Smallville "Ambush" .... brief comment
Oh my god. You guys, what did I miss last Friday???????
So, I managed to load that opening scene of “Ambush”, it’s the only one my befouled internet connection will allow me to load, and that was after waiting for nearly thirty minutes and I think I just died. Then resurrected, and promptly died again. It’s the only one I’ve watched so bear with me, also some profanity and naughty things, excessive use of caps lock ahead, I can’t help myself…
Because ….. *unearthly screeching sound* The Clois was amazing!!!!!!!!!
I can’t. I just can’t - what even was this?
First, the two of them ambling down from what was clearly a fantastic bout of sex against the bedroom wall, or on the bedroom floor, or on the bed - whatever, I’m not picky. And they’re grinning like they’ve eaten every damn canary alive. And Lois is wearing his football jersey, and they both have sex hair, sex faces! And then they clearly don’t have enough food in the house because they spent the entire month week having sex non-stop, and they’re perfectly ready to go again against the kitchen sink. And Clark’s so generous and sweet that he gives her more orange juice. And Lois is checking his ass out over her strawberries and they’re all smiley, full of ‘We just had the best f**king sex EVER - more times than we can count. And we’re so hot!’ smiles.
And then Clark’s all, “What are you in the mood for?” And we know he’s in the mood to take her on the kitchen counter and put those strawberries to the use God meant for them. Yeah, get your vitamin C and endorphins all at once, that’s why Clark’s always been so damn smart! He thinks outside the lines.
And then Lois leans forward, and does her Flirty Eye of f**k-Me-Super-Hard and says, “Oh, I’m in the mood… just not for breakfast.”
So at this point, I straight up collapsed. Seriously, I was standing by my bed and heard this line and tripped on air, and fell. It was stupid and also dangerous.
And then she sashays off toward the front door, and I’m like, wait… no… wait… I’m dreaming…
And then Clark, Mr. States the Obvious with his cute self (you can tell he was such a brown-noser in grade school) points out helpfully, “Lois, the bedroom’s upstairs.”
And Lois grabs onto the phallus pillar and leers, “Hm-mhm… but the porch swing… is out there.” Clearly Clark isn’t as big of an outside-the-lines thinker as Lois is, holy mother, yes!
I legitimately screamed. This is true fact. Is this even real???? This is better than any fanfiction ever but at the same time, it affirms almost every smut fic I’ve ever read because, hot damn, these two are as kinky as we write them, people! Kinkier!!!! I can’t believe that potential porch swing sex is canon! What even, people?!
And you can just see Clark figuring out the mechanics in his head and watching her bum in that top AND wondering how he got so damn lucky and thinking about how to make up for lost time because 169 hours of sexing it up with the love of his life just doesn’t cut it when they have so many positions to try, the tractor being one of them! (169 is a safe estimate, I’m trying not to be too bold here). And he’s got super-powers for goodness sakes; he needs to set his own world record!
And then he speeds after her, and pushes her against the door, all forceful. And then they’re kissing eating each other up, and it’s so hot. And she tugs his shirt off; he helps her; and they’re breathing heavily, and making kissing sounds, and they’re smiling into their kisses.
Oh goodness, and the sexiest part of that? The fact that Lois is practically riding Clark’s thigh like it’s the middle of a clothing-optional rodeo. He is literally supporting half her body weight with one muscled leg, and she is straddling it and erm… well, yes -- rocking.
I just - I really - I can’t handle this - *flails*
And it’s the hottest makeout I’ve ever seen on this show, period. You know why? Because it’s two people who are genuinely in love, are adults, are ready to be with each other, and thoroughly excited by the prospect of being together, discovering each other sexually and in every way; they desire each other, have fun with each other, are at ease but also have a crazy (but totally healthy) sense of sexual tension together, AND DID I MENTION THEY ARE BOTH SO DAMN GORGEOUS AND THE CHEMISTRY MAKES ME WANT TO CURL UP AND DIE BUT IN A GOOD WAY????? Damn, where's my Kanye GIF when I need it?
I don’t know what happens in the rest of the episode. Feel free to tell me, I’ll only see it in a couple of weeks. But if that’s a taste of things to come, I think I just found Smallville nirvana.
P.S. The third best part of the clip I saw was Clark shifting to his left, and then placing his hands over his groin strategically in the presence of the General and Lucy. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay. I’m done now. Please forgive this. I promise I’m a relatively sane human being. I was just overcome. I’m going to go and peel my tongue off my computer screen now. Okay. Backing away now.....