Jessy thing"? Obviously, if I'm thinking this, I have reasons, could you try discussing that with me first?
I feel ignored right now. Unloved. Like to everyone else in this world I'm just there. No one acknowledges me unless I just happen to be there.
I've been looking forward to my parents coming over and seeing my home & kitties for a while. :) But I was told that they're pushing off my dinner with them (yet again) to later this month. On top of that, I found out that my family just went to Dayton one day to see Kathy, just because. So I have to plan and wait for my parents to come over when Kathy gets to have a visit on impromptu.
I live just 30min away...
I've also been questioning friendship. Especially since one friend went from friends to I hate you before I could even realize what was happening. Of course, I know that that friend must have been festering these feelings for some time, and the sudden change was only sudden to me. Saying that, it has definitely made me wonder how many other friends are festering feelings and if I'm going to loose them too. A silly thought you might say, but I've already had one friend (a mutual friend with the one that hates me now) somewhat ignoring me.
Am I as loved as I think I am? Am I liked as much as I think I am? Or do people come over and talk to me because they feel they have to or because someone else that person likes is there. Does anyone talk to me, not because they bumped into me or see me, but because they want to hang out with ME, ... Jessy? Sometimes I even wonder if the friend that hates me really hates me, Jessy the individual, or just hates me because I'm an extension of Chris or Anna.
Jessy the individual. Do people even think that part of me even exists?
I wish people would just honestly tell me that "you've been pissing me off" or "I don't like that you do that". Please stop saying you as in plural. Please tell me you have a problem with me. At least then I'll know. I'm such an oblivious person at times. If anyone thinks that I know how they feel about anything they're not even close. You say your my friend and I believe you to be the most true blue friend in the world, whether this is true or not. I believe this so much that I don't even realize that things are going wrong...
I have my 2-year anniversary coming up. I'm so excited, but Chris doesn't even seem to care. Of course, this is my first long relationship. He's had two that lasted longer than this. Perhaps, it's unusual that I'm so excited about it. Perhaps even, Chris does care a lot but doesn't want to get his hopes up. Both his previous long relationships lasted exactly 3 years. Do I have to wait until our 4 year anniversary for him to be openly excited? I don't know why its bothering me this much.
It could be that I'm just paranoid that people are staying around me because it's more convenient that way. :(
Not quite sure what to do. Everytime I start to try to say these things. The first words out of people's mouth are "I'm your friend Jessy, I love you Jessy, it's wrong of you to think that". *Sigh* Could people for once be honest with me and serious with me. Not think that what I'm saying is a "silly Jessy thing"? Obviously, if I'm thinking this, I have reasons, could you try discussing that with me first?