There are people I KNOW on here
Okay, so there aren't many people I know on here anymore (they migrated to myspace/facebook), but the fact is they used to be. My whole old network of friends was on here when we were in ninth grade! I found one person which led me to another which led to a bunch more and so on and so forth and dot dot dot... I asked myself why I didn't know this at the time. Then I realized that
a) I didn't even know livejournal existed in ninth grade
b) Ninth grade was when I had totally closed off and nobody wanted me around
Social anxiety sucks like that. I was such good friends with these people in middle school, and then I started like an anti-social jerk and after a few efforts to keep me from being said jerk they kind of let me do my anti-social thing. It's sad really. I just spent like the last hour going through their archives (sounds stalkerish, but these posts are in the public domain for people to read!) and found my name a handful of times. Mainly in surveys that include information about friends. I'm always the smart one. Which is sort of good, but not really at all. Not the best friend, not even the one that can be trusted with anything, just the smartest one. You perhaps can understand my disappointment more when I tell you that everyone told me everything in seventh grade. Sure, it was only seventh grade, but I was the confidant. And as of ninth grade, I was just the smart one.
Ouch.
Worse than finding my name mentioned barely five times is the fact that there are possible allusions to me. They might and probably aren't, but I have a sneaking suspicion there's a remote posibility. It's not like I meant to cut these people out of my life, it just happened. Not that that's any excuse because I am perfectly aware that it isn't. I guess it's not like I seriously miss being a part of that group either. I do sometimes, but I don't miss them like I did in my miserable freshman year. (I continue to harp on my freshman year because it sucked and I wouldn't relive it if you paid 10 million bucks in cash.) It's just sad to think that I had some pretty close friends and I pushed them away. It's scary to think that I might keep doing that.
I'm going to stop writing now because if I continue I'll start to sound like a really over dramatic typical teenager who just likes to share supposedly super personal stuff with the entire room. And I wouldn't want to sound like that.
a) I didn't even know livejournal existed in ninth grade
b) Ninth grade was when I had totally closed off and nobody wanted me around
Social anxiety sucks like that. I was such good friends with these people in middle school, and then I started like an anti-social jerk and after a few efforts to keep me from being said jerk they kind of let me do my anti-social thing. It's sad really. I just spent like the last hour going through their archives (sounds stalkerish, but these posts are in the public domain for people to read!) and found my name a handful of times. Mainly in surveys that include information about friends. I'm always the smart one. Which is sort of good, but not really at all. Not the best friend, not even the one that can be trusted with anything, just the smartest one. You perhaps can understand my disappointment more when I tell you that everyone told me everything in seventh grade. Sure, it was only seventh grade, but I was the confidant. And as of ninth grade, I was just the smart one.
Ouch.
Worse than finding my name mentioned barely five times is the fact that there are possible allusions to me. They might and probably aren't, but I have a sneaking suspicion there's a remote posibility. It's not like I meant to cut these people out of my life, it just happened. Not that that's any excuse because I am perfectly aware that it isn't. I guess it's not like I seriously miss being a part of that group either. I do sometimes, but I don't miss them like I did in my miserable freshman year. (I continue to harp on my freshman year because it sucked and I wouldn't relive it if you paid 10 million bucks in cash.) It's just sad to think that I had some pretty close friends and I pushed them away. It's scary to think that I might keep doing that.
I'm going to stop writing now because if I continue I'll start to sound like a really over dramatic typical teenager who just likes to share supposedly super personal stuff with the entire room. And I wouldn't want to sound like that.